Saga Requiem for a Jedi. Completed.

Discussion in 'Fan Fiction- Before, Saga, and Beyond' started by Valairy Scot, Feb 1, 2012.

Moderators: Briannakin, mavjade
  1. Valairy Scot Chosen One

    Member Since:
    Sep 16, 2005
    star 5
    Jade_Max: You get into Obi-Wan's head oh so very well. His conflict, his concern, his frustration all tie into one overriding statement that you captured just beautifully with this statement: Once more Obi-Wan had to fix whatever wouldn?t have been broken if Anakin hadn?t been in the middle trying to fix what wasn?t broken!

    I love that; it sums up Anakin's rash actions beautifully not just in this story but also as a whole. Obi-Wan cleaning up Aankin's messes.

    Whether it always comes out or not, I "feel" Obi-Wan in a way that I don't often have to think how he would feel and react. I write him as if I were him and I'm glad you feel that's true to his character.

    Toni: This mission stretched Obi-Wan?s emotions a bit, I?m sure ? frustrations and all. I'm sure, too.

    Earlybird-Obi-Wan: Thanks, but TCW wrote the action & I just translated it back to words.

    ZaraValinor: I was a little unnerved by Obi-Wan's brutality when I watched this episode, but at the same time it makes sense. He was forced to hurt Anakin to save him. I felt the same and knew there had to be a reason for it ? and I didn?t think his frustration with Anakin would drive him to blows, hence my take on it.

    Serendipityaey: little of Obi-Wan truly seems to be captured on that show... Usually, yes, he's the Jedi passing on orders or taking a beating (takes a licking but keeps on ticking - anyone remember those Timex commercials?)

    Charie: I?m not sure how much rift I?ll get into ? more than the show, though, I promise. It may be left ?open? enough for a related story set a bit later, though (no, I don't have any plans for a sequel but one never knows).

    Chapter 8.

    One trouble with trouble is that is usually starts out like fun? ~~

    This was going to be a much happier landing ? no hurtling nose first into a swamp, no splat onto an unforgiving rock mesa. Obi-Wan could almost be dancing with delight ? his version, of course, an upturned corner of his lips and a spark in his eyes ? but what might otherwise be an ebullient mood was dampened by the knowledge that this was Serenno and that Count Dooku awaited.

    Fooling Bane and Eval was one thing. Fooling Dooku was another.

    With a quiet indrawn breath to center himself and a quick check that his shielded Force presence was well muted, he followed his two companions in crime down the ship?s ramp and up to the imposing presence of Count Dooku. Of course introductions were first in order.
    So civilized, of course. One might be deeply involved in a plot to assassinate the Chancellor, but manners were not to be ignored. Courtesy before mayhem.

    As it turned out, it was courtesy before challenge. Moralo Eval, revealed to be the architect - or perhaps evil mastermind, that remained to be seen ? of ?The Box.? This collection of notorious bounty hunters ? amongst them Sixtat, ?the Outlands Butcher;? Derrown, ?the Exterminator;? Embo, he of a hat that dwarfed even Bane?s, those being ones he knew of or had butted heads with in the past ? and others new to him. Both genders and multiple species were represented: Weequay, Rhodian, Snivvian, Selketh, and Ithorian to name just a few. Some were known for brutality; some for athletic skill. All twelve were asked to compete in an elimination-by-death tourney for the right to participate in Dooku?s just now revealed plot ? and not one demurred; greed overcame prudence.

    Deadly company indeed: each and every one of them willing to risk elimination for someone else?s political goal of bringing ?the Republic to its knees.?

    For an instant a thought tickled at Obi-Wan: challenge Dooku here and now to a fight, but he dismissed it almost as instantly. He could not trust that it would be a man against man fight; bounty hunters were loyal to reward only and would not hesitate to move against him even if Dooku accepted his challenge, for between the two of them, only Dooku could reward handsomely. And should he lose?the plo
  2. ZaraValinor Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    May 31, 2002
    star 4
    Ah Anakin, this is the type of revenge you should deal in. I can just imagine all those stoic Council members after flying with Anakin stuffed in a fresher. Hilarious.
  3. serendipityaey Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Jan 24, 2004
    star 4
    Love Obi-Wan's thoughts on what the war has necessitated for them all, and Anakin's 'Obi-Wan is alive' Very nice :)
  4. Toni Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Jul 11, 1998
    star 1
    Love that Anakin knows that Obi-Wan is alive - can't wait to see what will happen to the Council when he's through with them.
  5. earlybird-obi-wan Chosen One

    Member Since:
    Aug 21, 2006
    star 6
    Great insight in Obi-Wan and why he is doing it.

    And Anakin and Ahsoka love how you write them
  6. Jade_Max Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Jun 28, 2002
    star 5
    Obi-Wan is very much a pragmatist pacifist who specializes in passive-aggressive tactics. If you write him like you, yourself think, I'm in awe :eek:

    I loved this; Obi-Wan's realization as to just what he's gotten himself into; his reaction to Bane's casual brutality and everything are just spot on with the character we know and love. Very well done.

    Anakin's desier to get answers echos the show's but I love how you wrote Ahsoka's "Chalk one up for the Padawan" *laughs* I grinned, I laughed, I thought "Oh, well played!"

    She's totally her Master's Padawan *grin* as exhibited by her own inventive suggestion for getting answers ;)

    Bravo! Another brilliant chapter :D
  7. charie Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Oct 6, 2007
    star 2

    That was great! More,more soon???? Looking forward to the drama between Anakin and Obi-wan. Can I convince you to do a sequel? Loving your writing as usual.:)=D=
  8. Luna_Nightshade Manager Emeritus

    Member Since:
    Jan 25, 2006
    star 5
    I'm glad that Anakin has Ahsoka with him as he tries to figure out Obi-Wan's situation. I also have really enjoyed how you are showing Obi-Wan wrestling with the idea that the the Jedi are compromising their morals for the war and that it will cost them. Also felt bad for him as Anakin is getting pummeled. Very well-written past couple chapters--your characters always feel just right. Looking forward to more!
  9. Gkilkenny Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Mar 27, 2004
    star 4
    Valairy wrote:
    Gkilkenny: I?m writing again (and it feels GOOD) but not plotting, as you can see. I somewhat self-identify with the style of a certain SW writer who was absolutely blasted (quite brutally) over in LIT for aspects of her writing that mine echo. It was ? disheartening ? to see how abominable the comments were and know that those same words could be applied equally to my writing. Any self-esteem I may have had as a writer just plummeted and I just could not ? did not even want ? to ever write again.

    I apologise for disappearing. Where did I go? After chapter two.:oops:

    Yes, self esteem does drop when no matter how hard you try the comments are always the same. I don't know LIT but I had the same problem on a site when I began writing my stories. I was bashed by every poster, but must admit some of their comments did help me even if they bashed as well, but every post was too much to bear and eventually I left that site. However that was years ago and I have moved on. I write at two sites now and both, this one and the other have been helpful and kind to me.

    I can tell you though it does knock the self confidence around. You learn over time which sites to go to and which to avoid.

    Nevertheless, You have come through it with a great come back in this story, and I am remiss that I haven?t been around much to read after chapter two. Shame on me! But that is all changed now and I?m reading again.[:D]

    Chap 3
    Without Master Obi-Wan at his side his very light seemed diminished. Anakin did grieve silently.:_|

    Obi-Wan forever the worrier about Anakin.

    Anakin was not one to forgive easily and quite frankly, Obi-Wan wasn?t sure any of them were even entitled after perpetuating a deception of this magnitude. Deception is rife and not only by the sith

    This is all for a good reason; this is necessary. The Chancellor was far too important to risk; better to risk his relationship with Anakin. Oh dear if only they knew what kind of Chancellor they have.[face_devil]

    Oh such angst, it draws me in.=D=

    Chapter 4
    ?It?s not all me, not all wishing to avenge you. It?s not about me, truly, but it?s the only way to deal with the pain of losing you. I miss you, so much. I ? I loved you and I never told you, did I? Jedi don?t speak those words, but it is true and I think you knew it. I knew you loved me, so you must have known I loved you. You did, didn?t you??

    It is a shame he couldn?t tell Obi-Wan face to face.[face_love]

    Great characterisation I wish I could see those episodes of TCW:_|

    Chapter 5 Just about to read it, don't want to rush a good story. =D=
  10. Valairy Scot Chosen One

    Member Since:
    Sep 16, 2005
    star 5
    ZaraValinor: I can just imagine all those stoic Council members after flying with Anakin stuffed in a fresher. Aha?spawning bunnies: A whacked universe story.[face_thinking]

    Serendipityaey: Glad you enjoyed it.

    Toni: The Council will be unhappy, I?m sure, but no repentant, most likely.

    Earlybird-Obi-Wan: Anakin and Ahsoka are fun to write. I?ve warmed to her, although I still don?t think she?s like I imagine a Temple-raised padawan would be.

    Jade_Max: Obi-Wan is very much a pragmatist pacifist who specializes in passive-aggressive tactics. If you write him like you, yourself think, I'm in awe. Er, squirms a bit, sorta, but isn?t passive-aggressive considered a negative personality trait? I?ve got more than my share of those.

    She's totally her Master's Padawan *grin* as exhibited by her own inventive suggestion for getting answers.

    Charie: You want explosions? 60?s Batman-style boom-bam-pow? [face_devil] More aggressive than normal sparring? I know the style of confrontation that is coming?[face_whistling]

    Luna_Nightshade: I love shading morals in gray because in real life things are rarely so starkly right and wrong. Because I?m on the fence on how far one can/should take things I can have my characters on that same seesaw only they get to sit on either side while I get to be the fulcrum in the middle. I can be as messily emotional as Anakin while as detachedly logical as Obi-Wan (when either goes to his extreme) so it?s fun to explore through them my own various facets of personality.

    Gkilkenny: Lit is one of the forums here, and Karen Miller was bashed ferociously as a hack writer, bad fanfic writer, all stuff that I?ve hopefully buried and forgotten because it was absolutely brutal. It was the worst kind of negativity I hope never to encounter because one can critique without being such utter cesspools of comment.

    I have to say I am having fun with this story and getting more and more "my own story" as I go along although there's a few scenes I've struggled to get just the way I want them, but overall the writing has been quite smooth. Easy, when someone else did the plotting (hint: I'll take any story plot/suggestions anyone wants to offer up for my own - unique :D - spin on things).

    Chapter 9.

    Imagination is the voice of daring. If there is anything Godlike about God it is that. He dared to imagine everything. ~~ Henry Miller

    Obi-Wan was not a fanciful man; no Jedi would ever so dare. Imaginative, perhaps, though even such was something not encouraged, leading so often to fears and anxieties that held no place in a Jedi?s life. Like much in life, though, imagination could be useful if kept within one?s control, a tool to discern the unexpected, to react as unforeseen and thus stupefy others with an unforeseen twist ? it was not wisdom, not skill, not always the Force, that had given Obi-Wan the reputation of a brilliant strategist in this war but his ability to imagine the vast range of possibilities.

    Imagination, like ?bad feelings,? could be either a curse or a blessing if allowed to roam free and untended within the mind, so long mindful of his former master?s discouragement of both in days now long gone, Obi-Wan tamped burgeoning imagination overlain with anticipation down to curiosity with the discipline that came with years of practice. Curiosity was a far more useful emotion in such a high stakes game as this.

    Of course, the image of a ?game? was the first thing whispered by his mind once they entered the box proper, whisked there by an elevated floor.

    A box indeed, a bare and sterile cube traced by faint lines in a grid pattern, their purpose as yet unclear. It looked like a hologame opening logo on steroids of some kind, a game into which they had stepped as holographic participants. A box, but looks could so often be deceiving. That had been one of the first lessons drilled into him, years before he became Qui-Gon?s pad
  11. earlybird-obi-wan Chosen One

    Member Since:
    Aug 21, 2006
    star 6
    exciting action and Obi-Wan escaping the traps, remembering things from the past.

    Love this
  12. Toni Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Jul 11, 1998
    star 1
    Like that Dooku has noticed "Hardeen" and that Obi-Wan seems able to get through Dooku's bounty hunter tests relatively easily. You've captured the commotion so well!
  13. obimom Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    Oct 31, 2010
    star 4
    Somehow I missed chapter 6!! HOw did that happen? :rolleyes:

    Anyway, that was a very interesting chapter. So now I know how Anakin came to be going after teh bounty hunters....good ole Palpatine..

    He can always be counted on to undermine the Jedi Council to Anakin, can't he?

    :) or [face_frustrated]

    Anyway, I'll have to figure out if I've missed anything else, and catch up to where you are to the latest post.

    But must run now...:)
  14. ForceForGood Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Jan 17, 2010
    star 1
    Action chapters are so challenging to write! You did a great job. I could feel the tension.

    By the way, I wanted to comment on something you mentioned earlier, about critics bringing you down. I totally understand what you said, because I've noticed negativity tends to kill my muse. But I firmly believe that if you write for pleasure - and I think everyone here does - then I don't think you need to care a fig what critics say. Write what you want to write and enjoy it. And no matter what your style is, there's bound to be some readers who will enjoy what you've written too. Like us. :)
  15. charie Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Oct 6, 2007
    star 2

    Does Dooku suspect something? I wondered in the show why Dooku didn't 'sense' at least a force presence? I can't wait for more! Can I have a PM?=D=
  16. Gkilkenny Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Mar 27, 2004
    star 4
    "Trust Obi-Wan to do what he must do, I do," Yoda conceded. "But even a Jedi's shoulder can only bear so much."

    ?I hate persistent bad feelings,? Obi-Wan muttered under his breath.

    They like stabbing each other in the back.

    Chap 7

    This is why I hate flying ? everyone wants to knock me out of the sky.

    Anakin loves getting into trouble.

    Chap 8

    Anakin is happy that Obi-Wan is alive but how long before he hets annoyed because he wasn't told the truth.

    Ah finally caught up to Chap 9

  17. Valairy Scot Chosen One

    Member Since:
    Sep 16, 2005
    star 5
    Earlybird-Obi-Wan: Obi-Wan was a little too successful in escaping the traps ? Dooku?s suspicious now

    Toni: Thanks ? you?re right, that was a lot of commotion.

    Obi-mom: Um?you weren?t paying attention? Working on your story?

    ForceForGood: Thanks ? I find writing action(that *I* had to choreograph) extremely challenging. As for caring/not caring about my stories reception ? well, we humans are wired that way. Like singing for me ? it?s a passion and one wants to be recognized as good at one?s passion.

    Charie: Dooku is suspicious, yes.

    Gkilkenny: Anakin is happy that Obi-Wan is alive but how long before he hets annoyed because he wasn't told the truth.Not long, but he?ll vacillate between irritated and relieved ? until he gets really pissed off.

    So...see my note post-the-post.

    Chapter 10.

    While no one is expected to leap tall buildings in a single bound, our aspiring heroes will be tested on their courage, integrity, self-sacrifice, compassion and resourcefulness - the stuff of all true superheroes. ~~ Stan Lee

    ?Still no word from Obi-Wan.? Mace strode into the Council chamber and sat on the edge of his seat, studying Yoda. ?Have you seen anything in the Force?

    ?Only trouble and pain.?

    Leaning forward, elbows resting on his knees and his hands clasped under his chin, Mace asked, carefully, almost afraid of the question or perhaps the answer, ?Is he alive??

    ?Hard to see that is. Triumph and outrage stain the Force, the source nebulous as if coming from multiple sources, clouded it makes the Force. Young Skywalker senses our deception, I feel, although sure I am not whether he senses the entire truth or just a part. The triumph is his, as is the pain, much pain. Wrong we were by not telling him the truth sooner.?

    ?We tried, Yoda; we could not reach him.?

    ?Try there is not!? Yoda snapped back; then sighed. ?No choice we had, but bad timing this was. Shaking off the effects of his enslavement by the Zygerrians Obi-Wan still was; affected was young Anakin as well. No respite has either had in months; much we demand of them- much the Force demands of them.?

    ?We are servants of the Force.?

    ?Remind me of that you do not need to. Bodies and minds we are as well; bodies and minds can only be stretched so far. Stretch a cord too far and what happens ? it starts to fray, it wears out ? eventually it will snap. We cannot afford to snap.?

    ?And you think Obi-Wan is on the verge of snapping??

    ?Mmm, stretching thin he is but nearer to snapping is young Skywalker. Wise this ruse was not.? Yoda turned and faced Mace. ?A mistake and yet, no other choice did we have.?

    Their conversation was broken off by the arrival of the other Council members; the lead topic was the Chancellor?s preemptory assignment of Skywalker to pursue the escaped Hardeen, Bane, and Eval. Palpatine had single-handedly decided the Order?s plans were a failure without once inquiring just what that plan was, and the consequences of his interference were unimaginable.

    He may well have doomed one Jedi to die at the hand of a second.

    Mace leaned back in his seat, eyes glittering. ?The Chancellor should not have interfered; he quite likely has put Obi-Wan in peril by high-handedly sending Anakin after ?Hardeen.? If by chance Anakin has killed Obi-Wan ? he will never forgive us. We cannot forgive ourselves.?

    ?The Chancellor?s doing it would be?but our own contribution we cannot overlook.? Yoda looked down and absently traced a circle with his gimer stick. ?Obi-Wan is alive, this I know but only because of young Anakin?s triumph. Only pain would he feel if it were otherwise.?

    A slight hiss of relief escaped Mace?s otherwise grim lips.

    ?I?ve never seen Palpatine so high-handed before. We had this plan well underway to protect him from something he could easily protect himself from by just staying away from Naboo and he interferes, using one of us, using Skywalker, interfering with our plan without know
  18. earlybird-obi-wan Chosen One

    Member Since:
    Aug 21, 2006
    star 6
    exciting action and cliffies, before the move[face_skull]
  19. Toni Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Jul 11, 1998
    star 1
    Glad the Council realizes that Palpatine's interference is dangerous and they made a mistake in not telling Anakin the truth - and I can see how being "Hardeen" could get too real for Obi-Wan's liking.
  20. charie Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Oct 6, 2007
    star 2
    Sounds great! I'm in:) thanks for writing:)
  21. Gkilkenny Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Mar 27, 2004
    star 4

    Note Silly question8-} Of course we'd want another heartwrenching and cliffhanging episode before the move. pretty please.[:D]

    Note 2 What! Maul is alive:eek: ... it was a secret to me and I can't think of anything that would make me believe he is. Now if they want to do a series on the real hero of the saga (Obi-Wan) then I'd find a way to watch that show. but TCW is too centred on Anakin and Asoka or whoever she is. Yes incorporate your own elements and scenerios There is no way that Maul is real it has to be a clone.

    I wonder if they will see another side to Palpatine and stop trusting the man so much.

    Obi-Wan is in the thick of it without backup. Not good.

    =D= @};- :cool:

  22. Luna_Nightshade Manager Emeritus

    Member Since:
    Jan 25, 2006
    star 5
    As for your question, I'm never going to complain about a V_S update! :D

    I love your descriptions of this battle going on, and how it feels like Survivor on steroids or what I know of the Hunger Games. I also like that the Council realizes that what they did here was a mistake and one that Anakin won't forgive, knowing Anakin. I like seeing how they struggle watching this. Great updates, and looking forward to more, either here or on the new ship.
  23. serendipityaey Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Jan 24, 2004
    star 4
    Loved the beginning - the quote and Yoda, and that he acknowledged that what they've done was a bad idea, but maybe they hadn't had any other choice.

    **So with Hardeen?s easy swagger and Kenobi?s calm confidence, Obi-Wan straightened, turned away from Bane and tipped his head upwards.**

    Love! Lol, very Obi-Wan, almost like the same sentiment as seeing the best in everyone and masterfully written. Great chapter. I say 'post, post!' But then I'm always so slow about everything, so I don't know how much that counts. And I am always for fixing what needs to be fixed [face_frustrated]
  24. Valairy Scot Chosen One

    Member Since:
    Sep 16, 2005
    star 5
    Earlybird-obi-wan: THIS is what I call a cliffie.

    Toni: The Council is more than capable of making mistakes, especially since they find the Force ?clouded.?

    Charie: You?re welcome.

    Gkilkenny: Indeed, Obi-Wan did not kill Maul in TPM. Hate kept Maul alive, TCW cured his insanity with Dathomir witch magic so that he could beat the tar out of Obi-Wan alive. :rolleyes: We?re lucky ANH requires Obi-Wan to be alive, otherwise he?d be dead.

    Luna_Nightshade: Only thing I know about Hunger Games is the previews at the TPM 3D showings. Yeah, the Council is concerned, but they?d do the same thing again.

    Serendipityaey: This "role" is tough on Obi-Wan (probably any Jedi) because to be successful, he has to be other than himself, and I think a Jedi tries above all else to be true to the self (and the Force). Now, if the Force was telling him to "be" Hardeen, warts and all, well, that would be an interesting plot bunny - would a Jedi compromise his morals at the request of the Force or see it as a non-conflict?

    Chapter 11.

    Consistency is the last refuge of the unimaginative. ~~ Oscar Wilde

    Feeling both light of spirit and heavy in heart, Anakin stepped into Yoda?s meditation room, much of his turbulent emotion bled off during the long flight home. He?d been abruptly ordered there upon landing at the Temple which was fine by him. Anakin was in the mood for answers and he would have demanded them, summoned or not.

    At least he had had the time on the trip home to think. He couldn?t really say he had calmed down, but the edge of his anger had banked into righteous indignation.

    Obi-Wan was alive.

    Force, he was going to kill his old master for this deception and then ? well, he just might set all Jedi decorum aside and actually hug the man. Then he?d kill him a second time, although the hug itself might well do it. Obi-Wan would almost certainly drop dead of a heart attack, especially if the cruel deed was in front of the Council. His old master was downright fanatic with his insistence on proper protocol and demeanor.

    Hang protocol.

    Hugged to death. Obi-Wan. Now there was something impossible to truly contemplate.

    No wonder a frown and a smile had fought for control of Anakin?s expression the entire way home. Only Obi-Wan had this kind of power over him. Only his old master could drive him to delight and affronted anger simultaneously.

    Affronted indignation alone accompanied him to this meeting with Yoda, for he well knew the Council bore the bantha?s degree of fault for his current state of mind. Obi-Wan had been ordered to deceive Anakin and as usual, the man had submitted to their so-called ?greater wisdom.?

    Force blast the man?s humble deference to those he deemed wiser and more in tune with the Force. Obi-Wan was a great Jedi in his own right. He loved the man...but he was aggravating beyond belief.


    ?Your ?box? does not seem to be as much of a challenge as I thought. Perhaps I should put Hardeen in charge of the mission,? Dooku mused. Beside him, Eval stiffened in outrage.

    ?But this was my plan; you promised me the lead role,? Eval protested.

    Slimy toad, half kowtowing, half challenging ? protesting and deferring all at the same time. Dooku found the display a bit pitiful. Eval was a servant, a minion and when his usefulness was exhausted, his life would be forfeit.

    ?You have one last test to change my mind.? He decided to be magnanimous and hide his contempt.

    ?Do not fear, Count Dooku, I will show you who is weak.? Somehow finding his spine, Eval had found courage at last.


    ?You wanted to see me, Master,? Anakin inquired politely, a cold edge to his voice.

    A banked fire within, Anakin stepped within Yoda?s meditation chamber. As usual the blinds were half shut, bars of light and dark striping the walls and the floor, bars of shadow and light. It could be a prison built of light and barred by darkness; a prison the Order built around i
  25. earlybird-obi-wan Chosen One

    Member Since:
    Aug 21, 2006
    star 6

    and nice musings of Anakin about his master

    See you on the new boards
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