ST Rewrite the opening crawl (if you need to)

While I actually quite like the 'dropping us right in the middle of it' approach I don't think this should be at the expense of clarity. For instance despite hanging off every word of the movie (or so I thought) it was only afterwards that I realised the gravity of the planets that were destroyed.
Something about the opening crawl felt off to me: "LEIA really wants to find LUKE! Oh and there's some new bad guys" In hindsight I wonder if it could've helped us out a bit more?

With that in mind i thought we could have our own goes at it (ah go on, might be cathartic!). Here's mine:

Peace eludes the NEW REPUBLIC. Seeking to succeed where the empire failed, the sinister FIRST ORDER has begun rippling fear through the Galaxy again.

While the senate debates diplomacy on Hosnian Prime, they have sent a group of RESISTANCE fighters, led by GENERAL LEIA ORGANA, to repel emerging advances from the outer rim.

On the planet Jakku, both sides hunt for clues to a key piece of their plans: The whereabouts of the galaxy's last Jedi, Luke Skywalker....

 

Smh

 

I have a bad feeling about this...

 

Nah.

The opening crawl is perfect. Tells us everything we need to know while still preserving some mystery.

 

The action-oriented crawls work so much better. The politics are better revealed through the story than dull exposition. That's the main problem most fans have with the prequels. Show, don't tell.

 

I would changed "the REPUBLIC" to "the NEW REPUBLIC" to minimise confusion for casual fans, and to affirm that the Rebel Alliance did succeed in restoring democracy and building a New Republic. Otherwise, perfect opening crawl. My second favourite, after ROTS (yes I have favourite opening crawls, who around here doesn't )

 

This should satisfy everyone.

It is a time of Bureaucracy! The New Republic debates endlessly, as the First Order rises on the Outer Rim.

On Hosain Prime, Supreme Chancellor Flargas Vartas gives an impassioned speech about the dangers of the First Order.

Meanwhile, Han Solo has teamed up with a group of new heroes working for the Resitance to stop the First Order's deadly weapon, The Starkiller Base. '

Pan down to Hosain Prime, Flargas Vartas gives impassioned speech. The rest of the movie plays out like 12 Angry Men as a Security Council of Senators, including Leia Organa trying to convince everyone that the First Order needs to be stopped, up until the FO destroys Hosain. Then the rest of the movie plays out pretty much the same, except that instead of Han dying Kylo more or less just twiddles his thumps and makes even more snide remarks. The End.

 

Don't forget to add trade negotiations and dellow felegates

 

Can anyone post the opening crawl? I missed the last part. I always had a tough time with those due to a disability.

 

Here it is (the only thing I would change is the third paragraph. I don't like the wording of it.)


Luke Skywalker has vanished.
In his absence, the sinister
FIRST ORDER has risen
from the ashes of the Empire
and will not rest until Skywalker, the last Jedi,
has been destroyed.

With the support of the REPUBLIC,
General Leia Organa leads a brave RESISTANCE.
She is desperate to find her
brother Luke and gain his
help in restoring peace and
justice to the galaxy.

Leia has sent her most daring
pilot on a secret mission
to Jakku, where an old ally
has discovered a clue to
Luke’s whereabouts . . . .

 

Aw, sweet! Thanks man!

 

Too much use of capitalization. & there are no subject pronouns in Star Wars...