Re-Write Scripts- Please Post and Critique!

Discussion in 'FanForce Community' started by Polydroxol, Jan 29, 2014.

Thread Status:
Not open for further replies.
  1. Polydroxol Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    Jan 27, 2014
    star 2
    If anyone has re-written the script to one or more of the Star Wars Movies, please share it here. It can be a synopsis, an actual screenplay, or just some good ideas. If you don't have one currently, feel free to discuss and critique (civilly) the ones shared. I'll start it off with mine.

    Star Wars Episode I: The Phantom Menace


    The Republic has been at war for years. This war is a civil war being fought between humanoids and non-humanoids. The Jedi, the one integrated organization in the Republic, continually strive for peace and understanding between the sides. Finally after years of conflict that has brought both sides to the brink of extinction, moderate leaders from both sides agree to a secret peace conference in the Outer Rim. Knowing this could be the last chance for peace, the Jedi dispatch two Jedi Knights, (Qui-Gon and Obi-Wan) to provide protection for the meeting which is taking place on the planet of Naboo. The meeting is being productive when it is suddenly ambushed and the Jedi's narrowly escape with the delegates through an steroid field hotly pursued by fighters from both sides, they crash land on the nearest planet, a remote system by the name of Tatooine. The Humanoids and Non-Humanoids follow them to the surface but when seeing each other, engage in a massive battle upon arrival allowing the Jedi and Delegates to escape to the outskirts of Mos Eisley. 





    While looking for a transport of world, Qui-Gon stumbles upon a poor woman and her son. The son appears to be half-humanoid and half non-humanoid in appearance. The boy of about twelve years old, offers to obtain a transport if Qui-Gon takes his mom and him with him. Being so desperate, Qui-Gon agrees, the boy then proceeds to challenge a local merchant, Sebulba to a game of Samyak, the boy (Anakin) makes a deal with the merchant, if Anakin defeats Sebulba, Sebulba will give Anakin and his friends one of his old freighters, if Sebulba wins, Anakin will serve him for seven years as an indentured servant. Qui-Gon is joined by Obi-Wan brining news that the battle is escalating nearer to the outskirts. Samyak, is a basically a game of blind-folded archery where the contestant has to throw a knife up to 90ft into a two-meter target. Anakin becomes the first person ever to defeat Sebulba, instead of just taking the freighter, Anakin challenges Sebulba again, if Sebulba wins this time, Anakin will serve an 8 year of indentured service but, if Anakin wins again, Sebulba must release from his service, everyone who has ever lost to him in the game. ( Sebulba had been using this game as a way of turning the poor natives who wanted to see the galaxy into slaves.) Surprisingly, Anakin wins again to great cheers, freeing all of Sebulba's "servants."After this event, Qui-Gon and Obi-Wan see that the boy must be force-sensitive and decide to train him as a Jedi. The four (Qui-Gon, Obi-Wan, Anakin and his mother Shmi), return to the delegates and bring them to the transport deck. While leaving the planet, fighting suddenly erupts near the ship as the delegates board it. Obi-Wan and Qui-Gonn protect the convoy from both sides as they board. Anakin trips over a rock and Shmi goes back into the crossfire to get him, disobeying the Jedi's orders for her to continue onto the ship. Shmi is hit with a stary blaster shot and is seriously wounded. Obi-Wan retrieves Shmi and a shell-shocked Anakin and return with Qui-Gon to the ship as it takes off under heavy fire. (Both sides now know the ship contains the delegates).
    

 Once the freighter, Which is piloted by Han Solo Sr., and two droids C-3PO and R2D2, is thrust into a huge space battle between the humanoid and non-humanoids navies who were called in to back up their troops on the ground. Both sides are inflicting immense casualties. Anakin, who had never seen fighting between humanoids and non-humanoids, sees the risk to the freighter and the widespread killing, does a wild thing. He tells R2-D2 to stop the ship and walks to the comm room to begin communicating with both sides via commlink. Both Commanders thinking it is one of their own,( because Anakin can speak both native languages). Listen as Anakin tells them the coordinates of the ship. (Han Solo Sr. Is trying to the get the ship to start from what he think is a malfunction during this time, this is really R2 holding the ship.)Both high commanders flagships report to the coordinates do to the contents of Anakin's message. With the Main communication systems on both flagships, which are used to communicate to all ships in the battle, in range. Anakin hacks into the main computers of the flagships and sends a message out via his commlink, to every ship in the battle. He sends out the message (with proper command sequence,) "Cease Fire and stand down". Surprised but hearing it in their own language, (Anakin sent the message in both) The ships obey, bringing the battle to a complete halt. The Commander seeing everything stopped order their troops to start attacking again, they tentatively begin when the message is heard again, this time with a twist Anakin says it again only this time with a primitive Jedi mind trick. Shocking, because it has never been formally taught to him. The Fighting halts again, this time the Commander's and their staff, (the only ones not fooled) and are quite angry, and confused, board the freighter. The Commanders recognize the delegates and are about to eliminate both them and out-numbered Jedi, when Anakin appears from the comm room. Both sides are stunned to see the lag-humanoid half non-humanoid from in front of them. Anakin continues to explain to both sides, how similar both of them are in what the respect and value and how they are driving themselves to extinction, Anakin says his being half and half proves coexistence is possible and that today can be the first day of true change. The combatants are moved, but not fully convinced and are about to fire (unwillingly on Anakin too). When Anakin asks Qui-Gon for his lightsaber, un sure but trusting, Qui-Gon gives it to him, Anakin proceed to cut off his left hand, which in Humanoid culture is done before burying a corpse. And His Right Hand, which means the same in Non-Humanoid culture. Anakin explains to them that he is dead to both sides of himself and is one species- less being. He says if they die today fighting each other they are dead with no more purpose but to further destroy the Republic but, if they die to their bigotry, mistrust and fear their legacies will live forever in a strong and free Republic. The Commanders are moved further but say their only chance for "freedom" from the other species. They order their aides and guards to shoot but, instead of shooting the delegates and the Jedi, they turn their weapons on the commanders saying that coexistence was "worth a try" for their families's future. Anakin and the aides then relay the message to all the ships who agree to return to their home systems and convince their "compatriots" that both species can live as one. Anakin says he will visit both places in the future to aid in this goal. Now Anakin who halted a full-flung battle, the Jedi, and the Delegates being the return to Coruscant the home of the Jedi and a neutral zone between the two sides.


    As they begin home and the delegates, as well as Padme the acting secretary/attendant (about 16 years old) for the Humanoid delegation converse with Anakin. Obi Wan and Qui-Gonn have both sensed something is wrong since the boarding party has left the ship, they feel watched and observed by the Dark Side of the Force. When the party is sleeping, both Jedi feel a strong disturbance in the Force they return to see all of the delegates massacred except Padme, and dark presence near Anakin. They enter his quarters to see a dark figure about to strike down the sleeping child while he lies. The Jedi engage the stranger and duel hi through the ship into the dark engine room. Until the Dark warrior, whos face is hidden, is knocked over the railings to the motors, he holds on, unarmed to edge of the platform. Qui-Gon against the warnings from Obi-Wan insist that the assailant must be tried in democratic court for his crimes not thrown to a horrible death in the engines below "no one deserves that". As Qui-Gon approaches on his guard, to arrest the exposed attacker and begins to hall him back on the platform, the dark one pulls another Lightsaber from his cloak, stabs Qui-Gon in the knee, and pushes him into the engines in the matter of a second. A devastated Orbi-Wan charges the killer and engages him on the edge of the engines, they manage to disarm each other and while grappling hand to hand, approach the edge. The dark-clad warrior grabs Obi-Wan and begins to pull the both of them over when he is shot two -times in the back and falls back onto the platform. Obi-Wan scrambles up to see that Padme had been following the skirmish and had shot his adversary with a blaster. Obi-Wan seeing his master pushed into the engines by the man laying dying before him, the one Qui-Gonn had tried to save, is tempted by the Dark Side, to push the wretch's expiring body over the edge. The man goads him to give in to his hate and do it but Obi-Wan thinking of his training, tells him that the Jedi are superior to such actions and allows the man to die on the platform. As he he dies the strange being chuckles " Such a weakness in you Jedi, it will be your undoing. The time for weakness is over, the Sith have returned." And then the Sith breathes no more. Obi-Wan opens the hood of his cloak to reveal him as on of the aides who had boarded earlier- the only aide who had protested against Anakin's pleas for peace. (He had hid when the shooting started).
    
 A weeping Obi-Wan accompanied by Padme, return to the ship, R2-2 and C23Po who have been piloting the ship report that they are en route to Couruscant. Obi-Wan and Padme, find the only survivors, Han Solo Sr, and Anakin nursing and protecting a still unconscious Shmi. Anakin asks where Qui-Gonn is and if the bad man is gone. Obi-Wan explains what happened, Anakin claims it is his fault. If he hadn't stopped the ship, and allowed the Commanders to board the Sith would never have found them and that he had made the mission a failure. Obi-Wan comforts him stating that they never had a chance to escape anyway because Sebulba had purposely given them a freighter missing a hyperdrive, (Which they replaced with one from the fleet) and that, Anakin's actions were the only reason anyone had survived. (The following would be a possible concluding Dialogue)

    Obi Wan: So you see Anakin, you have brought freedom and hope to so many new beings… Sebulba's servants and possible, every citizen in the Republic."

    Anakin: But- but Qui-Gon and the delegates...
    ( Obi-Wan hesitates)

    Obi-Wan: " Do you remember what you said to the Commanders about how their legacies could still live on even when they died? And how dying for good cause gives new life to others? That is what Qui-Gon knew when he confronted the Sith and the Delegates when they agreed to this meting. This is what we must continually to re-learn everyday. Anakin a true Jedi cannot die, when he risk his life in the name of peace, justice and freedom, even if his physical body perishes, his soul lives on in the Force and in every person and cause for which he has fought. Last night, Qui-Gon asked me, to train you as a Jedi Knight. It is a hard life, full of hardships, heartbreaks, and journeys the ending of which, you may never see. However, with those challenges come the belief that every time you put your life or livelihood on the line for from someone's freedom, you are reborn in their new life. So, Anakin Skywalker will you be my Jedi Apprentice?

    Anakin: "I-I, (looks at his mother) I will, I want to live forever."

    (Embrace)

    (Obi-Wan walks over to the window)

    Obi-Wan: Starting today, young padawan, you have entered a dangerous life and a dangerous time, we all have, we have started a great wheel of probability, filled with longstanding deposits of fear, mistrust, and misunderstanding rooted so deep in some, it is part of their very being, where this wheel will land no one knows."



    C-3PO: (One loudspeaker) "Master Kenobi, we are now nearing the Coruscant system, R-2 D-2 says an organic life from is needed to guide the vessel through the atmosphere."

    Anakin and Obi-Wan, along with Padme and Han Sr. both of whom had been quietly observing from the back of the room, return to the bridge. Han Sr. takes the controls and the camera zooms out as the ship enters the atmosphere.


    (Ending Credits)
  2. Skiara ~• Manager WNU •~ ~• RSA FFC •~

    Manager
    Member Since:
    Nov 5, 2002
    star 10
    Although this is interesting, it belongs to FanFic. Please, check out that board. Thanks. :)
Thread Status:
Not open for further replies.