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Before - Legends Qui-Gon Jinn's first apprentice

Discussion in 'Fan Fiction- Before, Saga, and Beyond' started by Force-sensitiveLyn23, Aug 28, 2005.

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  1. Force-sensitiveLyn23

    Force-sensitiveLyn23 Jedi Master star 1

    Aug 27, 2005
    Title: Qui-Gon Jinn's First apprentice
    Author(s): Lyn Staib ( Force-SensitiveLyn23 )
    Timeframe: before the saga ( like before the JEdi apprentice books)
    Characters: Yoda, Qui-Gon Jinn, Siri - ( dunno her last name), Soara Antana, lots of oc's!!
    Genre: Fiction?
    Keywords: Qui gon Jinn,Kaelyn, Jedi!!!
    Summary: Qui Gon jinn's first apprentice tells her story and why things turned out for her the way they did.
    Notes: Okay well this is my story. its my first attempt at a fanfic, so i'd really appreciate ANY feedback you have, whether it is good or bad. Most of my characters are OC's, but i did use a few from the real star wars Jedi apprentice books. BTW, this story obviously is completly different from what is says in the JEdi Apprentice books ( hope thats alowwed).

    Chapter 1

    Kaelyn Aracha sat on a bench in the room of a thousand fountains. This room normally had a calming affect on most Jedi (and other people as well), but it didn?t seem to be working on Kaelyn. She had a strong desire to kick something, but she was afraid that if she stood up she would either burst out crying or hit her head repeatedly against the wall. Not that she didn?t deserve it, of course. Anger, fear, hate, and aggression ran through her mind, all emotions that led to the dark side. But the emotion that she was truly feeling was disappointment. Disappointment in herself, in the Jedi, in the council. She couldn?t stop feeling like she wanted to kick something. Kaelyn sighed. She would have to think about it sometime. A Jedi master was dead, just because of her stupid mistakes that had broken every part of the Jedi code. Kaelyn realized defeat and sighed again, then let her mind wander to when it all started, 3 months ago?..

    Kaelyn panted slightly as she swung her light green training lightsaber to meet her opponents deep blue one. She fought with a slght desperation. She was 12 years old and would be turning 13 in 4 weeks. That?s how long she had to find a Jedi Knight to be her master. Otherwise, she would go to some distant planet to help farmers using her Force powers. In other worlds, she might be a farmer herself. I mean, she had nothing against farmers, but being a Jedi knight was something she had wanted since she was a baby just starting at the Temple. She turned her thoughts back to the moment at hand. The fight. Her opponent was a Jedi Knight Layna Coraseci. She was a fast fighter and very talented. The 2 fought until finally Layna lightly touched Kaelyn on the neck, which meant that Layna had won. Embarrassed that she hadn?t been paying attention, Kaelyn quickly bowed and walked out. On the way back to her chambers she met Yoda. ?Watching part of your battle I was. Good it was. With the Force as your ally did you fight. But on the time at hand your thoughts were not.? Kaelyn turned slightly red and mumbled something incomprehensible. She walked away towards the lift that would take her to her chambers. ?Wait?, came Yoda?s voice. ?Tommorow a Knight to the temple comes looking for a padawan. Fight for him you will. May the Force be with you?. Kaelyn nodded and walked toward the lift. She was tired and her sleep couch looked awfully inviting.................
  2. KELIA

    KELIA Manager Emeritus star 6 VIP - Former Mod/RSA

    Jul 26, 2005
    Great start. I look forward to the next chapter.

    =D= =D=
  3. -Darksaber-

    -Darksaber- Jedi Youngling star 3

    Mar 22, 2005
  4. Force-sensitiveLyn23

    Force-sensitiveLyn23 Jedi Master star 1

    Aug 27, 2005
    okay i think i'm abandoning this.. unless anyone actully likes it...??

  5. Master_Jedi_Singh

    Master_Jedi_Singh Jedi Youngling star 3

    Jul 13, 2005
    No don't abandon this, this is good and could lead into something interesting. Keep going on.
  6. LightSide_Apprentice

    LightSide_Apprentice Manager Emeritus star 4 VIP - Former Mod/RSA

    May 22, 2001
    It seems like you've opened up with an interesting idea. Whether or not you choose to pursue it, however, should be your choice alone. If the comments thus far are anything to go by, it appears as though you may have some interested readers. Regardless of what other people think of your work, if you are serious about your writing I'd recommend sticking with it.

    There are two ways to write. You can write to please others, developing stories with the intention and hope that others will enjoy them, or, you can write to put your own ideas to paper, so to speak. The second does not require that people appreciate or even read your work, but that you enjoy what it is that you're doing.

    If you seek the first, you might be quick to learn that it is very difficult to please, or capture a large audience, but if you seek the second, you will never be displeased as long as you write what you think and feel.

    In your future works, you might want to carefully consider further spacing between paragraphs where appropriate. It will allow you to better organise your ideas and present them to your readers, while easing the strain on the naked eye. Other than that, and the general rule we should all follow, ie. watch out for spelling, you seem to be off to a good start.

    I hope you continue, but only if that is what you truly desire.
  7. VaderLVR64

    VaderLVR64 Manager Emeritus star 8 VIP - Former Mod/RSA

    Feb 5, 2004
    A wonderful piece of work! If your muse speaks, I would continue. But if not, I was thoroughly satisifed but what I read here!
  8. DarthQuellonis

    DarthQuellonis Jedi Padawan star 4

    May 22, 2005
    If you changed the color, I would read it.
  9. Force-sensitiveLyn23

    Force-sensitiveLyn23 Jedi Master star 1

    Aug 27, 2005

    oing to continue the story.

    When Kaelyn woke at 7:48 the next morning, she was so nervous she could barely function. She tried to put her boots on her head until she realized what she was doing and stopped. She got dressed the right way and walked to the senior training room. There, 20 or so other students were waiting to fight for the knight. There were several others like Kalelyn that were soon to leave the temple. A few minutes later Yoda strode in followed by a jedi knight kaelyn had heard of but never seen. " Qui-Gon Jinn, this is. Looking for a padawan is he. Fight for him all of you will. May the Force be with you.

    Kaelyn had to fight a girl named Lissa. Lissa was everything Kaelyn was not. She was strong, smart, and even, though this was not important,pretty, with pale skin and glossy black curls. Kaelyn and Lissa started fighting. Kaelyn tried her best to gather the Force. It swirled around her,as her ally, her friend. Her vision was sharp, she anticipated Lissa's every move. Kaelyn's mind didn't wander, though she did take a second to notice that Lissa was also fighting with a hint of desperation. She too, was nearing the age where she would have to leave the temple if she did not find a master. The electricity crackeled between the two lightsabers as the met. Lissa's saber hit her shoulder and she felt a sting. But she ignored it and kept on fighting.

    15 minutes later, they were still sparring and sweat was running down both of their faces. They both had several burns on various parts of their body. Kaelyn could easily anticipate lissa's moves, just as Lissa could anticipate kaelyn's. But finally, aching, Kaelyn managed to get the lightsaber to lightly touch Lissa on the neck. She had won!!!!1
  10. Master_Jedi_Singh

    Master_Jedi_Singh Jedi Youngling star 3

    Jul 13, 2005
    good update this tournament thing is pretty interesting
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