Reverie - Obi-Wan vignette - Complete

Discussion in 'Fan Fiction Stories--Classic JC Board (Reply-Only)' started by CYNICAL21, Jul 2, 2002.

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  1. CYNICAL21 Jedi Padawan

    Member Since:
    Jul 8, 2001
    star 4
    I am writing this because - at 3:00 AM today, I was dragged from a sound, blissful sleep by a phrase combined with an image which demanded to be recorded before receding into the ordinary mushful state of my mind. Inspiration? Possibly - or maybe just a splash too much Cuervo in the margaritas. Who knows? I mean, it's not as if this particular scenario hasn't been written before. Jeez - I've even written it myself. But far be it from me to deny the lure of compulsion, no matter how illogical its genesis.

    So here we go - and I apologize for dragging any who tred here through such familiar territory.


    ************** *************
    REVERIE

    It's very late now - so late that even the nightbirds have given up their attempt to flood the darkness with the liquid purity of their song and retired to their nests. The only sounds are the muted rush of the falls - reduced by distance to little more than a soothing whisper - and the occasional voice of the fire - very occasional now, as there is little left to burn.

    The mourners drifted away slowly as the evening drew towards the depth of night - most pausing for a moment as they approached me, to try to communicate their feelings, but few spoke at all, preferring instead to simply clasp my hand or, once or twice, to pat my shoulder. I can't blame them for their reticence; it is difficult to know what to say to one who wraps himself in a cloak of detachment and deflects all attempts to express sympathy or understanding.

    Detachment is what was always expected - and it is what I will continue to practice. It is all I have left to give you.

    Only the boy remains now, as the witching hour draws near, and he has succumbed to the natural weariness of youth and sleeps, snoring slightly, wrapped in the warmth of my robe. The air here is rich with moisture and lies chill on my skin - but it is of no importance. I have slept, wrapped in little more than the warmth of my convictions, in the ice caves of Hoth; the momentary shiver engendered by the nightwinds of Naboo is beneath my notice.

    Ashes - I can taste them at the back of my throat, bitter and acrid and oily, somehow. The legacy of my life.

    All that remains - of you.

    My Master. He who guided me and molded me and pushed me and trained me - and made me what I am.

    My Master. Reduced to ash - and I can't conceive of how this is possible. You were ever larger than life - filled with fire - expanded with passion. How is it that you could be here at one moment - and gone the next - and the only residue lies here, inside me, in the form of a little, lost child, wandering in the darkness?

    A child you never knew.

    For I learned my lesson well, my Master - learned it at your knee, even when you didn't realize you were teaching. Learned it when you rejected me as your padawan, only to recant later - out of a sense of obligation. The boy, after all, had just saved your life; it would have been very bad form to simply reject him again, out of hand.

    Much better, then, to capitulate - to give him what he wanted - and wait for the right moment to take back what you had given, and leave him as you should have left him so long ago.

    What did I learn?

    That for all your fire and passion, Master, you had none left to give me - and I had nothing within me to inspire it. I was not Xanatos; Xanatos of the laughing eyes, and the beautiful face; Xanatos with his flights of fancy and his moments of inspiration; Xanatos, who defined passion.

    Long before I stepped into your world, you gave him your heart, and, when you were forced to destroy him, you nevertheless allowed him to keep it. Even if he had lived, Master, I would never have stood a chance of defeating him and winning it back; he was the hawk, soaring and incredibly powerful. I was the drab little nestling - fearful to spread my wings beyond your shadow.

    And, of course, he didn't live. Even harder than fighting the hawk is battling the ghost of the hawk, who is, of course, impervious to change - eternal
  2. jodiwent Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Feb 11, 2000
    star 4
    I havn't been around for a while and I had to pick this story to read first...

    Definetly a whole box of tissues for this one. :_|

  3. CYNICAL21 Jedi Padawan

    Member Since:
    Jul 8, 2001
    star 4
    Thanks for reading, Jodiwent. I have been a fan of your work for quite some time.

    Where is everybody today? [face_mischief]
  4. Darth_Tim Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Feb 26, 2002
    star 4
    Where is everybody today? >>

    Buried in forgotten and arcane threads trying to answer the FF trivia questions...Though I shall finish reading this shortly and send ya some feedback.

    -Tim
  5. Antigone Jedi Youngling

    Member Since:
    Feb 24, 2002
    star 1
    Cyn, you do force me into the very extremes of my emotional spectra, don't you? This time it wasn't bawling, as when Trell died (and, of course the aftermath) - which is actually quite good news for my mascara supply - but rather angry...very angry. Possible resurrection of repressed memories could be slightly to blame :D , but this made me want to kill Qui...again.

    First AUF - but at least in there Qui was alive to come to a semi-realization of what an ass he was - now this. How is it you expect me to write Qui/Obi mush when your pulling my hatred for master out of the little iron box in which I tucked it for safe keeping - or until "inspiration" strikes?

    Wonderfully done! And to answer your question, I don't think anyone was expecting/looking for another fic - be it short - from you. And the "Complete" in the title would be enough to throw anyone who was even searching for a new fic way off the mark :D If I recall, some one did swear - though I am incredibly glad that that oath was broken - that she would not start another fic until AUF was written, giftwrapped and sent off to press, right? :D You just surprised us...in a very nice way. Again great job and I pray for more "suprises" soon!
  6. The Musical Jedi Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    Dec 13, 1999
    star 5
    Very nice piece, Cynical, even if I do not agree with your interpretation. However, you do bring to light flaws in Qui-Gon's character which I cannot deny are present. Something to think on. Kudos to the images and emotions, Cynical.
  7. Rogue_JediKnight Jedi Youngling

    Member Since:
    Mar 19, 2002
    star 3
    Reaches for the box of Kleenex placed next to the mouse at the end of The Hardest Lesson :_|

    A harsh reminder that there is more to raising a Padawan than just feeding, clothing and training and a vivid look into the mind of a young man so mired in feelings of being unloved, unworthy and thoughts that he was trained out of out guilt - what a disturbing picture you have painted. One can only wonder if this is what he will pass on.

    Wow - My angst meter is on overload this week! :D

    Rogue
  8. ApprenticeM Jedi Padawan

    Member Since:
    Apr 10, 2001
    star 4
    Where is everyone? At the local college taking summer classes 8-} I know, I'm crazy....

    Seriously Cyn I am in awe of your talent...How do you write like this?

    One question, have you ever thought of writing a fic where Obi ended up with a different Master after Qui-Gon rejected him? Or better yet how about a Dark Obi fic? ;)

  9. Ginger_Jedi Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Jun 4, 2001
    star 6
    Cyn that was a perhaps one of the most tragic, tear jerking interpretations of Obi-Wan's apprenticeship and only your talent at writing could pull it off so perfectly. The emotions were spot on and you could so easily see how Obi-Wan was resigned to his fate.

    Thank you for sharing yet another wonderful piece with us, your rabid fans :)

    Only sorry you had to get up so early ;)
  10. TheFallen Jedi Padawan

    Member Since:
    Nov 27, 2001
    star 4
    :eek:

    Somehow, you've made this scene so poignant and realistic, even though everyone has read about a hundred stories like this - but it was so much more memorable because it sounds like it speaks the truth louder than the others where there was nothing but love in the relationship.

    You don't need me to tell you this - but it was another excellent chapter in your writing history. :)
  11. Cascadia Jedi Padawan

    Member Since:
    Apr 15, 2002
    star 4
    I'm always amazed at your ability to write a character's emotions so clearly, yet poetically. Very beautiful piece.

    Should we expect more from you here before AUF is completed, while FFN is down? I hope so. :)
  12. CalaisKenobi Jedi Padawan

    Member Since:
    Jun 15, 2002
    star 4
    CYNICAL21 Very very interesting... An explanation of just what may have gone wrong with the Obi/Ani relationship. Thanks for offering a suggestion as to why Obi-Wan seems so cold to his Apprentice in AOTC. (Even if I still think that Anakin Skywalker was just a whiny little brat who should've stayed a slave).

    Also fills in the gap from JA to TPM, why Qui-Gon seems such a heartless b******. Your fic fits well with GL's universe, but still gives Obi-Wan more of a heart than George sees fit to show us. Thanks.
  13. jedi-jenn Jedi Youngling

    Member Since:
    May 30, 2002
    I've been peeking in on these forums for a while now but just recently decided I should join the party. And I thought the best place to start was with you Cyn especially since FF.N seems to have gone wacko : ) This is a great little fic by the way, very emotional. Never knew you could write this short! Hehe. You have a very interesting perspective on the relationship between Qui-Gon and Obi-Wan and you never cease to amaze me with the depth of your writing. I hear you have another fic somewhere around here, I'll have to go check it out. Keep up the fabulous work, looking forward to the rest of An Untimely Frost, hopefully FF.N will get back to normal soon.....
  14. obi_ew Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Apr 14, 2002
    star 5
    MY GOD THAT WAS HEARTBREAKING! Your writing makes me so jealous! I read the JA series and always came away feeling sorry for Obi-Wan. Keep the stories coming! How about a short Obi-Ani story describing your take on that relationship? :D
  15. shanobi Jedi Padawan

    Member Since:
    Dec 11, 2001
    star 4
    I could not help but laugh after reading this CYN, not because of the content--Force No!--but because it seems that writing Qui in THL was too much for you.

    You just had turn him back in to the bastard you so seem to think he is :)

    Like I said in that other thread, when you like him it shows, and boy does it ever show when you don't. :D

    Poor Obi. Loved the angst here, but i prefer to think that Qui was not quite THAT heartless. It's just too sad for me.

    This is a person who shuts Moulin Rouge off right after the finale, and before.....well you know what. In my mind, that movie has a happy ending. The alternative is just too depressing to think about.

    I know, it's a little twisted. But with all the sadness in the world, i can make up my own happy endings to whatever i want :)

    Feel free to post anything else that strikes your fancy at 3 a.m. or any other time for that matter.
  16. CYNICAL21 Jedi Padawan

    Member Since:
    Jul 8, 2001
    star 4
    Evening, Everyone. As usual, your responses just overwhelm me, and I have less time than money (meaning very little of both), but thought I'd take a minute to respond to a few comments.

    Antigone - How is it you expect me to write Qui/Obi mush when your pulling my hatred for master out of the little iron box in which I tucked it for safe keeping.

    Now come on, Guys - read it again. Yes, it indicts the methods that the Master used and yes, it documents Obi's reasons for feeling rejected - but nowhere does it say that Qui-Gon's cruelty was the result of his own vicious mindset. It was, rather, meant to portray him as perpetually wounded - and unable to recover sufficiently to value the small miracle that was right in front of him, all the time.

    This story is about the suffering of two tragic figures; it's just that the suffering of one of them - the more innocent of the two - is a direct result of the actions of the other. All in all - doubly sad.

    Musical Jedi - Very nice piece, Cynical, even if I do not agree with your interpretation. However, you do bring to light flaws in Qui-Gon's character which I cannot deny are present.

    Thanks for the kudos, and I appreciate your point of view. If you're interested, you might take a look at my other fic on these boards, The Hardest Lesson. You might find that take on the relationship between Master and Padawan more to your taste. And there are a couple of examples of my work on FF.N that are NOT anti-Qui-Gon. On the other hand, there is one that - if you're a Qui-lover - you might want to pass up, unless you're very patient and willing to see him portrayed as emotionally damaged - and damaging.

    Rogue - Wow - My angst meter is on overload this week!

    You're just still in terminal shock from RED's shocking denouement in TLTP. :D

    ApprenticeM - One question, have you ever thought of writing a fic where Obi ended up with a different Master after Qui-Gon rejected him? Or better yet how about a Dark Obi fic?

    I refer you, Darlin', to a little (and with me, don't ever take that word to be literal) work called, Gone to Ashes - which is only available on FF.N - when FF.N, itself, is available. It is NOT availabe here, and I offer no direct link to it, because it steps over a number of boundaries that would render it unacceptable. In other words, it has more than its fair share of 4-letter words and some fairly graphic action, though none of it is gratuitous. If you're over 18 - and you really want to see Dark Obi (ultimately) there you go.

    CalaisKenobi - Thanks for offering a suggestion as to why Obi-Wan seems so cold to his Apprentice in AOTC. (Even if I still think that Anakin Skywalker was just a whiny little brat who should've stayed a slave).

    Boy, have you ever come to the right place to practice singing to the choir! :D In my crowd, the brat is referred to as triple P - the puling, precocious punk.

    And though I don't always hate Qui-Gon, I do radically dislike the way he behaved toward his apprentice in TPM. His title, for me, remains - the Insensitive Clod.

    jedi-jenn - I've been peeking in on these forums for a while now but just recently decided I should join the party. And I thought the best place to start was with you Cyn.

    I'm delighted to see you here and honored to be so chosen. A good time is usually had by all.

    Shanobi - I know, it's a little twisted. But with all the sadness in the world, i can make up my own happy endings to whatever i want.

    You are perfectly within your rights, and I think it's kind of sweet - but I can't help but wonder why in the world you'd want to read my fiction. I don't think I've ever written a really happy ending in my life - and I don't foresee starting any time soon. :eek:

    Anyway - since I'm kind of tired (can't imagine why) I think I'll just mosy around the boards once more to see what's kicking, before dragging myself home where I hope to igno
  17. Antigone Jedi Youngling

    Member Since:
    Feb 24, 2002
    star 1
    Cyn, you are very right, Qui-Gon does deserve a portion of the sympathy we all readily dish out to Obi-Wan - at least in this fic he does, but, as I have found, it is human nature to feel more compansion towards - and possibly relate to - the one who has done nothing, but has been used as life's personal punching bag.

    I do sympathize with Qui-Gon's hardships and, if this was a fic depicting the betrayal of Xanatos, yes, I would be ranting in his favor, but it isn't and I'm not. If it were even a fic written fron Qui's POV, I would be far more entertaining of such empathy towards the man. But, when you insert the inner turmoil of such an ill-fated young man, the instinct is to rush to his defense.

    He was stuck in the past, and, yes, blinded to a boy whom I believe, he did not - though he may have at one point - derserve. Obi-Wan may have been good for him, but he had been horrible - whether Obi-Wan would ever fully realize this, or not - for the small boy.

    Some of the comments that were made did directly correspond to to the actions, such as having Obi-Wan stay and assist with the dead while the other padawans were ordered back to the ship. Such comments did indicated that Qui was confident of his padawan's abilities to handle a situation, but blind to the fact that the reason that Obi-Wan appeared so confident was because the boy believed anything less than a seemingly flawless appearance and regard to duty would not due for the Great Qui-Gon Jinn. And this, the master should have picked up on after 12 years; he should have known.

    So, to sum up, yes, Qui does deserve our sympathy and regret for what he lost - what Xanatos took - but what he did after, to Obi, is not justified by what Xanatos did to him. He was responsible for the upbringing of another - both physically and emotionally - and, as much as the physical aspect was taken care of, the emotional was sorely neglected.

    But that's the great thing about fanfiction, as with poetry and other forms of literature - interpretation is unique to each person. And to be as thought provoking and subject to debate as this piece is only a greater testament to its excellence. Thanx for the mind work out!
  18. CYNICAL21 Jedi Padawan

    Member Since:
    Jul 8, 2001
    star 4
    Antigone - Well said!!! And you caught it all exactly as meant.

    The piece was written to illustrate that nothing is as simply black and white as we all want to paint it - and that excuses, while perfectly genuine - do not constitute real justification for actions that afflict others.

    And I absolutely adore the fact that something like simple fan fiction - that many people might consider lightweight in the extreme - can generate the kind of intellectual exchanges that happen on these boards every single day.

    Excellent job!
  19. FarBeyondTheSun Jedi Youngling

    Member Since:
    Jul 1, 2002
  20. Siri_Z Jedi Youngling

    Member Since:
    Jun 16, 2002
    star 3
    yea I'm popping up a lil late in this but oh well. I too like jodiwent am new and saw this sticking out on the page.

    I have heard nothing but praises about your writing and now I see why!

    But seriously that was truely one of the best writings I have read in a while, or ever at that. You know how to capture everything that is going on in the moment perfectly. From the emotions, to the movements, to the very dishevled way of life the person is living.

    I'm basically speechless,well sept for what I already said. ;)

    Till Later~
  21. Kelly Kenobi Jedi Padawan

    Member Since:
    Mar 23, 2000
    star 4
    Sweet merciful Heaven Cyn, could you have made that any sadder???

    Great story, this is exactly the way I see canon Qui-Gon and I just love Obi when he feels this way. Would love to see you post more of these little vignettes, it would keep me from going completely crazy waiting for the next installment of ?AUF? :D : D
  22. padawan3 Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Sep 20, 1999
    star 4
    Oh wow. I must say that was wonderfully done. You trully grip the emotions Obi-wan felt and delivered them uncovered to the reader. Few writers could do that and still maintain the focus of the story without sidetracking too much.
  23. PadawanKitara Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Dec 31, 2001
    star 5
    Where was I all day?
    I was being insulted by a slimeball, arrogant pig of an opposing attorney in court for 7 hours today!!

    I came home to this sad story about a master who couldn;t open his eyes or his heart. And a boy who let himself be walked all over like a doormat without saying boo. (not that I'm sure he was in a position that he could say anything) Qui-Gon's approach to training Obi-Wan wasn't portrayed as cruel or hateful, just kind of "there". I think someone somewhere described it as a housplant. He made sure his apprentice was fed, watered and watched over, but little else.

    Cyn, your writing, as usual, was beautiful and vivid. To me it didn't convey hatred of Qui; more like disgust at his inability to give comfort or show emotions. Overall- wonderful. :)
  24. Cascadia Jedi Padawan

    Member Since:
    Apr 15, 2002
    star 4
    I didn't see it as hatred of Qui either. I thought the character was captured pretty well. I have seen him as deeply passionate, but stern toward his padawan - as a necessary trait to be his teacher. But he was also very unpredictable, and left his student out in left field frequently, wondering what he was going to do next, and why.

    In this vignette, I saw a young man slightly bitter at the life his master led him through - which was emotionally detached in many ways, and not what the young man wanted - and upset that it was to end that way, that there would be no hope for it to change, because it was all over now.

    I love the relationship between Obi and Qui, but I'm still learning the characters. I hate to admit that I only started reading the JA books about a month ago (I'm about half-way through #6 The Uncertain Path so far), so I would not say that I'm an expert on them.

    But anyway, this was a great vignette, and I look forward to more of your work outside of AUF. :)
  25. TheSwedishJedi Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Sep 15, 2001
    star 4
    Beautiful, Cyn. I have to agree with everyone else about how everything just flows from one emotion and thought to the next.

    You have to take into account that Qui-Gon, like Obi-Wan, is simply human. He makes mistakes. And for whatever reasons, pride, guilt, ignorance or such, he made some seemingly bad ones with Obi-Wan and how he dealt with him. Maybe for him, he did love Obi but was unsure of how to express it or if it would even be recieved. It's pretty understandable that he wouldn't want to be regected again. In this, Obi-Wan was hiding everything from Qui-Gon. How could the man know something was wrong if Obi didn't let him know in the first place?

    Yes, I know he's a Master and all but he can't be all powerful and knowing. Not even Yoda was that. He may have been a Jedi, but he wasn't perfect. Not even Obi-Wan is. (ducks as people throw lightsabers and fruit). No, wait. If Obi-Wan was so perfect (now I'm just proving my point, I really do like Obi.) he would have done a better job with Anakin and perhaps he wouldn't have turned and the purges wouldn't have happened and all that jazz. (Unless it was the will of the Force, but that's another debate.)

    Anyways, I'm just saying that it's not intirely Qui-Gon's fault. Obi was part of the cause too as long with the rest of the Jedi Order. Qui-Gon was hurt badly, perhaps too badly to be able to be the best Master for Obi-Wan, at least in the effect of being the most caring. But he was probably the best in teaching Obi how to be a Jedi considering what the Force had planned for him. If Obi-Wan didn't learn to be the best fighter, he would have died on Naboo too, Ani wouldn't be trained or someone less qualified would have, he would have turned out worst then he did (if that's possible) and in the end there would have been no one to protect Luke and Leia from the Emperor.

    Whoa, ok I think that's enough for now. Look what you've done to me, Cyn, you've turned me into a ranter. Not even RRK could do that. (You guys said just about everything so I didn't think it nessicary to repeat it.) Again, good post. Oh and one more thing, I'm with shanobi on the happy endings thing. If I don't like it I usually change it. And the reason I read stuff this sad, besides the fact that it's fun, is because it gives at me inspiration to do something a bit more lit hearted.

    ~Swede :p
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