Rewrite the OT in light of the PT (humor)

After reading your 1st post Ree Yees, it appears your attempt to start more PT-bashing has backfired on you...GOOD!

What in the name of the midichlorians are you talking about? This isn't PT-bashing, this is an ill-natured spiritual humor thread. Or something.

OBI-WAN: "When I met your father... Well... Actually I was in the middle of a "party" with 15 royal hand-maydens when Qui-Gon messaged me with orders to do some lab testing on your father's blood sample...

 

Great stuff everyone!

 

In the spirit of the Holidays: A SW Christmas Carol (aka another OT-PT joke!)

Yoda: Size matters not. Judge me by size, do you? As well you should not, for spinning like Sonic is my ally, and a powerful ally it is. Not helping with friends, nor get enemy it can, but still powerful if you spin and shout. Anyway, luminous beings with midichlorians we are! You must learn to feel the midichlorians inside you!

Luke: Master Yoda, I was wondering, what are midichlorians?

*ghost of Qui Gon appears*

Ghost of Qui Gon: Midichlorians are symbiotic beings...

Yoda: Not appearing in this movie, you are!

Ghost of Qui Gon: Ooops, sorry, was getting tired of flirting with ghost of Shmi and bullying the ghost of my old apprentice, Obi Wan.

Luke: Wait, I thought Ben was the apprentice of Yoda!

*ghost of Ben appears*

Ghost of Ben: From a certain point of view Luke. Anyway, Qui Gon taught me that, and he was the one who found your father! It's all his fault!

Luke: NOOOO!!!

Yoda: Silence you all! More disciplined, my Younglings were.

*ghost of Younglings appear*

Ghost of Younglings: Need us to find a planet, Master Yoda?

Yoda: Hmmm, see, how embarrassing for Master Kenobi not to have discovered that planet.

Luke: Wait, you were a General in the Clone Wars yet you had to rely on a bunch of kids to find a planet???

Yoda: Truly amazing, the mind of a child.

Luke: Truly amazing, how everything turned out. No wonder my father got killed, considering the help he had.

*ghost of Padme appear*

Padme: Luke, it's me, your mom!

Luke: Mom? Wow, you look hot!

Padme: Luke, that could take us to a place we cannot go! Anyway, your father is not dead. He's...

Yoda: Silence her we must, give away the plot she will!

*the ghosts all dissapear, leaving Luke very confused and Yoda muttering "Humbug, bah!"*

That's all from me! Happy holidays!

 

I just posted this on a topic on the ep3 (spoilers) forum, and I think it suits here...

OBI-WAN: "Your father was seduced by your mother. That lead him to the dark side. It was not my fault, he just loved people too much. He even loved his mother, that selfish monster! Can you imagine that? I told him that love is evil, but he wouldn't listen. Your mother was so wicked that she forced him to save my life twice in the same day. I, of course, forced him not to try to save hers. That's what a Jedi do, Luke."

 

Good one Delance!

Your father was seduced by your mother, heheheheh

 

Darth Vader: The midichlorians are your Father, search your feelings, you know it to be true.

 

My first attempt...be gentle great ones..

What would have happened if Jar Jar and Padmè....

DARTH VADER: Look into your heart Luke, you know it to be true. Your father is not dead he is....Jar Jar Binks...
LUKE: Nosa! Its cant be! NOOOOOOOOOOOsa

Okay..short...lame...but making my claim as lover of the true Star Wars Saga...and has now most likely made himself look a fool..."Maxi big, the flamers are..."

 

Vader: Luke, Lucas is your father!

Luke: Nooooo!

Vader: You are a CGI character, you know it to be true!

 

LUKE SKYWALKER:

"Han?? Leia!"

The young man breaks his concentration and falls. Yoda falls off his back, while Artoo is dropped to the ground.

LUKE SKYWALKER:

"How did you get up so fast? The cameras didn't catch you falling off my back!"

YODA:
"Yes. I'm truly, deeply fast. What did you see?"

LUKE SKYWALKER:

"I saw my friends..they were in pain..."

YODA:

"Which is the future you see."

LUKE SKYWALKER:

"Will they die?"

YODA:

"Why do you care?"

LUKE SKYWALKER:

"Because they're my friends! They're great, funny, entertaining persons swept up in a galactic struggle."

YODA:

"Ah...my mistake. I was still in prequel-mode."

 

(I'm going for the greater audience)

Prologue to the Ultimate Edition:

A long time ago, in a galaxy Jar,
Jar away....

STAR
WARS

episode IV.I
A NEWER HOPE

(EXT. SPACE) - a vast sea of stars serves as the backdrop

nothing happens...

Darth Bane: (voice over)

The galaxy is changed...

I feel it in the starships
I feel it in the consoles
I smell it in the poodoo

Much that once was, is lost
For few now live, who remember it...

- cue heavenly choir of angels -

It began with the filming of the Great Trilogy

One episode was given to the Casual Fans:
important, wisest and fairest of all fans

One was was given to the Bashers:
great minds and craftsmen of the Sanctuary Halls

And one... one episode was gifted to the race of Gushers,
who, above all else, desire power

For within these episodes was bound the strength and will to govern each fan

But they were all of them deceived, for another Trilogy was made...

- rumble -

In the land of California, in the computers of Ranch Skywalker,
the dark lord Lucas forged in secret a Master Trilogy, to control the other
And into this Trilogy he poured his cruelty, his malice and his will to dominate all fans

One Trilogy to rule them all

One by one, the free fans of the saga fell to the power of the Trilogy...

But there were some who resisted

A last alliance of Casual Fans and Bashers marched against the armies of Lucas
And on the slopes of Ranch Skywalker they fought for the freedom of the saga...

- AOTC style cut -

For the time will soon come, when Bashers will shape the fortunes of all...

 

Haven't I seen this before?

 

too much effort, too little readers.

but here's a new one:

Luke: Binks, Wedge, let's close it up, we're going in, we're going full throttle this time, that'll keep those fighters of our backs.

Binks: Wesa right with yousa, bigdaddy boss Luke!

[face_pain]

 

Excruciating pain!

 

Ben: Use the dictionary, Koen...

 

Kinda off subject, but gimme a chance with this:

Moulin Rouge - Special Edition:
Alec Guinness is inserted in place of the older Ewan McGregor, while writing about his experiences....I mean, let's face it...Ewan has done a great job of portraying Alec Guinness (as the younger Obi-Wan)

 

Unfortunately he is dead...

But I'm sure ILM can fix that.

 

I don't know though, I was watching one of the segments included on the Trilogy VCD's (yes it is an official release) and Lucas talks about how big everything is in the first trilogy and then how the droids' memories are erased and how everything gets so small in IV. I think they will fit ok once III is out.

 

they DID rewrite the ending of ROTJ, and it sucks now.

 

That's actually one of the few things I like about the SE.

 

they DID rewrite the ending of ROTJ, and it sucks now.

 

Twin double posts?

creepy!

 

I know he's dead...kinda betting on some ILM magic for that one

You know, as of yet...C-3PO hasn't met Obi-Wan; and R2 only had a few brief encounters with the jedi. My guess is that something is done (memory wipe) to hide the truth about the Skywalker twins. Perhaps that will come into play during Episode III?

Luke: Then the droids do belong to you?

Obi-Wan: I don't seem to remember ever owning a droid.

Luke: But what about that time with the guy and that thing...which I'll never forget, but can't go into too much detail (for another 25 years)

or maybe this one...

Han: Well we've got you...me...Leia...the droids; that should do the job.

Chewie: ((silence))

Han: You think we need one more?

Chewie: ((silence))

Han: Alright, we need one more.

 

But R2 clearly hasn't had a memory wipe:

"What makes you think there are settlements over there?"

 

LUKE: "Ben, how did my father die?"

BEN: "A pupil of mine named Darth Vader betrayed and murdered your father. Happy now?"

LUKE: "And my mother? Is she dead too? She just hasn't come up in conversation before so I'm not sure."

BEN: "Mmm. Well, twenty years ago or so she was always threatened by Sith Lords, assassins, bounty hunters and Conderacies of Independent systems, so my guess is she bit the laser too."

LUKE: "I have no memories of my mother."

BEN: "If you can remember wood, that will do Luke."

 

Krash, nice Ocean's 11 spoof! LOL

This is a new musical number for ANH. When Luke enters Leia's cell and takes off his helmet think: Barry Manalow (I swear he looks just like him).

Leia: "Aren't you a little short for a Stormtrooper?"

Luke: "Huh? Oh, the uniform. I am Barry Manalow and I'm here to rescue you. I have your R2 unit and I'm here with Ben Kenobi"

Leia: "Ben Kenobi, where is he?"

Luke: (cue music) "At the Copa, CoCo Cabana......"