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Saga Qui-Gon's Agitation (Humor/Vignette/AU/TPM/)

Discussion in 'Fan Fiction- Before, Saga, and Beyond' started by Obi-Wan21, Mar 29, 2004.

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  1. Obi-Wan21

    Obi-Wan21 Jedi Master star 4

    Aug 27, 2002
    Title: Qui-Gon's Agitation

    Author: You could take a guess....

    Timeframe: TPM

    Characters: Qui-Gon Jinn, Anakin Skywalker, Queen Amidala

    Genre: One post Comedy

    Summary: A pretty short story that I came up with. I was reading the EPIII threads and this guy said something that just craked me up, I expanded on it. Qui-Gon and Anakin are about to leave with the others for Naboo, but the two have a small conversation before hand. It really makes so sense whatsoever and I'm pretty bored. Plus it's like 3 AM so I'm just posting this for the hell of it. LMAO!


    Qui-Gon and Anakin both strode out of the air-taxi that had stopped, soon the two would be returning to Naboo for the final battle. But Qui-Gon recently had a vision of the future to come. And Anakin was about to speak at the wrong time.

    "Qui-Gon, I don't want to be a problem," Anakin whined.

    "Anakin," Qui-Gon started, bending down and placing his hands on the boy's shoulders. "You've been a pain in my ass since I took you from Tatooine."

    "But why can't I be trained?" Anakin asked whining.

    "You whine too much. Would you like some cheese with the whine? Someone please call the whinbulance!" Qui-Gon shouted, waving his arms wildly. "The great chosen one wants attention again!"

    "Why are you so mean?" Anakin asked as tears built up.

    "You," Qui-Gon answered simply. "You have set me on edge from the beginning, the sound of your voice just makes me grit my teeth!"

    "But why?" Anakin whined out.

    "You and those damn midicholoreans!" Qui-Gon told him. "Your mother really thought she could lead me on with that virgin birth bit! Yeah right! We all know what really happened to Sifo-Dyas and why he 'died'!"

    Anakin bent his head quizzically. "Qui-Gon, sir, what are midicholoreans?"

    "Well Anakin, you got a crap load of them - no matter how you spell it. And you're going to be the death of the Republic," Qui-Gon told him. "This is how I'm going to get back at the sobs that wouldn't let me on the council. I'm going to have my padawan train you because he's a goody goody and that's only going to drive you more to the dark side," he continued. "Now I feel a tremor in the force and that badass Darth Maul is going to kill me. But don't worry, because if I could have stuck around I would have helped Dooku," Qui-Gon warned. "But he probably would have killed me. Anyway...I'm just talking on and on here. Just don't worry about midichlorians. They are just part of the huge myth."

    "Thank you sir," Anakin told him.

    "And stop calling me sir," Qui-Gon stated agitated. "I'm really sick of your goody good kid act. It's old frankly."

    "I'm sorry," he apologized.

    "Now get on board the damn ship before I show you how mad a pissed off Jedi can get when he's not obeyed," Qui-Gon warned angerly.

    Anakin nodded and rushed off in fear towards the ship.

    Queen Amidala had now approached Qui-Gon and the two began walking to the ship. "It's an honor to have you with us, Master Jedi," Amidala complimented.

    "I assure we're not just going to stand around and listen to you grip," Qui-Gon stated clearly. "We're not here to help you. I'm just trying to make myself look big so Anakin's future can be set in motion because I'm stubborn and honestly I hate him," Qui-Gon admitted, though he didn't know why. "I just needed his mother off my back, but between you and me she'll be dead in ten years and wait till you see how Anakin reacts."

    Finally the two entered the ship as it blasted off into space, heading to Naboo.

  2. VaderLVR64

    VaderLVR64 Manager Emeritus star 8 VIP - Former Mod/RSA

    Feb 5, 2004
    Hilarious! Poor Qui-Gon, stuck with a whiney kid. ROFLMAO!
  3. Opal

    Opal Jedi Padawan star 4

    Nov 17, 2003
    This is too funny! I almost fell out of my chair at the thought of Qui-Gon telling Anakin he's a pain in the ass and that he whines too much. [face_laugh]
  4. VaderLVR64

    VaderLVR64 Manager Emeritus star 8 VIP - Former Mod/RSA

    Feb 5, 2004
    Hmmm, could we have found Darth Whiney from the Obi-Wan challenge?
  5. Obi-Wan21

    Obi-Wan21 Jedi Master star 4

    Aug 27, 2002
    Thanx guys! Glad you liked it! It was my first shot at humor! There's an Obi-Wan challenge? I didn't know that. I just threw whine in there cuz Anakin is always doing it. I never liked that kid. LMAO.
  6. _JM_

    _JM_ Jedi Padawan star 4

    Jun 26, 2001
    Makes me feel better about Qui-Gon kebab. :)
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