Saga Reaching For The Stars - Luke Viggie

A Luke vignette, between ANH and ESB.

This is a companion piece to Listening To Silence, the Anakin vignette, but it is not necessary to read it first.

*Crosses Fingers*

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There is nothing quite like the stars.

They are the light in the darkness, and there is nothing quite so light, so pure and yet in the back of your mind you know you?ll never know what it?s like to walk on those stars.

You?ll never experience the purity of their happiness; you?re on the outside looking in from far away and you never really understand how you got that way.

So detached from everyone and everything that you?ve ever wanted because you don?t have it. Or maybe you do and just don?t realise it.

You can?t really mourn for something that you never had. Yet everyday, people yearn for that normal life, and I have it, and I want to throw it back into their faces. They don?t get the fact that however strange your life gets, you have normalcy, you have your home. I don?t even have that anymore.

When I was young, I used to stare at the stars for hours, feeling their magnetically healing rays that only I could feel. There was something comforting in that.

I used to think that if I tried hard enough, dreamed hard enough reality would just slip away. I could imagine being somewhere with a normal family, a picnic or something, sitting just talking and having fun. The way life is supposed to be.

I thought that if I created this world inside my head that I would be able to just live it, to grasp it, and never leave. It was easier to believe than being alone.

I could imagine that one day they would just come out of my dreams and say that it was just a mistake, and that I could go home now.

I didn?t want to wake up. If I woke up, it would all be real, and I don?t want it to be real. It?s not me!

When I was a kid, growing up and going to school, these people would say the most horrible things, like that I just wasn?t wanted, just abandoned like a piece of waste. Naturally, you fight these allegations, like you fight a you?d fight a krayt dragon, but there?s always this little, scratchy, voice that says, ?What if they?re right? What if they just didn?t want me??

I try not to listen to that voice, but it?s always there, and it seems able to turn up the volume just when I don?t need it!

I think of that now, and there?s this strange numbness. Irony, perhaps, has taken a form and if it weren?t so tragic, I?d laugh.

Or maybe cry.

But I won?t cry.

I can?t!
If I start to cry, I ? I ? won?t be able to stop! It must to stay in, it has to! There are people now who need me to be strong!

I?ve only lost the two people in my life that have ever been family to me, not to mention that link to the family I have only had in dreams.

Leia lost her home, her family, her planet ? her everything.

I?m so selfish, but I can?t help feel this way.

Even the family in my mind seems to have forsaken me, lost in the moment that they were real, that the doubt shut up and I was happy for just a brief time.

Seems almost wasted now.

No.

It is not wasted.

I?m making a difference now, where I should be. I will rid this galaxy of the Empire, I promise you.

I?ll make you proud, Father.

I promise.

I?m ready to wake up now.

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