Saga RE: the Weirdo challenge- Title: E-Z ON TAN- (humor. Palpatine tries to impress the woman he loves)

Title: E-Z ON TAN
Author: Meredith_Kenobi
Characters: Palpatine and ?his love?
Genre: hopefully humorous and ?romance? *snicker*
Era: pre-ANH, post RotJ
Summary: Palpatine tries to impress his ?love?. Read on to see if he?s successful.
Notes: Written for the Weirdo challenge: Have one of your OCs, or a canon character, fall in love.
I, ahem, might have found a loop hole and jumped shamelessly through it. (WINNER! But only because mine was the only entry. )

This was posted over in Beyond before, but after a a few people pointed it out, I realized that this REALLD DID belong over here in Saga. Silly me. I do thay sometimes. Brain glitch.


Emperor Palpatine put yet another glob of air-speeder grease in his hair, using a comb to try and slick it back. He grinned at himself in the mirror. He thought the wig looked great. Much better than his real hair. The haircut was called the ?Moe? for some reason, and the nice slick black hair contrasted nicely with the artificial white tooth caps that covered up his pointy yellow teeth. Yep, he looked pretty sharp. The hair was the perfect shade. He knew, because he had picked it specifically from some man?s head. The man didn?t mind?at least, he hadn?t screamed very much. Could you scream when you?ve just been stunned? Palpatine didn?t know, and Palpatine didn?t really care.

Palpatine seized an aerosol can labeled: E-Z ON TAN! JUST POINT AND SHOOT! GUARANTEED TO MAKE YOU LOOK MAGNIFICENT! Palpatine tried to read the fine print, but his yellow eyes were not as good as they used to be, and he could not for the life of him locate his reading glasses. He sprayed his face thoroughly. He figured he would have to use the entire can since his complexion was so light. He did not want any pale-green places to show through.

When the can was emptied, Palpatine dabbed his face with a towel and observed his handiwork. Hm. He thought he might look a tad bit orange, but he wasn?t sure. Where were those glasses?

Palpatine reached out with the dark side of the Force and let it guide his hand. Oh! There they were right there on the counter. He gently put them on his face and looked down his nose to read the aerosol can?s fine print: All sales are final. This product may cause hives, sneezing, and your skin may take on a permanent orange color. We warned you!

Palpatine lowered the bottle and looked in the mirror. He let out a high-pitched scream. No wonder E-Z ON TAN was the cheapest product on the market! But he would rather be permanently orange than pay that extra ten mili-credits.

Maybe he didn?t look all that bad? He would have to ask Vader?s opinion.

He just needed one last touch to complete his image. A tiny stick on moustache to go in the center of his top lip?there! Perfect.

Palpatine sneezed and opened the ?fresher door. Now to pick the perfect outfit. He studied his closet?s selection. It was either the red puffy-sleeved robe, the green puffy-sleeved robe, the black and red puffy-sleeved robe, the green and black puffy-sleeved robe, or a slim tuxedo that had many vibrantly colored vertical stripes running up and down it. Vader had given him that tux for his one hundred and eleventieth birthday, but Palpatine had never worn it. Maybe today was the day.

He slipped into the tux, and studied himself in the mirror. He had again lost his reading glasses, but from what he could see he looked pretty swell. He had slimmed in the past ten years since he had gotten the suit, and it was a bit baggy, but it still looked pretty great. Brightly colored, but great.

He scratched his suddenly very itchy cheek, and pulled out his comm. What was Vader?s number again? 666?something something something?.456. Palpatine tried 666-123-456.

?Hello?? A voice said. It was not Vader?s voice.

?Who is this?? Palpatine asked.

?Who is this??

?I asked first.?

?Yes, but you called me. You?re supposed to say

 

Goodness I think that is the funniest fic I've ever read!

It was totally wonderful...

I'm going to be giggling all day now!

 

What a great response to the Weirdo challenge!

Absolutely hilarious!

 

God, I still have tears rolling down my face, mostly from laughter but also from the images I have in my head right now, you know, if I saw Palpy like that, I would have committed suicide myself, and not for the reason Palpy thought.

Amazing job Meredith .

 

That was hysterical!

I'm just trying to picture an orange Palpatine in the multi-colored tux...



Awesome job on the challenge

 

I just realized I never did author replies for this! Shame on me.

Kestrel_Kenobi: Awesome! I'm so glad you liked it!!! I'm all happy and glow-y now. Thanks muches for reading!

VaderLVR64: Hee hee. Glad you liked it. It was so silly I didn't think many people would! Hugs to you!

Star_Angel: Exactly! That's why all those woman were jumping over ledges. I'm glad you could enjoy this! I hope you don't get nightmares. for reading!

KEILA: Thank ya!!!!!!1

THANKS SO MUCH FOR READING AND REVIEWING!!!!!!!!