RE: week 1, day task 2

Discussion in 'Big Brother Strikes Back' started by NarundiJedi, May 7, 2003.

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  1. NarundiJedi Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    Oct 8, 2001
    star 6
    cb, should this go into this thread or should we make our own threads for the battle?

    Jae Angel
  2. B'omarr Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    Apr 7, 2000
    star 6
    Jabba and Harry Knowles are different entities? //head spins

    I don't think we need a whole bunch of Jabba vs. threads. I say we just keep 'em in here.
  3. NarundiJedi Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    Oct 8, 2001
    star 6
    Here we go, Celebrity Death Match style. ;)


    ~*~*~


    Announcer ? And now, the moment you?ve all been waiting for! Tonight?s main event! A veritable Battle Royale! In the red corner, weighing in at a whopping two tons ? Jabba T. Hutt! And in the blue corner, the challenger ? film critic Harry Knowles!

    Knowles ? (panicking) I don?t understand why I?m here, fighting this guy! I liked the Star Wars movies! Well, except for those stupid Ewoks. . .but I liked the Hutt! Yes, I most certainly did!

    Jabba ? (laughs) Ettah chootu, Harry! Bwa ha ha!

    Announcer ? Can somebody get a translator droid for him? Anyone?

    Threepio ? (Scuttles out into the ring) Why yes! Allow me to introduce myself! I am See Threepio, human cyborg relations ?

    Jabba ? (yelling) Baska! Chee koch Manhattan tah manta?

    Threepio ? (flinches) The Illustrious Jabba would like to know why you didn?t like the film ?Maid in Manhattan.?

    Knowles ? (pulls a face) THAT movie? It was horrible! The plot was horribly contrived, and that wretched Lopez woman can?t act!

    [Jabba explodes in a string of outraged Hutt obscenities]

    Threepio ? (confused) Well now, that isn?t very nice! Jabba says he will get his boys to kick your head in for speaking against Jennifer Lopez.

    Announcer ? This is very interesting. There suddenly seems to be some connection between Jabba the Hutt and Jennifer Lopez! One can only guess at what that connection might be. . .Oh no! Something is trying to break in through the ceiling of the Astrodome!

    [A giant J Lo Hutt climbs into the building through the roof, stomping audience members to death as she approaches the ring]

    Jennifer ? (Moving her index finger from side to side) Daddy, I?m sorry for being so late, but some girl uptown thought her butt was sexier than mine. I can?t sit back and allow some tramp to move in on MY space!

    Jabba ? Knowles kaa no chee tu wonga! Bwa ha ha ha!

    Threepio ? Your. . .father, Jabba the Hutt, wants you to know that Harry Knowles said your butt looks fat. . .

    Jennifer ? Oh no he didn?t!

    [She shoves Threepio aside on her way to grabbing Harry Knowles in her fist. He screams in terror as he?s tossed down her enormous gullet.]

    Referee ? (Lifting up one of Jabba?s tiny arms) The winner!

    Announcer ? I thought I?d seen it all, but every time I say that some woman with an attitude comes along and proves me wrong! This is Nick Something saying good fight and goodnight!

    ~*~*~

    Jae Angel
  4. Oakessteve Manager Emeritus

    Member Since:
    May 9, 1999
    star 6
    I shall have to stand on my head for awhile to get the creative juices flowing. Or to get a headache. Either way, I'll be seeing things upside down. What a night!
  5. Katya Jade Administrator Emeritus

    Member Since:
    Jan 19, 2002
    star 7
    [image=http://www.coutant.org/gdonovan.jpg]

    Ladies and gentlemen?.boys and girls?tonight is a special night for all of you here at the beautiful Pomona Pancake House and Conference Center! The Leopard Lodge of Southern Pomona is proud to present the Ultimate Fighting Match?..Film Critic Harry Knowles versus Jabba ?Gangsta of the Century? the Hutt!

    And looking through the audience, it?s a veritable who?s who of celebrities! Over here we have Gary Coleman?

    [image=http://valdefierro.com/gcole22.jpg]

    ?Jean Claude Van Damme?who, by the looks of his outfit, seems to be snorting some of the white stuff again?
    [image=http://www.kreweofbacchus.org/kandt/images/vandam.JPG]

    ?and Anna Nicole Smith looking remarkably...not drunk (yet)!
    [image=http://i.timeinc.net/ew/dynamic/imgs/020718/13614__anna_l.jpg]

    Here we go cagematch fans...Jabba the Hutt is entering the ring. My?he looks fit and trim and...well?fat. He?s sliding over to his corner of the cage where his trainer is giving him some last minute tips.

    Oh! Harry is entering the Conference Center and boy does he look ready. I?m sure that the dozen Krispy Kreme donuts he?s eating right now will help him keep up his energy during this intense fight.

    Now we?ll start?..hold on please. Will the owner of a brown 1987 Camaro with the license plate RDNECK please remove your vehicle from the Pancake House Employee of the Month space? Thank you.

    Ladies and gentlemen, you can feel the tension in the ring building between Jabba and Knowles. Both men...creatures...large objects are heading toward the center of the ring to meet with the referee. The referee is speaking...wait a minute! Wait a minute! The cage floor is collapsing! Oh my goodness! Jabba, Knowles and the referee have fallen through the floor of the cage due to their sheer size! Oh the humanity!

    I guess the makers of the ring didn't take into account the massive weight on the structure's integrity. We've had Roseanne in here before so I guess they assumed it would be fine. What a tragic end...for the referee.

    Well, my faithful listeners, it looks like this highly touted match won?t take place after all. Although we might be able to arrange a match between Anna Nicole and Van Damme. I hear that they?re both anxious for a little roughhousing tonight after doing jello shots and playing poker with Coleman!

    Stay tuned!?

  6. RidingMyCarousel Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Feb 20, 2002
    star 6
    This looks to be fun... ;) :D

    *waits for Sammy to get online* [face_mischief]

    Hey, cb, can we work together on these..?


    ~ James
  7. Katya Jade Administrator Emeritus

    Member Since:
    Jan 19, 2002
    star 7
    NO! I had to do mine all alone!

    :p
  8. Jedi Greg Maddux Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    Aug 3, 1999
    star 6
    SCENE: It's a cool fall Friday night at Madison Square Garden. It's a capacity crowd, and for good reason. Tonight Metallica cancelled their concert in favor of playing the national anthem, and a few pep tunes to rile up the crowd, before the fight of the century...

    Announcer 1 (In a thick Brooklyn accent): What a night folks! The crowd is on their feet, as Metallica is just entering the stage! It took long enough for them to warm up - it's almost 8:30 - but this'll be well worth it, folks, I gua-ran-tee!

    Announcer 2 (also in a thick Brooklyn accent): Yes indeed! Metallica's guaranteed to put on a good show, but that's not why the fans are here, no sir! This is certainly the fight of the century - after all, it's aired nationally on over eighty local stations and all major networks - who would have thought that fighting peewee Harry Knowles would have picked a fight with a titan like Jabba the Hutt? It's gonna be a blowout, I tell ya, and I don't think I'd have to tell you who'd be on the receiving end of the Smackdown tonight! Metallica's ready to perform just after the following announcements...[/b]

    *3 minutes of commercials*

    Metallica enters the stage, and plays The Memory Remains...

    Fortune, fame
    Mirror vain
    Gone insane
    But the memory remains
    Heavy rings on fingers wave
    Another star denies the grave
    See the nowhere crowd, cry the nowhere tears of honor
    Like twisted vines that grow
    That hide and swallow mansions whole
    And dim the light of an already faded prima donna

    Fortune, fame
    Mirror vain
    Gone insane...
    Fortune, fame
    Mirror vain
    Gone insane...
    But the memory remains
    Heavy rings hold cigarettes
    Up to lips that time forgets
    While the Hollywood sun sets behind your back
    And can't the band play on?
    Just listen, they play my song
    Ash to ash
    Dust to dust
    Fade to black

    Fortune, fame
    Mirror vain
    Gone insane...
    Fortune, fame
    Mirror vain
    Gone insane...
    Dance little tin goddess
    na-na-na
    Drift away
    Fade away
    Little tin goddess
    Ash to ash
    Dust to dust
    Fade to black

    Fortune, fame
    Mirror vain
    Gone insane...
    Fortune, fame
    Mirror vain
    Gone insane...
    But the memory remains
    Ash to ash Dust to dust Fade to black...


    *Metallica plays the Star Spangled Banner and leaves the stage, and the crowd showers them with gracious cheers*

    *30 minutes of idleness*

    Announcer1: Finally, the fight's about to begin!

    *lights dim, save for a single spotlight. Harry Knowles powers himself to the Octagon, decorated in a purple robe with gold trim. He has a pair of boxing gloves - with crimson letters on the tops of the wrists - one saying "Eat", and the other saying "This". Knowles flexes his muscles. The crowd roars.*

    Announcer 1: And in the red corner, at somewhere around six feet tall, and one hundred some pounds, is the great film critic, Harry Knowles!

    Announcer 2: Things really aren't looking too good for Knowles, I'm afraid. Jabba has his number. It'll be a miracle if he lasts even one round.

    *Jabba the Hutt saunters in, wearing... nothing! The crowd hisses at the piece of worm-ridden filth in utter disgust.*

    Announcer 2: And in the blue corner, at five feet eight inches tall, and a whopping thirty seven hundred pounds, is the titanic, corpulent, and dare I say - fat, Jabba the Hutt!

    *Jabba stares at the seemingly unfazed Knowles, and glares at his much smaller opponent with intensity. The referee comes in, and states the rules - "No hits below the belt. No biting, no stabbing, and NO DISINTIGRATIONS. Keep it clean - and let's get it on!*

    *DING! goes the bell*

    *Jabba advances at Harry Knowles. He grabs Knowles by the leg, and flings him around in a circle, and thrusts him to the ground at full force. Knowles is rendered completely unconscious. Jabba licks his lips, and looks like he's about to devour Knowles. Knowles gets up, miraculously, and shouts to the crowd for a chocolate candy bar. A 12 year old boy tosses him a king-size Snic
  9. Leonard_Shelby Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    May 31, 2002
    star 6
    ~~Jabba VS Harry: Prologue to a Fat-Ass Showdown~~


    Jabba's Palace. Day time. The Tatooine dusk is swirling in magnificent glory. Our dear and fat friend, Jabba, is enjoying some frogs and booze with his good pal, Salacious. Suddenly, and without any flipping warning, Jabba disappears...POOF!! Salacious looked around confused...


    Salacious: (confused/drunk) Ah? Eee? Gooba-gabba-gah..eh..ee...gobba--gooba-gah...


    Salacious shrugs and goes back to downing Sam Adams and playing with feces...


    Elsewhere...in another galaxy...that's far, far away from the other one that Jabba was at...



    Harry Knowles: (gushing) Ooh...Star Wars...ooh....action figures...ooh...Taco Bell...ooh...download some porn...ooh...


    Knowles, wallowing in his own crapulence and filth, was typing away at his computer when all of a sudden....POOF!! He vanished...


    Knowles stood-up all confused and delirious-like. He looked around in sheer terror and shock...



    Knowles: (scared/confused) Uhh...where the hell am I...? ?[face_plain]


    Knowles then proceeded to rip a violent fart and scratch his fat-ass for seventy-two point five minutes. He then started to wander around....or lumber around....whichever...


    Knowles: (confused/frightened) Man, what is this place....it appears to be a ring of some sorts....god I sure do miss my Jar-Jar action figures.... :(


    Knowles inspected the ring closer and closer. It appeared to be in the shape of a huge octagon. It also had a large chain-link fence wall surrounding the entire perimeter... He kept walking and walking around the ring. He was slowly losing his breath...


    Knowles: (winded) D-damn...*huff*...n-no more..*hack*cough*...six p-packs...*HACK!*..and..a...pound..fr-om...*wheeze*...Taco..B-Bell...


    Harry slumps over in a heap from exhaustion. He lies in one spot for several seconds before sitting-up on his knees. And then...when on all fours...he proceeds to return his lunch to the world...


    Knowles: (vomiting) BLECH!!! BLECH!!! BLECH!!! [face_plain]


    After several minutes of this, Harry finally stops and looks it over....


    Knowles: (surprised) Hmmm...I don't remember eating that....


    Suddenly a shadow engulfs our fat bastard of a "hero". Harry looks around for a few seconds before finally looking up. And to his astonishment, he sees a giant slug hovering above him...


    Jabba the Hutt: (translated from Huttese) **Damn...that's some sick 8***...yet...mildly erotic...**

    Knowles: (shocked/gushing) Wow! Are you...I mean...can it be? Are you...Jabba the Hutt?!?!!? :eek:


    Jabba gives Harry a confused look...


    Jabba: (translated/confused) **I have no ****** clue what the hell you just said, fat boy...**

    Knowles: (gushing/shocked/giddy like school girl) I mean...I have ALL of your action figures! You're the best! I friggin' love you! [face_love]


    Jabba gives Harry a confused look...


    Jabba: (translated/irritated) **Damn you...shut-up...I'm tired of your fatness and whacked-out beard...** :mad:


    Harry thinks to himself for a second...


    Harry: (lightbulb over his head) I've got it! :D //snaps fingers//


    Harry reaches into his back shorts pocket and pulls-out a book titled "How to speak Huttese"...


    Knowles: (reading/messing-up on the Huttese) **Ummm...Eh-chuta...Ummm...Elfasa mofasa....Geraldo et-fasa...Rivera...ummm... (translated: "I had sex with your mother and Geraldo Rivera")


    Jabba slaps Harry across the face...


    Knowles: (shocked/rubbing cheek) Hey! What the hell was that for?!?


    And with that, a mysterious character walked through the door of the ring. Closer and closer t
  10. B'omarr Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    Apr 7, 2000
    star 6
    HEY TALKBACKERS, HARRY HERE. I'M HERE TO TELL YOU OF AN OCTAGONAL EXPIERIENCE I HAD RECENTLY WITH THE ULTIMATE CHARACTER EVER. YOU ALL REMEMBER THAT FAT MAN FROM RETURN OF THE JEDI AS MUCH AS I DO. THE TOTAL BAD ASS, NONE OTHER THAN JABBA THE HUTT! I GOT TO WRESTLE HIM INTO AN INTERVIEW EARLIER, AND ALL I HAD TO DO WAS LOSE TO HIM IN A WRESTLING MATCH AND BECOME HIS NEWEST LOVESLAVE.

    THAT'S RIGHT, YOURS TRUELY IS NOW WEARING THE VERY SAME BIKINI WORN BY CARRIE FISHER! IT'S LIKE WAKING UP IN HOBBITON AND REALIZING YOU'RE BILBO BAGGINS, ALTHOUGH I MUST ADMIT, I'M PRETTY DAMNED SEXY IN THIS BIKINI.

    OH, HERE COMES MY MASTER NOW, HIS TONGUE IS WAVING AROUND, BECONING ME TO HIS SIDE TO MAKE ME DANCE FOR HIS PLEASURE.

    HEY, THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOU LOSE TO AN INTERSTELLER GANSTER IN A WRESTLING MATCH, BUT IT IS TOTALLY WORTH IT TO GET THIS CLOSE TO MY IDOL!
  11. Leonard_Shelby Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    May 31, 2002
    star 6
    ~~Jabba VS Harry: The Fat-Ass Showdown~~


    //Cue cheesey South Park-esque PPV Music complete with cheesey SP-esque Announcer//


    Cheesey Announcer: (overly and annoyingly excited) It's the fight of the Century...The fight of the Century...We've got two of the biggest and most diabolical fat-asses in recent history squaring-off in the octagonal-circle....fat-asses....


    [image=http://news.bbc.co.uk/olmedia/320000/images/_321481_jabbathehutt150.jpg]

    JABBA THE HUTT!!...THE HUTT... //Slash-Ping-POW!!!//

    Versus...


    [image=http://www.cnn.com/SPECIALS/2001/coming.attractions/stories/aibuzz/vert.harry.jpg]

    HARRY KNOWLES!!...THE KNOWLES... //Slash-Ping-POW!!!//


    With Special Guest Referee...


    [image=http://www.teamnattyice.com/images/hartman.jpg]

    Gunnery Sgt. Hartman from "Full Metal Jacket"!!!...Jacket... //Slash-Ping-POW!!!//


    Fighting to the death!...the death...See it right now on Pay Per View...Pay Per View...Only $167.95....95....


    Let's take you to the Octagon Circle and join our commentators...


    [image=http://www.kwfc.com/images/hankdwarf_t.gif]

    Hank the Angry Drunken Dwarf...


    and


    [image=http://ru.laser.ru/gallery/wento/liza_minelli.jpg]

    Liza Minelli


    With special Guest Commentator...


    [image=http://www.wchstv.com/abc/lessthanperfect/ericroberts.jpg]

    Eric Roberts!


    Take it away, gang!


    Liza Minelli: (excited/freakish) Hello there, everyone out thar! And welcome to tha fight of tha centurah. We have two very big fat-butts fighting todah. And I'm full of self-importahnce. How are you, Hank?

    Hank: (drunk off his ass/pissed) Shut the ****-up, you freaky *hic* look...lookin' *****...I *hic* I'm tired of your *hic* **** already...


    Liza pauses for several seconds...


    Liza: (freakish) Let's look at tha Tale of Tha Tape, shall wa?


    ***Tale of the Tape***

    [image=http://www.georgettesworld.com/main/swjabba.jpg]

    Jabba the Hutt

    Age:
    Unknown
    Weight: Fat-ass
    Reach: Not much
    Height: Short


    [image=http://www.fadproductions.com/images/harryman.jpg]

    Harry Knowles

    Age:
    11 1/2
    Weight: 385
    Reach: Not much either
    Height: Taller than Jabba


    Liza: (freakish) So as all of yah can see...this is a well matched fight...wouldn't you agree, Hank?

    Hank: (drunk/pissed) Shut-up, you wretch...*hic*...you...you make me...*hic*...s-sick to my...*hic* ******* stomach...

    Liza: (freakish) Alrahgt then...Let us go down to tha ring and listen to our referah Sgt. Hahtmahn...


    //camera pans down to the ring...where the still disoriented and confused Harry and Jabba are standing....and Sgt. Hartman is barking orders...//


    Sgt. Hartman: (screaming) Alright, you disgusting fat bodies!!! Let's get this thing-a-goin'! I want to see blood! I want to see disembowelments! I want to see it all! And to add to that and help it along, we'll be cycling-in weapons...and if you refuse to fight, we will feed your sorry asses to the hyenas...//points to a cage of rabid hyenas// You gettin' this nancy-boys?!?!?! :mad:


    Harry and Jabba look at each other once again...and both look back at Hartman...as if to acknowledge that they understand...


    Hartman: (screaming) Fine! Let's get this thing goin'! FIGHT!


    With that, Harry and Jabba converge towards each other. Harry plods as fast as he can right at Jabba and drop-kicks him in the mouth...


    Liza: (freakish) Oh! Thaht's got to hurt...


    But Harry's foot gets stuck in Jabba's mouth and he bites it off. Harry shrieks in pain...fa
  12. RidingMyCarousel Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Feb 20, 2002
    star 6
    And now...

    RidingMyCaroselOnYou Productions Presents...

  13. Jabba the Hutt vs Harry Knowles!


  14. *A full stadium full of onlookers cheers as a cage full of food is set up*
    [image=http://www.americanplasticscouncil.org/images/tailgating_stadium.jpg]
    *The ring is set up and inside is placed a large collection of doughnuts!
    The crowd applauds crazily and begins to chant
    "We want out fight! We want our fight!"*
    [image=http://www.ashland-city.k12.oh.us/ahs/classes/hort/2001/sep21/doughnut.jpg]
    [image=http://www.hiphopelements.com/Pics/Events/CageMatch/Cage2.jpg]
    *meanwhile, in a galaxy far, far away, Jabba the Hutt is relaxing in his palace.
    He sits by smoking on his pipe and watching his "dancers". The hutt is
    relaxing and enjoying a day of no problems with smugglers or lost cargo...*
    [image=http://24.74.46.61/bb/jabba.jpg]
    *on the other side of this universe and a few billion years into the future,
    a descendant of the long lost Hutt relaxes while watching "dancers" and
    smoking on the same exact illegal substance that was used by his
    great, great, great ... great grandfather.*


    *the next thing either of them know, a wormhole comes through and sucks
    them through a space-time continuum vortex. They are both transported
    to the middle of the cage ring and the crowd applauds greatly!
    The two soon to be contestants look as confused as hell...*
    [image=http://www.kruela.ciberanika.com/jabba.jpg]
    [image=http://www.fadproductions.com/images/harryman.jpg]
    *confused, the two contestants eye each other. They both are wondering
    "What the hell is going on here!?" yet neither say a word.
    Instead, they both lay eyes on one thing...*
    [image=http://www.krispykreme.com/images/aprilChocMaltImage.jpg]
    ... The Maulted Cream Doughnut!

    *the two contestants eye each other suspiciously... Jabba makes the first move.
    He slides over to the doughnut and attempts to snatch it. A greedy and
    glutunous eye sparkles until he realizes...

    "My arms are too short to reach this treasurer! Ho ho ho!"

    Harry eyes the doughnut. He reaches for his belly and jiggles it around. He yells a loud warcry..

    "Shunninigah!!!!"

    He leaps over the hutt and grabs the doughnut. He eyes it with intent and begins to drool. The next thing he knows...

    Thwack!

    Jabba's tail smacks Knowles so hard that he flies into the cage, permanently imprinting
    his face. The doughnut flies into the hutt's reach. He grasps hold of it ever
    so gently and drools.

    "Ho ho ho..."
    [image=http://users.ox.ac.uk/~rpgsoc/netflyer/34/jabba.jpg]
    *in an attempt to reclaim his price, the damaged Knowles dives for the doughnut...

    Oh My God!!!!

    He did not just..

    Dear Lord!

    Jabba belched.
    He laughed a bit more...

    And the crowd was left in utte shock.*
    [image=http://www.puffi.com/images/jabba.jpg]
    *the hutt grinned. He belched one more time as he licked his fingertips. Inside of him, Knowles yelled...

    Oh... My.... God!! This is the most interesting scoop I've had since I found a copy of the Episode One soundtrack a week early!!!!

    The Hutt looked confused and a worried expression went over his face. The crowd stood in awe...

    Wow, Mister Jabba the Hutt guy, I so can't believe that you hid these unreleased pictures of Leia down here.. Oh my God! I can't believe she looks like that!

    Suddenly, the hutt began to implode...

    Maybe I can eat my way out of this.. mm... Yummy...

    The hutt's eyes gleamed with terror!
    Suddenly...

    Plop!
    *
    [image=http://www.firebirdz.com/Stereo/images/Twinkle.gif]
    *No more
  15. JediPrincessKas Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    Aug 9, 2002
    star 5
    Oh wow, theses are really good! :eek: Since I'm short on time and my creative juices aren't flowing this early in the morning, I'm going to make mine up off the top of my head right now. Don't expect this to be long. :p


    Announcer: Good evening, and welcome to what is expected to be the biggest PPV in history....Literally! We're here in front of a packed house for the Jabba the Hutt vs. Harry Knowles showdown! And look, here come the contestants!

    Referee: In the blue corner (can you call it a corner in an octagon?), give it up for Jabba the Hutt!

    *Jabba raises his stubby little arms as fans cheer him on*

    [image=http://www.vues3d.com/images/g_jabba.jpg]

    Referee: In the red corner, Mr. Harry Knowles!

    [image=http://www.visi.com/~phantos/images/conpics_full/cv01d.jpg]

    *Harry crosses arms over his chest and gives Jabba the "Stare of DEATH!" :eek:

    Announcer: But wait! We have MORE! Each of these men...things...guys will have help in their corners! What a match this is going to be!

    Referee: In Jabba's corner, please welcome, Slave Leia!

    [image=http://www.autographcentral.com/wattographs/bios/carriefisher/slave_leia.jpg]

    *Crowd goes wild and sales of Drool Buckets ($10.99 each) skyrocket*

    Referee: And in Harry's corner, we have Callista Flockhart!

    [image=http://www.bodycage.com/images/cflockhart3.jpg]

    *Crickets chirp*

    Ref: Now, I want this to be a clean fight. I want you two to shake hands before we begin.

    *Jabba grumbles some inaudible obscenities*

    Harry: Oh yeah? Right back at ya! *flips Jabba the bird*

    *Bell Rings*

    Announcer: Alright, the fight has begun! Listen to this crowd, folks! Aright, well, nothing is going on...neither man wants to move. Hm...don't worry, I'm sure the action will pick up in no time!

    *Harry rushes over and punches Jabba in the belly, then runs back to safety*

    *More obscenities from Jabba*

    Leia: He said you're a lousy excuse for a human being, and he will eat you alive.

    Harry: What? Never! Ha! That big fat slug could NEVER beat me! *makes mean, intimidating face*

    *Jabba whispers something into Leia's ear*

    Harry: Are you conspiring against me? Because I didn't like the Prequals? Ha! YOU'RE the one who ruined them! You made the entire Pod Racing scene horrible! I thought I was going to vomit! Yeah, take THAT!

    *Jabba eyes Harry, then gives a signal to Leia*

    *Slave Leia removes her top*

    Harry: :eek: *faints*

    *Jabba picks Harry up and eats him whole*

    Leia, under her breath: See, I told you he would eat you alive.

    *Jabba then uses Callilsta as a toothpick*

    *Bell rings again, signifying the end of the match*

    Referee: And here's your winner, Jabba the Hutt!

    *crowd cheers loudy*

    Announcer: Um...well. That certainly was interesting. Well folks, I hope you enjoyed the fight! Be sure to tune in again next month for the much anticipated R2-D2 vs R4-D4! Goodnight!



    The End.


    Yes, I know. Lame. But maybe someone will enjoy it. :p

    EDIT: I can't spell. [face_blush]
    />/>
  16. JediPrincessKas Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    Aug 9, 2002
    star 5
  17. TheEmperorsHand Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    Aug 27, 2000
    star 5
    LOL these are amusing :p

    I would have participated, but I was up late studying for tests last night :( This is such a stressful time of year :p

    But good job everyone who did!
  18. B'omarr Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    Apr 7, 2000
    star 6
    I didn't have enough time to put all I wanted into mine. :( I was going to have Harry talk about what he was doing before the match (ie going to the store, bathing his peppery skin). And then I was going to have him thrown to the Sarlacc where he would have his ultimate revenge, giving the monster a case of heartburn as he was devoured over the course of 1000 years.
  19. JediPrincessKas Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    Aug 9, 2002
    star 5
    Wow, that sounds like it would have been a good read! Too bad you couldn't get it in on time. :( Perhaps you could still work on it and post it merely for our amusement?
  20. B'omarr Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    Apr 7, 2000
    star 6
    Alright, just for kicks, since I've got a little more time now:

    HEY TALKBACKERS, HARRY HERE. I'M HERE TO TELL YOU OF AN OCTAGONAL EXPIERIENCE I HAD RECENTLY WITH THE ULTIMATE CHARACTER EVER. YOU ALL REMEMBER THAT FAT MAN FROM RETURN OF THE JEDI AS MUCH AS I DO. THE TOTAL BAD ASS, NONE OTHER THAN JABBA THE HUTT! I GOT TO WRESTLE HIM INTO AN INTERVIEW EARLIER, AND ALL I HAD TO DO WAS LOSE TO HIM IN A WRESTLING MATCH AND BECOME HIS NEWEST LOVESLAVE.

    LET ME START BY TELLING YOU WHAT I DID TODAY. I WOKE UP AND HAD SOME OF THE MOST FRICKIN' AMAZING POP TARTS I HAD EVER HAD. THE FROSTED CHERRY TASTED EXPLODING IN MY MOUTH...JUST WOW. AND THEN I HAD SOME DOUGHNUTS, FOUR EGGS, AND A CHEESE ENCHILADA. TO WASH IT ALL DOWN, I HAD MY FAVORITE MORNING BEVERAGE OF APPLESAUCE DISSOLVED IN LARD. YUM.

    AFTER THAT, I DECIDED TO PAMPER MYSELF WITH A NICE HOT BATH. I LITE A FEW AROMATHERAPY CANDLES, THEN I MANAGED TO GET ABOUT HALF OF MY LEFT BUTTCHECK IN THE WATER. SINCE I WASN'T GETTING THE NECESSARY HYDRATION I NEED FOR MY DELICATE, SMOOTH AS SILK SKIN, I HAD FATHER GEEK COME IN AND HOSE ME DOWN WITH THE HIGH PRESSURE WASHER. I'M TELLING YOU, NOTHING GETS THE LINT AND SMALL RODENTS OUT OF YOUR BELLY BUTTON LIKE A HIGH PRESSURE HOSE.

    THEN THE MOST AMAZING THING HAPPENED, I WAS WISKED AWAY TO A RING, SURRONDED WITH CHANTING GEEKS. ACROSS FROM JABBA HIMSELF! WELL, I MUST HAVE MADE A PRETTY GOOD LOOKING SNACK, STANDING THERE NACKED AND WET. SO JABBA GOBBLED ME UP AS IF I WERE A LONG LEGGED AMPHIBIAN.

    I MUST HAVE BLACKED OUT FOR A BIT, INSIDE JABBA'S STOMACH, BUT I CAME TO IN A PUDDLE OF VOMIT, DRESSED IN A METAL BIKINI!

    THAT'S RIGHT, YOURS TRUELY IS NOW WEARING THE VERY SAME BIKINI WORN BY CARRIE FISHER! IT'S LIKE WAKING UP IN HOBBITON AND REALIZING YOU'RE BILBO BAGGINS, ALTHOUGH I MUST ADMIT, I'M PRETTY DAMNED SEXY IN THIS BIKINI.

    OH, HERE COMES MY MASTER NOW, HIS TONGUE IS WAVING AROUND, BECONING ME TO HIS SIDE TO MAKE ME DANCE FOR HIS PLEASURE.

    HEY, THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOU LOSE TO AN INTERSTELLER GANSTER IN A WRESTLING MATCH, BUT IT IS TOTALLY WORTH IT TO GET THIS CLOSE TO MY IDOL!

    WAIT, IT LOOKS LIKE, YES, IT LOOKS LIKE HE'S GETTING HIS HENCHMAN TO PICK ME UP, KEYBOARD AND ALL, AND THROW ME INTO THE SARLAC! MAYBE I WILL GET TO MEET BOBA FETT NOW! TO BAD MY SEXY GYRATIONS WEREN'T ENOUGH TO SATISFY JABBA'S LIBIDO. I'LL JUST HAVE TO SETTLE FOR THE TIME WE HAD TOGETHER. I LOVE YOU MY LITTLE JABBASKIE! I LOVE YOU FOREVER!


    //cue Celine Dion's "My Heart Will Go On"

    Hello? Hello? This is Boba Fett. I found this computer when the fat man fell in. The beast is busy devouring him now, and having a hard time. All the reddish fat is making the Sarlacc gasy. Hey, if there's anyone out there who can help, I have a wedding to get to of this beat up guy named Dengar. Tell that loser it looks like I may be a little late. By say, 1000 years or so, if I'm not devoured by then. Just tell ol' bandage head not to wait up for me.

    And if someone can help me get out, send a winch to 10200, Dune Sea Way, Tattoine 73420230239383-02934
  21. Katya Jade Administrator Emeritus

    Member Since:
    Jan 19, 2002
    star 7
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