Rewrite the OT in light of the PT (humor)

Discussion in 'Classic Trilogy' started by Ree Yees, Dec 2, 2002.

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  1. QuiGonJade Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Nov 2, 2002
    star 4
    First the disclaimer: I enjoy the PT very much and am a gusher. And I really hope a lot of these are jokes and jokes only, not to be taken seriously, GL's not that far gone, no one could possibly have lost it that badly.

    Now, the excuse/apology: it's still fun to joke about awkward SW moments, or any SW really. I make fun of Star Wars because I love it.


    That being said:

    Vader: My son is with the Rebels at Endor.
    Emperor: I told you to remain on the command ship.
    Vader: But I wanna go to Endor, it's what I've always dreamed of doing! Can I go, Palps?


    Piett: We have sighted the Millennium Falcon, my Lord. But it has entered an asteroid field and we cannot risk...
    Vader: I don't want things to change.
    Piett: But we can't stop the change, sir. Any more than we can stop the asteroids from hitting the ship. I love you.


    Yoda: Beware the dark side...fear, anger, aggression, missing your mother..the dark side are they...


    Vader/Anakin: You were right...you were right about me...being on the good side is better, even if does mean not being as cool as Boba Fett and being on the same side as Gungans...damn that Jar Jar was annoying.......(dies).



  2. MeBeJedi Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    May 30, 2002
    star 6
    Sillyname, you gave me a great idea, so I had to plagirize...

    YODA: It is the future you see.
    LUKE: Future? Will they die?
    Yoda closes his eyes and lowers his head.
    YODA: Difficult to see. Always in motion is the trilogy. Full of changes, the Special Edition is. More changes to come, the Ultimate Edition will guarantee, so this trick is pretty useless.
  3. Lurking_Around Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    May 26, 2002
    star 6
    Leia: Governor Tarkin. I should have known you'd be holding Vader's leash. I recognized your foul stench when I was bought on board.

    Standing there is Tarkin...Tarkin Binks! :eek: A Gungan! (hence the 'foul stench' :p)

    Tarkin: Bombad charming to the last. Maxi hard it was for mesa to sign the order to give yousa ouch time.

    Leia: Sheesh, can I have a translator?

    Vader: Let me translate, Princess. I have had experience with Gungans. With this one's father in fact.

    Tarkin: Don't yousa speak about him! He maxi big embarresment to mesa name!

    Vader: Don't I know it...

    [face_mischief]
  4. Ree Yees Jedi Youngling

    Member Since:
    Apr 6, 2000
    star 5
    But we can't stop the change, sir. Any more than we can stop the asteroids from hitting the ship. I love you.

    [face_laugh]

    Difficult to see. Always in motion is the trilogy. Full of changes, the Special Edition is. More changes to come, the Ultimate Edition will guarantee, so this trick is pretty useless.

    [face_laugh]

    Great stuff, innit.
  5. Plo_Koen Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    May 23, 2001
    star 4
    This thread is so inspiring!

    Right now I'm writing the choreography for the Ughnaut breakdance sequence in ESB UE...
  6. Delance Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Oct 15, 2002
    star 3
    Palpatine: "Only togheter can we turn him to the dark side of the force"

    Vader: "You, me, Sifo-Dias and Sidious!"
  7. Lurking_Around Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    May 26, 2002
    star 6
    Yoda: Ready are you? What know you of ready? No Jedi Council we have to decide on this issue, midchlorian test have not done, and lost the picture device I have.

    :p
  8. ISD_Devastator Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Oct 11, 2002
    star 4
    Bwaahaaa! :D :D

    ..picture device... ha, haa! :D
  9. slavegirl Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Jun 6, 2001
    star 4
    [face_laugh] [face_laugh] [face_laugh]

    This thread is utterly fantastic...
  10. Darth_Sillyname Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Oct 7, 2000
    star 4
    STAR WARS, EPISODE 6.5.0.3 alpha: ONCE MORE THE JEDI RETURN
    (Prepare for more nonsense, from a certain point of view)

    OFFICER: Alert the commander to prepare for the arrival of Lord Vader's shuttle.

    Threepio and Artoo have arrived in Jabba's palace. Obviously, the palace and throne room have been redone with CG. The crappy small set is now turned into a grand and splendid place, to fit with Jabba's status as the leader of an entire planet.
    A musical ensemble and pretty dancers lighten the place up. The attractive female lead singer (played by Kate Capshaw) descends from some stairs and starts singing. The aliens in the palace (including several E.T.'s) love it.

    Artoo has just played Luke's hologram where Luke wants to bargain for Han Solo's freedom.
    JABBA (in Huttese, subtitled): Oh, yeah. Han... he's not mine no more. I sold her. Years ago. You know, business is business. Sold him to an old and ugly moisture farmer. Believe it or not, I heard he freed him and married him. Can ya beat that?
    THREEPIO: A surprise to be sure, but a welcome one.

    Artoo and Threepio find themselves on Jabba's sailbarge. They have to escape.
    THREEPIO: Artoo, where are we going? I couldn't possibly jump.
    He doesn't have to. Artoo uses his rocketboosters to take off! Threepio hangs on to Artoo and together they fly away to safety!

    EMPEROR: You have done well, Lord Vader. And now I sense you wish to continue your search for young Skywalker.
    VADER: Yes, my Master.
    EMPEROR: Patience, my friend. In time he will seek you out. And when he does, you must bring him before me. He has grown strong. Only together can we turn him to the dark side of the Force, and when that has happened, you will have to die. Because you know there is that Rule Of Two that states that there can only be two Sith at a time.
    VADER: As you wish.
    EMPEROR: Everything is proceeding as I have foreseen, from a certain point of view.

    YODA: Sick have I become. Old and weak. When nine hundred years old you reach, look as good you will not. Hmm? On the other hand, when eight hundred and seventy years old you reach, jump around with a lightsaber you can, hihihi!

    LUKE: I've come back to complete the training.
    YODA: No more training do you require. Already know you that which you need.
    LUKE: Then I am a Jedi?
    YODA: Ohhh. Not yet. Spend ten to twenty years in training and go through some kind of trials, you need to for that! But in this special case, an exception I'll make. Vader. You must confront Vader. Then, only then, a Jedi will you be. And confront him you will.
    LUKE: Can't I just do some of those trials?
    YODA: Nope.
    LUKE: Master Yoda... is Darth Vader my father?
    YODA: Your father he is, from a certain point of view. Remember, a Jedi's strength flows from the Midichlorians. But beware. Anger, fear, aggression, love, marriage, sex, arrogance, impatience, whining, crap dialogue, red lightsabers, dark clothes, evil plotting...The dark side are they. Once you start down the dark path, forever will it dominate your destiny.
    Pass on what you have learned. To identify someone with Jedi potential, just take a bloodsample with a comlink, then transmit it through the air to a ship for a midichlorian test you must. Almost any ship has midichlorian test equipment on board, so a problem, that should be not.

    BEN: Your father was forced by circumstances to join the Sith at the dark side of the Force. He ceased to be Anakin Skywalker and became Darth Vader. When that happened, the good man who was your father was destroyed. So what I have told you was true... from a certain point of view.
    LUKE: A certain point of view! What certain point of view would that be?
    BEN: The point of view from a lying bastard. Luke, you're going to find that many of the truths we cling to depend greatly on our own point of view, and if we regard the prequels as a true part of the Saga or not.

    BEN: I don't blame you for being angry. If I was wrong in what I did, it certainly wouldn't have been for the first time. You see, what happened to your father was partly my fault. Also
  11. JONJEDI Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Nov 11, 2002
    star 5
    "Theere is good in you I've felt it"
    "Its to late for me son"
    "If your so evil why can't fire sith lighning"
    "SHHHHHHHHH the emperor might be litening, and I can't help it, you try shooting lighting out of an electric hand"
    "I tryed it"
    "Don't check me"
    "Na na nana"
    "Thats it son, you don't speak to your father like that, bend over its time for a spanking"
  12. Lurking_Around Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    May 26, 2002
    star 6
    BEN: I don't blame you for being angry. If I was wrong in what I did, it certainly wouldn't have been for the first time. You see, what happened to your father was partly my fault. Also very much to blaim were the other Jedi, especially Yoda and Mace Windu and Qui-Gon Jinn.
    Anakin wasn't much of a friend. In fact, he was a pain in the butt.
    When I first barely knew him as a nine year old, your father was already a fairly good podrace-pilot. But I was amazed how high his midichlorian count was. My dying master, Qui-gon Jinn, believed he was the Chosen One from some ancient prophecy, the One who could bring balance to the Force. Nonsense of course. There are loads of people who can fly fast and avoid obstacles. What was Qui-Gon thinking?! What was I thinking?! Qui-gon was a lying, cheating, stealing, overaged hippy! Anyway, Qui-Gon begged me to train him as a Jedi. Instead of letting some experienced master train him, the Jedi counsil agreed that I could train him, right after they had promoted me to Knighthood. Later I realised that it was a mistake, that Anakin was too reckless, too arrogant and too pre-occupied with pretty girls. But Yoda and Mace Windu said everything was ok. Even after it was clear that he was more concerned with the faith of some stupid bitch who fell out of a gunship, we didn't really think there was anything wrong. Our stupidity has had terrible consequences for those parts of the galaxy where the Empire has a presence.


    [face_laugh] [face_laugh] [face_laugh] [face_laugh] [face_laugh]

    *dies laughing*

    Great stuff!!!!
  13. Delance Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Oct 15, 2002
    star 3
    Darth_Sillyname,

    Good stuff.
  14. OutlawYoda Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Jun 1, 2002
    star 4
    Darth_Sillyname
    LMAO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Great stuff!!
    [face_laugh] [face_laugh] [face_laugh]
  15. Ree Yees Jedi Youngling

    Member Since:
    Apr 6, 2000
    star 5
    No point in re-quoting the part Lurking_Around quoted, but that part was really good, Darth_Sillyname. Hope to see more stuff from you :)

    And Plo_Koen ,you definitely deserve some credit for this one:

    Don't be too proud of this technological terror you did not construct

    [face_laugh]
  16. Ree Yees Jedi Youngling

    Member Since:
    Apr 6, 2000
    star 5
    I know this is a cheap shot, since I already came up with the joke in my signature, but I'll add it since it belongs in this thread, and because I want to up this thread (and maybe you didn't notice my sig) :D


    Governor Tarkin is standing in the Death Star superlaser chamber. Leia is brought to him by Darth Vader.

    LEIA: "Governor Tarkin. I recognized your foul stench immediately when I was brought on board."

    TARKIN: "Actually, that was the trash compactor."

    For a split second, the camera lingers on Vader:

    (James E. Jones V.O.): "I'm glad they don't know how it smells inside this suit."

    Suddenly, Alderaan shoots first.


    ;)
  17. Lurking_Around Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    May 26, 2002
    star 6
    Suddenly, Alderaan shoots first.

    Continuing from there... ;)

    The Death Star somehow manages to dodge Alderaan's blast, thanks to "superb" work from ILM.

    Tarkin: So much for being a peaceful planet...

    Vader: Well, Bail Organa was a war monger during the Clone Wars.

    tarkin: Who?

    Vader: You know...the guy from Alderaan, member of Senate. Adopted father of Princess Leia.

    Tarkin: Curious, no one actually mentioned his name.

    Vader: Yes, no one really mentioned his name, or call him by his name. He was just...there. Wait, how did I know his name?

    Tarkin: Must be that Force thing you use.

    Vader: Yes, must be. The Dark Side of the midichlorians is powerful indeed.

    Tarkin: Anyway, enough chit-chat, fire back!

    Rather long and unneccessary, but I was feeling whacky!

    :p
  18. Plo_Koen Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    May 23, 2001
    star 4
    Grand Moff Willy Gushkin: "Prince Ree Yees... since you are reluctant to provide us with the results of the prequel survey, I have decided to test this station's destructive power on your homeland of Norway..."

    ;)
  19. ElfStar Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Mar 24, 2001
    star 4
    Greedo: Hello, Han. Jabba is looking for you.

    Han: Hey look, I've got the money, I'll give it to you right after I take the son of Anakin, whom you fought as a little boy in the deleted scenes of Episode 1, and Obi-Wan Kenobi, the apprentice of the Jedi who stopped Anakin from beating you up, to Alderann. The whole planet is one big peaceful place!

    Greedo: Nevermind that. Jabba, who is about 100 feet away, sent me to tell you some stuff he also will tell you later.

    Han:What?

    Greedo: Die and be dead!

    Greedo shoots at Han, but somehow it misses.

    Han: Can't we all just get along?

    Greedo: No!

    Greedo takes out a thermal detonator and throws it at Han. Somehow it bounces off the wall and into Greedo's mouth. He accidently swallows it.

    Greedo:Uh-oh. Meesa in big poodoo.

    Greedo explodes in a million pices. Fortunately, we see he was just a droid. His head says "I hate it when I lose my head in the middle of a conversation.

    Han: Sorry about the mess which was entirely not my fault. Now if you'll excuse me, I have a charity auction for podracing widows to attend.
  20. Darth_Sillyname Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Oct 7, 2000
    star 4
    Lurking_Around: You died laughing... Sorry, I went too far. When's your funeral? ;)

    that part was really good, Darth_Sillyname. Hope to see more stuff from you
    - I already did the entire OT!
    Now what? Another special edition?!
  21. Ree Yees Jedi Youngling

    Member Since:
    Apr 6, 2000
    star 5
    "Prince Ree Yees... since you are reluctant to provide us with the results of the prequel survey, I have decided to test this station's destructive power on your homeland of Norway..."
    [face_laugh]

    I haven't had the time! Heheh. I'll have to dig up that thread and compile the lists soon. En mijn thuisland is Nederland!!! :mad:
    Ok, en Noorwegen :p
  22. Plo_Koen Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    May 23, 2001
    star 4
    You prefer another target? What about Germany? :D
  23. Ree Yees Jedi Youngling

    Member Since:
    Apr 6, 2000
    star 5
    Hehe I like your sig, to the tune of Queen's "Another One Bites the Dust".

    Boop-boop-boop, another sith hits the fan tralala

  24. Plo_Koen Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    May 23, 2001
    star 4
    It used to be: "THE LAST HOPE" ;)

    Can anyone figure out the picto, I wonder though?
  25. Delance Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Oct 15, 2002
    star 3
    Luke: "I can't kill my own father!"

    Obi-Wan (to Yoda): "This is why Jedis aren't supposed to be attached to anyone. Now this boy can't kill his father. Imagine that!"

    Yoda: "Yes, Luke, not being able to kill your father the path to the darkside is. See, Anakin could not let his own mother - your grandmother - die, and the reason why he became Darth Vader that is. Make the same mistake do you not"
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