Saga REPOST: Turn Back Time [Response to 1990s Pop Music - Songfic Roulette Challenge!: Vader-Anakin,]

Title: Turn Back Time
Author: Alexis_Wingstar, though the song belongs to Aqua
Timeline: Near the end of RoTJ
Summary: What was Darth Vader/Anakin thinking as he watched the emporer attack Luke? This is a response to 1990s Pop Music - Songfic Roulette Challenge!
Note: @cje24576 PMed me asking if I'd posted this anywhere else than on these forums because they wished to read the rest. Well, I hadn't, and had lost the original copy, so had to re-write the ending. This was originally written back in 2007, and I'm re-posting it here.

~~~

Turn Back Time

I am Darth Vader.

I watch as my master strikes with his power one who refuses to serve him.

Give me time to reason,
give me time to think it through
Passing through the season,
where I cheated you

Why am I standing here just watching him kill my son? What kind of man have I become? Who am I? I am the emperor’s right hand man. I have sworn fealty to him. I am also the boy’s father. What does that mean to me? I am a dark lord of the Sith. Love has no meaning for me any more. Yet, if it does not, why do I feel such a strong bond with Luke. His agony sears my soul. A soul I thought lost long ago when I lost his mother. When...

I will always have a cross to wear,
but the bolt reminds me I was there

...when I was Anakin Skywalker. That name no longer holds meaning for me. There is only Darth Vader now. Anakin Skywalker died when... no, it is not true. I am still him. As my master’s force lightning flashes blindingly, I remember the time before I gave in to the dark side. I remember the fear, pride, passion, and selfish ambition that I let lead me to where I am now. I see it clearly now. I told myself I was doing this for the boy’s mother. I did not wish to lose her, but my actions are what made the nightmare come true.

So give me strength,
to face this test tonight

My life since then has been a lie! I turned my back on everything good in my life. My wife, my unborn children, the Jedi, Obi-Wan -- my brother. Force forgive me!

I must stop this. I cannot let Darth Sidious kill my son!

Ah, it hurts, but I am used to pain. I can do this. I am the only one who can do this. I am “The Chosen One” after all. Damn, how I always hated that title. It set me apart. It made me proud. It made me want more power than the Jedi could give me -- no, the title did not do that. It was my own pride wanting to show everyone, especially the Jedi Council, that I was better than they were. I wanted to rub their collective noses into the ground for not wanting to train me from the beginning. My pride and anger, not the title led me here. I know this as I throw my master down the core of the Death Star. I know this as I feel death come for me.

If only I could turn back time
If only I had said what I still hide
If only I could turn back time
I would stay for the night. For the night...

My son kneels over me. He holds me. I look into those earnest blue eyes and I see myself before I let my desires drive me to darkness. It has been a very long night. I look into my son’s eyes and I finally see the dawn. I see love and sorrow in those eyes. I do not deserve that love. I have not been a true father to the boy.

Claim your right to science
Claim your right to see the truth
Though my pangs of conscience,
Will drill a hole in you

His sister -- force, I have tortured my daughter!

The pain of this realization is far worse than the pain coming from my failing body.

Leia is so much like her mother. Strong and beautiful. Will she ever be able to forgive me for what I have done to her? I am not sure if I am seeking forgiveness from my daughter or my wife. Perhaps it is both.

I seen it coming like a thief in the night,
I seen it coming from the flash of your light

So give me strength, to face this test tonight

Death is coming for me. I hear the Force call to me. I feel it reaching out to embrace me. There is one thing I must do before I let go.

If only I could turn back time
If only I had said what I still hide
If only I could turn back time..
I would stay for the night

I finally look into my son’s eyes with my own. I see forgiveness and accept it. I sense his love and return it. As I feel the Force beckon me, I smile. This is the first time I am at peace.

Thank you, my son.

And thank you for this lovely, insightful, touching piece. Hugs!

I love the ending...so touching and beautiful! Great job!!

Absolutely beautiful! Loved it! Fantastic job! And thank you for reposting it!