Saga Red Five (Luke/OC) Updated 20 September

Sorry I missed the last entry. I really liked seeing Wedge with Valara (dear lord, how I hope he shows up in Rebels), and I'm glad she and Luke have decided to try their relationship again.

As for this entry...

WATCH OUT! IT'S KYLO REN! (Sorry, you know I had to )

I see what you did there.

Well, crap, as they say.

 

Valara's making another mistake. She can't seem to help herself. Interesting to find out Leia is pregnant. Is little Kylo on the way?

 

Now if that wasn't incredibly fascinating First, that Valara can't settle on anything, finds peace stultifying. Second, her opinion of the treaty. Leia happens to agree, but she has personal reasons and a more optimistic view of undermining the Empire slowly from within while growing stronger. The Empire isn't the only group that bides its time. The New Republic will also benefit from the cessation of unrelenting conflict.

Luke's vulnerability is just adorbs, as always!!! Wow, the worry-stone. I remember that. And she gave it back. Not because the affections have diminished. She has never quite given herself permission to love and be loved.

(I do love the name Kylo.) Has a ring to it.

 

I really can't afford to spend more than two minutes leaving a review tonight, but I want to say that this story is AWESOME. *thunderous applause*

 

Oooh, excellent cliff-hanger!

 

Okay, playing catch-up again. You went on a posting rampage at the precise moment when I really didn't have any time to spare for the sort of review this story deserves.

Sabacc game aftermath

Loved the little detail of Obi-Wan's diary (that's what it is, isn't it?) It's very revealing that Valara would have an idea that Luke is looking for documents about the Force and the Jedi, and she's not saying anything.

I liked how Luke stated that there had to be some sort of mutual respect before conceding. It segued in nicely to the idea that he is more experienced with relationships now and won't let himself be hauled around by the nose. And I loved how you introduced the idea that Valara is somehow jealous, or at least curious, about the relationship between Luke and Leia, and given everything she's not saying about herself, it makes a good counterpoint that Luke is keeping some things private too.

The way you build their relationship here, where they are slowly becoming more trusting of each other but also keeping so many things to themselves, is really very well-managed, but what really stands out is the way you drop so many clues about Valara's past without actually revealing anything. Okay, I read the following chapters, so when I re-read this one I spotted them all, at least I think so but even my first read left me with a deeply uneasy impression. She has a lot of skeletons in the closet.

Allied Flight 3 ABY

That teaching style is sooooo what I expected of Valara! Those two clowns in the front row never stood a chance.

The Alliance motivation film was a nice touch. Did you have any particular RL-inspirations for it?

I looooved the cadets' reaction to Luke's presence ("Is it true you're a Jedi?" ) but I liked even more how Valara handled his presence in the room. It shows how they've come a long way already -- a few chapters ago, she might have tossed him out unceremoniously.

It was really nice to see Luke and Valara actually share something in this chapter -- not only talking, bantering or arguing to discover each other but actually doing together something they both enjoy separately. I don't think we saw them in this sort of situation since they danced together in the beginning of this story.

Alliance medical frigate 4 ABY - Valara/Leia

Great Leia/Valara interaction (and interesting that Leia seems to manifest a tiny sign of using the Force) but what was really fantastic here was seeing how Leia deals with the aftermath of Bespin. And again, so many unsaid things that mean so much, more than even Leia knows herself. There were a number of clues there for Valara to put together, but she's not there yet.

Alliance medical frigate 4 ABY - Valara/Luke

And now, great seeing Luke trying to deal with the aftermath of Bespin. I loved how you had him take his time to speak and explain what happened, as much as he was willing to at least. And it was an absolutely believable trigger for Valara to start speaking too, again, as much as she was willing to. I thought that there was a lot of irony in this chapter, where they both say so much and, yet again, so little. They are just skating around the really important things, and at some point that's bound to come and bite them in the butt.

Another thing I have to say reading this chapter is that the way you borrowed elements from both Legends and Canon to construct Valara's past is impressive. She has some elements of Mara in her, but she's really a character in her own right.

And lastly, fantastic foreshadowing -- both of what we know will happen in RotJ, and of what you show Valara will do in the last chapter you've posted so far.

Ewok village

You must be a prophet. No, actually, the trailer was already out when you wrote this, but it was really neat.

At any rate, the Luke/Han scene was purrrfect. How Han admits that Luke has grown up, and how he confesses to being hurt because Luke didn't say goodbye... I was squeeing all over the place.

The Valara/Luke dialogue... Ouch. That was painful. I said earlier that all that was left unsaid would come and bite them in the butt, and this was the moment it happened, but it was painful nevertheless. And it does create an impossible situation, if Valara sees Vader as the worst evil that ever befell her.

The battle of Jakku

I think that, of all this amazing fic, this is the chapter that really had me on the edge of my seat from the first to the last word.

There's something to be said about how being victims of the Empire, and hating the Empire, messes up people's lives and thoughts. And here I'm not talking about Valara, I'm talking about Wedge. He has every right to point out how Valara failed him, and failed the Alliance, in withholding information about herself and her past, but that last line really came across as "please get yourself killed, because as much as I'd like to do it I won't". He seems to find it as difficult to forgive her for even existing as she found it to forgive Vader in the previous chapter.

And again, I'm amazed how you integrated every single tidbit from the trailer into this story, down to the crashed X-wing in front of the Star Destroyer wreck. Fantastic battle scene there!

Then the second scene with Wedge in the medical wing. Quadruple squee, that's all I'll say because words are failing me.

And then the dialogue with Luke... melty-melt. And I'm happy, because a new beginning means that there's at least as much of this story coming as what I already read.

Chandrila

It makes sense that Valara is "lost in the peace". What was driving her was her hatred for the Empire, with the war won she doesn't have something to look forward to unless she finds something new to drive her, and she's not there yet.

Okay, this time you really are a prophet

The scene explaining the politics of the peace treaty was really good -- interesting to see that even though she's not confident about the peace, Leia has actually grown tired of the war (again, until it comes to bite her in the butt).

And I'm not going to comment on the last bit, because you left us with a mammoth cliffhanger and haven't posted in NINE BLOODY DAYS! What happens next????

 

I would love Wedge to show up in Rebels! There needs to be more Wedge period.

Gold.

Couldn't resist Because of course it would be Leia who was prepared for this eventuality.

Valara's nothing if not consistent in her idiocy.

And I got the timeline a bit wrong, so I had to go back and edit this chapter, but basically, yes!

I find the politics of the pre-TFA universe fascinating (even if the Empire is basically WWI Germany and the First Order are the Nazis) - but Valara was an Imperial, she knows they'd never give up so easily. I can see why the New Republic would want to just push everything behind them and move on - but Leia's smart, she knows the fight's not over.

Valara grew up in an environment when affection was of little value and seen as a weakness - even after all her time in the Rebellion, those are hard habits to shake.

Thank you!

Thanks! They didn't (use to) call me the Queen of Evil Cliffie's for nothing

I was...concerned about certain plot elements of TFA so was trying to get everything posted prior, but when it became clear that the movie wouldn't disprove any of my speculation I eased off a bit.

Yes, it's Obi-Wan's diary, which Valara wants to keep very far away from herself. I'm glad people caught that

It wouldn't do to have Luke in a relationship where he couldn't hold his own - he needs someone to call him on his crap, but the reverse also needs to be true. And having that easy, casual kind of relationship where they share things but nothing too personal relieves a burden for both of them - neither ready for anything closer at this stage.

She does indeed, and thank you! I wanted to keep the powder dry on Valara's past and reveal it slowly - basically as Luke does although the reader is privy to slightly more information due to her pov. But people who are ashamed of their pasts tend not to talk about it, even to people they trust, and there are some particularly painful things in Valara's past she doesn't even want to think about let alone deal with...

Valara's teaching style was somewhat inspired by Starbuck in Battlestar Galactica (the newer version), but the motivational film doesn't have any real life counterpart, other than the plenty of jobs that have orientation videos - and I think the Alliance's propaganda machine would be in full force on young recruits.

Very true! He's found a way under her skin, and finds the things he does endearing when if it where anyone else she'd be livid.

They've been figuratively dancing around each other ever since that beginning But yes they are connecting on a deeper level, and there is some foreshadowing there which will become apparent later...

As a general rule I like the ladies in my fics to be friends unless there's a specific reason why they shouldn't be, or at the very least not jealous/sniping at each other. Both Valara and Leia realise they fulfill different roles in Luke's life and are actually complementary to one other in that life - but they're not ready to be besties or anything.

Thank you! As I've been writing her Valara has grown to be so much more than how I originally envisioned her, so that she seems to be a character in her own right and not just a facsimile of Mara means a lot!

Yep, I was referencing the trailer - I love TrueBeliever!Han. Luke and Han have one of my favourite friendships, and it must have been quite a learning curve for Han to realise that Luke could look after himself.

It's a shock, and while Valara doesn't really blame Luke from keeping it from her, she needs time to process this but of course can't simply say that, she needs to put walls back up and run away. Luke does kind of blame Valara for keeping her Force sensitivity from him, because of all the what ifs. They're both strong willed and too stubborn for their own good

Yep, I hope this made his dislike of her in earlier chapters make sense and it was justified, really, but he was also her teammate for a time and he could put on a brave face because there was bigger issues at play even if he hated her guts. It must have burned him a little to know what was going on between her and Luke, but ultimately Luke's his best friend so he's not going to come between them. He's willing to facilitate her death wish though - and probably even understands it a little in a way Luke never could.

Thank you! Nothing says "I still don't like you, but hey I respect you" than some shared alcoholism, amiright? And I just loved the idea of the X-Wing we see in TFA being Valara's I couldn't resist putting it in there.

What does a professional solider do when there's no war left to fight? Valara's never known any other life or any other purpose, and it's no wonder peacetime can be hard for some people to adjust to.

Ha, well I was pretty sure about that particular plot element since the cast was announced!

I know, I've left it far too long! There will be the next chapter up shortly. As for Leia, she's another person whose never really known another life, but has found happiness in the peace even if she knows it won't last. Never to rest on her laurels, though, she's playing the long game.[/quote]

 

Trigger warning for this chapter for...I'm not sure what, exactly. Mentions of murder, attempted suicide, terrorism and generally unpleasant stuff, but nothing graphic of course.

Tags: mattman8907, EGKenobi


6 ABY - Rakata Prime, Imperial Space

The Imperial Base was cold, the sleek black hallways exactly as Valara remembered them from a hundred installations she’d visited during her time as an Inquisitor. In her hands she held a datapad with several layers of encryption - its only contents the details of the peace treaty between the New Republic and Empire, which if approved would form the basis of what Leia called the Galactic Concordance. But Valara never intended for things to get that far.

This had to be done, she told herself. The peace accord could not go ahead, and if she had to sacrifice her life to achieve that goal she would. Twice she had been denied the glory of death in battle, so she would have to settle for sabotage.

A collection of Imperials were waiting for her in the conference room, all standing to attention with stormtroopers lining the walls. Standard intimidation tactics which Valara dismissed until her attention was drawn to the highest ranking officer, who stepped forward to greet her.

“Valara,” the redheaded man smirked and she felt her heartbeat quicken. “We meet again.”

Biting back her sudden fear, Valara forced herself to maintain a cool indifference. “Brendol Hux,” she said, and forced a smirk of her own. “So you’re still alive then?”

“I’m a survivor, my dear,” Hux said, his crisp accent cutting through the air like a vibroblade. “As it appears, are you. I suppose it is well for you that you turned traitor, for were you still at the Academy you would have been flogged for addressing a superior officer by name and not rank.”

“A flogging, is that all?” Valara said wryly. “You’ve grown soft in your old age.”

Hux scowled. “I can see why Organa chose you to come. You have the appearance of a neutral party, but she knew how we would see you - a reminder of how many of the rebel’s ranks were swelled by Imperial defectors. A problem I believe we will not face in the future.”

“What do you mean?” Valara felt a shiver go down her spine. She’d been fed Imperial propaganda since birth and had willingly embraced life within the Empire. Yet she’d found a way to break free, as had so many others. What could the remains of the Empire possibly be planning to stop defection, now that the New Republic was in control of the Core and all the more enticing?

“It is of little import,” Hux waved his hand. “To you at least. This treaty will ensure the Republic will not interfere with our affairs here.”

The implicit threat of his words strengthened Valara’s resolve. She could not allow cold-hearted Hux to to raise more child soldiers in his monstrous Academies. If nothing else, his death would make it all worth it.

“Shall we get started then?” she suggested, grip tightening on her datapad.

Hux looked at her in surprise. “Aren’t we going to wait for your companion?”

“My what?”

“Organa informed us of a late addition to your party this morning,” Hux said, his lip twitching. “I thought you knew. Ah, here he is now.”

She heard the doors behind them slide open, and Valara didn’t need to turn to know who it was. The soft sound of his boots hitting the floor with an even pace, and the slight flood of warmth through her tightly held Force barriers told her everything she needed to know.

Luke appeared at her side, dressed not in his Jedi robes but simple trousers and an insignia-free blue tunic. He introduced himself to the gathered Imperial Officers in that way he had, clearly cataloguing each and every one of their names so he would not forget.

“Thank you for allowing me on your base.” Luke shook Hux’s hand last.

“We couldn’t refuse the chance to meet the great Jedi Luke Skywalker,” Hux said, and behind his clipped words his sarcasm and distaste was clear to all. “I am confidant that this installation has no exposed exhaust ports for you to take advantage of.”

Luke chuckled politely, but Valara barely noticed, anger gripping her at the turn of events. She could never set off the bomb with Luke there, his life a sacrifice she would never be willing to make. He had ruined everything, and his presence could hardly be a coincidence. Valara berated herself for leaving the stone with him, since it had clearly somehow telegraphed her intentions. It had been stupid, and simply another reminder of how she’d let things get too far with him once again.

“Valara?” Luke touched her arm. “Are you alright?”

Valara swallowed heavily but her throat felt like sandpaper. “I’m fine.”

“You indeed look unwell, my dear,” Hux said, his glee at her unease all too familiar. It was a sign of weakness she once would have never dared show, and therefore proved herself unworthy in his eyes.

“Can I suggest we take a break?” Luke said, pressing his hand gently against Valara’s back to steady her.

“Of course.” Hux nodded to the stormtroopers by the door. “Take them to guest quarters, and we can reconvene in an hour.”

_______________________

The small room was exactly what Luke would expect from an Imperial Base; sleek, functional and entirely impersonal. And yet Valara, with her impassive face and white pallor, looked rather at home as she sank down onto a black leather settee, holding a datapad to her chest. She was looking in his direction but her gaze seemed to go right through him, like it used to when she was blind.

“Why did you come?” she asked, her voice cold.

She wanted to make him angry, he could tell - to distract him, to make him walk away. But Luke wouldn’t give her the satisfaction, and went through a calming exercise in his mind before answering.

“To stop you,” Luke told her, seeing no point in avoiding the issue. Valara blinked, her gaze focusing on him for the first time, and she gave him a coquettish smile.

“Stop me from delivering the treaty?” she asked innocently. “I thought you were in favour of peace.”

Luke gave her a look and she had the decency to stop smiling. “I’m not in favour of you killing every person on this base. Or yourself.” It had been Luke’s worst fear, the one he’d grappled with in hyperspace the entire way and confirmed as soon as he’d seen her. She wasn’t just on a mission to attack the remains of the Empire - she was going to destroy herself to do it.

“So what did you do, Valara?” Luke asked, forcing himself to sound casual even though inside he was raging. “Did you inject yourself with nanobytes, set to go off at the appropriate time? No,” he shook his head when she bit her lip and looked away. “You’d want more control than that, and you’d want something poetic.” He looked at the datapad clutched in her hands - the one Leia had given her, which held the New Republic’s proposed peace treaty.

“It’s that, isn’t it?” Luke said, stepping forward to pry the datapad out of her fingers so he could examine it. “Hardwired with some kind of undetectable bomb, set off when the correct code is entered?” Her glance back to him gave confirmation and Luke was sickened by the savagery of turning an instrument of peace into a declaration of war.

“Surely you know what this would do, don’t you?” he pressed when she gave no indication of speaking. “The base would be destroyed, with no witnesses to confirm who was the saboteur. Both sides would accuse the other and the tentative peace we’ve won would be destroyed. But...that’s what you want, isn’t it?” he asked, his heart sinking. “You want the war to start again - that’s what you want to sacrifice yourself for?

Valara held his gaze, a muscle twitching in her cheek. “War is inevitable as long as the Empire lives. It is better to fight now while the Republic is at full strength, otherwise they will never be destroyed."

“But war is not the only answer,” Luke said, exasperated, setting the datapad carefully down on the nearby conference table. “The treaty will force the Imperial remnant to demilitarise, their territories will be severely restricted and refugees will flock to the Republic. The Empire will wither away."

Valara stood and folded her arms across her chest, shaking her head slightly. “You’re so naive. You forget Luke, I know these people, I know how they think. They will never give up, for all the lip service they will pay to the Republic. They will always strike back, and they’ll strike harder because of the indignities they’ve had to suffer.”

“And this,” Luke said, drawing close to her and running his hands down her arms. “This is what you’re willing to give your life for?”

Her hazel-green eyes pierced his, and he saw only steely resolve. “I always have been.”

"And do I mean nothing to you?" he asked, his voice breaking. "Haven't you given any thought to how losing you will shatter me?"

Her stern countenance cracked, her lower lip trembling ever so slightly. "You're better off without me, Luke." Her eyes filled with tears. "I'll only hurt you more if I stay."

"But why do you think that?" he pressed, cupping her face in his hands and wiping away an escaped tear with his thumb. "Surely you don't still believe you're programmed to."

“No.” Valara broke free and turned away, her posture as rigid and uncompromising as ever. “Not directly. But you can’t trust me, Luke. I turn on everyone eventually - it’s my nature.”

“I don’t believe that.” Luke put his hand on her shoulder and squeezed gently but Valara pulled away again, taking several steps out of his reach.

“I could never tell you before - why I hurt everyone I come into contact with,” she said, her voice thick. “I knew you would try and understand, tell yourself it didn’t change how you felt but I knew it would, how could it not? But I suppose it doesn't matter now.” She took a deep breath and turned back to him, her eyes red and tears spilling unimpeded onto her cheeks.

“I told you once that I never had any friends at the orphanage, but that wasn't true. There was Taleem - he was my age and we grew up together. He was missing a hand - a birth defect - but they wouldn’t waste proper bionics and synthflesh on an orphan, and gave him a shoddy mechanical version where only two fingers worked.”

Luke flexed his right hand, grateful that the Alliance had given him a state-of-the-art replacement no one would ever know wasn’t real unless told. He couldn’t imagine not being able to use his hand properly, let alone a child being forced to do so.

“The Teeth and the Claw, they called us,” Valara continued, her hand passing over her mouth self-consciously. “But we didn’t care, because we stuck together, you know? I could beat up anyone who came too close, and Taleem was pretty good with electronics despite his hand. They sent us off the Academy, and we both excelled although in different courses. Hux was there,” her voice hardened. “Commandant Hux. Sir. He’s the one who brought in the Inquisitor.”

Luke sighed, understanding. “He was in charge of identifying children strong in the Force.”

Valara nodded, but she seemed very far away, as if lost in the memory she had tried to years to forget. “They took both of us - me and Taleem. To this day I don’t know if it was because he had the Force too or if it was all part of my test. It was what we’d talked of for years, at night in our rock-hard bunks under threadbare blankets, eating stale crackers we’d pilfered from the kitchens. How one day we’d be officers or agents able to earn our place, to prove ourselves more than the wastrel children we were. We loved the Empire, and only wanted it to love us back.”

Luke felt compelled to move, to take Valara in his arms and soothe away all of her bad thoughts and memories, but through the Force she was spiked; a tower around herself no one could breach. He could only wait while she took a few deep breaths, clearly trying to spit out the next words.

“I was fifteen you remember? The first time I killed someone.” Valara looked at him directly, and not in the way she did when trying to cover a deceit - this look was to inform the truth of her words. “”Taleem and I trained together with the Inquisitors for a month, and then they told us that there was only one place available in their ranks. It could only got to the strongest.”

Unable for a moment to process what she meant, Luke blinked, unconsciously taking a step back.

“Is it any surprise he didn’t stand a chance?” she continued, her voice breaking as she sobbed. “They’d given him a proper hand by that stage, but I’d been in fist fights since I was five and I knew all of his electronic tricks and traps. The worst part was how easy it was, and how soon any regret was washed away by the praise of the Inquisitors.” She wiped the tears from her cheeks but fresh ones fell immediately, and Luke could not longer contain himself. He closed the distance between them in two strides and drew her close, holding her head against his shoulder and stroking her hair.

“So you see?” she asked, even as she pressed her face into his tunic. “I turned on the only friend I ever had like its was nothing, and years later I betrayed my Inquisitor brothers and sisters too.”

“Valara,” Luke whispered to her softly, still reeling from her confession. “You have to forgive yourself.”

"No!" she exclaimed, almost hysterical as she pushed him away. "The Empire has to be purged from the galaxy, every evil eliminated. And that includes me."

Luke ran a hand through his hair as everything fell into place in his mind. Her clumsy attempts to push him away, her general unpleasantness to colleagues, her desperate desire for the release and glory of death. She wanted to make things right in the only way she thought she possibly could.

“Valara,” he tried again, approaching her cautiously and tilting her chin upwards to look at him. “The girl who did those things - she was a child who’d never been taught anything but that she must survive. And you broke free - realised the wrong in that life and have spent every moment since fighting against it.”

“Too late.” She shook her head, forehead creasing in obvious pain. “That’s why I need to do this.”

"You think your life won't mean anything until it's over," he said desperately. "But it means something to me."

“What?” she asked, lifting her chin - every sorrow and regret clear in her face. When he looked at her his heart broke, all his love and pain and longing flowing outward through the Force and cascading against her tightly held barriers. He grasped her hand and held it to his chest, his eyes locked on hers.

“Everything.”

Her face crumpled and she looked close to breaking, fresh tears spilling down her cheeks as Luke gently wiped them away. Through the Force her barriers began to tumble, exposing cracks through which the depth of her agony could be glimpsed. Luke flinched at the dark intensity but did not pull away, filling the holes with his own light and warmth as he held her close and Valara gave a ragged sigh of what seemed like relief.

“I can’t make you want to live,” he told her. “But I’m not just going to walk away.”

“No,” Valara said, pulling herself from his grip again, her Force barriers back as strong as ever. “You need to.”

“V-” Luke reached for her again but Valara stepped back, grasping the datapad again and holding it tightly against her chest.

“You’re a good man, Luke.” She almost smiled, a sad, resigned look on her face. “But you never wanted me. You just wanted to save me.”

Luke was stung by her accusation. “That’s not true.”

“Isn’t it?” she challenged him. “Not even a little?”

Luke thought back to the first time they were together, and how much he’d wanted to heal her blindness. He’d helped, perhaps, ease her pain but her eyes had mended on their own. It hadn’t required his intervention at all, but oh how he’d wanted to claim credit for it.

“You can’t save me, Luke,” Valara said softly, her eyes now dry and her resolve returned. “I was lost before you ever met me.”

He wanted to deny it, to rage and argue and convince her otherwise, but he knew it was pointless. She could not be loved into submission, could not be convinced by his words or feelings. Only she could break the cycle, and he could not and would not force her.

“Alright,” he nodded, hating himself but knowing it was time to step back. “I’ll leave you to make your choice, and please don’t do it for me.” He reached out one last time, gently brushing the backs of his fingers against her cheek. “If you choose to live, do it for yourself, because you want to - because you deserve more.”

He kissed her - softly, briefly - so she didn’t have to return it, and then forced himself to leave.

 

Wonderful! So wonderful. I think yes, there is truth in the fact that Luke wanted to save Valara. But then he genuinely came to care for her herself. He always loves to, and is so uniquely able to, fill people's lives up with his light and warmth!!! She deserves happiness, and to realize that when you take revenge, it still leaves your heart empty and the brutality still continues. Whatever noble cause or overarching message goes right over the oppressors' heads, because the tyranny and cruelty are all they're in on it for, despite their platitudes and high-sounding phrases about the Empire's Right to Rule.

A very thought-provoking and intensely true to life post.

 

Thank you! All very true

Tags: mattman8907, EGKenobi



Millennium Falcon, in orbit above Rakata Prime

There were few things in life that made Han Solo truly angry. It was bad business for a smuggler to let his anger show or hold a grudge - there was no honour among thieves and pointless to pretend there was. Han didn’t care if he was double-crossed, swindled, betrayed or hurt. It was all part of the game and he was more than willing to employ the same tactics against others if it would work to his advantage.

But by the seventh Corellian hell, it made him angry if anyone tried to do the same to his family. And Luke had become Han’s family long before he’d married Leia - probably since the moment Luke had looked at him across Yavin’s hangar, all idealism and defiance. That was the reason he’d asked Luke to come with them, after all. He’d grown attached to the kid in a short space of time, and couldn’t bear the thought of him dying all alone in the Death Star assault. That was the reason he’d come back, and had never really wanted to leave again.

So while he and Luke sat in the cockpit of the Millennium Falcon, watching the still blue planet of Rakata Prime below, Han’s blood boiled at the torment that he knew must be brewing below Luke’s calm expression. Chewie was in the back, having ceded the co-pilot’s seat to Luke on the flimsy excuse of maintenance to the internal power couplings, and so they were left to watch and wait.

Han liked Valara well enough, or rather, he had liked how Luke’s mood always improved when she was around, and a part of him almost respected her for her continued hate of the fallen Empire. But what he couldn’t condone or forgive was the way she’d hurt Luke over and over again. All he wanted was for his friend and brother in law to be happy, and it had become clear that Valara was not a mere fling or escape from the drudgery of war as she had been during the Rebellion. Han could see that Luke’s heart was irrevocably lost to her, and were she to die he may not ever recover - especially not when he could have stopped it.

“How long are we going to wait, Luke?” Han asked gently.

Luke’s eyes remained fixed on the planet below. “I don’t know.”

Han scratched his cheek absently and grimaced, unsure of what else to say. He remembered the ferocity of Leia’s resolve, more than once willing to forfeit her own life if it would deal a blow to the Empire. But she’d never walked into an Imperial installation clutching a bomb, for which Han was thankful. His thoughts drifted to Leia back on Chandrila, and little Ben who might at that moment be taking his first steps while Han was stuck waiting to see whether or not a woman was going to commit suicide in the most explosive way imaginable. He resented Valara for that, but when Luke had turned up at their door distressed about what had happened Han had immediately volunteered to take Luke to her. What else could he do?

“Han.” Luke visibly swallowed, as if he had trouble saying the words. “You don’t think...Leia knew about this, do you?”

“No!” Han exclaimed so harshly Luke finally turned to him. “She’s your sister, Luke. If she had any idea this was going to happen she’d never have asked Valara to deliver the treaty.”

“You’re right,” Luke rubbed his forehead and looked pained. “I wasn’t thinking, of course.”

What Han didn’t tell Luke was that he’d posed the very same question once they’d calmed Luke down, sending him to gather his things with instructions to meet Han at the spaceport in an hour. Leia had made the comm call to the Imperials on Rakata Prime to inform them of Luke’s attendance at the meeting, and when she was done Han had delicately asked whether she’d chosen Valara for the mission because she’d expected her to go rogue. That had earned him a string of well-earned rebukes from his wife - yes, she thought the treaty was a mistake, but she was resolved to work from within the system, not bring back the war.

“Look,” Han pointed to movement from the planet; a ship exiting the atmosphere. “It’s Imperial, Diplomatic class cruiser.”

“That’s how she got here,” Luke nodded, leaning forward in his seat with a look of desperate hope. Han didn’t need to be told that, since they’d been threatened as soon as the Millennium Falcon had entered Imperial space. They’d sent one of the cruisers to pick Luke up and deliver him back, the Falcon having to remain in orbit at all times and closely monitored.

“Millennium Falcon, this is Imperial vessel Reditum,” a stern voice hailed them over the comm. “Delivering New Republic representative in accordance with armistice provisions. Please confirm.”

Luke was out the door before they finished speaking, leaving Han to respond and arrange to dock with the cruiser. When he joined Luke and Chewie by the ramp it was already descending, Luke looking anxious and Chewie standing like a guard next to him as if he expected trouble. He’d growled more than once to Han that the whole thing could be an Imperial trick, and clearly was taking no chances with Luke’s safety.

But when the ramp had fully lowered Valara was standing there alone, although there were stormtroopers and officers milling around the cruiser’s hangar in the distance. She was very pale but otherwise implacable, although to be fair Han had rarely known her to be otherwise. Chewie growled a warning to her, but Luke patted his arm lightly.

“It’s alright, Chewie,” Luke said softly. “She can come aboard.”

Chewie glanced over at Han in clear disapproval, and Han could only shrug in return. It was no surprise that Luke was forgiving - he didn’t know how to be anything else.

Valara slowly made her way up the ramp and into the Falcon, her eyes fixed on Luke the whole way as if she didn’t even notice that Han and Chewie were there. She stopped before Luke and to his credit he held completely still, returning her gaze with such intensity that Han felt as if he was intruding on an intimate moment.

He hit the release to close the Falcon’s ramp, and when it finally jolted shut Valara pressed herself forward into Luke’s waiting arms. They clung to each other in a desperate embrace, her cheek pressed against his shoulder and his head buried in her hair.

Han cleared his throat and turned away. “Come on, Chewie - let’s get out of here.”

_____________________________________________________


They guest quarters of the Millennium Falcon were small and cramped, consisting of nothing more than a thin bunk built into the hull. It was there that they lay together, fully clothed but pressed against each other as there was no space to be otherwise, their faces only centimetres apart. Luke stroked her hair gently, more soothing than any of his words could have been, and Valara was thankful he had remained silent.

She’d been crying for hours, in a way she’d never allowed herself to do before, not even when she’d been alone. She cried for her lost childhood, for Taleem, for her ambition which had led her to commit so many heinous acts; for the families and lives she’d destroyed, for the length of time it had taken her to realise the evil in the Empire. Luke had simply held her through her tears until her eyes were painfully red and raw, her head ached and she felt drained of all possible emotion.

“What changed your mind?” Luke asked softly, brushing back the hair from her forehead where it had spilled into her eyes once again.

When he’d left Valara had taken a few minutes to calm herself before returning to the conference room where Hux and his officers were already seated. She’d explained Luke’s absence away and Hux had seemed to care little, once he’d confirmed that Luke had indeed returned to the Falcon and was not snooping around the base. He likely thought the behaviour strange, but he’d made a pointed comment at Valara which seemed to indicate he suspected the nature of their relationship. Hux had assumed that he’d come as her bodyguard, and satisfied that she was safe had left her to do the dirty work - as Jedi were wont to do, he’d added with a sneer. Valara had brushed off the insult and brought out her datapad, her fingers itching to punch in the code that would kill them all.

But she just couldn’t bring herself to do it, instead typing in the regular password which opened up the document for copying by the Imperial’s systems. They’d tutted and huffed over every clause, making copious notes while Valara sat there stone-faced and unresponsive. When they were done she copied their proposed amendments back onto her datapad and left without a word - the job was done, and she didn’t plan to return. Let Leia do her own dirty work next time.

“I’ve lost that killer instinct, I suppose,” Valara said, for in truth she didn’t know exactly what had stayed her hand.

“I know you may not want to hear this, but...search your feelings,” Luke said, touching her forehead lightly, and she felt the warmth of his presence in the Force gently reach out for hers. Closing her eyes, she allowed him in, but only to a point, but it seemed not to matter - he knew how to navigate the pathways of the mind and memory to show her where to find what she was looking for. It felt like a warm summer breeze, and Luke never went too far, keeping clear of the still-high barriers that would take more than this one breakthrough to breach. Rather, he guided her through, showing her the way but allowing her to take her own steps, as he’d once done when she’d been blind.

“Maybe…” Valara opened her eyes, looking into his deep blue ones for confirmation. “If it did it...I’d still be one of them. What they made me. A destructive force who didn’t care about the collateral damage - I was always like this, even in the Rebellion. And when the war was over, there was nothing left to destroy but myself.”

She felt a sense of peace envelop her at the words, as if they’d released at least one of the shackles on her heart. Luke smiled at her, caressing her cheek softly.

“And now?” he asked.

“Now...I don’t know,” Valara told him.

Luke leaned in to kiss her so tenderly it almost made her heart break. Then he pulled her closer and she went willingly into his arms, his chin resting softly on the top of her head.

“You’re not staying, are you?”

Valara sighed and pressed herself closer, wanting one last moment. “You know I can’t.”

“No.” Luke stiffened slightly but did not pull away. “I don’t think I do know that.” And yet she could easily feel the lie in his words - he’d known since the moment she stepped onto the Millennium Falcon, he just hadn’t wanted to admit to to himself.

"I need to find peace, Luke,” she said. “I need to learn how to live with myself, find something to live for."

"We can find it together." It was a plea, a last attempt to change her mind even though surely he knew she wouldn’t.

Valara sighed and pulled herself from his embrace, sitting up in the bunk and looking down at him thoughtfully. “I know,” she said softly, taking his hands and entwining their fingers. “But for now our paths lie in different directions. You want to start finding Jedi to train - you’ve said as much a dozen times, and I can’t be a Jedi, Luke. I’m sorry, but I can’t. Maybe I would want to learn to use the Force better, but how quickly would that turn into Jedi training without either of us realising it? And then I would resent you, and myself, and I don’t want to ruin us. I want to keep the good memories - they are among the very few I’ve ever had.”

Luke nodded, sitting up beside her and reaching into his pocket and depositing a smooth, jade-green stone in her palm. “Then here - this belongs to you.”

“It was a gift,” she said softly.

“When you thought I’d never see you again.” He closed her fingers around the stone. “Take it - so I know I will someday.”

“Don’t wait for me Luke,” she shook her head, distressed. “I can’t promise you anything.”

He gave her a sad smile, reaching forward to brush the hair back from her eyes one last time. “Whatever else, I’ll always be your friend, Valara. Remember that.”

_________________________________

She walked the length of the Millennium Falcon from Luke’s bunk to the cockpit, on the way passing the Wookiee who was cleaning out an engine part with a dirty rag. He gave her a menacing growl, and Valara quickened her pace to the cockpit where Han Solo was seated, his eyes fixed on the blue swirl of hyperspace through the viewscreen.

"So," Han said casually, not even turning around. "Running away, are we?"

Valara scowled and sat down in the co-pilot’s seat, earning a glare of disapproval from Han. "What makes you say that?"

"Seems to be a habit of yours," Han said as he turned back to the viewscreen.

"It's better this way."

"Sure, you think that now. But after a few days you'll get guilty, and then you'll just start to miss him. Trust me, sister, I know. Tried to walk away from him and Leia a thousand times. Never took."

Valara grimaced, not about to be lectured. "Well I'm not you."

"That's for damn sure. But here," he handed her a small device with a comlink code. "Just in case you change your mind."

Valara huffed, but stowed the device in her pocket. "Just drop me off at the nearest spaceport. And don't let him follow me."

"Don't worry, he won't." Han looked at her, a sudden sadness in his expression. "Only so much heartache the kid can take. If you ever come back, you'll sure as hell need to make it up to him."

“Well I don’t intend to come back, so your point is moot,” she said stiffly. It was easier that way, she’d decided. “He’ll move on, find someone else. He loves so freely.”

Han gave a disbelieving chuckle, shaking his head at her. “Yeah maybe it’s better if you go. You clearly don’t know him at all.”

 

I don't hate you for this chapter. Truly. No, absolutely not. I don't. I mean it. I AM NOT CRYING.

Brilliant, lady. Perfect.

 

Wonderful chapter. I'm glad Valara realized that killing them all would mean she was still exactly like them. I also agree with her. She has to find herself and discover who she is now before she can commit to anything with Luke. Though, I hate seeing him sad.

Love how protective Han is of Luke. Excellent chapter. Looking forward to more.

 

So happy Valara came to the right decision for a very valid and real reason. She doesn't want to become like those she's been an enemy of all this time. Yup, she does need to find her true and real self before committing to Luke and perhaps starting a family. Healthier that way. Woot, your voice for Han is so wonderfully him.

 

Ugh, this was such a goooooooooood chapter. You write Han so well. He's right - Valara doesn't know Luke at all if he thinks he'll move on quickly. This is the man who redeemed Vader, after all.

 

Gah I've been playing catch up and this is amazing! You write the characters so well, and Valara seems like she should have been there all along. Fantastic work!

 

Giving Valara agency in this situation was important to me, to make sure the decision was hers and for the right reasons.

Protective!Han is a favourite of mine, and thank you!

Thank you! As trite as it sounds, Valara really does need to find herself and her own peace before she could even think about a relationship with Luke, and she knows that she would distract him the task he's set himself to rebuild the Jedi, and doesn't want to hold him back from that.

Thank you! Valara is deep in denial, but on some level she just doesn't understand Luke like Han does - she hasn't allowed herself to understand him because its easier to keep herself willingly blind. And Han is going to tell it like it is

Thank you! It's so hard to make an OC fit into the events of the original trilogy, so that's lovely to hear

 

Okay, finally catching up on reviews for the last two entries...

Oh goodness, that encounter between Valara and the Imperials didn't start off too well, did it? I love how you integrated the new canon in here -- I haven't read the Servants of the Empire series, so for a moment I wondered if Brendol Hux was an OC of yours.

The scene between Luke and Valara on Rakata Prime was painful to read. I remember saying that she must have a lot of skeletons in her closet, but I didn't quite expect this. And as dark and twisted as she is, she does see things about Luke that he doesn't see himself.

On the other hand, Valara is a lot more realistic than Luke about what the Empire is up to, and what chances a peace treaty actually has to be implemented. Too bad for the Galaxy that she didn't figure out a different way to stall it, but it's obviously better for her.

And jeez, that woman needs to stop lying to herself. “Well I don’t intend to come back, so your point is moot. (...) He’ll move on, find someone else. He loves so freely.” Seriously? No wonder Han is so pissed off at her.

PS: This is a public service message from the indexer, but since this story takes place between ANH and TFA, shouldn't it be labeled Saga - OT rather than Saga - ST? Unless you plan to extend it into the ST, in which case it should be tagged plain Saga.

 

I'm doing my best to integrate most of the new canon, although of course this will still be made AU by Ep 8. I haven't read Servants either, but I do the best I can with summaries and Wookiepedia, and Hux Senior seemed like a good fit for that role.

I did a bit of research about the indoctrination of child soldiers, and apparently such tactics are quite common - and hopefully it makes a bit more sense of her deathwish.

I was drawn to the irony of this - sometimes we can do the right things in life and make the right choices, but things still go to hell. But that's not to say anything would have been different if Valara had gone through with it, since it would have plunged the galaxy back into war and who knows how that would have ended. At least this way we know there is a time of peace before the return of the dark times.

Han doesn't have time for any of her bull Valara is deep in denial, but in some ways its a necessary evil. She's not in a place where she thinks she'll ever be able to give Luke what he deserves, and running has always worked for her in the past. So...baby steps.

Hmm, I didn't see the option for just Saga, I'll change it, thanks!



Tags: @mattman8907, @EGKenobi

9 ABY - Tuanul Village, Jakku


The harsh, unrelenting sun bore down on Valara, little diminished by the dark goggles she wore over her eyes or the coarse linens wrapped around her head. She was perched on the edge of a steep rock face, looking down the red buttes and yellow sands of Kelvin Ravine. Eons ago a great river had probably carved out its place between the jutting cliffs, but now there was nothing but rock, sand and Tuanul Village, where a small collection of pilgrims lived a spiritual, ascetic life.

That it was peaceful was probably the best Valara could say for the place, but exile was never meant to be luxurious. Much of the planet was devoid of life, and so quiet that Valara had been forced to be alone with her own thoughts - here on the ridge, down in the village, on journeys into the western reaches for trade. She remembered Luke once telling her of his home planet of Tatooine, calling the silence oppressive. It was, in a way, although likely different for him than it was for her. Luke had strained against the confines of a farmer’s life, his thoughts impeded by the silence which only represented the shackles which had been placed on him.

Valara was free to leave Jakku anytime she wished, but she stayed seeking penance. In the silence her dark thoughts and memories could not be pushed down and there was little to distract herself with. She was forced to face them, accept them, as she had never been strong enough to do before.

“Valara!” A cheerful voice called to her, and Valara turned to see a young girl approach, squinting at the horizon. “Are you up here again?” she asked, using one hand to shield her eyes from the sun. “I don’t see what’s so interesting about it.”

Valara smiled to herself, knowing it was too much to ask a ten year old to understand what she barely knew herself. How could she explain how she catalogued the ever-constant landscape, or that as time went on, she saw less and less of it? How could she describe the creeping darkness at the edges of her vision, the slight blur when she moved her head too quickly?

“It’s peaceful, Dasha,” she told the girl. “So it doesn’t need to be interesting.”

Dasha shrugged, twirling one finger around her loose brown hair absently. “Are you coming back to the village?” she asked. “Grandfather has returned, I saw his ship.”

“Alright,” Valara smiled, lifting herself to her feet and brushing sand off the coarse blue fabric of her skirt. Dasha held out her hand with a smile, and Valara took it after only the slightest hesitation. The people of Tuanul were as hardy as they were pious, living off the barren land and their own ingenuity as if it was paradise. They were an affectionate people; tactile and warm to Valara even when she had been a stranger to them. Over time she had grown to accept the clasped hands and kind embraces given so freely, although she could never completely erase her surprise when offered to her.

“Why do you do that?” Dasha asked as they walked back down the ridge towards the village. She nodded towards Valara’s free hand, where she held a jade-green stone, her thumb absently rubbing the smooth surface. Valara scowled and closed her fist around it to hide from Dasha’s view, cursing the habit which had become almost unconscious.

Dasha looked slightly cowed at her expression, and squeezed her hand lightly as if in apology. “Grandfather has told me before I shouldn’t ask.”

“He was correct,” Valara said coolly, but was unable to bring herself to pull away from the child’s grip. She sighed and held out the stone for Dasha to inspect, the girl gasping it with glee.

“It’s a worry stone,” Valara explained.

Dasha laughed, dropping her hand from Valara’s so she could examine the stone further, rubbing her thumb over the indentation experimentally. “We have no worries here,”she said. “Why do you need it?”

“I don’t need it,” Valara snapped somewhat defensively, but Dasha looked up at her with innocent blue eyes and she immediately regretted it. “It was...a gift.”

Dasha nodded, preoccupied with the stone which was likely smoother and with more colour than anything she’d ever seen. Jakku was a planet of sandstone and rust-red rock - gemstones were rare and nothing was green but the rations which had been scavenged from ship debris - The Graveyard, the locals of Nima Outpost like to call it, some distance to the east of Kelvin Ravine. Valara had made the journey many times to trade, and had always been able to wrangle a good deal from the Crolute Unkar Plutt, who ran the Outpost like his own personal kingdom. She never traded for rations, though, the Imperial-issue food stirring too many unpleasant memories.

They soon reached the village and Dasha broke into a run, scurrying across the sands and into the waiting arms of her grandfather. Valara approached at a more sedate pace, but gave the old man a smile.

“Welcome back,” she said lightly, and nodded towards Dasha who had wrapped her arms tightly around his waist and was looking up at him adoringly. “It seems you were missed.”

“And in return I missed you.” Lor San Tekka looked down at Dasha with an indulgent smile, patting her head lightly. “Where is your mother, young one?”

“Out hunting steelpeckers.”

“Naturally,” Lor tapped his finger lightly on her nose and Dasha giggled. “Has she caught that elusive dune zaywar yet?”

Dasha shook her head. “But she will, and then Valara said she’d help me make a blaster out of one of the tusks.”

“Did she now?” Lor looked at her shrewdly.

Valara gave an easy smile and shrugged. She avoided the hunting parties since it reminded her too much of time she’d stalked a different kind of prey, but she was happy to lend her expertise to trading and assisting in the production of hand-made weaponry. She admired the self-sufficiency of life in the village, never taking more from the land than what was needed to sustain themselves - she’d experienced both famine and feast under the Empire, and found the balance between the two far more fulfilling than she might have once thought.

Lor looked down at his gradndaughter and tapped Dasha’s nose again. “Thank the Force that I am an instrument of peace…”

“But thank my sword, that I can defend myself,” Dasha recited along with him. “And find Balance therebetween.”

“Very good,” Lor kissed the top of her head. “Now you better go clean up before your mother gets back - I’m sure she’ll bring enough for a feast!”

Dasha gave Lor one final hug before skipping away, although she was likely to waylay herself at every hut informing them of his return. He was not their clan leader, for the villagers didn’t view life in such terms, but he was greatly respected both for his age and long adherence to the Church of the Force.

“Dasha,” Lor called after the child, and she turned obediently, smile still on her face. “Give Valara back her stone.”

“Oh! Right.” Dasha scurried back over and deposited the stone into Valara’s open palm. “Thanks for telling me about it.”

“You’re welcome,” Valara said, trying to ignore Lor’s knowing look and wondering how he’d known about her trinket. She slipped the stone in her pocket for safekeeping and walked past Lor into his hut, keen to avoid any discussion about it.

Once inside she removed her goggles and the fabric from around her head, shaking the sand out of her short hair. It was harder for her to see in the dim light of the dwelling, but Valara had been mentally preparing herself to some time, counting the steps and familiarising herself with her surroundings in case she ever needed it. Six steps from the door to the low table in the centre of the room, ten to cross the entire hut, three from the table to the hearth. Her life had become a study of distance, mentally counting every step she took and filing the information for future reference.

Valara took a seat on one the cushions around the low table, crossing her legs and reaching for the pot of tea which had clearly been prepared for her. She wished she could add a nip of whiskey, but such spirits were in short supply on Jakku and she had to make do with moonshine distilled by old Bertha. It often cost Valara two hours of mindless chatter, but most days it was an easy price to pay.

Lor entered the hut, his every step deliberate and graceful. Valara poured the tea into two cups, inhaling the bittersweet scent of spinbarrel flowers - her favourite.

“Was your journey productive?” she asked, peering a Lor through narrowed eyes, suspicious.

“Very much so,” Lor knelt down opposite her, groaning slightly as his knees gave an audible crack. He reached into his pocket and held out a small datachip, placing it on the table between them. “New starcharts recovered from the old Jedi Temple on Ilum.”

“More charts,” Valara mused, putting down her tea without drinking any. “What’s he searching for?”

“What are any of us searching for?” Lor reached for his tea and took a long sip.

Rolling her eyes, Valara picked up her cup again and tried to sound as casual as possible. “How...is he?”

“Luke?” Lor gave her a knowing smile. “He is well. I’m sure he would have enquired the same about you, if only he knew you were here.”

It had been the only thing Valara had ever asked of him since she had arrived on Jakku and chosen to live with the people of Tuanal Village. She’d met the Alderaanian refugee a few times during the Rebellion, and once afterwards when he’d accompanied Luke on his travels to hunt down artifacts and Jedi lore. After the near-disaster on Rakata Prime and leaving Luke, Valara had drifted aimlessly until by chance she’d come across Lor San Tekka on one of his solo expeditions. Perhaps it had been fate, or perhaps she was just tired of travelling, but she’d accepted his offer to return to Jakku with him.

“So what are you going to do with that starchart?” Valara changed the subject. “Another journey to some Jedi Tomb in the far-flung reaches of the galaxy?”

“No.” Lor took another sip of his tea. “I’ve told Luke that this was my last mission.”

“Oh?”

“I am getting older, Valara,” Lor explained. “I want to watch my granddaughter grow up, and Luke doesn’t need my help any more. He has rebuilt the Jedi Temple on Devaron, and is teaching others the ways of the Force. That is how it should be.”

“I’m surprised you don’t want to move your people there,” Valara said slyly. “All the better to worship his new Jedi.”

Lor gave her a stern look. “My dear, worship is such a vulgar word.”

“But accurate,” Valara teased him. “Tell me the story again of how Jedi Master Windu once let you hold his cloak?”

“Tsk, tsk.” Lor shook his head disapprovingly, but the corners of his mouth curled up into a smile. “You are as insolent as my daughter.”

Valara tilted her head slightly, thinking of Marayah Promenti who could shoot a steelpecker right in the heart from three hundred metres away. “I take that as a compliment.”

“As well you should.” But then Lor sobered slightly, a faraway look in his eyes. “I have known many Jedi,” he said wistfully. “Luke is a different breed, the first I have ever met who felt that the Force was in us all, and not simply gifted to a select few. I am near twice his age and have studied the Force my entire life, and yet he has taught me more in these past few years than I could ever have learned in a lifetime alone.”

Valara tried not to think of when she’s first met Luke, and his shy humility that had endeared him so quickly to her. “You must think me selfish,” she said softly, finally taking a sip of her tea so she wouldn’t have to meet Lor’s eyes.

“Why ever would I think that?”

Forcing herself to look back up, Valara found only kindness in his gaze that somehow made her feel worse. “Because I have the Force, and do not use it. You and your people must look at me and think, what a waste.”

“We strive to understand the Will of the Force,” Lor told her kindly. “And find the Balance within ourselves. We cannot presume to know or judge the path others must walk. But think of this, my dear - you rejected the Jedi, and yet you came here, to our Church of the Force.”

“The Empire died here,” she pointed out. “And out there every day scavengers pick over its corpse. Maybe I just like to watch that happen.”

“No,” Lor shook his head. “I don’t believe that’s it - at least not wholly. You’ve been here two years, Valara. Do you even remember why you came?”

“Because I’d spent a lot of time searching for meaning to it all,” Valara replied softly, looking down at her hands. “I thought maybe if I stayed still for a while it would find me.”

“And has it?”

“I don’t know.” Valara sighed. “There were other reasons, too.”

“Yes, I know.” Lor nodded, and for a moment a sadness passed over his face. “I believe you came here to seek communion with the Force on your own terms, free from the rigidity of Jedi teaching, and away from the temptation to let others fight your battles for you. This place can be enlightening and challenging, but once the demons have been fought it can also be a place to hide. I fear you’re stagnating here, Valara.”

“I have been happy here,” she said, a feeble protest against the truth of his words. It was hard to believe, but she had come to care for the people who had accepted her so freely into their hearts she’d enjoyed the simplicity of their lives, shared stories around their campfires, and listened to their philosophies. But it was time to move on, she realised.

“I promised Dasha I would make her a blaster from zaywar tusk,” Valara said wistfully, thinking of the exuberant girl for whom life was a great adventure.

Lor chuckled, pouring himself another cup of tea. “I’m not suggesting you steal away right this moment, my dear.” He refilled Valara’s cup and pushed it lightly towards her. “But trust the will of the Force. I believe it will lead you home.”

 

I absolutely love the talk, the warmth, and the candor - between Lor and Valara. She seems to have gotten quite a bit of serenity within herself being there - but she is the best judge of when it's time to move on and why.

 

Oh this worked out wonderfully. There's an undercurrent of (some) peace that V's now found in the writing here, even though she's not completely settled. And I adore LST. I wish we'd seen more of him.

And why do I hear echoes of Maz in LST's words at the end there? "GO HOME."

 

Yes, it will lead her home, and back to Luke. Right? But, I agree with Nyota's Heart. Only Valara can decide when she's ready to move ahead, and where she will go when she is ready.

Wonderful.

 

That was a really sweet scene. And I agree with taramidala about Maz. I'd love to see Maz knock some sense into Valara!

 

I love the idea that Valara is seeking penance on Jakku -- both for the meaning that the planet holds in-universe and for the Biblical reference. It really feels like the appropriate place for her to be losing her eyesight but gaining inner clarity, if there will ever be such a thing for her.

Another element that jumped out was how you interpreted the rations to have been scavenged from the Imperial ships. It paints Unkar Plutt in a much more exploitative colour -- he grabbed what had real value and de facto enslaved the whole population in that way.

Great characterisation of Lor San Tekka here. He somehow manages to see and understand things (noticing that Dasha had the stone was a great little touch) and I like how he keeps Valara updated on Luke's comings and goings while keeping her location secret.

And there you go. The tense says it all!

 

Thank you! I really love Lor although we don't know much about him, but he seemed like the perfect mentor for Valara at this stage of her life.

I wish we'd seen more of Lor, too - MVS did so much with the part. And yes, Maz would know how to sort these two knuckleheads out right quick

Thank you! Valara's agency is very important to me, as is her making her own decisions, at her own pace (with some gentle nudging, of course!)

Thank you! We might see Maz at some stage...

Thank you! That was the idea, as was her seeking peace in a place wher she'd once sought death, and seeking life somewhere utterly barren.

I'm afraid I can't take credit for this - the Visual Dictionary sets out this backstory, so yes, Unkar is a real trashbag.

She knows deep down the truth, but she's constantly sailing down that river in Egypt.

 

Thanks to ginchy and taramidala for their help with the first section of this chapter - what would I do without you gals?


10 ABY - Millennium Falcon, en route to Devaron

Valara stared at the dejarik table, lit up with various holomonsters that teetered on their clawed feet, waiting for instructions. She knew exactly which move to make - execute a "fork" by sending her Ng'ok piece to attack two of her opponent's creatures on adjacent squares, ensuring that at least one of those pieces would be lost. But her adversary was hardly her equal - five year old Ben Organa-Solo who was barely tall enough to look at her over the dejarik pieces with his dark, inquisitive eyes.

She should let the child win, right? That had never been Valara's experience, where games had always included an element of danger, and no quarter was given despite deficiencies of age or skill. But that had been a different world, one which she had no desire to emulate. And yet, she was still uncomfortable around children, always at a loss of what to say, every word sounding patronising and awkward to her ears. Although she had formed a friendship of sorts with Dasha, the young granddaughter of Lor San Tekka on Jakku, it had taken many months of uncomfortable conversations to get there. Valara hadn't seen the Solo child since he had been a baby, and the brief introduction by Han when he'd picked her up from Corellia hadn't been enough to relieve Valara's discomfort. She'd suggested the game of dejarik to avoid the need to make conversation.

On the fringes of her consciousness Valara felt a slight prickling as the child clumsily prodded at her with the Force. "How do you know my Uncle again?" he asked, as Valara swatted at his Force probe like she would a bug.

"We're old friends," she answered evenly.

A soft growl emanated from the corner, where Chewbacca was cleaning engine parts with a greasy cloth. Ben looked over at the Wookiee, and then back at Valara with narrowed eyes.

"Chewie doesn't think so."

Valara smiled thinly. "We haven't seen each other in a while, that's all." Wookiees were known to hold grudges and she hadn't expected anything less from Chewbacca, who had never really taken to her. She typed in the command to the dejarik table to go ahead with the fork move, her Ng'ok slinking forward to take out one of Ben's creatures. The boy scowled, scrutinising the board to see what his response could be.

"Why?" Ben asked, as his Kintan Strider piece lept forward two places.

"Why haven't we seen each other?" Valara was surprised by the question. "We've both been busy I suppose. Your Uncle's been training new Jedi, that takes a great deal of work."

Ben looked unconvinced. "Uncle Luke says that no matter what, he always has time for me."

"Well, you're family, aren't you? It's different."

"Dad says friends are just as important as family," Ben countered. "So why wouldn't Uncle Luke have time for you too?"

"Okay, Ben." Han Solo strode into the room from the cockpit, ruffling his son's hair. "Enough with the inquisition - Valara's had enough of those in her life." He winked and gave her a lopsided grin.

"Yes, but usually I was on the other side of it," she pointed out, earning a laugh from Han as he joined Chewie on the floor, examining the cleaned engine parts. Ben looked at her curiously, and Valara felt oddly scrutinised - far more than she should have be a child of five, no matter how strong he was in the Force.

"So, Ben," she changed the subject. "Do you want to be a Jedi like your Uncle Luke?"

"Yep," Ben nodded his head. "It's my destiny."

"That's a big word for a little boy," she said, clamping down on her laughter at his serious expression.

"It's a big destiny," Ben raised his chin. "I have to be a Jedi."

Valara covered her mouth to conceal her smile. Although the little boy very much resembled Han, the determined resolve in his face was all Skywalker.

"Now, now Ben," Han called. "As your mother and I have told you a dozen times, you don't have to be anything."

"I know, Dad." Ben rolled his eyes as if his father was a supreme embarrassment. "But it's the family tradition - that's what everyone says."

"Well, don't forget that other family tradition," Han suggested, hauling himself to his feet and ambling over to the dejarik table.

"What, smuggling?" Valara asked, amused.

"No…" Han crept up beside Ben and then lifted him up into his arms. "Nerfherding!" He swung Ben around and the child's seriousness fell away as he dissolved into giggles. There was a pang of loneliness in Valara's heart, watching Han roughhouse with his son, the two of them laughing joyfully together as they play-wrestled on the floor. She had felt the same on Jakku, watching Lor San Tekka with his daughter and granddaughter - the kind of unconditional love that came with family.

"Alright, alright, I give." Han was on his back, Ben kneeling triumphantly on his chest with a wide smile on his face. Gone was the serious, precocious boy of a few minutes earlier, and in his place was a typical five year old, elated by the affection of his father.

"I got you good, Dad," Ben said, hopping off his father's chest and allowing him to sit up.

"You sure did, sport," Han ruffled his hair again, and Valara couldn't help but smile. "Just remember, no matter what Jedi stuff your Uncle Luke teaches you, it's your old man who can show you how to fight dirty."

"Charming," Valara said dryly. "Corellian rules of engagement, huh? Engage, no rules."

"You got that right, sister." Han grunted slightly as he got off the floor, sliding into the booth Ben had vacated. The boy himself sprinted over to assist Chewie with the engine parts, and the Wookiee gave him an adorning, fanged grin.

"So, what are you going to say to Luke?" Han asked casually as he inputted a move into the dejarik board that cost Valara her best piece.

Deciding that the question was genuine, Valara shrugged. "What would you suggest?"

"Begging would probably work," Han shot her a sly grin. "Maybe a marriage proposal."

Valara felt her cheeks grow warm. "That's not why I'm going there," she insisted, focusing on the board but finding her options limited. "I'm asking him for training, that's all."

"Sure," Han drew out the word languidly, and Valara bit her tongue lest she let slip the reason why she sought training. Her vision became a fraction worse day by day - even concentrating on the dejarik board had given her a headache. But she wouldn't admit that weakness in front of Han, nor anybody else. Let him think what he liked, and if he'd agreed to take her to Devaron because of his own misplaced beliefs about her motives, so be it.

"So are you going to let Ben train with Luke someday?" Valara asked, looking over at the boy who was cleaning an engine coupling so eagerly he was likely to rub off the sheen. Chewbacca gently took his hand and with a few soft growls showed him the correct method.
"Not until he's older," Han told her, following her gaze and smiled to himself. "Luke's doesn't want to take any kids full-time. Something about letting them experience the galaxy a bit before they come to him for training."

Valara was glad to hear it. The thought of Luke emulating his Jedi forebears and indoctrinating youth into the Order unsettled her - it was too close to what had been done to her, no matter that his intentions were far better than those of her teachers.

"He probably didn't want his Temple to turn into Jedi day care."

Han chuckled. "Yeah, that too. And it's nice, you know? We follow the Senate around as they move from planet to planet, Leia works and Ben and I explore - we visit Luke often enough, too."

"Who'd have thought it?" she teased him, thinking back to the brash, arrogant man she'd first met after the Battle of Yavin. "Han Solo - the family man?"

"I know, right?" Han laughed again, but his pride and happiness shone through. "It's those Skywalker's, I tell ya. They make you want so much more."

Valara bit her lip, thinking wistfully of the happy times she'd shared with Luke - even of the kindness and affection she'd been shown from Leia and Han over the years.

"I know what you mean."

__________________________________________

Devaron was a fertile, green planet teeming with the Force. Although Republic guide books would call the climate temperate, it was a tad too humid for Luke's liking, the planet's surface often covered with a steamy mist that could linger until after noon. And yet he was more at home here, in the Outer Rim, than he had ever felt on Coruscant or Chandrila. Perhaps it was the Jedi Temple of Eedit, located on the planet's north continent, that eased his mind.

He'd visited Devaron many years earlier, of course, after the Battle of Yavin when he'd been drawn to the place through persistent dreams. The Temple of Eedit had seemed like something out of a fairy tale - a tall, white tower in a sea of thick, thorny vines. It was Devaron where Luke's journey as a Jedi had truly begun, and when deciding to teach others the ways of the Force there had been no other option in his mind.

But for once Luke was not training students, or pouring over Jedi texts, or even conversing with the native Devaronians who graciously shared the land with him. Instead he was waiting at the entrance to the Temple, watching the Millennium Falcon approach with all her usual grace and charm. That was to say, the ship lumbered and jerked towards the ground, making even a perfectly executed landing look clumsy.

It was an unexpected visit but hardly unwelcome, and Luke smiled as the gangway lowered itself to the ground. Unable to wait, a child with floppy dark hair jumped the remaining distance and started to run at him with flailing limbs.

"Uncle Luke!" Ben squealed as he hauled himself into Luke's waiting arms.

"Oof." Luke toppled backwards, the wind knocked out of him by the force of Ben's hug. "You're getting so big," he managed to wheeze as Ben loomed over him, for he seemed to have grown twice what he should have since their last visit. "Soon you'll be taller than I am."

"That's not to hard, Kid." Han's unmistakable drawl was heard as Ben tugged on Luke's hand, helping him back up into a crouch.

"We got a surprise for you, Uncle Luke," Ben told him seriously.

"Oh?" Luke smiled to himself and pinched Ben's cheek. "What-"

He took in a sharp breath as he felt it, a familiar presence floating on the periphery of his Force sense. It was less sharp than it used to be, and darkness which had always clung to her was still there, but it was somewhat tempered, as if it was slowly peeling off, exposing a bright core which had never been allowed to shine.

"Valara," he whispered as he stood, waiting for her to approach. Her name sounded strange on his tongue - he hadn't spoken it in four years. Her hair was shorter than he remembered, cropped around her shoulders, and gone was the fringe which had always hung in her eyes. Now he could see them fully unimpeded, and while the green in them was no less beautiful, there was something else he couldn't quite place.

"Hello, Luke." She smiled and stopped a few paces before him.

An intense and swift wave of feeling rose within him at the sound of her voice, her crisp accent, the way her lips formed around his name. But it was quashed almost immediately by a remembered pain and the sorrow of what had felt like abandonment.

At his side, Ben squeezed Luke's hand tightly and tugged on it, and when he looked down the boy was chewing anxiously on his bottom lip.

"She said she's your friend." Ben shot what could only be described as a suspicious glance at Valara, and then looked back up at Luke with dark eyes. "Is that true?"

"Yes." Luke cast his gaze back at the woman before him, and couldn't help but smile. "It's true."

Valara gave Luke an impish look. "Ben and I have become friends, too."

But Ben crinkled his nose in clear distaste. "Nuh uh. She cheats at dejarik."

Luke laughed - to Ben, anytime he didn't win the other person had to have been cheating. "So what have you been up to?" he asked, changing the subject and refocusing his attention on his nephew, unsure of how to deal with Valara's appearance right then.

"We've been watching swoop races on Corellia," Ben grinned, jumping up and down slightly in excitement.

"Oh?" Luke gave Han a knowing look. "Your Dad still harbouring that dream of being a swoop-racer?"

"It could happen!" Han insisted.

"Oh no," Luke shook his head at Ben in mock horror. "He's not going to tell the story about the CIC escape again?"

"No, Kid, tell us about Beggar's Canyon," Han rolled his eyes. "Because that never gets old."

Ben was almost falling over himself laughing as Chewbacca threatened to bash their heads together if he had to hear either one of those stories again, and slammed one fist into the other paw to prove it.

"Ahem." Valara cleared her throat, reminding them of her presence and giving Han a pointed look.

"Right." Han nodded and clapped his hands together. "Come on, Ben, let's go to the kitchens and see if they have any cookies."

"Cookies!" Ben threw his hands up in the air and sprinted off towards the Temple, Chewie following closely behind. Han gave Luke a firm pat on the shoulder as he walked past, as if to wish him good luck. Curious, he turned back to Valara, who seemed suddenly uneasy.

"So you've been on Corellia all this time?" he asked evenly.

"For the past few months."

"And before that?"

Valara looked away, her shoulder tensing. "A graveyard."

It was clearly something she did not wish to discuss, and Luke did not press the issue. "It's good to see you," he said, stepping forward and pressing a soft, friendly kiss to her cheek. She smiled and turned her face upwards towards his.

"Is it?" she asked. "We didn't leave on the best of terms."

Luke waved his hand dismissively and stepped back. "That's all in the past," he assured her, never one to hold a grudge. "And why wouldn't I be happy to know you've come to ask me to train you?"

Valara gave a surprised but pleased smile. "How do you know that?"

"Why else would you be here?"

"Fair enough," Valara inclined her head. "But you should know I'm not here to be a Jedi. That's not the path for me - but I do want to learn how to use the Force better."

He couldn't help but feel slightly disappointed, although her willingness to embrace the Force was a vast improvement on her prior attitude.
"That's alright," he nodded. "I'm happy to teach anyone who wants to learn - the ways of the Force shouldn't be hoarded by the Jedi alone."

"Good." Valara looked relieved. "So why don't you show me your Temple?"

He was happy to do so, taking her inside the tower to the various rooms and chambers he'd restored; the training gyms, the meditation spaces; the expansive libraries and simulation rooms. On the way he introduced her to his students, some in their late teens, the youngest he would consent to teach, and others well into their middle age. Luke hesitated to call the Temple an Academy - for he had implemented no formal rules or titles just yet. Rather he accepted those who sought knowledge and wisdom, with only a few marked for more extensive Jedi training.

They were in the sparring squares when he noticed it - Valara's fixed and determined look which darted over every object in the vicinity, the close scrutiny as if committing every inch of it to memory; the slight stiffness of her walk and the occasional squinting of her eyes.

"How bad has your vision become?" he asked lightly, reaching out to guide her by the elbow.

"Not as bad as all that," she said somewhat sharply, pulling away from his hand.

"I see," Luke said quietly.

Valara sighed and turned to face him, and he saw in her eyes that which had been unknown before - an encroaching darkness that could not be stopped. It was only on the fringes, barely noticeable and slow-moving, but clearly inevitable.

"Accepting the Force isn't why you're here," Luke said, disappointment lancing through him. "You've only come back now that you need something from me."

"I suppose so," Valara looked up at him with a bare, open expression - she was afraid. "I'm not your usual pilgrim, and you'd have every right to send me packing."

"I never send away anyone asking for help." He reached out and gently tucked a loose lock of hair behind her ear. "You should know that by now."

"Even me?"

"Especially you." His chest felt tight, and Luke forced himself to focus as he pulled back. "The Force can help you see - to open your mind to the world around you when your eyes can't be trusted. But have you thought about bionics?"

"No," Valara said firmly. "Never. I saw with someone else's vision once before - and I know that was different, but...I want to keep what's mine." She looked away, her lower lip trembling slightly. "That sounds silly, I know."

"Not at all." Luke took her hand, and this time she did not pull away. "Come - I've got one last thing to show you."

He took to her the very top of the tower, where vast open windows let in the light. It was a garden, blooming with life and radiating with the Force. In the centre was a tree, with long and wide roots which had crept all along the surface of the garden, even into the walls of the tower.

"It once grew in the heart of the Jedi Temple on Courscant," Luke explained softly, as Valara approached the tree and pressed her palm against the trunk. "Taken by the Empire, whittled down to no more than a sapling. But in the few years I've been here, look how it's grown."

Valara looked up at the branches and leaves of the tree which almost encompassed the entire room. Almost at full maturity, it was the lifeforce of the entire Temple, an epicentre of pure Force energy.

"I keep to to remind myself that the Jedi endure - as long as hope endures."

When Valara turned back to him her eyes were wet, and he could sense the power of the Force which had reached into and touched her troubled soul.

"It's wonderful, Luke," she told him. "You've done so well."

"Thank you."

"It makes me feel like I made the right decision," she added, crossing her arms over her chest and looking down at her feet. "You would never have been able to do all of this if you'd been distracted with me."

Luke pursed his lips, unpleasant memories flooding back - of those isolated days after she'd left, how he'd struggled on alone, every waking hour devoted to rebuilding the Temple. While the company of his family, friends and now students alleviated much of the loneliness in his heart, sometimes in the dark of night he reached out for something just beyond his grasp, collecting only the bitter regrets at what could have been.

"You underestimate me, Valara," he said lightly. "You always have."