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JCC procedural show starring quirky characters rpg

Discussion in 'Community' started by hudzu, Mar 4, 2013.

  1. JoinTheSchwarz

    JoinTheSchwarz JC Head Admin & Community Manager star 8 Staff Member Administrator

    Registered:
    Nov 21, 2002
    I'm sure Vinny saw something that's going to be really important during the second act of the episode.

    "Hey, nice day, right? Do you like Ava Gardner and butteflies? Why not?"

    *rubs lucky match*

    *smirks knowingly*
     
  2. hudzu

    hudzu Jedi Grand Master star 6

    Registered:
    Jun 1, 2003
    the scene was rapidly approaching madess. fecal matter being hurdled every which way. appearances by zooey deschanel and lab techs who have no business near a crime scene. there was only one option.

    tear gas the hell out of the place and hope for the best.

    i affixed an oxygen mask to my face, and hoped to god that when the smoke cleared the corpse would still be in decent condition and we could get some real police work going.
     
  3. JoinTheSchwarz

    JoinTheSchwarz JC Head Admin & Community Manager star 8 Staff Member Administrator

    Registered:
    Nov 21, 2002
    "But... I had some good information. Vin said he saw that hobo I nearly killed earlier leaving Mike's appartment last night with a carton of cigarettes. You know what that means, right?"

    *knowingly smiles*

    "That hobo looked at my lucky match with disgust. That means he doesn't smoke"

    *cut to commercials*
     
  4. TypoCelchu

    TypoCelchu Jedi Master star 6

    Registered:
    Feb 1, 2005
    I put a randomly acquired flower petal in my hair and jump on my retro bicycle and leisurely pedal down the lane while a shins track (check iTunes for availability!) loops in the background.
     
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  5. Rogue_Ten

    Rogue_Ten Chosen One star 7

    Registered:
    Aug 18, 2002
    *disintegrates from the "tear gas", which turned out to be napalm*
     
  6. Ramza

    Ramza Administrator Emeritus star 7 VIP - Former Mod/RSA VIP

    Registered:
    Jul 13, 2008
    I'm a cameo appearance by a current popular celebrity, because I owe the producer a favor for that incident in Las Vegas that we will not speak of.

    "Hey, I was in [that film you might have heard of] but for our purposes I am actually a random witness."
     
  7. EmpireForever

    EmpireForever Jedi Grand Master star 8

    Registered:
    Mar 15, 2004
    Make sure you gather plenty of evidence so I, a forensic computer programmer, can examine all of it myself in the lab.

    Oh, and pick up some donuts from Vinny's. I'm starving, and this extra large, vegan lover's pizza isn't going to last forever.
     
  8. jp-30

    jp-30 Manager Emeritus star 10 VIP - Former Mod/RSA

    Registered:
    Dec 14, 2000
    I'm the happily married father of 3 you meet just before the commercial break that you think is the killer, but it turns out I'm just protecting my daughter who actually did it.
     
  9. hudzu

    hudzu Jedi Grand Master star 6

    Registered:
    Jun 1, 2003
    as the noxious smoke cleared the area, a single beautiful idea entered my head. it was so simple and so obvious the cause of death. it was set off by something i overheard my partner muttering to zooey deschanel.

    bs.

    the cause of death was bs. perhaps not the most well known killer. but it was evident that this was a man who lived his life neck deep in bs. but if that were the case, what set it off? as used to bs as he was, there had to be an instigating event. i knew then that it was that which i should be detecting.
     
  10. Rogue_Ten

    Rogue_Ten Chosen One star 7

    Registered:
    Aug 18, 2002
    *as my remains continue to liquify, the contents of my stomach are revealed: a heart-shaped locket... containing...?*
     
  11. JoinTheSchwarz

    JoinTheSchwarz JC Head Admin & Community Manager star 8 Staff Member Administrator

    Registered:
    Nov 21, 2002
    "Send this to Griffin. He will know what to do with it."

    *meaningful smirk*
     
  12. Rogue_Ten

    Rogue_Ten Chosen One star 7

    Registered:
    Aug 18, 2002
    *releases gasses from charred intestines, producing a sound an awful lot like "shove it up his butt"*
     
  13. Bacon164

    Bacon164 Jedi Grand Master star 7

    Registered:
    Mar 22, 2005
    i'm cruello de vil, a serial killer who scalps victims and uses their hair to make paper for drawing cartoons. but nobody else knows that because i'm a quacky drag queen.
     
  14. GrandAdmiralJello

    GrandAdmiralJello Comms Admin ❉ Moderator Communitatis Litterarumque star 10 Staff Member Administrator

    Registered:
    Nov 28, 2000
    My name is Carlos. I am French, but because of my name I am frequently hauled in for questioning on whether I was associated with various drug, homicide, or illegal parking violation offenses. Needless to say, I frequently complain about the tyranny of these American police officers and remark about how this would never happen in Europe because we are all so much better and don't actually work. I provide an opportunity to showcase racism and ethnocentrism masquerading as humor.
     
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  15. poor yorick

    poor yorick Ex-Mod star 6 VIP - Former Mod/RSA VIP - Game Host

    Registered:
    Jun 25, 2002
    I'm Rosie Szymczykowski, an alcoholic hooker with a heart of gold. I have a strange fondness for policemen, considering I'm a hooker, and often hang around Vinny Bag-O-Donuts' place. However, this potential plot hole is made into an intriguing quirk by the fact that I frequently pick cops' pockets for oddly insignificant items, then turn the objects lovingly over in my hands as I weep silently. In fact, In my grubby rented room I have a shrine built of old Zippo lighters and half-empty packets of chewing gum, all of which surround a framed picture of a bearded man. Is it of my father? A former lover? A celebrity I'm stalking? When will we find out?? NOT THIS SEASON!

    *sidles up to Detective Roosevelt*

    "Hey, sugar. Looks like you really got yourself a stinker this time."

    *considers the best way to pick his pocket*

    "Hic."
     
  16. Rogue_Ten

    Rogue_Ten Chosen One star 7

    Registered:
    Aug 18, 2002
    *a trapped pocket of gas in the charred remains of my corpse triggers an eruption of dried feces, which splatters all over the face and torso of a nearby hooker and detective*
     
  17. Point Given

    Point Given Mod of Literature and Community star 6 Staff Member Manager

    Registered:
    Dec 12, 2006
    I'm Jack Bauer, American hero extraordinaire. I quickly drive by the crime scene on my way to thwart the fourteenth nuclear threat made against this great country. I am travelling with Veronica, a divorced, foxy CIA agent who may have the clues needed to find the comb and prevent its detonation. Yet, six hours (and six episodes) from now she will die a horrible death, like every other woman whom Jack is remotely attracted to. Twenty two hours from now I'll discover out that the villain is the President of the United States, who I'll discover is also my brother.

    I accidentally drive through the pile of the corpse's feces, spraying it on all present.
     
  18. poor yorick

    poor yorick Ex-Mod star 6 VIP - Former Mod/RSA VIP - Game Host

    Registered:
    Jun 25, 2002
    "I need a drink."
     
  19. GenAntilles

    GenAntilles Jedi Grand Master star 5

    Registered:
    Jul 24, 2007
    I'm Ed Smith. I am bland, generic, and have no real skills. I am mostly comic relief. My wife was a renowned police detective with a genius level intellect, photographic, memory, fluent in 12 languages, and always bad cop. She was killed and now haunts me and forces me to be a police consultant. I'd rather stay home and live my boring life free of danger but she annoys me and does ghost stuff until I go and pretend to solve crimes that she is actually solving. By now I'm in the 3rd season so most of the main police department cast know she's a ghost and is doing all the work which leads to comedic moments as they scream at her when she posses me and goes all Exorcist on suspects in interrogation.

    Also if she solves the case of who killed her she moves on to the afterlife. She refuses to do that as it would mean she can't solve crimes anymore and she'd rather stay in limbo forever and do that. My running gag is trying to solve the case on my own, and always failing horribly at it.
     
  20. jp-30

    jp-30 Manager Emeritus star 10 VIP - Former Mod/RSA

    Registered:
    Dec 14, 2000
  21. I Are The Internets

    I Are The Internets Force Ghost star 8

    Registered:
    Nov 20, 2012
    (Clicks in Morse Code) WHERE ARE MY PILLS TIMMY