main
side
curve
  1. In Memory of LAJ_FETT: Please share your remembrances and condolences HERE

Rewrite the OT in light of the PT (humor)

Discussion in 'Classic Trilogy' started by Ree Yees, Dec 2, 2002.

Thread Status:
Not open for further replies.
  1. debeautimous

    debeautimous Jedi Padawan star 4

    Registered:
    Jan 2, 2003
    Completely change the way Luke and Leia relate to eachother. His crush and her kissing him YUCH!!!!!!!
     
  2. Ree Yees

    Ree Yees Jedi Youngling star 5

    Registered:
    Apr 6, 2000
    Thanks Monstera. I was kinda hoping for a response on that one :D
    To show off my etiquette skills, I must say that I adore your nickname.

    :)
     
  3. JohnWilliams00

    JohnWilliams00 Jedi Padawan star 4

    Registered:
    Jan 29, 2002
    [image=http://www.episode-x.com/galleries/EpisodeIV/newbatch/Use/Celebrate.jpg]

    Luke: I can't believe we're finally graduating!

    Han: Yo yo yo! Class of 2003, re-pre-sent!
     
  4. Ree Yees

    Ree Yees Jedi Youngling star 5

    Registered:
    Apr 6, 2000
    Obi-Wan: "I was once a Jedi Knight, like
    your father."

    Luke: "The Jedi Knights...it sounds
    wonderful. What did they do?"

    Obi-Wan: "Well, mostly they sat on their
    asses in a temple kind of thing,
    exchanging needlessly long reams
    of dialogue."

    Luke: "They must have said many great
    things. It sounds so..so magical.
    What did they say?"

    Obi-Wan: "Master Windu, one of the most
    powerful Jedi in his day, and
    one of the leaders of the Jedi
    Council, once said "This party's
    over.""

    Luke: "Wow. Epic."
     
  5. Ree Yees

    Ree Yees Jedi Youngling star 5

    Registered:
    Apr 6, 2000
    DARTH VADER: "You should never have come back, old man."

    OBI-WAN: "I'm not that old, you know. Well, I do *look* old, but as you probably remember, I'm only around 50."

    DARTH VADER: "That number has no meaning to me any longer."

    OBI-WAN: "Just wait 'til you see yourself in an episode or two. You'll be suprised."

    DARTH VADER: "I *have* noticed my breath is heavier..."
     
  6. Ree Yees

    Ree Yees Jedi Youngling star 5

    Registered:
    Apr 6, 2000
    Come on...anybody?
     
  7. TokyoXtreme

    TokyoXtreme Jedi Master star 4

    Registered:
    Oct 24, 2001
    DARTH VADER: "You should not have returned, Obi-Wan Kenobi. You will find this duel with our lightsabers to be the end of you. I have grown more powerful than any Jedi."

    OBI-WAN: "Only in your mind, my young padawan, Darth. You still have much to learn. You haven't learned a thing."

    DARTH VADER: "The circle of the force has now been completed. Originally I was the padawan learner, but I have since become the master. I was sorry, but I kept trying."

    OBI-WAN: "You have only become a master of the dark side of the force, Ani."

    Lucas 2005!
     
  8. TokyoXtreme

    TokyoXtreme Jedi Master star 4

    Registered:
    Oct 24, 2001
    Yeah I suppose Obi-Wan Kenobi circa ANH should be just the limber fighting machine that Qui-Gon is in TPM. I believe Lucas himself called Kenobi an old man by the time of that film. But only 55.

    DARTH VADER: "Your powers have grown weak with age, old man. You are nothing like the limber, athletic swordsman that was my old master Qui-Gon Jinn."

    OBI-WAN KENOBI: "Although I am only 55 years of age, I was once every bit as fast as fierce as Qui-Gon. Living on the desert world of Tattooine has aged me faster than I would have had I continued to serve on the capital city of Coruscant."

    DARTH VADER: [puts down lightsaber] "Let's take a break. All this talking is making me tired."


    Of course, realistically speaking, if this duel was written and filmed alongside the other PT films, this duel would have no dialogue whatsoever. It would just consist of Obi-Wan meeting up with Darth Vader, igniting the sabers, and fighting without a single word shared. And it would be good enough for the majority of SW fans, or so they would have us believe.
     
  9. Ree Yees

    Ree Yees Jedi Youngling star 5

    Registered:
    Apr 6, 2000
    **I was sorry, but I kept trying**

    Lol!
     
  10. bedada3

    bedada3 Jedi Master star 4

    Registered:
    Jul 9, 2002
    These are very funny ideas, but what's even funnier is imagining George Lucas taking us seriously and dubbing the OT with some of these lines.

    "Now I am the master."
    "Only a master of evil, Darth."
    "Shut up. I tried really hard, master."

     
  11. WMCoolmon

    WMCoolmon Jedi Padawan star 4

    Registered:
    May 19, 2002
    VADER: No...I am your father.

    LUKE: What!? And who's my MOTHER?

    VADER: There was no mother...I carried you, I gave birth to you...It was the midichlorians.

    LUKE: Oh, come on. I'm just a little bit past the stork story.

    VADER (under his breath): Blast...it worked for my mother (To Luke) What does your heart tell you?
     
  12. Ree Yees

    Ree Yees Jedi Youngling star 5

    Registered:
    Apr 6, 2000
    LOL x2 @ WMCoolmon!
     
  13. Ree Yees

    Ree Yees Jedi Youngling star 5

    Registered:
    Apr 6, 2000
    Just upping this good natured humorous thread for good measure. And giving you a chance to enjoy it of course.
     
  14. DarthMadir

    DarthMadir Jedi Youngling

    Registered:
    Jan 19, 2003
    Since I am not in a creative mood:

    Could someone write a segment in which Bail Organna is replaced with Ricky Schroeder or maybe Zack from Saved by the Bell? I know this isn't part of the OT but you guys have got a great streak going here.
     
  15. Ree Yees

    Ree Yees Jedi Youngling star 5

    Registered:
    Apr 6, 2000
    Never seen that show, but perhaps someone else? I tried to make a PT-version of the scene where Han Solo is about to leave Hoth (to pay off his debts to Jabba the Hutt), but I realized I was too tired to attempt to make it enjoyable. Anyone else?
     
  16. ShaakRider

    ShaakRider Jedi Master star 2

    Registered:
    Nov 14, 2002
    [face_laugh] [face_laugh] [face_laugh] [face_laugh] [face_laugh]
    LOL
    LMAO
    oh, my goodness, I can't stop laughing!
     
  17. Master_Sidious

    Master_Sidious Jedi Youngling star 1

    Registered:
    Jan 20, 2003
    Not actually because of the PT, but because of what came about in ROTJ.


    Leia: "I know. I guess I've always known I was your sister. I'm not sure why I made out with you a couple years back, but I have always known."
     
  18. Ree Yees

    Ree Yees Jedi Youngling star 5

    Registered:
    Apr 6, 2000
    INT - CLOUD CITY CARBON FREEZE CHAMBER

    BOBA FETT is eagerl awaiting his prize, Han Solo, when VADER and his STORMTROOPERS appear. The notorious bounty hunter sees the troopers, and bursts into spontaneous song.

    BOBA FETT: "They ain't heavy, they're my brothers!"

     
  19. Darth_Angmar

    Darth_Angmar Jedi Youngling star 1

    Registered:
    Dec 30, 2001
    Very funny thread. I feel obliged to contribute.

    (It's a bit long, I'm afraid)



    STAR WAR

    The Attack of the Menacing Clones strikes back at the Return of the Phantom Hope

    Part 1


    Princess Leia is captured by the Evil Empire, but her droids manage to escape. They meet an endlessly whining farm boy by the name of Luke Skywalker.

    LUKE: It just isn?t fair. Biggs is right. I?m never gonna get out of here!

    THREEPIO: Is there anything I might do to help?

    LUKE: Well, not unless you can alter time, speed up the harvest, or teleport me off this rock!

    THREEPIO: I don?t think so, sir. It?s against my programming to display my god-like powers. And tampering with the space-time continuum can have devastating effects anyway. As a matter of fact, I?m not even certain of which planet I?m on.

    LUKE: Well, if there?s a bright center in the universe for Pod races, this would be it.

    THREEPIO: Oh, I?m home on Tattoine again! I thought I recognized the sand. Thank the maker, Anakin Skywalker.

    LUKE: What an amazing coincedence! What are the odds for you being built by a guy with the same surname as me, on the same planet? I wonder if we are related to each other?

    THREEPIO: This is Star War, so you do the math, Einstein.

    When Luke is cleaning Artoo he accidently hits a switch, and the hologram of princess Leia appears.

    LEIA: General Kenobi, years ago you almost met my father once. Now he begs you, a complete stranger, to sacrifice your life in the struggle against the Evil Empire.

    Luke takes Artoo and Threepio to a strange old hermit by the name of Ben Kenobi.

    LUKE: He claims to be the property of Obi-Wan Kenobi. Do you know who he?s talking about?

    BEN: No. I?ve never seen these droids before.

    LUKE: Are you sure? Your name is Ben Kenobi, and there doesn?t seem to be more Kenobis on the planet than there are Skywalkers.

    BEN: Luke, I?m an old man, and I have a bad memory. Maybe he?s me, and maybe he isn?t. Does it really matter? Just give me the damn message!

    After having seen the message Ben urges Luke to follow him on a damned-fool idealistic crusade, just like his father did in the Clone war.

    LUKE: No, my father didn?t fight in the Clone war, my uncle told me he was a navigator on a space freighter.

    BEN: Luke, I hate say this: but your uncle is a poor liar. To tell you the truth, he?s not even your uncle, he?s my brother. Your father was a full-fledged Jedi Knight by the name of Anakin Skywalker. He was the best starpilot in the galaxy, and a cunning warrior. Unfortunately he was betrayed and murdered by one of my apprentices, going by the suspicious name of Darth Vader, which made me very sad, since Anakin and I were such great friends. So, you see Luke, your uncle has lied to you from the beginning. I, on the other hand, am a Jedi Knight, noble, honest and not at all reckless, just like your father. I would never lie to you.

    Luke and Obi-Wan (or whoever he is) travels to the Mos Lucas Spaceport.

    BEN: Mos Lucas Spaceport. You will never find a more wretched hive of yes-men and CG creatures. This place is very, very dangerous.

    LUKE: I?ll be extra careful, then.

    Luke and Obi-Wan begins looking for a non-CG pilot in a CG bar filled with CG creatures. They come to the table where Captain Olie and his co-pilot Panaka sits.

    OLIE: Obi-Wan! I haven?t seen you since Episode one. That was a long time ago.

    PANAKA: Not long enough, apparently.

    LUKE: Why does he call you Obi-Wan? I thought you said you weren?t him?

    BEN: Luke, I have never seen this person before, I swear. He must be mistaking me for someone else. (to Olie) I came here looking for a fast ship to the Alderaan system.

    OLIE: Fast ship? Never heard of the Century Goose?

    BEN: Should I have?

    OLIE: It made the Kessel run in less than half the distance.

    BEN: Wow! That is fast!

    OLIE: I?ll take you to Alderaan for seventeen thousand. That?s a lot of money.

    LUKE: Seventeen thousand? We could almost buy a ship for that price!

    OLIE: But who?s gonna fly it? You?

    LUKE: You be
     
  20. Ree Yees

    Ree Yees Jedi Youngling star 5

    Registered:
    Apr 6, 2000
    BEN: Mos Lucas Spaceport. You will never find a more wretched hive of yes-men and CG creatures.

    [face_laugh]

    Thanks, Darth_Angmar!
     
  21. Darth-Stryphe

    Darth-Stryphe Former Mod and City Rep star 6 VIP - Former Mod/RSA

    Registered:
    Apr 24, 2001
    Obi-Wan: "Master Windu, one of the most
    powerful Jedi in his day, and
    one of the leaders of the Jedi
    Council, once said "This party's
    over.""

    Luke: "Wow. Epic."


    LOL!!!
     
  22. Ree Yees

    Ree Yees Jedi Youngling star 5

    Registered:
    Apr 6, 2000
    LEIA: "Darth Vader, only you could be so bold."

    VADER: "Well, you know, I had to pick a really cool Star Destroyer to catch you, with a really gonzo color and all."

    LEIA: "When the Senate hears you've attacked a diplomatic consular ship..."

    VADER: "Don't act so surprised your highness."

    LEIA: "But it says so in the script."
     
  23. Darth_Angmar

    Darth_Angmar Jedi Youngling star 1

    Registered:
    Dec 30, 2001
    And here's part 2!



    STAR WAR

    The Attack of the Menacing Clones strikes back at the Return of the Phantom Hope

    Part 2


    It?s a dark time for the Rebellion. After their terrorist attack on the Death Moon they have been chased to the outskirts of the galaxy. The Evil Empire has discovered their presence in the Hoth system and has dispatched a fleet led by Darth Vader to crush the Rebellion once and for all.

    In the battle of Hoth the Evil Empire deploys 1.000 CG AT-AT:s, 2.000 CG AT-ST:s, and thousands of CG TIE fighters and TIE bombers. It looks really cool. The battle is over in less than thirty seconds.

    Princess Leia, Ric Olie, Panaka and Threepio escapes the Imperial fleet in the Century Goose, but the hyperdrive is leaking, so they are unable to go to lightspeed.

    OLIE: The hyperdrive is leaking, that means we are unable to go to lightspeed.

    LEIA: Where are we now?

    OLIE: We have just entered the Guderian system. I think we can reach the Rommel system where an old friend of mine lives. Maybe you?ve heard of prince Valium?

    LEIA: You mean chancellor Valorum?

    OLIE: No, after he was ousted from office he felt so embarrassed that he changed his name and withdrew to Cloud City. The whole city is suspended among the clouds, that?s why it?s called Cloud City.

    Meanwhile, Luke Skywalker meets the ghost of Obi-Wan Kenobi.

    GHOST OF OBI-WAN: Luke, you will go to Dagobah and learn from the Jedi master who at one time instructed me, together with fifty other Jedi kids.

    Meanwhile, on Vader?s Star Destroyer.

    EMPEROR: I want you to bring Skywalker to me so I can train him as an apprentice.

    VADER: But, master, what about the Rule of two? Is that legal?

    EMPEROR: I will make it legal.

    Luke is invited for supper by a green gnome on Dagobah. Artoo tries to peep through the window, but he cant reach it, so he uses his rocketboosters to hover outside the window.

    YODA: Nice of you to visit wise old gnome like me it is. Come to learn about inner enlightenment, have you?

    LUKE: I don?t think so. I?m looking for a great warrior.

    YODA: Ah, great warrior! Yoda, you?re looking for Yoda!

    LUKE: You know him?

    YODA: Mmm-hmm. Once him take on an entire legion of Baby Sith Assassins, I saw. Kicked their @$$, he did. Powerful warrior is he. Mmmm, powerful.

    LUKE: Oh! Come on! I think you?re making this up.

    YODA: Hmph! No respect for the elders, have you? Teach you, I will not.

    Meanwhile, Vader has captured Leia, Olie, Panaka and Threepio in Cloud City, the city that is suspended among the clouds.

    VADER: This facility is crude, but it should be adequate to freeze Skywalker for his journey to the Emperor. But first we will test it on captain Olie.

    IMPERIAL OFFICER: Sir, there?s someone in the carbon freeze.

    VADER: Decarbonize him then.

    Out of the carbonite block falls a tall, bearded figure.

    BOBA: It?s that count. . . Dracula!

    VADER: No, it?s Saruman the White!

    CHRISTOPHER LEE: No, you fools. I?m Christopher Lee. After I fell into the carbon freeze in my last scene, they left me there. I?ve been stuck in that carbonite block for twenty years! Now, if you?ll excuse me, I have to gather my band of loyal Uruk-hai, and pay a visit to the Skywalker ranch.

    Christopher Lee leaves.

    VADER: I?m glad he left. That guy is creepy.

    BOBA: Yeah. Everybody can?t be cool, like us.

    VADER: How about some Jawa juice? It?s freshly squeezed.

    BOBA: No thanks, I?m on a strict vegetarian diet. But I wouldn?t say no to a glass of blue milk.

    At last, Vader and Luke meets eye to eye in a duel!

    LUKE: You will find that I?m full of surprises!

    VADER: Oh, yeah? In a minute, or two, we shall see which one of us is filled with most surprises.

    Vaders cuts off Luke?s hand!

    VADER: Obi-Wan never told you what happened to your father.

    LUKE: He told me enough! He told me you killed him!

    VADER: (takes off the helmet) No, mesa yousa father. Mesa Jar-Jar.

    LUKE: Nooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!!!

    Luke jumps into the abyss.

     
  24. ISD_Devastator

    ISD_Devastator Jedi Master star 4

    Registered:
    Oct 11, 2002
    "Sorry about the mess I almost didn?t cause."
    [face_laugh] [face_laugh]

     
  25. ShaakRider

    ShaakRider Jedi Master star 2

    Registered:
    Nov 14, 2002
    VADER: Uh-oh! How should I get out of this mess? I know! I?ll try spinning. That?s a good trick.
    [face_laugh]
     
Thread Status:
Not open for further replies.