aka "I get that reference, the thread!" With the impending release of pop culture tour de force, powerhouse, force of nature, master of tautology Ready Player One into cinemas, we are going to try and do what the author of the book, Ernest Cline did, and rub out some meaningless pop culture references that only people who had childhoods in the 80s can understand. If you were born after 81, you can't relate unless you're a Duffer brother. Original characters are a lot of effort, because making them thinly disguised versions of yourself, the woman you wish would see what a nice guy you are under that fedora, and Harry Knowles is a lot of work. So the protagonists will all be pop culture characters who exist in a shared world because that would be awesome. But, they can only be bona fide 80s characters, with some 70s too because if you had an older sibling that was your way in. 90s stuff isn't rad enough sorry. Make your own derivative work of a derivative work, dorks! Plot is also less important than awesome references that people get. I'll start with a scene. Add your own in as we write collective fiction - a kind of JC Wu Ming (in a reference very few outside of Ramza and R1.5 will get): Matt Trakker from M.A.S.K, and Duke from GI Joe, have infiltrated a VENOM base and stolen Miles Mayhem's latest helicopter, Airwolf! As they flee, COBRA shows up with Blue Thunder (flown by Bennett from Commando, with Beast-Man as his copilot) and they have an awesome helicopter battle in the sky. Airwolf wins, by causing some damage to Blue Thunder (but not blowing it up). Duke and Matt Trakker hi-five and fly back to base, escorted by Maverick and Goose. Orko and R2D2 go to work refuelling the helicopter. Sonny Bonds is nearby, walking around Thomas Magnum's Ferrari 308GTO to check for flat tyres, before he gives Pitfall Harry a lift to the arcade to play AD&D with Remington Steele. Over to you JC!
I remember M.A.S.K.! But it's Matt Trakker you ******* phony! It's too bad, because referencing M.A.S.K. is just good writing.
Mannie Faces. In this story there is going to be a character with more than one face whose mother named him Emmanuel Faces at birth.
In the parking lot of the arcade is Michael Knight and his talking car KITT, Keith Gordon and his murderous Plymouth Fury known as Christine, Christie Brinkley in a Ferrari 308, Charlie Sheen in the Dodge M4S Turbo Interceptor from The Wraith, a very angry Max Rockatansky in a Ford Falcon, the Ghostbusters in ECTO 1, Ferris Bueller and Cameron Frye in Cameron's dad's Ferrari 250, Tony Danza's Jaguar XK-E from She's Out of Control, and Adrienne Barbeau in a Lamborghini Countache, and they all agree to a Cannoball Run across the country, which has Cameron Frye very worried because his dad has his car's mileage tattooed on his wrist.
Well that's a He-Man character so yes, 100%. What about Martin McFly and Doctor Brown and their DeLorean?!1one!
In the distance, watching this Cannonball Run unfold, stands John Rambo, who in addition to starring in multiple films was also the central character of the video game, Rambo, and the ground-breaking children's cartoon series, Rambo: The Force of Freedom. He knows that whichever of the participants gains the upper hand will be granted the power to fold space, much like the guild navigators in David Lynch's adaptation of Dune. Even though he has valiantly defended America from hosts of Viet Cong, and something about PTSD I guess I never saw the first one, he can't help but be worried. "Wompa wompa," Rambo's erstwhile companion and sometimes lover, Pac-Man, of arcade, cereal, animated series, and Christmas special fame, notes with apprehension. "Patience, my love," Rambo replies, stroking the yellow circle's head. "Soon the Doc will be here, and he'll know how to set things right. Him and that McFly kid." "Wompa," Pac-Man reluctantly agrees. "Yeah, I could go for some Italian as well." Rambo is of course referring to the Mario Bros. Super Restaurant, a local Italian restaurant modeled after the one in the scene where Michael Corleone gets the gun out of the bathroom in The Godfather, headed by the entrepreneurial ex-plumbers Mario Mario and Luigi Mario. The brothers specialize in Pizza Di Ninja, a pizza with toppings inspired by the iconic characters the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, who are best known for an animated series and something about a comic book I guess. Rambo, though, prefers the spaghetti, because it reminds him of killing V.C. Suddenly, a voice from behind startles the pair. "I can't help but wonder what a couple of punks like you are doing spying on a perfectly good Cannonball Run." It's a gruff voice, obviously belonging to someone who has seen just about everything in life, and is presumably handsome, but not in a gay way, no sir. "Dirty Harry, you dirty bastard," Rambo growls, immediately recognizing the magnum force wielding police detective. "How did you know where to find us?" "Luck. I feel lucky. Do you, punk?"
I'd do a Star Wars run on the theme, but I can't compete with Ep7. Here you go! (That's Frank Stallone playing one of the "Mario Brothers" in the hit film Hudson Hawk)
Maybe the title of the thread should be A JC'ER IS YOU. JS, I get that reference. Edit: Nah, this thread isn't just about references, it's a thread about things that reference things. So READY JC'ER ONE is better. I guess, if you want to be totally mainstream. But we can make references to the time machine's time circuits, flux capacitor and license plate, which reads OUTATIME. Yeah, let's not worry about building up any PTSD induced emotional breakdown, it's enough that Rambo is emotionally healed by Pac-Man's kiss. Whaaaaa.... Oh, okay. Dodged a magnum bullet, there. Most of our readers would have closed the book right there, afraid they were about to be ambushed by gay sex. Example: ^This is our audience.
Yeah homophobia is totally ok in the 1980s. For example, the flow of Ramza's scene leads to nicely to this one, which I've even scripted up! EXT - AN EVEN HIGHER VANTAGE POINT THAN RAMBO HAS EVIL LYN holds a sniper rifle steady for an obviously angry yellow spheroid. MS PAC MAN is looking directly at RAMBO and his lover, PAC-MAN. MS PAC MAN is furious, but also hurt, and possibly a bit of a lesbian as a result of her husband's betrayal. This makes her a villain MS PAC MAN Damn him! Shoot them both Evil-Lyn EVIL-LYN I can't, I promised Baroness we would wait until the Fratellis had robbed the bank. BARONESS enters. She is hot, and evil, so probably also a lesbian BARONESS Patience, Ms Pac Man. Soon we will have revenge on all men, and not even their most virile champion James Bond can make us hetero ever again. EVIL LYN Our worries are much greater. Look! It's Conan the Barbarian! CONAN THE BARBARIAN runs up and draws his sword. CONAN Crom! EVIL-LYN I'll stop you, hateful man! BARONESS No! Warduke from D&D will do it. WARDUKE and CONAN fight CONAN You can't win this one, Warduke! My ally will claim his prize! WARDUKE turns to look behind him but it is too late. CONNOR MCLEOD cuts his head off. CONNOR MCLEOD I have the power now, Evil-Lyn! EVIL-LYN, MS PAC MAN, and BARONESS board Lao Che's Ford Trimotor plane and take off. CONAN Crom! CONNOR MCLEOD It's ok - let Superman worry about them. //SCENE
