Rainbow's End: Versé's Story

Discussion in 'Fan Fiction Stories--Classic JC Board (Reply-Only)' started by Handmaiden Yané, Aug 11, 2002.

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  1. Handmaiden Yané Manager Emeritus

    Member Since:
    Jul 15, 2002
    star 6
    Anyanka- :_| Oh, I know! I know! :(


    That's partially why I wrote it that way. Ya know...having Versé insist on going... ;) :(

    Knight-Ander- [face_laugh] I so should have put that part in there about the napkins! :p :D

    That's an awesome tradition! ;)

    Well...Versé isn't going to have much time to be either anymore... :(

    LOL! I'll be sure to add that in the sequel... :p
  2. bobilll Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Aug 8, 2002
    star 4
    Awwwwww,, such sweet kids! If something happenes to Verse... guess Padme WILL be taking care of the kids... hehe, love the fight between them, and the fight between verse and Padme, getting the priorities straight!
  3. Anyanka Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Nov 8, 2002
    star 3
    *waiting patiently* ;) UP!
  4. Handmaiden Yané Manager Emeritus

    Member Since:
    Jul 15, 2002
    star 6
    :) Well, the last post is going fine...even if it's not done yet. ;) :p I just got a new idea for it...It'll be coming soon...I hope! Keep your fingers crossed!
  5. Knight-Ander Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Jul 19, 2002
    star 4
    Crossing fingers and waiting patiently. :)
  6. Sache8 Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Mar 19, 2000
    star 4
    Oooh, I caught up again! :)


    I must admit the thought of Luke and Leia being named after something so light-hearted as holo flicks is charming. :)
  7. Handmaiden Yané Manager Emeritus

    Member Since:
    Jul 15, 2002
    star 6
    :( Here it is. The final post to Versé's story. :_|

    If you guys don't mind, could you give me a general critique of the whole story? Including your favorite character, chapter, etc?

    *~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

    Chapter 30
    Rainbow?s End
    Part Three: Fool?s Gold

    In the gray dusk of early morning, Versé kissed her babies softly on the their smooth foreheads. Melona stirred and Versé loving stroked the girl?s red-gold curls. Selona cried out in her sleep, and sucked her thumb. Telon, who was a light sleeper, woke up and gazed innocently at his mother. She laughed softly, quickly crooning the chorus of an old Nubian lullaby. Presently, Telon returned to Dreamland, and Versé left the nursery room with her skirts softly swishing. Her perfume left a lingering scent in the air, permeating the baby powder and baby oil smell.

    She hugged Solia goodbye, and quickly went down the three steps leading from her door. Versé opened her speeder?s door and got in. Soon, she was on her way to the palace.

    The last few days to the return trip to Coruscant for Amidala to cast her vote in the Military Creation Act had passed by too quickly than Versé would have liked. The decoy plan had to be ironed out. First off, Amidala couldn?t pose as a handmaiden-it had been used already and was too risky. This time, Amidala would fly to Coruscant has a Nubian Starfighter pilot. Cordé was chosen for decoy, while Dormé had gone ahead a week earlier to prepare the Senatorial quarters-and to do a little spying mission. Versé almost smiled at the vision of her friend as a spy. She herself was to accompany Cordé on the Royal Starship on loan by the Queen. It was simple enough.

    Versé shifted uneasily as she approached the palace. Something didn?t bode well with her. She looked up at the sky. Ahh, that was it. It was cloudy. Cloudy days tended to weigh down her spirits, and now was such a time. She shrugged off the foreboding feeling and parked. She walked swiftly into Amidala?s suite. Cordé and Amidala were going over the plan once more in soft tones.

    ?Good morning!? she greeted them.

    ?Good morning, Sé,? said Cordé. Amidala merely smiled her greeting and continued her discussion with Cordé.

    Versé went to the wardrobe and began to lay out Cordé?s attire for the trip. By the time she was done, Cordé was waiting patiently to be dressed. Versé burst out laughing at Cordé?s imperious and snobbish look.

    ?What?!? demanded Cordé, her regal demeanor now gone.

    Versé just laughed harder and wiped the tears from her eyes. Cordé sniffed, and this sent Versé into more peals of laughter.

    ?Just what is so funny?!? Cordé demanded again, now with more force.

    ?You?you?looked so?ha! The look on your face?!? Versé managed to gasp out.

    Versé stood up and began to dress Cordé. After that, they moved on to makeup and then a simple headdress. The luggage was now being loaded by some workmen.

    Cordé smiled crookedly at Versé. ?Well, how do I look??

    Versé passed an eye over Cordé critically. ?Like the queen, you dimwit.?

    Cordé stuck out her tongue at Versé, who stuck out her own tongue in reprisal. They shared a giggle as Amidala returned in a pilot?s suite.

    ?Very nice, Adela,? Cordé said, using Amidala?s pilot alias.

    Adela saluted. ?Thank you, Your Majesty.?

    ?At ease, Lieutenant,? Cordé ordered imperiously.

    Captain Typho came up behind her.

    ?All right, ladies, let?s get this thing done with!?

    ***

    ?The Theed Hangar Bays will never cease to amaze me.?

    This statement made in awe by Versé was almost lost in the comings and goings of the magnificent hangar. Cordé smiled as she caught Versé?s comment.

    ?Me too,? she agreed.

    Versé affected mock surprise. ?But?but you?re a Senator!?

    Cordé smiled. ?True, but this place still has more stuff than what?s in this big shindig of a headdress.?

    The Senatorial Party organized into its correct formation, two security guards at the head, followed by Cordé, with Versé off to Cordé?s right. The pilots followed. Peop
  8. bobilll Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Aug 8, 2002
    star 4
    NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO Verse died!!!!!!! What will happen to the world without verse??????????

    As for a review, well it's pretty obvious you've progressed through the story, so my favorite posts are near the end. Your description gets better and the words flowed better. I loved the loving sense that surrounded Verse along with the humor with it. The romance was very sweet, and very tearbreaking for the kids. Tell me when you get the sequel up!!!
  9. Anyanka Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Nov 8, 2002
    star 3
    AHHHH!! Versé!!! :(

    I knew it was going to happen all along, but it's still sad!

    Wow, it's finally over. This last post was definitely worth the wait, Yané. The descriptions were lovely, as was the foreboding atmosphere you managed to create. I think this was probably my favourite post.

    I really liked this line:

    ?I?ll be with you soon,?

    And, of course, the last line:

    For there was no treasure at the end of the rainbow, only death?

    Again, great stuff, Yané. As for a general critique, I do agree with bobilll. Your descriptions got better as the story progressed, but I love some of the earlier carefree posts between Versé and Riv. Another thing I liked is how Versé had to adjust to living with her father. Those are just the things I can think of off the top of my head.

    This was a great story and I really enjoyed reading it. :) I'm definitely looking forward to the sequel!
  10. Sache8 Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Mar 19, 2000
    star 4
    Oh, that was nice having Dorme be there for her in the end. :( So bittersweet.


    I'd have to skim the story again to remember the chapters apart from one another, but...


    I liked the parts with the babies the best, and Verse's matchmaking tendencies. :) The humor surrounding the color yellow sticks in my head for some reason, and I also like the hints you gave to Naboo culture woven into your writing.


    Great job, Yané and Congrats. :) :)
  11. Knight-Ander Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Jul 19, 2002
    star 4
    Well, I have to say that that was a well done ending to a long awaited final post. Good job, Yane. :)

    I especially like the Naboo Princess portion of the post and how that suddenly came to Versé's mind in her final minutes. Then her belief that she had failed to protect her own Naboo Prince and Princesses. So sad. :(

    As for the whole story... well, I agree with alot of what has already been said. Your writing and this story has slowly been improving post by post, especially compared to the original bare-bones version of your first story, Yané's Journal, which has been vastly improved by your edits.

    That's all I can think of for now, so I might come up with more comments in the future. But until then, I'm eagerly waiting for more. :)

    Great job, HM Yane. :D
  12. Handmaiden Yané Manager Emeritus

    Member Since:
    Jul 15, 2002
    star 6
    bobill- :( The cold, unfeeling world will go on...

    I'm glad I've gotten better and that you were able to enjoy this! I'm also glad that you found it funny!! :D Don't worry, I'll be sure to tell you when the sequel is up!

    Anyanka- I was crying as I wrote this post! :_| It was so hard to write, I could barely see!
    I'm happy that you liked this!!

    Sache8-The baby parts were kinda hard for me to write! I didn't know how far advanced those little tykes were! As for the yellow, I have no idea what possessed me to put that in, but I[ found it funny and so I did! Good thing, huh?

    Knight-Ander-I got that idea from Princess in Love by Meg Cabot where Mia is telling about a childhood memory just before she starts telling about the best night of her life. It's great to know I've improved...it excites me to know that I can get so much better...


    As an author, I want to thank all of you who read this for...urm, actually reading it and giving me feedback! You have no idea how much it means to me! If I had had a particularly bad day, I would read some of your comments and cheer right up!

    Your ever truly grateful author,

    Sillé Yané :p




  13. Handmaiden Yané Manager Emeritus

    Member Since:
    Jul 15, 2002
    star 6
  14. Connemara Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    Nov 18, 2000
    star 6
    Just finished! This is really awesome Jen!!! Particularly the end, so sad!!!

    "?Cordé, it?s a ship. It moves. It?s what it does.?

    Versé shook her head. How was Cordé ever going to survive this trip, the way she was carrying on?"


    That first line is like hysterical, and the second is an incredibly brilliant use of irony.

    The whole thing is wow! *fan girls all over you* :p
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