Before - Legends Rain (He Never Loved Me) - Post KotOR OC, Angst

Title: Rain (He Never Loved Me)
Author: SabyneAmberle
Characters: Sabyne Amberle
Genre: Angst
Timeframe: post-KotOR
Summary: As she leaves the wedding of Carth and Revan, Sabyne's thoughts turn to matters of her own heart.

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He never loved me.

I am the first to exit the chapel, the only of the well-wishers congregated who chooses not to stay and impart their happy wishes. I wonder why I even came in the first place; surely a happy occasion such as a wedding is no place for one such as me. I should have stayed away, should have declined his personal invitation, the one he extended three days after the written invitation lay shredded into dust on my floor, its fragments mingled with my tears.

I doubt he?ll even miss me. All of his focus will be on his new bride, on her beauty, her radiance. What do I have to offer that she doesn?t already possess? Worse, what does she offer him that I never will? Not the ability to love him, for I can do that just as easily. Not kindness or compassion, for they are far from short supply within my own heart. I fear I will never know, that I will always be like the rain falling outside the chapel?s walls; always present, never privy.

He never loved me.

As a young girl, I always thought it unfortunate when it rained on the day a couple was to marry. I thought that if it were such a happy day for the couple, why should the weather be disagreeable? It should be sunshine and blue skies for every happy couple, no matter where they lived or what season they married in, I believed. Now that I am older, I see why there are rainy wedding days. It is almost as though the sky is crying for those whose love will never be returned. It is for those souls who loved in secret, or in plain sight, but were forced to watch helplessly as the ones they loved married others.

When I was a child, my mother told me the story of Iliz, first princess of her clan. The legend tells of her love for Markai, the eldest son of the chieftain of a nearby clan. They often met at gatherings held between the two clans, and she was certain he felt the same for her. The way he looked at her, the way he spoke to her?it all showed his affections for her, did it not?

In the end, such gestures ?even her love itself- did not matter. It was at one of these gatherings that his father announced his choice for his son?s bride. It was a woman of fine standing and position, one who would bring great honor both to her clan and to his. It would not be her. Fate had decreed another, the second daughter of the clan of Triena, to assume that role. Though the two had not laid eyes on one another before that night, it was as though all they needed was one night to confirm their budding feelings for one another.

Iliz?s end was predictable, even to a child. Her love stolen before she could even express it, she was inconsolable. Soon she grew bitter and weary of life, and in so doing robbed herself of it. As though she planned it perfectly, the remnants of her life ended the day her beloved married his betrothed. As it did, the skies changed from sapphire and cloudless to gray and threatening, finally letting loose with a dull torrent of rain that soaked all it touched and pounded remorselessly at the chapel windows. Those who knew Iliz and knew of her unrequited love claimed it was her soul, grieving for what it would never have, the love it would never know.

I felt for her as a child, and I feel for her even more now. For I have been there. I know what she went through.

He never loved me.

The rain falls in a silvery sheet around me. It soaks my skin, seeps into my clothing and hair, fills my ears with its whispering. Yet I feel none of it. It is as though I am no longer alive, as though all feeling has been drained from me. I feel no pain, no sorrow, no cheer, no joy. I do not live now as I once did, I only exist.

I should not be out here. I should wrap myself in the cloak that dangles in my g

 

i really don't even know what to say after reading that. i want to go on about how sad and heartbreaking of a piece that was, but i don't want you to think i didn't enjoy reading it. (enjoy probably isn't the right word! i hope you understand what i mean!)
i guess the best thing that i can say to describe how i feel about that piece, is that i wish i wrote it. you are a writer of remarkable talent and i always find myself so captivated whenever i read your work. and i think this is my favorite thing i've read from you, so that says a lot for me.

 

That was really beautifully done. I'm so glad I found these boards.

 

lovely SabyneAmberle ...if terribly sad.

It is as though I am no longer alive, as though all feeling has been drained from me. I feel no pain, no sorrow, no cheer, no joy. I do not live now as I once did, I only exist.

- wonderfully written, you've tugged on my heartstrings!

Well done, a really powerful piece...

 

Wow! Absolutely beautiful and heart wrenching! I loved to poetic flow of the words and the way you conveyed her deep despair. Repeating "He never loved me." like a flailing mind trying to grasp something and finding only painful thoughts really heightened the effect. It also helped that it's raining here right now...

Marvelous work! I enjoyed reading this piece very much.

 

This was really beautiful! I'm so glad I decided to go back a way and see what I might have missed.

The muted whisper of the rain around me is quieting, the clouds parting to let a few rays of sunlight peek through. Behind me, the chapel bells are ringing, announcing the happy news of the marriage of Carth and Revan Onasi. I hear every sound as though it happens individually; the chapel doors swinging open, the happy couple rushing from the chapel, well wishers clustering at the stairs to see them off, the chatter of excited voices, the hum of the speeder that will take them to the grand ball being thrown in their honor?

Lovely descriptions.

JPS