Revenge of the Sith Abridged Script

Discussion in 'Greenville, NC' started by Dal--Intrepid, Jun 15, 2005.

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  1. Dal--Intrepid Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    Mar 13, 2002
    star 5
    You knew it was coming. Seems like there's one for every movie, but this one has some funny parts. I think I've cleaned it up enough for posting it here or you can just go here.


    STAR WARS: EPISODE III - REVENGE OF THE SITH: THE ABRIDGED
    SCRIPT?

    By Rod Hilton



    FADE IN:

    EXT. SPACE

    Two NOT-QUITE-TIE-FIGHTERS fly and zoom around, the camera
    chasing wildly behind them in a way that only computer
    generated scenes can show. We see that they have EWAN
    MCGREGOR and HAYDEN CHRISTENSEN in them.

    EWAN MCGREGOR
    I can hardly tell who is shooting
    who in this dizzying space battle
    sequence!

    HAYDEN CHRISTENSEN
    Yeah, it's pretty confusing.

    EWAN MCGREGOR
    No, I mean literally dizzying!
    (vomits)

    They fly toward CHRISTOPHER LEE'S SHIP so they can rescue
    SUPREME CHANCELLOR IAN MCDIARMID.

    EWAN MCGREGOR
    Oh no, the hangar has shields up!

    HAYDEN shoots something next to the shield and they
    deactivate.

    EWAN MCGREGOR
    The thing that powers the shield is
    on the outside of the ship?

    HAYDEN CHRISTENSEN
    Yeah, it's pretty stupid. It'd be
    like a life support system being in
    a box on someone's chest.

    They land inside the ship and TAKE SOME DROIDS TO SCHOOL.

    EWAN MCGREGOR
    I sure am enjoying the feeling of
    brotherly camaraderie between us.

    HAYDEN CHRISTENSEN
    Yeah, it is nice. Seems like the
    sort of thing that should have been
    in the last film. Oh well, at least
    there were scenes of me rolling
    around in the grass.

    They make their way toward CHRISTOPHER LEE and IAN
    MCDIARMID, using the help of R2D2, who uses his rockets to
    fly again, in spite of everyone trying so hard to forget
    that ever happened. They find IAN.

    IAN MCDIARMID
    Help me! I am trapped in a
    comfortable chair overlooking all of
    the destruction I have wrought!

    Suddenly, CHRISTOPHER LEE enters.

    CHRISTOPHER LEE
    I have been waiting a long time for
    a rematch. Now, you will have to
    face a stunt double with my face
    pasted on!

    They DUEL. CHRISTOPHER LEE easily dispatches EWAN. HAYDEN
    fights him and eventually KILLS him.

    HAYDEN CHRISTENSEN
    (furrowing his brow)
    Wow, that was it for Christopher
    Lee, huh? Seems almost pointless to
    have killed Darth Maul and
    introduced him in the first place.

    HAYDEN, EWAN, and IAN all begin to leave, but they are
    CAPTURED and brought before GENERAL GREVIOUS, A ROBOTIC
    SKELETON.

    GENERAL GREVIOUS
    (coughing)
    I will now add your lightsabers to
    my collection of Star Wars
    memorabilia.

    He places them inside a VINTAGE 1970'S STAR WARS LUNCH BOX
    WITH THERMOS NO RESERVE!!

    HAYDEN CHRISTENSEN
    Artoo, freak the hell obnoxiously!

    He DOES. This distracts everyone long enough for EWAN to get
    his LIGHTSABER back. There is a short battle in which an
    OPPORTUNITY TO SHOW THAT GREVIOUS IS AS BAD@$$ AS WE'RE
    SUPPOSED TO BELIEVE HE IS is missed.

    GENERAL GREVIOUS
    (coughing and wheezing)
    I will run like a coward, further
    failing to illustrate how
    intimidating my character is meant
    to be!

    HAYDEN crashes the ship to the ground and SAVES EVERYONE.
    There is MILD CELEBRATION followed by a cameo by NATALIE
    PORTMAN, the linchpin of HAYDEN'S turn to
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