Saga Regrets (Post ANH Luke shortie) Part II up 05/20

Discussion in 'Fan Fiction- Before, Saga, and Beyond' started by _Derisa_Ollamhin_, Apr 29, 2003.

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  1. _Derisa_Ollamhin_ Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Jul 31, 2000
    star 4
    Slan, all.

    Okay, so I don't usually write canon chars... but I had this dream, and... well, here ya go. (I blame my friends, especially Alakin, since he hosted the OT viewing at his place just a couple of weeks ago. He can consider that a dedication if he wants. :) )

    This really is a shortie (not a vignette cuz there's more than one post), so no bugging the author for more: once it's done, it's done! :D

    This is set just a few weeks after A New Hope.

    All sorts of feedback most welcome! I hope you enjoy it!


    *Derisa*


    Regrets


    ?Great shot, kid! That was one in a million!?

    After all the congratulations and the back-slapping from the others who had survived the assault, the young pilot finally had a day to himself. He?d been so busy afterwards, he hadn?t had time to really absorb everything that had happened, yet so much had changed.

    ?C?mon, Luke, you can buy me a drink,? Han had said once they?d landed on Ord Mantell, but then he?d had to attend some problem with the Falcon, so Luke had sauntered off alone, with vague plans to meet up later. A drink didn?t sound so bad though, so once he?d dropped off his own gear, he headed out into the port to hunt down a friendly place for a quiet drink.

    Ord Mantell was more of a hive of scum and villainy than Luke had seen since Mos Eisley, but here, on the outskirts of Ten Mile Plateau, things were a little less unsavoury, as the small town was more of a repair and resupply depot for small freighters. ?Keep in mind, when they say ?small freighter? they usually mean ?smuggler?, Luke,? Leia had reminded him as he?d left, but the farmboy well remembered what had happened at Mos Eisley and didn?t need further warning.

    He found a perfect little spot, an open air tapcafe set under the shade of some immense aryss trees. As he slung a leg over the bar stool in the shady cantina, Luke realized it was the first time since he?d joined the Rebellion that he was actually alone. None of his friends, fellow pilots from Red Squadron, Han and Chewie, not even the lovely princess he?d rescued off the Death Star were near. He was alone with his thoughts.

    As he waited for his drink, he frowned down at his hands, and bit his lip, almost wishing that weren?t the case: he didn?t really want to be alone. But why? He was the hero of the Alliance. He?d saved Princess Leia, and then fired the shot that had destroyed the Death Star, the Empire?s most powerful weapon. He might even be on the way to becoming a Jedi, like his father. So why, he wondered, was he so empty inside?

    Actually, he wasn?t, but he wasn?t filled with the things he thought he?d feel. Triumph, happiness, pride... all noticeably absent, especially now, that he was alone. What was there, in their place were disquieting senses of loss, of sorrow, of... regret.

    The first two he understood. He?d lost a lot: everyone dear to him, everyone who might have reminded him of home. His last words with his uncle had been angry, and full of resentment. He wished it could have been different. And Aunt Beru had been so worried for him, so concerned, and all he?d felt was smothered by her maternal fussing. He?d been so angry with the both of them, trying to keep him trapped on the farm for yet another season, when he could have been out in the Galaxy, making a real difference.

    Well, he was out in the Galaxy now, and he?d made a hell of a difference. But that didn?t change the fact that Uncle Owen and Aunt Beru were dead, the farm just so much rubble. And Old Ben, Ben Kenobi, who had been a Jedi Knight... dead as well, at the hands of that embodiment of evil, Darth Vader. Why didn?t he fight back? Why did he just stand there and die? And why, sometimes, at the oddest moments, could Luke still hear his voice, advising him? He was always telling him to trust that vague tickle at the back of his mind, that Luke was only now beginning to recognize was the Force.

    He?d lost Porkins, who had been like a father figure to the younger pilots of Red Squadron. The guys afterwards had said he?d c/>
  2. darla101 Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Feb 11, 2003
    star 3
    First of all, WOW. You really captured Luke, and it was very well done.

    I cant wait for more.

    Got me hooked.
  3. Jane Jinn Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Jan 12, 2000
    star 5
    Very nice! I liked the way that Luke wasn't feeling what he'd expected to feel, but was filled instead with loss, sorrow and regret. But what does he have to regret?

    I liked the paragraph about Porkins, and the way Wedge had taken to him as a mentor and guide.

    Interesting that Luke should think that there was something familiar about the puller, only to discover that the puller was thinking the same thing about him. Arlis. I don't recognize the name. He claims he wasn't going to say the name Skywalker, or at least not Luke. Which other name was he going to blurt out?

    This Citizen of the Galaxy thing sounds significant somehow. There are so few of them ... why?

    A very intriguing start, Derisa, and I'm definitely looking forward to more! :)
  4. maramijade Jedi Padawan

    Member Since:
    Feb 17, 2000
    star 4
    this looks really cool.

    can't wait for more.

  5. Dancing_Jansons Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Oct 1, 2002
    star 3
    Ah, this is very nice. Perhaps Arlis (I don't recognize the name, either) was remembering Anakin?

  6. thebadge Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Mar 15, 2002
    star 4
    That was great please continue.
  7. RebelMom Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Apr 20, 2000
    star 6
  8. Eon-Wan-Mome_NT Jedi Youngling

    Member Since:
    May 1, 2003
    star 3
    Great story. Mood development, tone, all was great!
  9. Jedi_of_Twilight Jedi Youngling

    Member Since:
    Aug 30, 2002
    star 3
    You really capture Luke's character and also I can't help but say...

    Where's the next post?!

    I'm hooked and ready for more...

    please post soon!!!!

    ~Amilight
  10. MariahJade2 Former Fan Fiction Archive Editor

    VIP
    Member Since:
    Mar 18, 2001
    star 5
    So nice to see Luke written like Luke. Why can't the Pro-authors ever seem to get him right? Hope for more soon.
  11. CYNICAL21 Jedi Padawan

    Member Since:
    Jul 8, 2001
    star 4
    Hey, Derisa. You know, I don't usually read Luke-oriented stories, for a couple of reasons. I was never a Lukie-lover, preferring Han's roguishness and Obi-Wan's wisdom, but, more importantly, I've never liked the way he was written, because I never agreed with it. I think the pro-writers forgot that, initially, he was a kid from a backwater world, and any wisdom he gained, had to develop and grow over the years, rather than spring into being overnight. You captured exactly the right image here - and, as always, I could read the back of a cereal carton - if YOU wrote it.

    More soon?

    CYN
  12. _Derisa_Ollamhin_ Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Jul 31, 2000
    star 4
    Geez, guys! Thanks! :)

    So cool to see new names replying to my work. (and a few old ones: maramijade: how have you been? :) )

    Glad you guys are liking this characterisation of Luke. As CYN noted, and I believe as well, there is no way a person goes from farmboy to Jedi master without some personal growth, and there is a dearth of that in the published material. I had rather hoped to show one small part of that developement with this story: it's good to know I'm close.

    Anyway, here's the next piece. Looks like there'll only be one after this.

    Hope you like.


    *Derisa*


    ?The Force is strong with this one.?


    ?...and that was that. Wedge was hit, he had to pull out. Biggs hung on as long as he could, but...? Luke?s voice broke off as he again remembered his friend, the broad smile on his handsome face. He?d never see that smile again, and while he?d had that painful realisation before, this time it hit him like a sharp punch in the solar-plexus. For a moment he was unable to breathe.

    ?Many friends lost,? the Arkanian said slowly, his pale eyes on his cup.

    Luke looked up, startled: he?d almost forgotten that he wasn?t alone. ?Yeah,? he said after a pause, ?A lot of friends.?

    ?So you were alone in the trench?? his companion prompted, and Luke forced himself to take up the threads of his story again. He?d told it many times, to many audiences, but this time, he lacked the enthusiasm for his subject matter.

    As he recounted that fateful flight again, a part of him listened dispassionately, and he felt an odd curiosity that he should find it so easy to confide in a perfect stranger, if that?s what Arlis was. Over the shared meal, Luke had again felt that disconcerting sense that he knew the puller from somewhere.

    On with the story: he explained how Han had flown into the trench and in a dazzling display of marksmanship and piloting, removed the only threats to Luke?s successful completion of the mission. Even as the last TIE, Vader?s own specially modified starfighter, had spun off wildly into space, Luke had unleashed his torpedoes. As he recounted the event, his hands tightened on the table edge, as if pressing the triggers on his yoke again.

    And as, in memory, his ship flew free of the impending explosion, he felt it build up inside him, that which his triumph and elation and sheer releif at having survived the attack had shielded from him. Fear. Terror. Anguish. Pain.

    The strange pang he?d felt earlier returned, regret and sorrow mingling heavily inside him.

    The Arkanian was strangely still, his milky eyes fixed unseeing on a point somewhere between Luke?s hands, as though he were reliving the moment with the young pilot. Luke saw the fine skin under his eyes tighten, and his brows draw together in an expression of heavy pain, and he nodded, for the first time feeling it within himself, unacknowledged and fighting for release. Again, his breath caught.

    Arlis sagged back in his seat, his face carying the memory of immeasurable pain. In a flash of intuition, Luke saw another face overlaying the Arkanian?s: that was who he reminded the young pilot of: Old Ben! He glanced back through the times, and recalled when he?d seen Ben sag back like that, thrown off balance suddenly, by some invisible force outside himself.

    ?As though many voices cried out at once...

    In tune with the Force, Ben had somehow felt some great disturbance, and what was only a weird twinge to Luke was obviously almost a blow to the old Jedi Master. It wasn?t till some time later the pieces had fallen into place, and Luke had known that Ben had felt the death of Alderaan.

    ...and were suddenly silenced.?

    Seeing that same expression on the face of his companion, and the sharp bite of something through the force at the moment the Death Star had exploded into a million points of light... the pieces suddenly fell into place for him. He?d been a lot closer to that cataclysm than Ben had been to Alderaan... he'd caused it.

    ?I killed them,? />
  13. sitara-min Jedi Youngling

    Member Since:
    May 16, 2003
  14. dianethx Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Mar 1, 2002
    star 6
    Oh, wonderfully done. Such a poignant post...poor Luke.
  15. RebelMom Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Apr 20, 2000
    star 6
    Very powerful. I could feel the emotions. the conflict is so real - he's honored for destroying a weapon of mass destruction, yet when he suddenly realizes the cost in terms of human life. the weapon needed destroyed but the price was so high. Poor Luke.
  16. maramijade Jedi Padawan

    Member Since:
    Feb 17, 2000
    star 4
    Poor kid's all broken up about this. . .
    He needs some cheering up, or ;) just someone to talk to. . .

    Keep it coming. . .

  17. darla101 Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Feb 11, 2003
    star 3
    You know that actually occurred to me before. Its nice to see it done in a fic and it was very well done.
  18. dianethx Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Mar 1, 2002
    star 6
    Darla101 It was also a big talking scene in the movie "Clerks" - whether it was moral to kill off all the technicians and tradespeople on the Deathstar when it blew up. The humor was definitely graveyard style!

    And this fic is nothing like it, of course.....I prefer this fic to the movie...
  19. REBADAMS7 Jedi Padawan

    Member Since:
    Feb 5, 2001
    star 4
    A play in three parts
    Excellent work here
    More Please
    REb
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