Rewrite the OT in light of the PT (humor)

Discussion in 'Classic Trilogy' started by Ree Yees, Dec 2, 2002.

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  1. LukeCloudjogger Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Apr 9, 2005
    star 2
    Luke: "How did my father die?"
    Obi-Wan looks reluctantly, then says: "Darth Vader, the biggest bad-ass murderer in the galaxy, is your father."
    Luke: "LOL! That's a good one. No really. How did he?"
    Obi-Wan stares at camera.

    Grand Moff Tarkin: "You are all that is left of their religion... outside of that little green gnome thing we forgot to capture called yo-yo."
    Vader: "Yoda."

    Luke: "He told me you killed him."
    Vader: "No... Obi-Wan cut off my legs and left my body severed on a ledge on a volcanic planet :INHALES: and then the emperor found my body and rescued me and put me inside a :INHALES: black suit, robe, and mask and I :INHALES: yelled NOOOOOOOOO!!! upon learning of your mother's death.
    *Vader collapses from breathing problems, and dies.*
    Luke slowly turns his eyes towards the camera. The movie ends.

    Star Wars: Episode IV - Anakin's Less Whiny Child
    Star Wars: Episode V - Anakin Tells Luke He is His Son
    Star Wars: Episode VI- Vader Finally Redeems Himself after 5 long movies.

    Vader: "Lando. You're the first black man I've seen since Mace Windu."
    Boba: "Yeah. A black man decapitated my father too."
  2. Odd_Ball13 Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Jun 11, 2005
    star 3
    Han: "Han solo capitan of the millennium baby chewie bar tells me your looking for passage to the Baby system."

    Ben: " yes indead if its a fast baby"

    Han: " Fast baby u maen u never heard of the millennium ba..?

    Ben: Not realy i spent most of my life in a house cut away from society, its acually a nice house you should go there someday...

    han: i dont plan to so what the cargo.

    Ben: only babys myself the boy 2 babys and no questoions ask

    what is it some kind of baby troble

    Ben: no thats when qui-gon was a goust and i couldent take care of anakin... which reminds me


    Yoda: a jedi returen from the nether land of the force your old master.

    Obi: QUI-GON!

    Yoda: no darth maul of coruse qui-gon.
  3. Odd_Ball13 Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Jun 11, 2005
    star 3
    Chewie: Gahhhhhhhhhh!!(let go back to kassyyyk and see tarfull)
    Han: tarfull who that some one fill with tar?
    Chewie: Gah MMGAA(no)
    *Ben suddenly apeers*
    Ben : so you still think im a fool huh huh huh!!!
    Han: well oonly fools say if you strike me down i will become more powerful that you can possibly imagine, imean realy wat are you the most powerful person in hell.

    ben:Shhhhhhh thats a secreat
    han : not anymore luke luke luke
    Luke: yeah o hi ben i still mad at you for lying to me.
    Ben: about what
    Luke: About Bail organa sayin BABIES all the time i heard he said it only 100 times.
    Ben: o ummmm o gatta go nature calls.
    Luke : ok telll uncle owen i said hi and im real mad at him for not letting me go the acadmy.
    Ben: ok ill be sure to tell him.
  4. DunkelVater Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Dec 2, 2002
    star 1
    *Attack on the Death Star*

    LUKE: This is Red 5, beginning our attack run.

    WEDGE: What about those buzz droids?

    LUKE: You worry about those fighters, I'll worry about the buzz droids!

    VADER: Aloud: I have the leader! The Force is strong with this one. Pensive Voiceover: It reminds me of? Nah... Could it be one of my offspring? There IS something awfully Freudian about all these deep shafts and fangtoothed penile monsters that seem to live in every planet, swamp, garbage pit, and astroid in the universe. And why does every technological terror that the Empire owns have so many deep, dark shafts? Reminds me of something out of Joseph Campbell.

    OBI WAN: Use the Force, Luke! Let go! Trust me! Watch for the buzz droids! I always hated flying!

    *Luke switches off targeting computer*

    VADER: I have you now! Pensive Voiceover: If this IS my offspring, which makes sense, then that would mean even more Freudian allusions. Here I am, chasing my son down a narrow tunnel, while he is trying to lob two squirmy white torpedoes into a tight little hole, that leads right down another narrow canal to the center of the battle station, which actually looks like a giant ovum. Hmmm. Haven't felt much like a Jungian archetype since...I tortured Princess Leia with that giant needle.

    HAN: *zooming in from above* You're all clear kid! Now let's blow this joint! Chewie here just mentioned something about a little green man who happens to be a Jedi Master, who went in to hiding around...oh, the time you were born. Said he had good relations with him, you might want to look him up. Said something about him being an archetype?

    LUKE: *launches torpedoes and watches as they enter the exhaust passage, then gets a feeling of great relief on his face.*

    OBI-WAN: GOOD CALL!
  5. wcleere Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Aug 12, 2002
    star 3
    [image=http://home.comcast.net/~pickyourpropaganda/images/greedo.jpg]

    nuff said
  6. DARTHFINGERZ Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Nov 14, 2004
    star 4
    LoL - even Greedo with 2 sabers would work better then him firing first.
  7. AmosMoses Jedi Youngling

    Member Since:
    Jul 30, 2005
    star 2
    Vader and Obi-Wan are dueling on the Death Star
    Both are swinging their lightsabers like 2 ton lead pipes,
    and moving as gracefully as a pig on stilts.


    Vader: Your powers are weak, old man.

    Obi-Wan: Yeah, I know. So are yours, what happened?

    Vader: Well, you cut off my legs and my good arm and left me to die in lava, what's your excuse?

    Obi-Wan: I dunno. I'm old, but not that old, and kind of a drunk. (Vader and Obi-Wan put away their sabers)

    Vader: You're like what, 50-something? Dooku was older than you, and he moved around like crazy. Yoda and Palpatine too.

    Obi-Wan: Huh, they were all way older then me. All those years on Tattooine, no duels, maybe there's sand in my lightsaber.

    Vader: I hate sand. Sand sucks. Sand blows. Sand sucks and blows.

    Obi-Wan: Riiiight. Well, what about Grievous? He was almost all machine and couldn't use the force.

    Vader: Hmmmm. You're right. He got a way cooler suit than me, mine's still pretty cool though.

    Obi-Wan: True. That it is. And Grievous got 4 lightsabers and didn't lumber and lurch around everywhere.

    Vader: That's right! Hey, George! Get over here! Lumber and lurch? What are you talking abo--

    Lucas: Is there a problem Darth?

    Vader: My name ain't Darth.

    Lucas: Sorry, Ani.

    Obi-Wan: You bet there's a problem. We were the baddest Jedi in the galaxy, and now I look like a lightsaber virgin.

    Vader: Somethings wrong, I'm not the Sith I should be. You're holding me back!

    Lucas: Easy there, Ani. Well, Obi-Wan is old and Vader is more machine than man. That's why you guys stink.

    Vader: What about Grievous?

    Obi-Wan: And Dooku. And Palpatine and Yoda. I suck cause I'm old, they're bad-ass in spite of it.

    Lucas: Yeah, but it's CG and all, it's cool. In fact, you sho------

    Vader: I will not let a CG character make me look like a chump. I find my lack of fighting skills disturbing. (begins to force choke Lucas)

    Lucas: (gasp, choke, gasp)

    Obi-Wan: Release him Vader.

    Vader: As you wish. (Vader releases Lucas)

    Lucas: (gasp) Thanks, Obi-Wan. (cough, cough)

    Vader: Wait, you're not my master any more! Why should I listen to you?

    Obi-Wan: Here's why! (Obi-Wan ignites lightsaber and cuts off Lucas' legs and one of his arms, leaving a bearded torso.) Boo-Ya!

    Vader: Wizard! That's kinda cool, when it doesn't happen to me. By the way, what's with the leaving one arm thing?

    Obi-Wan: It's my trademark, a calling card. Plus, it's funny. Look at him crawling around down there.

    Lucas: AAAARRRGGGGHHHH! Someone help me! Please! I hate you!

    Vader: I find his lack of limbs humorous.

    Obi-Wan: It'd be funnier if he'd just killed his wife and unborn child, screwed up his Jedi career, and was on fire.

    Vader: (ignites lightsaber) That's it! Let's go old man! This party is over!

    Obi-Wan: If you strike me down, I shall become more powerful than you could possibly imagine.

    Vader: Really? I'd like to see that. (cuts Obi-Wan down, but only finds robes, he looks around confused)

    Lucas: AAAAAAAHHHHH! OOOWWWWW! Anyone? A little help?

    Vader: Hmmm. That might be the one time Obi-Wan told the truth.

    Luke: BEN!!

    Vader: Ben? Who the #$@% is Ben?
  8. Ree Yees Jedi Youngling

    Member Since:
    Apr 6, 2000
    star 5
    Wcleere, that animation of yours is priceless [face_laugh]
  9. Doni Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Jun 6, 2005
    star 3
    Vader: Ben? Who the #$@% is Ben?

    BWAAAAAHAAAHAAAHAAA!!!!!!
  10. AmosMoses Jedi Youngling

    Member Since:
    Jul 30, 2005
    star 2
    Wow, someone actually read it and liked a part enough to quote it. Holy Sith!
    I swear for like 2 days I thought I had murdered this thread. Glad someone liked it.
  11. Darth_Bog Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Dec 6, 2002
    star 4
    Sigh... I guess I haven't posted in this thread for over a YEAR now. I actually was ever so slowly updating my story on its original thread over in the Prequel Triolgy board A Great Scene for the EU (Exploited Universe) in Episode II. But I suppose I could post here as well. Looking back a few pages, it looks like the last chapter I posted was Anakin wiping out the T-Borgs. So I'll pick it up from there. Hopefully you like it.
  12. Darth_Bog Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Dec 6, 2002
    star 4
    --------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
    STAR WARS EPISODE 2.5 ? ATTACK OF THE PHANTOM MOHAWK
    --------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
    Chapter 8, Part ONE ? Twilight is Upon us, and soon Light Must Fall
    ------------

    ~~~~~ Aboard the Death Star currently in orbit above the planet Tatooine ~~~~~

    Three weeks have passed since the invasion of the T-Borgs. In that time the Death Star has been successfully towed to Tatooine for refueling and most of the cleanup over the Borg battle has been completed. Most of our characters have taken the time to regroup and talk about the events that have transpired?all except for the famous Mr. T. Without saying a word to anyone as to why, the famous Mr. T has been hiding in his quarters for the last five days. Everyone has decided to meet in front of his quarter to determine what to do about this situation. They?ve been chatting as what to do when a new guest arrives. Here?s where our story continues?

    ANAKIN ? Hey, look who?s here! If it isn?t Darth ?I?m too busy hiding in my Sith chamber to come out and help fight the Borgs cause I?m a scardy-nerf? Maul! Nice of you to finally show up!

    DARTH MAUL ? Dude, do you know how long it takes for me to put on all this face makeup?! It?s a miracle I made it here when I did.

    ANAKIN ? (thinking) Hmm?they should make it easier for you guys to look evil. Why not try something simple, like say a?helmet?

    DARTH MAUL ? Hey, that?s not a bad idea! I?ll have to run that one by my master.

    ANAKIN ? Don?t have to. I think he?s already toying with the idea. I tried a prototype myself, I think.

    DARTH MAUL ? Sweet! Can?t wait for him to make that a Sith standard then.

    Qui-gon looks at the two of them in disgust for such small talk.

    QUI-GON ? (getting concerned) It?s been five days now since Mr. T barricaded himself in his quarters.

    ANAKIN ? Yeah, just think?five whole days without shaving. I bet that psycho doesn?t even have a mohawk anymore! Of course, if it were Mace behind that door, we?d have to wait a LOT longer than five days to see any results on his head! Muhahahahaha!!!

    MACE ? (growling) I swear, if you weren?t the Chosen One, I?d string you out so far that you?d stretch from one end of the galaxy to the other and then throw your fake arm into hyperspace!

    ANAKIN ? That threat was kind of boring, Mace. It sounds like you?re starting to lose your edge.

    YODA ? Is why dies he does in Episode III.

    MACE ? Episode what?! Look, you little walking ball of cabbage with pig noses as stumps for feet, if I hear one more dyslexic insult coming from your foam-stuffed lips, I swear I?ll make you a permanent hood ornament on the next starved tuskcat that I see!

    ANAKIN ? Not that I really care, but just how many starved tuskcats do you see on a regular basis? Ever consider actually feeding them once in a while so they don?t starve anymore?

    MACE ? That?s it, boy! I?ve had enough of your insolence! I?m so mad right now that I?m gonna slice off that first ?A? in your name with my lightsaber and smack a letter ?P? in there instead so they can call you ?NAPKIN? from now on!!! (ignites lightsaber)

    ANAKIN ? I guess killing you once already hasn?t convinced you that I?m superior to you, moron! (ignites lightsaber)

    Suddenly, Mr. T?s door explodes and out comes a very excited Mr. T. The sudden outburst takes everyone by surprise and causes Mace and Anakin to shut down their lightsabers.

    MR. T ? Hungh! I?ve done it suckaz! I?ve come up with a FOOL-proof plan dat even you idiots can understand! We?s can take out the EU once and for all and I can rescue da kids at the youth center with dis great plan dat I?ve come up with!

    QUI-GON ? What plan is that?

    MR. T ? You?ll find out soon enough, sucka! I?m just waiting for da final piece of de puzzle to arrive! It should be here any second, sucka!

    OFFICER ? (to Tarkin) Sir, a ship has just come out of hype
  13. SenatorPrincessLeia Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Apr 21, 2005
    star 2
    AMOSMOSES wrote:

    Vader: Wizard! That's kinda cool, when it doesn't happen to me. By the way, what's with the leaving one arm thing?

    Obi-Wan: It's my trademark, a calling card. Plus, it's funny. Look at him crawling around down there.

    LOL - very funny! My favourite bit [face_laugh] />
  14. paul01 Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Jul 5, 2005
    star 1
    Im sorry had to mention these when Obi Wan mentions the "Clone Wars" to Luke for some reason I just keep getting images of the cartoon, Yoda on that horsey thing and mace taking on those droids.
    Obi Wan when he mentions to Luke about Anakin best "the best star pilot in the galaxy" Jake Lloyd in Phantom menace pops up in my mind, poor Obi Wan "a good friend" if only poor Obi Wan could heard Anakin slagging him off to Padme in AOTC
  15. poo-jedi Jedi Padawan

    Member Since:
    Aug 2, 2005
    Darth Vader: "Luke, I am your mother."

    wt[h] is "OT" and "PT"?

    Please use "WTH"
  16. Darth_Bog Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Dec 6, 2002
    star 4
    sigh... might as well try another posting and see what happens.
  17. Darth_Bog Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Dec 6, 2002
    star 4
    --------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
    STAR WARS EPISODE 2.5 ? ATTACK OF THE PHANTOM MOHAWK
    --------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
    Chapter 8, Part THREE ? SITHLEMANIA II
    ------------

    UP NEXT?

    MATCH #2 ? GRAND MOFF TARKIN and ADMIRAL ACKBAR vs. CAPTAIN JEAN-LUC PICARD and CAPTAIN KIRK in a ?Replicator Rampage Match?

    The debate that has raged on for years between trekkies and rational human beings is about to be determined once and for all! Bragging rights between fans of Star Wars and Star Trek are on the line as the most famous tactical leaders of these galaxies go head-to-head! Watch as the Grand Moff Tarkin and Admiral Ackbar team up and attempt to outmaneuver the likes of the very bald Captain Jean-Luc Picard and the stuttering Captain James T. Kirk in a very unique Replicator Rampage match!

    The rules are simple: each of these legendary captains will begin in their flagships orbiting the planet of Dantooine. At the center of a specially built ring down on the planet surface will be a single Star Trek food replicator. The goal is this?the first team to successfully make it to the surface of the planet and use the replicator to create a cup of hot earl gray tea will be declared the winner!

    (An image of the Death Star, the two Enterprise?s, and Ackbar?s command ship is seen floating in space, when suddenly they all open fire on each other. Debris is seen exploding towards screen in a firey rain of destruction, as the next matchup rolls across out of the fire.)

    --------------------------------------------

    ~~~~~ In the locker room at the Sands of Thunder Stadium in Tatooine ~~~~~

    During the break between matches, Mr. T reads the lineup card and finally realizes what millions have been telling him for the past several months.

    MR. T ? Hungh! Dis match can?t happen cuz Captain Picard is dead! How come none of you FOOLS never told me!

    LUKE ? We did tell you, but you refused to listen.

    QUI-GON ? You wanted the Star Wars vs. Star Trek matchup so badly that you didn?t even pay attention to the fact that half the people you wanted in the match are already dead!

    MR. T ? Whaddya mean, half?

    QUI-GON ? Well, Captain Kirk isn?t exactly doing one-armed pushups on his farm back home either. I called my buddy Jim who is friends with Kirk?s personal doctor? some guy named McCoy? and when he asked him about Kirk?s whereabouts, McCoy told him, ?he?s dead, Jim.?

    ANAKIN ? (stunned) You have a friend?

    QUI-GON ? Don?t start with me, my pretentious little apprentice. At least I don?t end up killing most of all of my ?friends? like you do.

    ANAKIN ? (glares at Qui-gon) Thanks for the vote of confidence, Quiggy.

    QUI-GON ? (grumbling) I can?t wait for the Sith to take this one off our hands?

    MR. T ? Hungh!!! Enough with da jibber-jabber! The T-man needs a plan to fix dis problem!

    LUKE ? We could use stunt doubles.

    MACE ? We could just announce the obvious to the audience that the Star Trek universe is infinitely inferior and that they should all be massacred for even THINKING they could compete at our level!!!

    Everybody just stares at Mace.

    MACE ? What? It sounded like a good idea at the time. It still does, if you ask me.

    Yoda walks into the room, carrying a datapad with him.

    YODA ? Have I here, a note for you, T. Read it, you must. Important, think I.

    MR. T ? (confused look) Man, I hate your jibber-jabber, FOOL! What did you just say?!

    YODA ? Just read the freaking datapad, you moron!

    Everyone looks at Master Yoda, stunned at what just transpired.

    MACE ? (jumping up and down) I just KNEW it!!! I KNEW I heard you speaking perfect basic in the Jedi library, you unkempt ball of walking green slime!

    YODA ? Oh, please, get over it. If a wookie can speak ?perfect? basic in the EU and have it be called a speech disorder, then I can speak basic without sounding dyslexic. I mean, just how hard can it be?

  18. Darth_Bog Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Dec 6, 2002
    star 4
    --------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
    STAR WARS EPISODE 2.5 ? ATTACK OF THE PHANTOM MOHAWK
    --------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
    Chapter 8, Part FOUR ? SITHLEMANIA II

    MATCH #2 ? GRAND MOFF TARKIN and ADMIRAL ACKBAR vs. CAPTAIN JEAN-LUC PICARD and CAPTAIN KIRK in a ?Replicator Rampage Match?

    The battle continues!!!


    ~~~~~ Above the planet Dantooine aboard the Death Star ~~~~~

    (Surveying the floating wreckage of the USS Enterprise on his viewscreen, Grand Moff Tarkin manages a brief smile.)

    TARKIN ? Well, that was easy.

    ACKBAR ? Too easy, if you ask me.

    TARKIN ? Well, I designed this battle station to make things easy for me.

    ACKBAR ? Still, it just doesn?t add up.

    TARKIN ? Were you hoping for a stronger fight, perhaps?

    ACKBAR ? Well, you?d think it would have been tougher, given this IS Sithlemania II and all.

    TARKIN ? Lemme guess. You sense something?

    ACKBAR ? It?s a trap! (the entire crowd at Sands of Thunder Stadium audibly groans at hearing Ackbar?s comment)

    TARKIN ? Don?t make me suck out all the humidity in this room and watch you shrivel up like a fried gundark on a stick!

    ACKBAR ? I?m telling you, there?s something bigger going on here.

    As if right on cue, a gigantic and sleek Federation starship appears on the viewscreen

    ACKBAR ? (jumping up and down in excitement) See, I knew it!!!

    TARKIN ? What, you call a single ship barely bigger than the first one a trap?

    ACKBAR ? (still excited) They?re hailing us!

    TARKIN ? Well, by all means answer them. I wouldn?t want them to get the impression that we?re cowering in fear over their mighty ship.

    (Ackbar answers the hail and a large image of Captain Jean-luc Picard AND Captain James T. Kirk appear on the viewscreen)

    CAPTAIN PICARD ? This is Captain Jean-luc Picard of the USS Starship Enterprise?. um, I forget which letter the ship is because we?ve crashed so many of these things, but that?s beside the point. I?m here to ask if this small dispute can be resolved in a diplomatic way.

    TARKIN ? Apparently Picard you didn?t learn the FIRST time I had you killed? diplomacy isn?t my best trait, you bald-headed fool.

    KIRK ? Then? prepare? to? die? as? I? will? avenge? you? for? destroying? my? ship?!

    TARKIN ? (to Picard) You just HAD to rescue him, didn?t you?

    PICARD ? Sorry, but it IS in our prime directive. (leans closer to the viewscreen and whispers) Trust me, if there wasn?t a galaxy-wide audience watching, we may not have been so quick on the trigger there.

    TARKIN ? Fortunately, I do not have that problem. Ackbar, destroy them!

    ACKBAR ? Very well. (goes to press the big red button when he slips on one of his good luck charms left on the floor, knocking himself unconscious!)

    TARKIN ? Argh, I do AND don?t believe I just saw that!

    PICARD ? Then prepare to believe THIS as well! (Picard and Kirk?s picture disappear from the viewscreen? only to be replaced by THREE HUNDRED Federation starships and TWO HUNDRED Klingon Birds-of-Prey!!!)

    A Klingon warrior appears on the viewscreen of the visibly annoyed (and surprised) Moff Tarkin.


    GENERAL GOWRON ? Greetings, great warrior! I am here to do battle against you beside my friend and ally, Captain Picard. It is a great honor for me to face such a formidable opponent as yourself!

    TARKIN ? Amazing, you?re the first one from that inane little galaxy of yours that I don?t immediately despise. It?s a pity then that I will have to obliterate you so quickly.

    GOWRON ? Bring it, rat face! (and with that, Gowron disappears from the viewscreen)

    TARKIN ? Grr? I take back what I said about him. Do these fools actually think they can defeat me? (notices Picard?s flagship firing on the nearest Klingon Bird-of-Prey) What the nerf is he doing?!

    (inside the USS Enterprise?)

    PICARD ? Stop firing you IDIOT!!! They?re here to HELP US!!!

    KIR
  19. DarthShona Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Jul 29, 2003
    star 5
    Nice to see more activity in this thread!!! :D

    OutlawYoda and I were discussing his "Squabbling Love Adventures" on AIM earlier tonight. Here's a personal addition to it with an Austin Powers 2 twist...

    *Tarkin and Vader meet in the Imperial lounge after their wedding night*
    Vader: It got wierd, didn't it?
    Tarkin: Ja
    Vader: I can't let my feelings for you interfere with my taking over the galaxy, you know that
    Tarkin: Lord Vader...... I'm late
    Vader: Late for what?
    Tarkin: No.... I mean I'm laaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaate!

    -------------------------------------------------------------------

    Just a little something I cooked up....

    *On the Springer show at the start of the movie*
    Jerry: Welcome back! The topic of today's show is "My Father is Evil and he Wants to Take Over the World!" Now let's meet Luke Skywalker!
    *Luke walks out onstage*
    Jerry: Luke, nice to have you with us.
    Luke: Thanks Jerry.
    Jerry: Tell us about your father.
    Luke: Well, uh, my dad is the head of a galaxy-wide evil organization with aspirations of galactic domination
    Audience: OOoooooooooooooohhhhhh!!!!
    Luke: Yeah, I know
    Jerry: Well, lets meet Luke's father, Darth Vader!
    *Vader walks out and sits down beside Luke*
    Vader: Hello Luke. Daddy's back
    Luke: How could you do this to me? On national television!?
    Vader: Well throw me a frickin' bone here, Luke!
    Luke: Why'd you run out on me?
    Vader: Because you're not quite evil enough
    *Audience begins booing*
    Vader: Well it's true! You're quasi-evil, you're the margarin of evil, you're the Diet Coke of evil: just one Calorie, not evil enough!
    *Prince Xizor is also on the stage*
    Xizor: What are you some kind of freak?!
    Luke: *stands up* Hey shut the **** up!
    Xizor: I'm gonna kick your a**!
    Luke: Bring it on, skanky b****!
    Vader: Now, now, now, there's no need to talk to my son like that.. it's okay, Luke. *Runs over to Xizor* YOU MOTHER******!!!
    *Vader and Xizor have it out on stage. After several minutes, Jerry intervenes and separates the two*
    Jerry: *pats Vader on the shoulder* Come on, it's just a TV show
    Vader: I'm all right, I'm easy.... *takes off and begins to pummel Jerry* I'll give ya a **** piece of s***!!!...
    *Guards try to hold Vader down as he wrestles Jerry*
    Vader: He's biting me! He's biting me! The **** biting me! ^&*$(%^^@$!!!!!!!!!
    *Amongst all the chaos, Vader picks up a framed map of the galaxy and holds it up to the camera*
    Vader: The galaxy's mine!!! The galaxy's mine ya ^#(*$%@#*%^#@$*%&$%^#$*&^!!!!!!!!!!!
  20. sword_of_raditz Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    Jun 2, 2005
    star 5
    Anakin: Do all of the stars have their own planets?
    Qui-Gon: Most of them.
    Anakin: Has anyone seen them all?
    Qui-Gon: Not likely.
    Anakin: I wanna be the first one to destroy them with a huge Death Star!
  21. Tatooine_Fireman Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    May 16, 2003
    star 4
    Good one, sword_of_radiz ;)

    Shona, I wonder what it sounds like, if Darth Vader, in his booming JEJ voice would say "frikkin'" [face_laugh]

    Here's another one:

    Luke is packing up to leave Dagobah.

    OBI-WAN: Luke. Don't give in to hate. That leads to the Dark Side. That, and fear of loosing your wife of course...

    :p
  22. grievious Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Mar 27, 2005
    star 3

    when Obi-wan almost felt into that deep pit at the end of TPM and Darth Maught is standing there...


    Darth Maul: "Yeah, now your hangin there, and I'm just thinking of a funny way to kill you. Lets see how long it takes before you let go"... mean laugh

    Darth Maul starts to urinate on Obi-Wan.

    Obi-Wan: "Okey, that's enough for me, GOOD BY."



    Episode II: Arena Battle

    Mace Windu: "LETS get THIS party STARTED!"

    Boba Fett: "PINYATA PINYATA!"


    C3PO: "Hello, I am c3po, human cyborg... ERROR ERROR, Windows caused a problem. Please replace and strike any key when ready."


    --------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

    At Corucant




    Padme: "Please don't look at me like that"

    Anakin: "Why not? "

    Padme: * Picks the baseball bat from the suitcase she was packing and hits Anakin on it's head*

    BANG

    Anakin: * falls to the floor *

    Padme: "It makes YOU feel uncomfortable."


    ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

    EP1: Jedi councel...

    Mace windu: "Do you believe it is this boy?"

    Qui-gon: "NOPE... For what other reason would I bring him up here, dump ass, ofcourse I believe it's this boy!"

    Yoda: "We, from the councel decided that it is not this boy..."

    [face_shhh]

    Qui-gon: ".... Okey then Anakin, I'm going to sell you as a slave then, you cost me a lot of money!"

    Anakin: "But I raced so you could free me, and you promised that you are going to train me as a jedi!"

    Qui-gon: "Hey, have you listened to the councel, we don't want a Darth vader in the house, so I'm going to sell you... To Jabba (evil laugh). Or wait, I have a better idea.... Padme! Imprison this boy, he's all yours.

    Padme: "But why, he's so cute...

    Qui-gon: "yeah, and that's the big problem, you see, he wanted to marry you, and then he wanted to leave you, kill you, and turn into Darth vader.

    Padme: "But, how do you know that?"

    Qui-gon: "You know that a Jedi can see the future..."

    Padme: "Yeah, that's true... (Points her blaster towards Anakin)
    Anakin: "but I did nothing wrong..."

    Padme: "Didn't you listen to Qui-gon, he's a jedi, and you are not, you are going to be my slave, because otherwise yo are going to the dark side..."

    Anakin: "I rather go to the dark side then being your slave".

    Padme: "You see, he is a bad little guy indeed...Anakin, put your hands on your head...!!"


    -------------------------------------------------------------------------------


    Coruscant:


    Jango Fett: "And Zam, there can be no mistakes this time"

    Zam Wessel: "What do mean with 'this time'...Oh you mean that time that I let you slip over that banana peel, haha, don't worry, I did that on purpose!"

    Jango Fett: "You did that on purpose?!"

    Zam Wessel: "haha YES, I did."

    Jango: "Okey, then just don't mistakes okey?"


    --------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------



    Mace Windu: "I sence a plot to destroy the Jedi"

    Clone Trooper: "Yeah, what ever. Do you sence a toilet around here to? I've been shooting droids for days now, and we have to execute order 66 in a few minutes, so before that I'd like to use the toilet."

    MaCe Windu: " ofcourse"

    ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

    ANAKIN: I hate you!!!!

    OBI-WAN:*Tear driven* You do? I thought we were friends...

    ANAKIN: Master, don't cry. I didn't mean it...

    OBI-WAN: You did. I saw it in your eyes...

    ANAKIN: No...Master...I'm your best friend...I swear...

    OBI-WAN: You mean it...

    ANAKIN: Of course...

    OBI-WAN: Great...we're friends...pal.

    ANAKIN: Yep. Say...uh...could you help me out of this lava?

    OBI-WAN: Okey then * starts pulling at Anakin's arm*

    ANAKIN: * His arm fall off* "AHHHHHHHHHH!!!! "

    Obi-wan: Damn, just like shish on the BBQ, when the skewer is burned, that's happening to me all the time, well, I guess I'll have to leave you

  23. Doni Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Jun 6, 2005
    star 3
    Deleted Scene from ROTS:

    (after Bail Organa tells Capt. Antilles to erase 3PO's memory.)

    C3PO: Wait...stop, Captain...my mind is going...I can feel it..."Daisy...daisy...giiiivve...meeeee...yoouuuuuurrrr...aaaaannnnnsssswwweerrr...dooooooo......"

    /too obscure?
  24. DARTHFINGERZ Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Nov 14, 2004
    star 4
    THREEPIO
    You see, Master Luke they didn't believe me.

    Suddenly the throne, with Threepio sitting upon it, rises from
    the ground.

    THREEPIO
    Oh! Oh, dear! Oh!

    The Ewoks fall back in terror from the floating throne.

    THREEPIO
    Put me down! He-e-elp! Master Luke! Artoo!
    Somebody, somebody, help! Master Luke, Artoo!
    Artoo, quickly! Do something, somebody! Oh!
    Ohhh!

    Chief Chirpa yells orders to the cowering Ewoks. They rush up and
    release the bound prisoners. Luke and Han enfold Leia in a group
    embrace.

    THREEPIO
    Oh, oh, oh, oh! Thank goodness.

    Luke looks at Leia oddly.

    LUKE
    If Master Obi Wan saw me do that he'd be VERY grumpy.

  25. grievious Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Mar 27, 2005
    star 3
Moderators: Darth_Nub, MOC Yak Face
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