Saga Republic Commando: Survivor's Guilt (Atin vignette, PG)

Disclaimer: Lucas owns all of it.

Survivor's Guilt

Red. Pure crimson blinded me. My HUD made it absolutely apparent I was down. 'Incapacitated' flashed in the center of my visor, over and over, mocking me. I struggled to get back on my feet.

I pictured myself pathetically writhing like the wounded beast I was.

"Atin! Hold on, we're on our way!"

"N...No..." I protested.

I was disgusted with myself. I wasn't an amateur, I was a damned professional!

I was born to be a professional. Literally born to do this job. My genes were copied from the great Jango Fett, then tinkered with by those Kaminoans. I hated them. We weren't men to them. We weren't human.

We were products. Cattle. Cannon fodder.

We commandos aren't supposed to make mistakes. We can't make mistakes because we're professionals. I took pride in that. Perfect warriors. Feared warriors that made no mistakes.

Fierfek. Some professional. A professional doesn't lay belly up on the ground, soaking wet with his blood. A professional doesn't make a stupid mistake that forces his mates to save him from his incompetence. A professional who makes a mistake deserves to die.

I deserved to die. I wasn't a professional. I was a disgrace to my mates. A liability. I prayed they'd give up and continue with our mission, leaving me to die.

I'd been running on point. I came across a wounded Geonosion spewing blood out is mouth. And for a split-second, I hesitated. Despite all my training, I hesitated. That was all the time bloody scumbag needed.

With his remaining strength, he fired a blast at me. At point blank range, a sonic round does wonders.

Now here I was, suffering the consequences. Why did I hesitate? Because I had a heart. I guess those long-necked di'kuts can't get everything. I took mercy upon another living being, another soul. And that was the flaw. The mistake.

I vowed to never again take mercy of any kind upon any possible threat. I will be cold-blooded. I will be heartless. I will be a killer.

Never again would a comrade's life be risked because of my mistake. I will be a professional.

~~~

"There we go. Gotta love bacta. You took a hell of a hit, commando. I'm sorry about your mates. Any other injuries?" asked the medic, shouting over the engines of the rising gunship.

I closed my eyes and nodded.

"Where?"

Eyes still shut, I put my palm on my chest plate, right where my heart would be.

 

You took my story idea, I was playin with a RC story. BTW Simper Fi.

 

Like I said in your other fic, good stuff. (I know, I'm a little short on vocabulary when it comes to praising others.) I wanted to copy & paste bits of your fic that I liked, but then I realized I would wind up c&p-ing the whole thing.

I have two nitpicks, though, neither of which has anything to do with the quality of your work. First, the highest rating allowed on these boards is PG. And second, I don't think this fic is gory and/or violent enough to be PG-13.

Like I keep repeating, great stuff. I'm looking forward to your next story.

- lazy

 

RC is one of my favorite EU books. I was thrilled to see your vignette about Atin. You did a great job of capturing his personality.

 

Yes, I'm sure you're the only other person who wants to do a RC story.

And it's Semper Fi.

 

Well, I just wanted to be on the safe side. As in, I didn't want someone expecting a PG thing get all offended and such.

That kinda puzzles me, though. You're supposed to be 13 years or older, yet PG-13 isn't allowed.

 

We commandos aren't supposed to make mistakes. We can't make mistakes because we're professionals. I took pride in that. Perfect warriors. Feared warriors that made no mistakes.

Oh, nice! Loved the last line, too.

 

Thanks.

 

Nice job! I like your idea of how Atin lost his old squad...
Keep up the good work

 

Bump this sweet viggie...

 

Phwoar! Thanks for the up, Dave, it's been in awhile!

 

Antilles that was really good.

After Hard Contact i wondered how Atin lost his Squad
you did an awsome job of giving a sense of loss from the perspective of Atin
really nice work

 

Ah, thanks.

 

Holy crap, this thing's been nominated!

 

As well it should be Antilles!

That last line really moved me when Atin put his hand over his heart. You captured gloomy Atin's survivor's guilt perfectly. Great job Antilles!

 

Thanks!

 

Sah-weeet!!

I like this story. Basically because I love the clones and everything about them. I haven't read any of the books or even played RC yet but I'm sure to get around to it.

Why did I hesitate? Because I had a heart. I guess those long-necked di'kuts can't get everything. I took mercy upon another living being, another soul. And that was the flaw. The mistake.

I don't know why I like this part soooo much!!!

But I do. I guess it has something to do to how commited the clones are to being fighters, soldiers and the like, bred for it and trained for it but it just makes them what they are.

It kinda answers the whole genetics or surroundings question huh.

Later!!

 

Thanks for your feedback. Please, go read Hard Contact by Karen Traviss. If you love the clones as much as you say you do, you won't regret it.