Rewrite the OT in light of the PT (humor)

Discussion in 'Classic Trilogy' started by Ree Yees, Dec 2, 2002.

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  1. Ree Yees Jedi Youngling

    Member Since:
    Apr 6, 2000
    star 5
    As many have realized, the two trilogies just don't fit together really well. Inspired by Darth_Stryphe's post in the hallowed Sanctuary of the Bashers, I thought maybe we could rewrite the dialogue in the classic films to better reflect the prequels, to make a better continuity.

    Here is an example Stryphe came up with (hilarious, if you ask me):

    OW: "When I first met your father, he was a really good pod racer, and I was amazed at how annoying he was!"

    Luke (to Vader) "I will not turn, and you'll be forced to destroy me."

    Vader: "Actually, I have to kill you anyway, or at least try real hard. See, there's this thing called the Rule of Two and -- ah, forget it, let's just go the Death Star."


    ********************************************

    Owen: "Hey, this one looks just like that old protocol we used to have!"

    Luke: "But you told me your old protocol droid was grey and rusty, and this one is golden, so it cannot be."

    Owen: "Weird. He speaks with the same dialect as well, and has the same English-butler-like personality. I could swear...all right, shut up myself, I'll take this one."

  2. rpeugh Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Apr 10, 2002
    star 4
    1. The space battle at the end of TPM proves how good of a starpilot he is. I mean, he was a ten year old and he blew up the droid control ship!! You can talk all you want to about how some of what he did was luck, but it also took a lot of skill. Also, since he is the only human who can race a pod, he should be able to fly a starship pretty easily. We may see some of this in episode 3.

    2. Maybe you fell asleep at the end of TESB. Vader means for Luke to destroy the emporer. THe emperor means for Luke to destroy Vader. I dont think the rule of two is something that has to be discussed b/t the two Sith. Its not something that they think about. Its just that thier hatred and greed and need to hide makes them keep it at only two. This is just something that the Jedi noticed over the years. This could be the weakness of the Sith. This is why the Darkside is ultimately your undoing, and why in the end, the darkside is not stronger.

    3. In the OT, 3p0 is more advanced and more intelligent. He knows 6 million languages in the OT. There are many protocol droids in the galaxy that have different coverings. In the PT he sounds a bit like a retard who is only good for helping Anakin's mother aroung the house. I dont think Owen cared enough for 3po to remember his voice. 3po was probably just extra baggae that came with Shmi, and it explains why Anakin took him from the Lars.
  3. bjbrickm Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Feb 14, 2002
    star 3
    Nope Episode III will tie it all together nicely. Rewrites begone. It will smack the naysayers left and right.

    Now either I'll be sticking my foot in mouth on that, or you will. See my face? I don't look a bit concerned. [face_plain]

    "I'm not afraid."
    "You will be ... you will be."
  4. Delance Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Oct 15, 2002
    star 3
    VADER: "I've been waiting for you, Obi-Wan. We meet again, at last"

    VADER: "The circle is now complete. When I left you I was but a Jedi apprentice, now I am a Sith apprentice"

    OBI-WAN: "And you are still annoying, Anakin!"

    [sabers clash]

    VADER: "Your powers are weak old man. Dooku was older than you can could defeat us both!"

    OBI-WAN: "You still can't win, Anakin"

    [sabers clash]

    OBI-WAN: "If you strike me down, I shall became more powerful than you can possibly imagine"

    VADER: "That didn't happen with the last 50 Jedi I killed"

    [sabers clash]

    OBI-WAN: "Anakin, before we continue, please tell me something"

    VADER: "What?"

    OBI-WAN: "Is Palpatine really Darth Sidious? I've been thinking about this for the last 20 years"

    VADER: "I'll tell that if you hold up your saber and close your eyes"

    OBI-WAN: "Allright"

    [Vader kills Obi-Wan]

    VADER: "Fool! Feel for that old trick!"

    LUKE: "Noooooooooooooooooooooo!"
  5. darkOmegazer0 Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Aug 18, 2002
    star 4
    "Do you remember your mother, your real mother?"

    "No but I remember every guy in the galaxy wanted her in their bed baddddd"

  6. Darth-Stryphe Former Mod and City Rep

    Member Since:
    Apr 24, 2001
    star 6
    1. The space battle at the end of TPM proves how good of a starpilot he is. I mean, he was a ten year old and he blew up the droid control ship!!

    In the TPM I've seen, he crashes the ship, then while shooting wildly, he accidently knocks out the power core, almost getting himself killed. He even goes the trouble of looking slightly scared and saying "opps" when he shot the core, thus incidating that was not a part of his plan. I'd have to go back and watch it, but I don't even remember him shooting down a single droid fighter. You may call that great piloting, but I call it luck, and in my experience, there is such a thing as luck.
  7. Darth-Stryphe Former Mod and City Rep

    Member Since:
    Apr 24, 2001
    star 6
    Luke: "Is the dark side stronger?"

    Yoda: "No! Well, yes, and quicker, easier, more seductive."

    ----

    OW: "I was once a Padawan Learner, same as your father."

    ----

    EDIT - VADER: "The circle is now complete. When I left you I was but a Jedi apprentice, now I am a Sith apprentice"

    LOL! [face_laugh]

    EDIT 2 (well, 3, really) -
    Hey, bjbrickm, when are you going to add my name to your sig? Come on, I need the press time! Don't make me charge you for borrowing my quote
    8-}
  8. Delance Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Oct 15, 2002
    star 3
    Everyone fighting on Geonosis were "Jedi Knights". Some had titles like Master, Knight and Padawans, but generally speaking they are part of the order of Jedi Knights.

    The titles is one thing, being part of the order, another.
  9. Diogonese Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Jul 6, 2002
    star 2
    ...VADER: "Obi Wan never told you what happened to your father LUKE: "Well, he did, but I've got this sneaking suspicion that YOU'RE my father" VADER: "What?", "That's impossible, I HAVE no children"
  10. I_AM_IRON_MAN Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Apr 11, 2002
    star 2
    "You must go to the Dagobah System. There you will learn from Yoda, the Jedi Master who taught me."


    Now you may be thinking that that's the same line. Except this time Obi-Wan says the second sentence REALLY sarcasticly.
  11. WMCoolmon Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    May 19, 2002
    star 4
    BOBA FETT: What if he doesn't survive? He's worth a lot to me.

    VADER: The Empire will compensate you if he dies. Put him-wait...I sense something...Threepio.

    THREEPIO: Master Anni? Is that you? Oh, the maker!
  12. Ree Yees Jedi Youngling

    Member Since:
    Apr 6, 2000
    star 5
    I see that not everyone took the this thread's topic humoristically :)


  13. DARTH_CHINA Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Dec 31, 2001
    star 5
    OW: "When I first met your father, he was a really good pod racer, and I was amazed at how annoying he was!"

    [face_laugh] [face_laugh] GREAT ONE! [face_laugh]
  14. Ree Yees Jedi Youngling

    Member Since:
    Apr 6, 2000
    star 5
    Ben: "Luke."

    Luke: "Ben?"

    Ben: "Luke. You must go to the Dagobah system. There you will be trained by Yoda, the Jedi Master who taught me to use a lightsaber when I was four years old. My real master was of course Qui-Gon Jinn, who was trained by Count Dooku, a nasty old villain who cohorted with the Emperor back in the day. And really, it's not Ben, it's Obi-Wan. Oh, those were the days. I actually fought Dooku once, you know, together with your dad. That was before lightsabers sliced arms off. And master Yoda fought him too, you should have seen..."

    Luke almost freezes to death.

    Han Solo appears on his trusty Tauntaun.

    Han: "Luke!"

    Luke: "Ben...Dagobah system...Yoda...Dooku...the Emperor...my father...lightsabers..."

  15. Delance Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Oct 15, 2002
    star 3
    Ree Yes...

    Excelent! LOL!
  16. Lars_Muul Chosen One

    Member Since:
    Oct 2, 2000
    star 6
    Cool idea, Ree Yees!


    OBI: If you choose to face Vader, you will do it alone. I cannot interfere...

    LUKE: I understand.

    OBI: ...but Yoda can! You should´ve seen him kicking Dooku´s arse!

    YODA: Ahem, my back hurts...

    OBI: Chicken!

    YODA: True, it is!

    OBI: *imitates chicken* Cluck, cluck, cluck, cluck!

    YODA: Grrrr!

    OBI: Anyway, Luke.... Where did he go?

    YODA: Left the planet, he has.

    OBI: Oh ****, there goes another one!
  17. Ree Yees Jedi Youngling

    Member Since:
    Apr 6, 2000
    star 5
  18. k-man Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    May 14, 2002
    star 3
    LUKE: My father didn't fight in the wars, he was a navigator on a space freighter.

    BEN: That's what your uncle told you. He dind't really know your father and the only time they met, your father left and took his droid without asking.

    -------------------------------------------------------

    BEN: Vader was seduced by the dark side of the Force.

    LUKE: The Force?

    BEN: The Force is what gives the Jedi his power. We used to think it was a mystical energy that only certain people were sensitive to, but modern science shows us that organisms called midi-- midi-klor...*ahem* it's difficiult to say...but these little organisms...

    -----------------------------------------------------

    BEN: When I first knew him, I told my master that he was a "pathetic life form," but I got bamboozled into training him anyway...I mean, what was I to do? Qui-Gon was dying in my arms!
  19. BlackPool Manager Emeritus

    Member Since:
    Mar 29, 2000
    star 4
    BEN: When I first knew him, I told my master that he was a "pathetic life form," but I got bamboozled into training him anyway...I mean, what was I to do? Qui-Gon was dying in my arms!

    [face_laugh] [face_laugh] [face_laugh] [face_laugh]
  20. Kroll429 Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Mar 22, 2001
    star 1
    This is offically my favorate thread ever
  21. Darth-Stryphe Former Mod and City Rep

    Member Since:
    Apr 24, 2001
    star 6
    Leia: "Jedi Master Kenobi, years ago you served Palpatine in the Clone Wars -- I'm not really sure what that has to do with anything, but I could really use your help now."
  22. Ben-Obi-Wan-Kenobi Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Mar 28, 1999
    star 3
    Ben: "Luke."

    Luke: "Ben?"

    Ben: "Luke. You must go to the Dagobah system. There you will be trained by Yoda, the Jedi Master who taught me to use a lightsaber when I was four years old. My real master was of course Qui-Gon Jinn, who was trained by Count Dooku, a nasty old villain who cohorted with the Emperor back in the day. And really, it's not Ben, it's Obi-Wan. Oh, those were the days. I actually fought Dooku once, you know, together with your dad. That was before lightsabers sliced arms off. And master Yoda fought him too, you should have seen him he was like a whirlwind . Anyway i met your father when Qui-Gon and me landed on Tatooine ,along with R2 Padme and Jar-Jar, Jar-Jar is a Gungan from Naboo , we met him first time when we got this thing going with the trade federation . . . . . "

    Luke almost freezes to death.

    Han Solo appears on his trusty Tauntaun.

    Han: "Luke!"

    Luke: "Ben..... Jar-Jar Naboo .... i have to go to Naboo grand Yedi master Jar-Jar....."



    (all credits to Ree Yees , who brought me to this idea ;) )
  23. CrAsHcHaOs Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    May 7, 1999
    star 1
    Leia: Aren't you a little short for a stormtrooper?

    Luke: Huh? Oh the uniform. *takes off helmet* I'm Luke Skywalker and I'm here to rescue you. Well, I know we're in a hurry and all because I'm supposed to rescue you, but before I do, I want to discuss why I'm shorter than a regular stormtrooper.

    Leia: What?! Why do you think I care?

    Luke: OK, see, normally the stormtroopers are really clonetroopers from back in the clone wars, as you probably already know. But then you might be wondering as to why some stormtroopers have different voices than Jango Fett.

    Leia: Who?

    Luke: You know, Jango Fett, Boba Fett's dad? The dude that got his head sliced off by Mace Windu back in the clone wars.

    Leia: Are you going to rescue me or not?

    Luke: You see, I have this theory that not all stormtroopers are clones of Jango Fett, which might explain the voice differences. How do I even know about all this you wonder? Obi-Wan told me all of it on the trip here. This ensures that if this was a movie, continuity would be maintained since I wasn't even around in the clone wars. *winks at camera*

    Leia: Hey, Luke, you're boring me. Are we going or not?

    Luke: You know, I've always wondered why stormtroopers are really clonetroopers, but all the Imperial officers are not clones. You have to admit that when you sit down and think about it, it's, well, something to think about.

    Leia: Alright that's it, I'd rather die here. Get out! *kicks Luke in the nuts*

    Luke: *groaning while on the floor* Can't.....think.....of.....any.....Spaceballs....jokes
  24. Delance Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Oct 15, 2002
    star 3
    Nice one. But wouldn't the stromtrooper armor protect Luke from that kind of attack?

    Well... Not that it has worked for any other kind of attack so far.
  25. CrAsHcHaOs Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    May 7, 1999
    star 1
    You're right! Thanks for the reminder. I'll re-do that last part:
    --------------------------------------------
    Luke: You know, I've always wondered why stormtroopers are really clonetroopers, but all the Imperial officers are not clones. You have to admit that when you sit down and think about it, it's, well, something to think about.

    Leia: Alright that's it, I'd rather die here. Get out! *kicks Luke in the nuts*

    Luke: *groaning while on the floor* This....stormtrooper.....armor.....can't.....repel.....anything! At....least....she....wasn't.....an....Ewok!
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