Discussion in 'Mid West Regional Discussion' started by JediUruviel, Apr 9, 2005.
I'm a redhead, doesn't effect me!
Just some redhead jokes to be fair.
Q: How do you get a redhead's mood to change?
A: Wait 10 seconds
Q: Why aren't there any more redhead jokes?
A: Someone told them to a redhead.
Q: What do you call a Redhead with an attitude?
Q: What do you call a woman who knows where her husband is every night?
A: A redhead!
hmm... okay... I'm feeling a little bit more justice...
Hair jokes don't bother me, after all it's just a stylist visit away to be any color I want
Speaking as a fellow redhead
HOW MANY LIST MEMBERS DOES IT TAKE TO CHANGE A LIGHT BULB
One to change the light bulb and to post that it had been changed.
Fourteen to share similar experiences of changing light bulbs and how the light bulb could have been changed differently.
Seven to caution about the dangers of changing light bulbs.
Seven more to point out spelling/grammar errors in posts about changing light bulbs.
Five to flame the spell checkers.
Three to check spelling/grammar flames.
Six to argue over whether it's "lightbulb" or "light bulb".
Another six to condemn those six as stupid.
Fifteen to claim experience in the lighting industry and give the correct spelling.
Nineteen to post that the group is not about light bulbs and to please take this discussion to a lightbulb (or light bulb) forum.
Eleven to defend posting to the group saying that we all use light bulbs and therefore the posts are relevant to this group.
Thirty six to debate which method of changing light bulbs is superior, where to buy the best bulbs, what brand of bulbs work best for this technique and what brands are faulty.
Seven to post URLs where one can see examples of different light bulbs.
Four to post links they found from the URLs that are relevant to this group which make light bulbs relevant to this group.
Thirteen to link all posts to date, quote them in their entirety including all headers and signatures and add "Me Too".
Five to post to the group that they will no longer post because they cannot handle the light bulb controversy.
Four to say "didn't we go through this already a short time ago?"
Five to actually call the lighting industry on the phone just so he/she could (be the correct high almighty).
Thirteen to say "do a google search on light bulbs before posting questions about light bulbs".
Three to tell a funny story about their show dog and a light bulb.
One group lurker to respond to the original post 6 months from now with something unrelated they found at snopes.com and start the crap all over again.
YOU'RE AN INTERNET JUNKIE WHEN:
- Your bookmarks list takes 15 minutes to scroll from top to bottom.
- You refuse to go to a vacation spot with no electricity and no phone lines.
- Your dreams are in HTML.
- You find yourself typing "com" after every period when using a word processor.
- You turn your computer off and get this awful epmty feeling, like you just pulled the plug of your loved one.
- Your heart races faster and beats irredgularly each time you see a new WWW site address printed on the TV, even though you've never had heart problems before.
- You step out of the room and realize that your roomates have moved and you don't have any idea when it happened.
- You turn up the volume read loud when leaving the room so you can hear if anyone IM's you.
- Looking at a pageful of someone else's links, you notice that you've been to all of them.
- You check your mail. It says "no new messages." So you check it again.
- You code your homework in HTML and give your intsructor the URL.
- You don't know the sex of three of your closeset friends because they have nuetral screennames and you never bothered to ask.
- You name your pets Google, Friendster and Blogger.
- You miss more than five meals a week downloading the latest MP3s.
- You wake up at 3 a.m. to go to the bathroom and stop and check your e-mail on the way back.
- You forget what year it is.
- You start tilting your head sideways to smile.
- All of your friends have an @ in their names.
- You start using smileys in your snail mail.
- You bring a bag lunch to the computer.
- You have withdrawal symptoms if you are away from the computer for more than a few hours.
- You take a speed reading course to keep up with the scrolling.
- You type faster than you think.
- You double click your TV remote.
- You can now type over 70 WPM.
- You check your e-mail and forget you have real mail.
- You go into withdrawals during meals.
- You message someone via IM when they are less than 20 feet away.
- The sound of the keys clicking turns you on.
- You have more online buddies than friends in the real world.
- You run four chat programs all at once... Yahoo Messenger, ICQ, AIM and MSN
- You sign off and your screen says you were on for 3 days and 45 minutes.
- You purchase a vanity car license plate with your screen name on it.
- You say "he he he he" or "heh heh heh" instead of laughing.
- You talk on the phone with the same person you are sending an instant message to.
- You get up in the morning and go online before getting your coffee.
- Your teacher or boss recommends a drug test for the blood shot eyes.
- The letters have come off your keyboard from excessive use.
- You order pizza online - because you can't be bothered to call.
- You look at an annoying person off line and wish that you had your ignore button handy.
- You're on the phone and say BRB.
- The last movie you've seen was on your Quicktime player.
- You actually get these jokes and pass them on to other friends who are addicted to the internet.
Danielle and Jake,
I organized my bookmarks the other day into nice neat folders and then couldn't find one of my favorite links for about 10 mins.
And what's wrong with ordering pizza online?
They haven't caught me yet!
heh... I can actually type FASTER than 70 wpm. I'm more like, over 120 wpm.
This is my disclaimer for this joke, I only post this for the intent of humor, not to offend any one. k?
"MARRIED IS NOT A WORD"
1/ Marriage is not a word. It is a sentence. A LIFE sentence.
2/ Marriage is love. Love is blind. Therefore, marriage is an institution for the blind.
3/ Marriage is an institution in which a man loses his Bachelor's Degree and the woman gets her master.
4/ Marriage is a three-ring circus: engagement ring, wedding ring and suffering.
5/ Married life is full of excitement and frustration: In the first year of marriage, the man speaks and the woman listens.In the second year, the woman speaks and the man listens. In the third year, they both speak and the NEIGHBOR listens.
6/ Getting married is very much like going to a restaurant with friends. You order what you want, and when you see what the other person has ,you wish you had ordered that instead.
7/ There was this man who muttered a few words in the church and found himself married. A year later he muttered something in his sleep and found himself divorced.
8/ A happy marriage is a matter of giving and taking: the husband gives and the wife takes.
9/ Son: How much does it cost to get married, Dad? Father: I don' t know son, I'm still paying for it
10/ Son: is it true Dad ? I heard that in ancient China, a man does not know his wife he marries her. Father: That happens everywhere, son, EVERY WHERE.
11/ Love is one long sweet dream, and marriage it is the alarm clock.
12/ Ted say that when a man holds a woman's hand before marriage, it is love; after marriage it is self -defense.
13/ When a newly married man looks happy, we know why. But when a 10 year married man
looks happy we wonder why.
14/ When a man opens the door of his car for his wife, you can be sure of one thing-either the car is new or the wife is.
15/ Confucius says: man who sinks into woman's arms soon has arms in woman's sink.
16/ When a man steals your wife, there is no better revenge than to let him keep her.
17/ Eighty percent of married man cheat in America, the rest cheat in Europe.
18/ After marriage, husband and wife become two sides of a coin. They just can't face each other, but still they stay together.
19/ Marriage is when a man and woman become one. The trouble starts when they try to decide which one.
20/ Before marriage, a man yearns for woman he loves. After the marriage the "Y" becomes silent.
21/ I married Miss right, I just didn't know her first name was Always.
22/ It' is not true that married men live longer than single men , it only seems longer.
23/ Loosing a wife can be hard. In my case, it was almost impossible.
24/ A man was complaining to a friend: I had it all : money, a beautiful house, the love of a beautiful woman, then...POW! It was all gone. What happened, ask his friend. He says: My wife found out.
25/ Wife: Let's go out and have some fun tonight. Husband: OK, but if you get home before I do, leave the hallway lights on.
26/ At a cocktail party, one woman sad to another: aren't you wearing your ring on the wrong finger? The other replied, Yes, I am. I married the wrong man.
27/ Man is incomplete until he gets married, then he is finished.
28/ It doesn't matter how often a married man changes his job, he still ends up with the same boss.
29/ A man inserted an ad in the paper WIFE WANTED. The next day he received a hundred letters and the all said the same thing - YOU CAN HAVE MINE .
"3/ Marriage is an institution in which a man loses his Bachelor's Degree and the woman gets her master."
HA!!! *victory dance* HELL YEA, boys!
woman gets her master
Um, that's a bad thing....
I took it as women get their Master's Degree...thus they become the master.
Why do divorces cost so much?
Because they are worth it!
This all kinda makes me sad.
I'm starting to think that I'm more and more of an oddity. I've been with Patrick for 12 years, married for 5 1/2 of those years, and each day just gets better!
Oh wait, you're serious.
Well, lets get Patrick drunk and see what he has to say then.
I am with you Danielle. Married 18 years, been with Darrell 23 years...and it gets better and better...and yes even drunk he would say the same thing.
What do you call a man who's lost 75% of his intelligence?
What do you call a man with half a brain?
What do you call somebody who can't tell the difference between Commander and Comander?
S L A M !