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  1. In Memory of LAJ_FETT: Please share your remembrances and condolences HERE

CT Rewriting the OT to suit the Prequels (humor)

Discussion in 'Classic Trilogy' started by Darth Downunder, Mar 25, 2016.

  1. PCCViking

    PCCViking Chosen One star 10

    Registered:
    Jun 12, 2014
    Obi-Wan: This is Chewbacca, first mate on a ship that might suit us, and he helped an old Jedi master of mine during the Clone Wars.
     
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  2. Dark Ferus

    Dark Ferus Chosen One star 8

    Registered:
    Jul 29, 2016
    Luke and Leia kiss

    R2- "this is fun to watch, they don't know they're twins. My own soap opera!
     
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  3. Martoto77

    Martoto77 Jedi Master star 5

    Registered:
    Aug 6, 2016
    Bail Organa : Young lady! I never fought with any Jedi in the Clone Wars and I'm not about to start now! If you defy me and take the car to Tatooine then you can just forget about coming back here. Then you'll be sorry!!!!
     
  4. Martoto77

    Martoto77 Jedi Master star 5

    Registered:
    Aug 6, 2016

    Chewie - smiles sheepishly as he sits down next to Han Solo: - (pssst!) Ixn-ay on the old-ay eind-fray oda-Yay.

    Luke - "Oda-Yay? Obi-Wan?" What's he, Ben? (sarcastically) Another Jedi master who lives nearby?
     
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  5. 2K-D2

    2K-D2 Jedi Youngling star 2

    Registered:
    Aug 4, 2016
    Owen: "I have no need for a prot- wait don't I know you from somewhere?"



    Yoda: "You are reckless."
    Obiwan: "So was I, when I made a sarcastic joke once and Quigon didn't laugh."

    "Ben, why have you forsaken me?"
    "Ah stick it out will ya, we'll chat in the next movie."



    Evazan: "I don't like you."
    Luke: "I'm sorry.."
    Evazan: "Sorry's no goanna dry me off ya ****."
    Luke: "...?"
    Evazan: "Rrrrrüin'd ma süit ye ****in edieet!"
    Obiwan: "This little one's not worth the effort - come, let me get you something."
    Evazan: "Bet ****in late like"
    Obiwan: "He said he's sorry."
    Evazan: "Eh's sorry fir being a doss ****?"
    Obiwan: "..."

    Patrons: "??!"
    Obiwan: "Short negotiation anyway."
    Patrons: "..."




    Beru: "He's just not a farmer, Owen. He has too much of his father in him."
    Owen: "Obiwan said he went crazy later on, didn't he?"
    Beru: "Told us so in that text message when we arranged the meeting, at least."
    Owen: "Well, that's a rather worrying prospect then isn't it? I'll be honest with you, I'd rather keep him here on the farm; he'll be a good kid, he won't be satisfied, but he'll stay a good kid."
    Beru: "You can't keep him here forever; look how angry he is already, you promised him."
    Owen: "How angry? Don't you remember his old man? When he came over, he had that grim look in his eyes - I know that look. Seen it many times. It's the look of someone who's gotten involved. The world out there can change you. He shouldn't have gone out there, he should've stayed home."
    Beru: "I don't know, he didn't watch his mother murdered by Tusken raiders, did he? That can mess you up."
    Owen: "I know... still, I've got a bad feeling about that."






    Ben: "I've not gone by the name of Obiwan since... after you were born."
     
  6. Dandelo

    Dandelo SW and Film Music Interview Host star 10 VIP - Game Host

    Registered:
    Aug 25, 2014

    [face_laugh]
     
  7. enigmaticjedi

    enigmaticjedi Jedi Knight star 3

    Registered:
    Nov 2, 2011
    Obi-Wan: "I took it upon myself to train him as a Jedi."
    Luke: "You wanted to train my father?"
    Obi-Wan: "Er... not really. Yoda and I actually thought he was extremely dangerous. But while my master, Qui-Gon, was dying, he made me promise to train your father. Kind of a cheap move really. Was basically forced to do it."
     
  8. Martoto77

    Martoto77 Jedi Master star 5

    Registered:
    Aug 6, 2016
    Ben - Your father wanted you to have this when you were old enough. I assume. Actually the last thing he said to me, before you were even born and he knew that he'd have a son, was that he hated me.

    Luke - Hated you? So where did you get the saber?

    Ben - Uhm. A good question, for another time.

    Luke - Some people are going to have "laziness" issues with that.

    Ben - Oh dear. Well they'll be over it in about twenty five years time.
     
  9. Martoto77

    Martoto77 Jedi Master star 5

    Registered:
    Aug 6, 2016
    Ben - Unless, maybe, he would have wanted me to give it to Leia instead.

    Luke - Leia? The girl in the hologram? Why her? It's not like she's my sister or anything.

    Ben - As far as you know. And that is precisely what you should say to the judge when he asks.

    Luke - ??????
     
  10. 2K-D2

    2K-D2 Jedi Youngling star 2

    Registered:
    Aug 4, 2016
    "Hold me. Like you didn't at the lake of Naboo, when there was plotting, possible war, and I was actually seen doing politics (instead of briefly mentioning them in this one scene)."


    meh
     
  11. BenYodaDagobah

    BenYodaDagobah Jedi Master star 4

    Registered:
    Feb 20, 2016
    Luke: No, my father didn't fight in the wars. He repaired spice freighters in Mos Espa.

    Obi-Wan: That's what your father's stepbrother told you. He didn't hold with your fathers ideals. Thought you should've stayed here and not gotten involved.

    Luke: You fought in the Clone Wars?

    Obi-Wan: Yes. I was once a general in the Grand Army of the Republic, the same as your father.

    Luke: I wish I'd known him.

    Obi-Wan: He was the best podracer in the galaxy.


    "Commence primary ignition."

    [Death Star laser charges]

    Vader: It's working! It's working!
     
  12. Darth Downunder

    Darth Downunder Chosen One star 6

    Registered:
    Aug 5, 2001
    Leia: Aren't you a little short for a stormtrooper?
    Luke: What? Oh, the uniform... I'm Luke Skywalker I'm here to rescue you!
    Leia: You're who??
    Luke: I'm Luke Skywalker, I've got your R2 unit, I'm here with Ben Kenobi!
    Leia: You're here with who??
    Luke: Ben Kenobi??
    Leia: Who's "Ben" Kenobi? He any relation to General Obi-Wan Kenobi??
    Luke: Oh, er yeah, that's him!
    Leia: I know an Imperial trick when I see one shorty. Forget it.
     
  13. seventhbeacon

    seventhbeacon Jedi Knight star 3

    Registered:
    Dec 3, 2015
    Darth Vader: There is no escape! Don't make me destroy you. Luke, you do not yet realize your importance. You've only begun to discover sand! Join me, and I will complete your training! With our combined strength, we can end this destructive substance, and bring order to the galaxy.
    Luke Skywalker: [angrily] I'll never join you!
    Vader: If only you knew the power of Sand. Obi-Wan never told you how I felt about it.
    Luke: He told me enough! He told me it's coarse and it's rough and it gets lots of places!
    Vader: No, it gets everywhere.
    Luke: [shocked] No. No! That's not true! That's impossible!
    Vader: Search your breeches; you know it to be true!
    Luke: NOOOOOOO! NOOOOOOOO!!!
     
  14. PCCViking

    PCCViking Chosen One star 10

    Registered:
    Jun 12, 2014
    Vader: You do not know the power of the Dark Side. I must obey my master, who is crueler and more evil than my old Toydarian master, Watto.
     
  15. BenYodaDagobah

    BenYodaDagobah Jedi Master star 4

    Registered:
    Feb 20, 2016
    [face_laugh] Perfect. Never thought about it like that. I love the ones where you can just throw in a mention of characters from the prequels.
     
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  16. Darth Downunder

    Darth Downunder Chosen One star 6

    Registered:
    Aug 5, 2001
    Vader: "I've been waiting for you Obi-Wan. We meet again at last. The circle is now complete. When I left you I was but the learner, now I am the Master!!"
    Obi-Wan: "Really Darth? You still haven't gotten over the Jedi not making you a Master?? We gave you a seat on the Council for God's sake!"
    Vader: "Not making me a Master was insulting! It wasn't fair!! Palpatine offered me the title of not just Master but Lord! Lord trumps a Master, everyone knows that".
    Obi-Wan: "Oh please, you're only a Lord of evil, Darth. & what's this drivel about you being just a learner? You were a full Jedi Knight who'd trained his own apprentice!!"
     
  17. PCCViking

    PCCViking Chosen One star 10

    Registered:
    Jun 12, 2014
    Obi-Wan: "...there you will learn from Yoda, the Jedi Master instructed me before I became Qui-Gon's Padawan learner."
     
  18. BenYodaDagobah

    BenYodaDagobah Jedi Master star 4

    Registered:
    Feb 20, 2016
    Rogue One-OT humor incoming:

    You're way too short for a Deathtrooper.

    Red Ten standing by. Red Seven standing by. Red Three standing by. Red Six standing by. Red Thirteen, Caleran Andor, brother of Cassian, standing by.

    R2 and 3PO meet K2 in the Sandcrawler.
    3PO, unsure of K2: Goodness. You look rather Imperial.
    K2, unsure of 3PO: You look rather frightened. I don't like you.
    R2 beeps.
    K2: The astromech says you are a friend. I will not kill you.

    R2 and 3PO enter the torture room.
    EV: This one might be useful. What do you think?
    K2: Yes, I believe he'll do fine.
    3PO: Oh no.
    K2 pulls 3PO aside: Hello old friend. [Points to 8D8] He will kill you.
     
  19. theMaestro

    theMaestro Jedi Master star 3

    Registered:
    Oct 16, 2015
    If Darth Vader sounded & acted like kid Anakin:
    I especially love every time he whines with his "awwwww".
     
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  20. Dark Ferus

    Dark Ferus Chosen One star 8

    Registered:
    Jul 29, 2016
    "He's just not a farmer Owen. He has too much of his father in him."
    "Is that a joke to you? His father was a child killing psychopath, who came to our house and took our droid and didn't thank us for the blue milk. What good did we see in that man? If Luke's like his father, he needs to be locked up, in a cupboard under the stairs."
    "
    "Don't try to frighten us with your sorcerers' ways, lord Vader. Your sad devotion to that ancient religion hasn't helped you..."
    "I find your amnesia disturbing. You and many other officers served under me and the Jedi order, nineteen years ago.

    "He is reckless."
    "So was I, when I jumped out a window after an assassin droid."


    "I was killing your kind when being a Jedi meant something...hey, your last name's Skywalker, isn't it? Were you a pod racer? Bo, you're too young to have been him." Anyway, I was killing your kind when being a Jedi meant something. Except during the boonta eve classic when I fell asleep and when your kind saved my son. Hey, where is he?"

    "I thought I could train him better than Yoda. Yoda was a lousy teacher who couldn't tell the whole jedi order was being tricked. But I turned out, I was even worse. I brought a one-man fighter to arrest a bounty hunte, I allowed that same bounty hunter to detect me following him, and I trusted your father to protect your mother on Naboo."
     
  21. PCCViking

    PCCViking Chosen One star 10

    Registered:
    Jun 12, 2014
    "You, like your father, are now mine, especially when I regale you with the tale of Darth Plagueis the Wise."
     
  22. LordDallos

    LordDallos Jedi Master star 3

    Registered:
    Feb 2, 2016
    Luke: No, my father didn't fight in the Wars. He was a navigator on a spice freighter.

    Ben: Actually, he was a freaking war hero that was either admired or resented by nearly every citizen of the galaxy. They really don't let you out much do they?
     
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  23. PCCViking

    PCCViking Chosen One star 10

    Registered:
    Jun 12, 2014
    Obi-Wan: There you will learn from Yoda, the Jedi Master who instructed me as a youngling, before I was Qui-Gon's Padawan, then who instructed me in the ways of becoming a Force ghost.
     
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  24. Dagobahsystem

    Dagobahsystem Chosen One star 10

    Registered:
    Sep 25, 2015
    Kenobi: "Why do I sense we've picked up another pathetic life form?"
    Qui-Gon: "Don't center on your anxieties, Obi-Wan. Keep your concentration here and now."
    Kenobi: "I am, Master. Yet, I sense something. Elusive. Perhaps we should contact the Jedi Council. I suggest that we all have a thorough psychological analysis conducted to ascertain whether we are at all blinded by this, prophecy. Or the dark side? Or just to make sure we don't do anything silly that could lead to the destruction of the Jedi Order. Right?"
    Qui-Gon: "His midichlorian count is off the charts."
    Kenobi: "Yah, I know, that was my line, but shouldn't we check with Master Yoda? Also, we must bring Shmi with us, right Master? A boy needs his mother. The loss of her could lead to fear and anger, right Master?"
    Qui-Gon: "You must unlearn what you have learned. I will train the boy. And from now on, based on this action of mine, you will endure much sadness and pain, Obi-Wan. And then this boy will kill you. After you've suffered."
    Kenobi: "Yes, my Master."

    *kenobi to himself* "sure picked the wrong day to stop drinking and convert to buddhism"
     
  25. seventhbeacon

    seventhbeacon Jedi Knight star 3

    Registered:
    Dec 3, 2015
    I want bonus deleted scenes, where the Emperor keeps pulling lowly Imps aside to tell them the Darth Plagueis story over and over again, reliving his glory days and forgetting that he'd already told them it before. Vader gets to hear the story even more than them, too.
     
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