Spring, MO Random Humor... If it's funny, put it here.

I randomly decided to set up something reserved strictly for humorous stuffs. Put anything you think is funny. Why am I doing this? B/c I'm bored! yay me! And I haven't been on here in ages. *tear*

 

What did the fish say when he ran into a wall?




















Dam!

 

Heard a couple last night over a drink -


An An old Indian Chief was being interviewed by a news anchor.

"Chief, you've seen the white man's wars and his technological advances, you've seen the progress, and the damage that has been done."

The Chief nodded in agreement.

The official continued, "Considering all these events, in your opinion, where did the white man go wrong?"

The Chief stared at the network official for over a minute and then calmly replied,

"When white man found the land, Indians were running it.
No taxes,
No debt,
Plenty buffalo,
Plenty beaver,
Women did all the work,
Medicine man free,
Indian man spent all day hunting and fishing,
All night having sex."

Then the chief leaned back and said ....
"Only white man dumb enough to think he could improve system like that."


and

The Lone Ranger and Tonto are camping in the desert. They set up their tent and fall asleep.

Some hours later, the Lone Ranger wakes his faithful friend. "Tonto, look up at the sky and tell me what you see."

Tonto replies, "Me see millions of stars."

"What does that tell you?" asks The Lone Ranger.

Tonto ponders for a minute. "Astronomically speaking, it tells me that there are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets. Astrologically, it tells me that Saturn is in Leo. Time wise, it appears to be approximately a quarter past three. Theologically, it's evident the Lord is all powerful and we are small and insignificant. Meteorologically, it seems we will have a beautiful day tomorrow."

"What does it tell you, Kemo Sabi?"

The Lone Ranger is silent for a moment then speaks, "Tonto you moron, it tells me someone stole our tent."


sense a theme?

 

One of my favorite humor sites EVER!

Go to to right hand side and click "First Time Here?" to get a small tour.

PS: It's completely free. It's also completely clean. No dirty jokes, no cursing (except "crap" is very predominant), but it's not made specifically for kids.

 

I went to an all-male high school here in St. Louis....this is an ACTUAL question from one of my freshman orientation classes 8 years ago....

"Are we allowed to have girls from other schools come for dances?"

need I say more?
lol

 

Dino I didn't realize that site was still around. It was awesome, then they stopped updating more than once a month and most of my friends and I just seemed to stop caring at that point.

 

My family LOVES Homestar Runner. Our favorite though is Strongbad. I have an CD of a bunch of their songs if anyone wants a copy. It's great!!!!
Leash

 

The best character in that is Trogdor.

 

Have you heard the Trogdor song?
Leash

 

They are really good with updates now. I get one about once a week, if not, then three times a month at least.

 

I found these clearly fake, but funny spoilers for Revenge of the Sith

Anakin becomes Darth Vader after an adverse reaction to his asthma medication.

Chancellor Palpatine is evil but nobody knows it but him.

Amidala gets knocked up with twins but Obi Wan is the real father.

The Jedis remain clueless to the Sith?s corporate take-over threat until it is too late to save their dental plan.

To no one?s surprise, C-3-P O reveals he is gay.

Lots of things get blown up.

Yoda?s long standing problems with dyslexia are solely responsible for a series of miscommunications which lead to the Jedi to utter destruction.

The Sith plan a chain of Death Star Drive-Ins throughout the galaxy. R2D2 confesses he is afflicted by Tourette?s Syndrome.

Wookies DO crap in the woods.

Count Dooku?s reckless real estate speculation leads to Tantoine?s housing market collapse.

 

Here's one for everybody in the group that enjoys the occasional (or not so occasional) drink.


A juggler, driving to his next performance, is stopped by the police. "What are these matches and lighter fluid doing in your car?" asks the cop.

"I'm a juggler and I juggle flaming torches in my act."

"Oh yeah?" says the doubtful cop. "Lets see you do it." The juggler gets out and starts juggling the blazing torches masterfully.

A couple driving by slows down to watch. "Wow," says the driver to his wife. "I'm glad I quit drinking. Look at the test they're giving now!"

 

Niiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiccccccccccceeeeeeeeeeeeee!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

Good one!

 

I love Tim's sense of humor.

 

Good one! (I don't drink, though)

 

Don't you ever get dehydrated?

 

What? Can't hear you! I'm too......

uh.......

de..hydrated..

*shrivels up and dies*

 

ABBOTT AND COSTELLO'S COMPUTER CONVERSATION

You have to be old enough to remember Abbott and Costello, and too old to REALLY understand computers, to fully appreciate this. For those of us whosometimes get flustered by our computers, please read on...

If Bud Abbott and Lou Costello were alive today, their infamous sketch,
"Who's on first?" might have turned out something like this:

COSTELLO CALLS TO BUY A COMPUTER FROM ABBOTT

ABBOTT: Super Duper computer store. Can I help you?

COSTELLO: Thanks. I'm setting up an office in my den and I'm thinking aboutbuying a computer.

ABBOTT: Mac?

COSTELLO: No, the name's Lou.

ABBOTT: Your computer?

COSTELLO: I don't own a computer. I want to buy one.

ABBOTT: Mac?

COSTELLO: I told you, my name's Lou.

ABBOTT: What about Windows?

COSTELLO: Why? Will it get stuffy in here?

ABBOTT: Do you want a computer with Windows?

COSTELLO: I don't know. What will I see when I look at the windows?

ABBOTT: Wallpaper.

COSTELLO: Never mind the windows. I need a computer and software.

ABBOTT: Software for Windows?

COSTELLO: No. On the computer! I need something I can use to write proposals, track expenses and run my business. What do you have?

ABBOTT: Office.

COSTELLO: Yeah, for my office. Can you recommend anything?

ABBOTT: I just did.

COSTELLO: You just did what?

ABBOTT: Recommend something.

COSTELLO: You recommended something?

ABBOTT: Yes.

COSTELLO: For my office?

ABBOTT: Yes.

COSTELLO: OK, what did you recommend for my office?

ABBOTT: Office.

COSTELLO: Yes, for my office!

ABBOTT: I recommend Office with Windows.

COSTELLO: I already have an office with windows! OK, let's just say I'm sitting at my computer and I want to type a proposal. What do I need?

ABBOTT: Word.

COSTELLO: What word?

ABBOTT: Word in Office.

COSTELLO: The only word in office is office.

ABBOTT: The Word in Office for Windows.

COSTELLO: Which word in office for windows?

ABBOTT: The Word you get when you click the blue "W."

COSTELLO: I'm going to click your blue "w" if you don't start with some straight answers. OK, forget that. Can I watch movies on the Internet?

ABBOTT: Yes, you want Real One.

COSTELLO: Maybe a real one, maybe a cartoon. What I watch is none of your busi! ness. Ju st tell me what I need!

ABBOTT: Real One.

COSTELLO: If it's a long movie, I also want to watch reels 2, 3 and 4. Can I watch them?

ABBOTT: Of course.

COSTELLO: Great! With what?

ABBOTT: Real One.

COSTELLO: OK, I'm at my computer and I want to watch a movie. What do I do?

ABBOTT: You click the blue "1."

COSTELLO: I click the blue one what?

ABBOTT: The blue "1."

COSTELLO: Is that different from the blue w?

ABBOTT: The blue "1" is Real One and the blue "W" is Word.

COSTELLO: What word?

ABBOTT: The Word in Office for Windows.

COSTELLO: But there are three words in "office for windows"!

ABBOTT: No, just one. But it's the most popular Word in the world.

COSTELLO: It is?

ABBOTT: Yes, but to be fair, there aren't many other Words left. It pretty much wiped out all the other Words out there.

COSTELLO: And that word is real one?

ABBOTT: Real One has nothing to do with Word. Real One isn't even part of Office.

COSTELLO: STOP! Don't start that again. What about financial bookkeeping? You have anything I can track my money with?

ABBOTT: Money.

COSTELLO: That's right. What do you have?

ABBOTT: Money.

COSTELLO: I need money to track my money?

ABBOTT: It comes bundled with your computer.

COSTELLO: What's bundled with my computer?

ABBOTT: Money.

COSTELLO: Money comes with my computer?

ABBOTT: Yes. No extra charge.

COSTELLO: I get a bundle of money with my computer? How much?

ABBOTT: One copy.

COSTELLO: Isn't it illegal to copy money?

ABBOTT: Microsoft gave us a license to copy Money.

COSTELLO: They can give you a license to copy money?

ABBOTT: Why not? THEY OWN IT!

(A few days later)

ABBOTT: Super Duper computer store. Can I help you?

 

Cute!

 

That was great!

 

Funny! I used to watch Abbott & Costello when I was little.

My contribution: A man walks into a bar. The man says, "Ouch!"

All done.

No, really, I got an e-mail sent to me from someone I know that has some funny stuff in it. I'll post some of them:

Borrow money from pessimists -- they don't expect it back.
Half the people you know are below average.
42.7% of all statistics are made up on the spot.
All those who believe in psychokinesis, raise my hand.
The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.
OK, so what's the speed of dark?
How do you tell when you're out of invisible ink?
If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked something.
Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.
When everything is coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.
Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.
What happens if you get scared half to death twice?
Why do psychics have to ask you for your name?
If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.
A conclusion is the place where you got tired of thinking.
To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many is research.
The problem with the gene pool is that there is no lifeguard.
The sooner you fall behind, the more time you'll have to catch up.
Everyone has a photographic memory, some just don't have film.

 

LOL!!!! That's great!

 

I loved "What happens if you die half to death twice!"
Those were great. I needed a little humor today, I had to help my dad move out of his ex's and he left almost all of his crap with me. And by crap I mean crap! Anybody want some crappy stuff???
: }
Leash