"Recreating a Jedi" (A Jedi Apprentice add-on fanfic)

Discussion in 'Fan Fiction Stories--Classic JC Board (Reply-Only)' started by Lwyn'nya Kenobi, Jul 1, 1999.

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  1. Lwyn'nya Kenobi Jedi Youngling

    Member Since:
    Jun 27, 1999
    star 1
    *lol* I don't mind 'advertisements' Old Juan ~ Yes, I've been reading your 'Trials of Obi-Wan' and I love it!! The fight between Obi-Wan and Qui-Gon was superb! (the dialogue could use juuuuuust a little revisement,other than it, its wonderful!) I higly recommend it!

    Speaking of fights, here's the moment you've all been waiting for!


    (try this file for backround music, or I suggest listening to 'Duel of the Fates' if you have it. It'll add to the power)

    Death awaited him.

    The two guards escorted Qui-Gon Jinn to the center of the market, where a large circular platform stood five feet from the ground. This must be where they hold town meetings, the Jedi Master guessed, and public executions. How quaint.

    The townspeople arrived in masses as they took their seats around the mainstage. From this distance, Qui-Gon could just make out Xanatos, dressed in his black royal robes of office, sitting at the large, ornate throne at the head of the expansive wooden platform. Obi-Wan, dressed in a black tunic, pants, and a black cloak and hood, sat on his right, his eyes cold and fixed. On Xanatos's left sat another figure shrouded in black, but Qui-Gon couldn't make out the face.

    The guards roughly shoved the Jedi Master, who's hands were bounded behind his back, up the steps to the platform. A swift kick behind one of Qui-Gon's knees sent him to the ground as the other guard undid the binding that held his hands together. Snickering to themselves, the guards walked off the platform as Xanatos stood.

    The crowd began their shouts and curses at Qui-Gon the instant he came into view, but now they were at full intensity. The guards themselves seem to have a hard time holding back some of the more zealous townspeople who weren't going to let Obi-Wan kill him first. But when Xanatos stood, he commanded the attention of the encircling crowd.

    "People of N'sai!" he began, "Today, vindication is at hand! We have before us the heartless demon who mercilessly stole the lives of our friends, our loved ones!"

    The crowd shouted their approval vehemently.

    Xanatos motion to Obi-Wan, who had stood as well. "And now, our champion, the personified paladin of the town's will, will bring us the justice we cry out for!"

    The crowd was on their feet, shouting and applauding.

    In the far distance, away from the public but within viewing distance of the arena, stood Kali. Her arms were folded over her chest in anticipation and anxiety.

    Good luck, Qui-Gon Jinn. May the gods be with you.

    The Sheriff motioned to Obi-Wan as the young Jedi stepped forward. "I give you ... Xanatos!"

    The crowd applauded and cheered with zeal. Obi-Wan's face was devoid of any emotion besides bitter hate. Qui-Gon's eyes raised to find his apprentices and held them. The animosity was palpable.

    Xanatos, who fed off of the vibes of the crowd, continued with his speech. He raised Qui-Gon's deactivated lightsaber high over his head. "My friends, I give you the weapon of our enemy! The same weapon that cut down your family and friends that one fateful day. Today, it will serve us in justice as it destroys this heartless Jedi!"

    The crowd cheered as Xanatos placed the lightsaber in Obi-Wan's hands. His cold eyes never leaving Qui-Gon's, Obi-Wan removed the hood and cloak, standing ready. Qui-Gon slowly rose to his feet, setting in his stance that would take him any which way at any given moment.

    "And now," Xanatos concluded as he once again took his seat in the throne. "Our champion of vengeance shall face off against the malicious Jedi in a battle to the death!"

    Qui-Gon held Obi-Wan's menacing gaze. In his student's ice-blue eyes, Qui-Gon Jinn saw his own death.


    True to his training, the words had barely passed Xanatos's lips when Obi-Wan flicked the lightsaber to life and arced down with it at an angled swing.

    Barely anticipating the move, Qui-Gon ducked and rolled to the opposite side, Obi-Wan's initial strike missing him by a whi
  2. Jedi Master Ann'ho Fiida Jedi Youngling

    Member Since:
    Jul 17, 1999
    star 2
    Wait, Xanatos has been wounded by the blaster fire and is tending his shoulder. Then Qui-Gon rips off the other Dark Jedi's red cloth and we see that he...is Xanatos? That's the impression I got from the scar thing. So which one is really Xanatos and who is the other guy?

    Besides that, the duel was excellent! I have been reading the "What if in Episode I" thread (I've had to stop for tonight because it is so late) and I am impressed by what you and Mona have done. I'm thinking of adding something, but I want to finish reading what has been written so far and make myself an outline. I do love where all the subplots go!

    Keep up the wonderful work! May you emerge from the Dark Side and write more!
  3. Narianna Jedi Youngling

    Member Since:
    Jul 25, 1999
    I think I have the answer to your questions, Master Fiida. The guy who attacked Obi-Wan and Qui-Gon on the ship was Xanatos' appreantice. To mark that, Xanatos puts the mark of a broken circle on his apprentice's face so that they'll look the same. You know, just like when you join a group and you get an insignia or something to show that you're a member.
    Oooohhhh, the suspense of it all! More, Lwyn'nya, more!!!!

    Nari-Anna Liras
    Jedi Pupil
  4. Kerby Beagel Jedi Youngling

    Member Since:
    Jul 23, 1999
    You know, somewhere in the world right now it IS tomorrow.
    I'll light a candle for you, Lwyn'nya, to help you find your way back from the Dark Side.


  5. Old Juan Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Apr 1, 1999
    star 4
    Great fight scene. Thanks for your kind words about my story. Yeah I've been trying to make the dialogue sound more StarWarsesque. Most of the stories I've done have involved normal people so I tend to write that way. It's an unconscious habbit..like breathing. I'v been working on it thougth. Anyway great story..keep it up.

    P.S. You might also want to ckeck out Five Years in the Future by Sophisticated Jedi. It's really good.

    [This message has been edited by Old Juan (edited 08-01-1999).]

    [This message has been edited by Old Juan (edited 08-01-1999).]
  6. legacyAccount Jedi Youngling

    Member Since:
    May 22, 2012
  7. Lwyn'nya Kenobi Jedi Youngling

    Member Since:
    Jun 27, 1999
    star 1
    Yayy!! We reached page 3!!

    Hi everybody! Just letting you know, I haven't forgotten about ya I've got a tremendous finale in the works. So now, I'm going out to get coffee and sit down and put it to paper PLUS, I may even have the first chapters done for the next two books! See you soon, and may the Force be with you.

    ~ Lwyn'nya

    PS: Ya know, I need t'find me a cool little soliloqy to tag at the end of my posts.
  8. Bria Tharen Jedi Youngling

    Member Since:
    Apr 17, 1999
    star 1
    Oh cool, I cant wait to read it!
  9. space case Jedi Youngling

    Member Since:
    Apr 4, 1999
    star 3
    Great story, not the usual let's just torture Obi-Wan stuff.
  10. Lwyn'nya Kenobi Jedi Youngling

    Member Since:
    Jun 27, 1999
    star 1
    Okay, now that I've set myself down with some Dr. Pepper (yes, I'm a caffein-a-holic. I should join one of those support groups like IA: Insomniac's Anonymous) I'm ready to write the conclusion! Here goes. . . )

    . . . the broken circle scar . . .

    The crowd was on their feet, the tension surmounting until it became a powder keg ready to explode.

    "The killer has the same scar!!" one cried.

    "How is it possible??" another shrieked.

    The dark Jedi, paralyzed by the confrontation, stood with his eyes darting to each direction, looking like he wanted to run, but his body wouldn't react. Xanatos, on the other hand, simply glared maliciously at Qui-Gon.

    Xanatos was the first to break the tense stillness. Shoving his apprentice at the Jedi, he leaped off of the platform and raced at a dead run towards the outskirts of the town.

    "Don't let him get away!!" one townsperson screamed as half of the crowd galvanized into action, trying to stampede off of the stands. But the people lacked coordination in such a massive herd which got them nowhere.

    As Xanatos ran down the streets, a pair of cold, angry, feminine eyes followed him as a small figure stepped out of the shadowed alleyway, where she had watched the events in seclusion, apart from the crowd. Her hand gripped the small blaster vehemently.

    "Oh no you don't," she seethed quietly, as she took off down the alleyway.


    Qui-Gon Jinn and Obi-Wan Kenobi stood off against the dark Jedi. Obi-Wan had summoned his own lightsaber to his hand and tossed Qui-Gon his.

    The dark Jedi was lost in his rage of emotions; hurt, betrayal, anger, hatred. He attacked suddenly, without preamble, shrieking a hidious war cry.

    Driven by instinct, the two Jedi worked in unison. Qui-Gon blocked the initial attack, while Obi-Wan had flipped over the dark Jedi and attacked from behind. In nothing more than an instant, the two Jedi had gone from being on the defensive to reclaiming the offensive as they attacked smoothly from both fronts. Qui-Gon slashed in a high attack, while Obi-Wan lunged in a attempt to cut the dark Jedi's legs out from under him.

    The dark Jedi sensed both attacks and jumped while whirling his blade upwards to block Qui-Gon's attack. The Jedi Master could feel the Dark Force radiate from him. The dark Jedi had given himself completely to his anger and his hatred and it drove him.

    Snarling angrily, the dark Jedi reached into his robes and pulled out his second lightsaber, igniting it. The dark Jedi was a seasoned fighter, that much was obvious. But again, Xanatos's pride and overconfidence was the ruin of him. Almost every one of the dark Jedi's moves was Xanatos', which made blocking it easier. Qui-Gon knew most of Xanatos' moves; after all, he was the one who taught him.

    With two lightsabers, the fight was more even. Qui-Gon and Obi-Wan whirled and attacked, fighting in tandem, sensing where the other was going to attack, covering the other. After a moment, they began to wear the dark Jedi down. Despite the dark Jedi's evil nature, the Jedi Master was loathesome to kill. But the dark Jedi faught viciously, recklessly. Qui-Gon knew that he would fight to the death, having lost everything.

    Shrieking madly, the dark Jedi ran at the two, lightsabers whirling chaotically. The two Jedi shared a quick look and then responded in an instant.

    Two red lightsabers hurled downward, as Qui-Gon swept his own upward to block them, bringing the dark Jedi face to face with him. In his green eyes, Qui-Gon could see his intense hatred.

    In a flash, those green reptilian eyes suddenly flew wide as he cried out in agony and shock. In his blind rage, he had forgotten about Obi-Wan, who had dived rolled in while Qui-Gon blocked the two red blades and had stabbed his lightsaber into the dark Jedi's midsection, burying it in to the hilt.

    In shock and disbelief, the dark Jedi slowly fell backwards and to his knees. His twin crimson lightsabers fell from his hands. The dark Jedi stared down at the gaping bloody hole in his stomach as one hand
  11. Veridea Jedi Youngling

    Member Since:
    May 26, 1999

    pleeez write more!!!! This is amazing stuff!!! Don't keep us hanging!!!!!
  12. Kai Jinn Kenobi Jedi Youngling

    Member Since:
    Jul 16, 1999
    Lwyn'nya, you're such a tease....
    The suspense is killing me and I am loving it!
  13. Lwyn'nya Kenobi Jedi Youngling

    Member Since:
    Jun 27, 1999
    star 1
    "And now, back to our regularly scheduled program!"

    Despite his injuries and his weakness, Obi-Wan put on a fresh burst of speed as he ran towards the young woman's prone form. The sound of retro jets from Xanatos' departing ship in the distance rumbled the ground, but Obi-Wan paid no heed. Xanatos may have gotten away, but he'd be damned if he got the last laugh. Kali had to be alive!

    Qui-Gon watched as Obi-Wan ran towards the young woman in a blind panic, as if perhaps if he reached her sooner that she would somehow live. But from the gaping wound in her stomach, Qui-Gon somberly knew that it was hopeless. The girl had gone up against Xanatos and lost; yet another innocent life taken at the hands of his trecherous former apprentice.

    Skidding to a halt, Obi-Wan kneeled before her, gingerly cradling her lifeless body in his arms. A tear escaped his eyes. "Kali . . ." he whispered brokenly, ". . . n-no . . ."

    The Jedi Master stood apart from them, feeling sympathetic for both. Kali had sacrificed her life to put things right. And despite being angry and betrayed by her lies, in the end, Obi-Wan truly did care for this young woman.

    His apprentice was trembling when Qui-Gon placed a comforting hand on his shoulder. "She's finally with her family, Obi-Wan," he spoke softly, "Kali is now reunited with her loved ones. You must let her go."

    For a long moment, Obi-Wan didn't respond, his head bowed over Kali's prone form in melancholy. "W-we've lost, haven't we?"

    The monotone words seemed to come from somewhere else. Qui-Gon blinked. "What?"

    Obi-Wan lifted his head, staring staight ahead. Tears rolled down his eyes silently, but he did not cry out loud. Instead, he spoke with a bitter, resolved voice. "Xanatos got away," he explained, "Kali sacrificed her life to bring him to justice. She sacrificed her life in vain. We've l-l-" Obi-Wan choked on the words as a sudden pulse of agony flared through his mind. Kali's body slipped out of his arms as he backed away in pain, grasping the sides of his head in torment and suffering.

    Qui-Gon was by his side in an instant. "Obi-Wan, what's wrong??"

    But the yonug Jedi could barely hear him. The only sounds he heard were muted, as if he was locked inside a bell jar. A wrenching pain in his head drew a cry of agony from him. Feeling the world spin like a centrifuge, Obi-Wan fell to his knees. His vision warped and distorted, creating an intensifying sick feeling within him. One hand clung to the ground as if to try to find some semblance of balance.

    Qui-Gon stared helplessly, frustratedly, at his suffering student. The poison was taking effect radically now. Even without using the Force, he could sense the overwhelming torment that his Padawan was suffering.

    There's only one chance now to save him. And its a slim one at that!

    Through the waves of pain shooting through his skull, Obi-Wan looked up at Qui-Gon, his eyes pleading. He tried to say something, but darkness, deep and profound, swooped in and swallowed him whole.

    I'll let you guys read this while I type the rest
  14. Lwyn'nya Kenobi Jedi Youngling

    Member Since:
    Jun 27, 1999
    star 1
    *Tease? Of course! 4 out of 5 ex-boyfriends would agree*

    Okay, I HIGHLY recommend playing this song while you read! http://www.geocities.com/HotSprings/4285/jewel-foolishgames.mid http://www.geocities.com/HotSprings/4285/jewel-foolishgames.mid

    Or if you have the real version, play that instead (Jewel, Foolish Games) you'll be glad you did!
    Obi-Wan spent most of the afternoon falling in and out of consciousness, although he could barely tell one from the other. From what he could gather, he was lying on a bed in a room that looked hauntingly familiar.

    Kali's house. But what was he doing here?

    The air felt warm and thick. His flesh both burned and froze at once. Even without moving, he was gasping for air. Someone had placed a cool washrag on his forehead, but that brought little comfort to the dagger of pain shoved through his head.

    He could remember faint images of faces, concerned faces, staring at him and talking anxiously to one another. One he could identify as Qui-Gon, but the others were unknown to him. They had hovered about him, taking blood from his arm, placing a primitive oxygen mask over his nose and mouth. He tried to communicate to them but his strength was gone.

    Obi-Wan's head lolled to the side as consciousness started slipping from his grasp again. Am I dying? Where is Qui-Gon??

    Qui-Gon was pacing in front of the hologram communicator, his fear and anxiety keeping him from keeping his calm.

    "Master Yoda, what can I do?" he asked, his frustration and hopelessness consuming him. In the other room, his apprentice, his friend was suffering, dying, and he was unable to help him. No! he told himself angrilly, I lost him once. I will NOT let it happen again!!

    "Patient you must be," the diminutive Jedi Master told Qui-Gon. "Many antidotes for all forms of poisons, our healers have. Sending one to you, we are. Arrive tomorrow morning at the earliest, he can."

    "Tomorrow morning?! That is too long, he won't survive till then!!"

    But Yoda was patient with the Jedi Master. He understood how Qui-Gon felt towards Obi-Wan. Like a son he was to Qui-Gon. And Qui-Gon protected and defended him as stoutly as if he truly was of blood relation. "Obi-Wan's will is strong," Yoda told him, "Needs you, he does. Banish your fear and hopelessness, you must! For if sense that he does, succomb to death, he will! Strong, you must be!"

    Qui-Gon chewed on Yoda's advice. He knew the Jedi Master advice was true. Obi-Wan's will was almost indomnible. Perhaps he could survive until tomorrow morning when the healer arrived.

    He sighed. "You are right, Master. I will stay by his side all night. I will neither fail you nor him."

    Yoda nodded, a small reassuring smile alit his eyes. "Know that, I do. Know that as well, Obi-Wan does. May the Force be with you both." And the hologram disappeared.


    Qui-Gon grew worried. Obi-Wan hadn't moved in over two hours! He had spent most of the day and night by his student's side, using the Force to bring down his fever, talking to him to keep him conscious. Dawn was soon approaching, but it would still be many hours before the healer's ship would reach N'sai.

    Kneeling by his Padawan's bedside, the Jedi Master touched his fingers to Obi-Wan's throat. He could feel a faint pulse in the young man's neck, a pulse that was slipping.

    A wave of fear crashed over him, bu Qui-Gon struggled to keep his resolve. He wasn't going to give up on his apprentice!

    Touching his hand to Obi-Wan's feverish forehead, he called out to his student in a soft, but firm, voice. "Obi-Wan. Open your eyes, Padawan."

    Moments ticked by with no response from him. Then, slowly, the young Jedi's eyes flickered open slightly.

    Qui-Gon smiled. Obi-Wan was using the last of his strength, but even despite his weakness, Qui-Gon saw strength and determination in the young Jedi's eyes. But it started to fade as Obi-Wan could sense Qui-Gon's dread and fear.

    "Y-you must stay conscious," he told him, unconsciously wiping the young Jedi's sweat-lathered hair back
  15. Mrs. Sei-Jil Kenobi Jedi Youngling

    Member Since:
    Jul 28, 1999
    star 1
    Ohhhhhh man, I am right now sitting in front of my computer with tears in my eyes, trying to keep from hyperventilating. If you don't conclude this soon I think I'll die myself!!
  16. legacyAccount Jedi Youngling

    Member Since:
    May 22, 2012
    "Patient you must be", heh ?
    Hang Yoda ! Always hated the creep, anyway.
  17. Lwyn'nya Kenobi Jedi Youngling

    Member Since:
    Jun 27, 1999
    star 1
    *lol* Okay, okay, here's the finale

    NEEDS MUSIC!! CLICK HERE: http://michaelmkl.simplenet.com/Midi/Romance/Faithfully.mid http://michaelmkl.simplenet.com/Midi/Romance/Faithfully.mid

    heh heh . . . George Lucas, each your heart out!

    Ahem. Joking. Kidding. LUV YA GEORGE!
    Qui-Gon took a deep, calming breath as he folded his arms across his chest and stared out at the town of N'sai. Things were in disarray since yesterday's ordeals. The revelations of Xanatos' treachery notwistanding, the people of N'sai had lived so long with their fear and hatred of the Jedi that it would take time for that to dissipate. After the funeral procession, Qui-Gon was scheduled to have a long meeting with the new town leader. There, he would try to mend the damages that Xanatos' legecy left.

    Once again, the legacy of my trecherous former apprentice leaves a swath of destruction that I must mend. When will he ever come to justice?

    That was a question he wished he had the answer to. But Xanatos' craftiness had allowed him to escape the penance of his actions, again. Qui-Gon stared into the sky as he wrapped his cloak tigher around him. One day, Xanatos, you will not be able to run. Justice will find you and retribution will be served for all that you have taken from me.

    Turning from his reverie, he headed back into Kali's house.


    Blackness, thick as death, suffused him in its warm embrace. Obi-Wan felt weightless in its hold as his senses came back to him slowly. He could feel the soft material beneath his fingers. He could hear the sound of his heartbeat. Drawing strength, he slowly opened his eyes.

    Qui-Gon stood before him, dressed in his Jedi robes and hooded cloak. His arms were crossed before him and he wore a small smile.

    "Feeling better?" he asked.

    Right now, 'better' was a relative term. Compared to, say, the living dead, Obi-Wan felt . . . well, like the living dead. But with each moment, his strength returned and he began to feel just a bit better. The young Jedi moaned as he rubbed his eyes.

    Qui-Gon stifled a laugh. "I'll take that to mean 'yes'."

    The healer, who had just finished packing her instruments into her carrying bag, turned and faced the two Jedi, her face carrying a strict countenance.

    "Luckily, he is as stubborn as you, Master Qui-Gon," she spoke with a frown. "His will to live was the only thing that kept him alive until the antidote to the poison was able to reverse the effects."

    Qui-Gon shared a look with his apprentice, then rolled his eyes with the healer's back turned.

    Obi-Wan choked back a laugh. He knew how his Master could be when he wanted something done that instant. The word 'insufferable' was used on many occasions to describe Qui-Gon's presence during those situations.

    The healer turned to face Qui-Gon again, and instantly, all looks of humor faded from his face. "Recovery time will be slow," she informed, shaking a finger at him, "He should stay in bed the next few days, and then only light activites for the next week. No gallavanting around the universe looking for warring factions, or the like!" With that, the stern healer left the room for her ship.

    Only when the Terrelian woman had left the room and was out of earshot, did Qui-Gon speak. "Hmph. I've seen Hutts with better attitudes!" He turned to face Obi-Wan, speaking seriously. "I'm relieved to see you doing better. You have a penchant for close calls, my young apprentice!"

    "You're telling me!" Obi-Wan croaked softly, clearing his throat. "I'm just relieved to see you! I didn't think I was going to make it."

    Qui-Gon's face turned instantly somber, "You nearly didn't." With that, the Jedi Master turned and looked out the window, his face unreadable.

    Obi-Wan sighed. He knew how his Master was loathe to show any emotion. It had frustrated him on more than one account. But after so many years of friendship, he was able to halfway read the Jedi Master now. Random memories of yesterday's ordeals came back, and Obi-Wan remembered the fear, the dread, the sorrow that
  18. Jedi Master Ann'ho Fiida Jedi Youngling

    Member Since:
    Jul 17, 1999
    star 2
    Lywn'nya, your story was beautiful! You are a fabulous writer and I know that you will get your novel published! I would offer constructive critcism, but I have nothing to criticize!

    When you start your new story either post the thread here or e-mail it to me; I don't want to miss a word of your next work!

    Wonderful job!
  19. RG Jedi Knight Jedi Youngling

    Member Since:
    May 26, 1999
    What's the grade level on those Jedi Apprentice books anyway?

    Good work, you've definitely put in some thought.
  20. Bria Tharen Jedi Youngling

    Member Since:
    Apr 17, 1999
    star 1
    I loved your story, great finaly!!
    My mom loves it too, she wants me to print it for her so she can show her friends at work.. Is that ok with you?

    I cant wait for the next one...
  21. femalepadawan Jedi Youngling

    Member Since:
    Jul 29, 1999
    I'm still sniffing back my tears! wow! i'm totally speechless.
  22. Lwyn'nya Kenobi Jedi Youngling

    Member Since:
    Jun 27, 1999
    star 1
    Bria ~ Sure!! Wow, I never thought adults would like it too Be my guest!

    My dear Jedi Master Ann'ho Fiida ~ I welcome any kind of constructive criticism I can get! Any way that I can make my story better is well appreciated!
  23. Old Juan Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Apr 1, 1999
    star 4
    You deserve the golf clap(Just Kidding). This story was amazing. You will definately capture your dream. I can't find anything wrong with your work. It's so superb. I'm anxiously awaiting your next piece. No rush. Please take your time to plan things out carefully and rest up. You definately deserve a fan club. Enough from me..I have to think about my next update.
  24. space case Jedi Youngling

    Member Since:
    Apr 4, 1999
    star 3
    I'd like to join your fan club also. Great job. The force is with you.
  25. Lwyn'nya Kenobi Jedi Youngling

    Member Since:
    Jun 27, 1999
    star 1
    Okay everybody, the new story is up!

    It's only a prologue so far, and don't worry if things start a little slower than the last one did, they'll pick up quick

    [This message has been edited by Lwyn'nya Kenobi (edited 08-02-1999).]
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