Discussion in 'Community' started by VadersLaMent
, Sep 8, 2012.
My girlfriend takes forever to get ready to leave the house when we're going somewhere. Not because she's vain, but she procrastinates.
When we need to be somewhere by five o'clock, I tell her we need to be there at three.
This way we're on time.
While I was on vacation there was a rude guy trying to skip the line to get into a tour bus and go in front of me, as he was trying to pass me I stuck my arm out to lean onto the bus and he had to stop and go back to his place. Ha! not on my watch, *******.
I shoplift Morrisey CDs, put slices of bacon inside and return them to the original location.
Because I'm the last of the famous international playboys.
I drove a car for 20 minutes yesterday with expired tags.
I reply to text messages that say "Do not reply to this message" with "Okay."
I sometimes push a pull-door or pull a push-door. Doesn't get me anywhere, though
When I enter a Wal-Mart or a Target or someplace similar, I will invariably enter through the door that says "Exit."
Excellent image representation.
Newly mopped floor? Walked right across it in front of the person who had just mopped it.
An even better image representation!
Like a boss.
More often than not I'll skip my usual morning dump so that I can poop at work and get paid for it.
That's not rebellion, that's everyone.
I send the junkmail leaflets that come with my electric bill back to the power company in the payment envelope.
I ate the last donut. My girlfriend's daughter was really upset about that but I didn't let it bother me.
The other night I was in the 'burbs with a friend and as I was cutting through a mall parking lot to get to a light, I realized that I was roadraging at nearly 20-25 in a 15mph zone, so I said "Let's go on a crime spree", and removed my seatbelt, pulled out my mobile phone and merely yielded at a Stop sign before blasting through it going nearly 5 mph over the posted limit. Down with society and its rules.
Today I took one of the kids' juice boxes to drink. I removed the straw from the side of the box then CUT THE BOX OPEN AND POURED IT INTO A GLASS.
LOL, I steal my kids' cheese sticks all the time. Far easier than actually cutting myself a slice of cheese.
I do that too...