Ring Wars: A Goofy Star Wars/LOTR parody! Round Robin, please join.

Discussion in 'Fan Fiction Stories--Classic JC Board (Reply-Only)' started by ArnaKyle, Jan 11, 2002.

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  1. ArnaKyle Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Nov 12, 2000
    star 4
    Ring Wars: A Goofy Star Wars/LOTR parody. Major AU.
    No Spoilers, possible LOTR spoilers.
    Rated PG
    This will chronicle Episode I-Episode 6 in a wacky, goofy, and downright insane story spoofing Lord of the Rings!


    Bear with me, this is my first screwball fic, just another weird idea spawned at the dinner table. ;)

    Making this a round robin, can't juggle all this stuff at once. Anyone can post, it's just a screwy fic about what if the ring of power got transported to the GFFA, the explanation is up already. Pretty much, just let your imagination go wild...we're all insane here anyway! ;)



    Episode I as you know it?.UNTIL! *Suspenseful music blares* (This is the scene where they just got past the attack and they need some place to land)


    "Middle Earth," Obi-Wan Kenobi said aloud. His thoughts were elsewhere, but the young Jedi had determination in his voice.

    Ric Olié shrugged noncommittally. "Where's that? I've never even heard of that?" He squinted over the charts that Obi-Wan had brought up, and sure enough, Middle Earth was blinking like a beacon.

    "Middle Earth?" asked a suspicious Captain Panaka, joining the pilot and Jedi, examining the findings. "Why, we've never even HEARD of such a place," he argued, "we don't know if it's safe or not, Queen Amidala?"

    "Queen Amidala what?" came a defensive voice. All three men turned around quickly, facing the young leader. Her face was clean from makeup and her dark eyes were glaring at them. "Middle Earth," she breathed contemplatively. All three stared, especially since she had changed into looser clothes. "Good work, Kenobi. Do what the Jedi says, Ric, and set our course for Middle Earth."

    "As you wish, your highness," Ric said, bowing deeply as Queen Amidala walked away. He snickered and winked at Obi-Wan, both sticking their tongues out at Panaka's turned back. He pushed a few commands, and the ship jettisoned off into the distance.

    Obi-Wan smiled smugly, Queen Amidala had picked HIS choice and blown snooty Panaka off. Funny though, he didn't seem to ever recall learning of Middle Earth either. The thought didn't hold though, as the ship jolted violently.

    Obi-Wan rocked on his feet at the tremor, collapsing into the hard wall of the ship. He groaned, rubbing a sore head, until he was thrown to the other side. "We must be in some sort of asteroid field!" he said aloud, trying to crawl to the cockpit.

    "Mesa head!" he heard from the back of the ship, followed by what very well might have been a steady stream of curses from Artoo. The handmaidens screamed in fear, and Obi-Wan thought he heard Qui-Gon puking in the rear. Panaka was no more than a loud thud and groan.

    The ship tossed and turned in space, and Obi-Wan thought he was about to have his lunch tossed out of him. Using the Force to guide him, he reached the cockpit safely, joining Ric in surprise. The windows of the Nubian ship revealed a bright and blue electric swirl around them.

    "What the-?" Ric began, but before he could wonder anymore, the electricity stopped and suddenly they landed hard, to hear the sound of crunching all around. Obi-Wan opened his eyes slowly, looking around cautiously. A hundred thousand humanoids with pointy ears stared at the ship, and Ric ducked.

    "Wait to go Obi!" Ric said, glaring at the Jedi, though his cowardly appearance didn't look very threatening. Obi-Wan's mouth dropped a mile.

    "I've got a bad feeling about this."




    The funny stuff is coming later, this is just a demented little escape from DRL, so if you want to read, be my guest.
  2. Jacinta_Kenobi Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Sep 23, 2001
    star 4
    Umm...okay....Hehe....I think this looks interesting...
  3. ArnaKyle Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Nov 12, 2000
    star 4
    ?Oooh, mesa gotta hurt yousa,? Jar Jar lamented in a woozy voice, ears flying everywhere. He stumbled blindly into Obi-Wan, but was promptly shoved off.

    ?I really hate Gungans,? Obi-Wan muttered.

    There was a tapping on the ship?s ramp door, and Obi-Wan, Ric, and Jar Jar all groaned, now joined by Qui-Gon, Queen Amidala, Panaka, and Artoo. ?Well,? said Queen Amidala, taking charge again, ?I guess we?d better go out and meet the natives.?

    Panaka rolled his eyes at her. ?Oh come on Ami, I mean, ahem, your highness, we?re not gonna go out there and duke it out with some cousin-of-a-Gundark. Look at those weapons! They have, uh, swords!?

    ?And I have a lightsword, Panaka, buddy. Do the math.? Obi-Wan gloated over Panaka, making a victory dance encircling him.

    ?Oh cut it out Obi-Wan,? Qui-Gon snapped, ?and lets go see what the heck we?re dealing with.? He closed his eyes in fear and smacked his hand against the button to open the door. The whooshing sound followed, and he opened them tentatively.

    An army of humanoid creatures with large pointed ears and flowing hair surrounded them. ?Whosa are yousa?? Jar Jar said, stepping down the ship?s ramp. His webbed feet tangled underneath him and he fell face forward rolling wildly till he hit the ground. Two long ears and legs stuck out from underneath the ship.

    ?I apologize for my, uh, fr?Gungan,? Qui-Gon offered weakly to the masses of silent warriors around him, swords raised. Qui-Gon continued talking uncomfortably, and Obi-Wan jiggled his lightsaber in hand, fingering the on switch.

    Jar Jar kicked at his feet vainly, trying to wriggle free, when something shiny caught his eye. Qui-Gon?s voice faded in his mind, and he tried to grasp the object. His trapped arms could barely move, so instead he flicked his tongue out which projected far enough to latch the item.

    It turned out to be a golden ring, but Jar Jar only saw this for two seconds of consciousness. The ring slid down Jar Jars tongue and whapped him square in the tonsils, leaving his voice tangled. Suddenly, he heard Qui-Gon speak again.

    ?I suppose we give our friend a hand, if that would be all right,? he said, and soon the strength of the foreign lifeforms and the passengers onboard the ship had lifted just enough of the ship to allow Jar Jar to stand. One of the men had a composure of a king, and examined Jar Jar closely, muttering something in a strange language.

    He then spoke in Basic. ?The Dark Lord Sauron is dead!? he cried, and a mass of species like him cheered wildly. He turned to Qui-Gon, and extended a hand. ?I am Elrond, leader of the elves. We thank you, warriors from the sky.?

    Obi-Wan tried to suppress a giggle. Panaka did it for him, slamming a boot on Obi-Wan?s foot.

    Qui-Gon raised his eyebrows and nodded. ?I am Qui-Gon Jinn, Jedi Knight. This is my apprentice Obi-Wan Kenobi, her royal highness of Naboo, Queen Amidala, and this,? he said, gesturing to Jar Jar, ?is Jar Jar Binks.?

    The man called Elrond nodded. ?A queen? She might fill that little jerk Galadriel?s place nicely?? he muttered. He smiled warmly after a moment. ?Come friends, let us find the ring!?

    ?Rwigning?? Jar Jar said, the ring choking off his words. Panaka rolled his eyes at Jar Jar, and Artoo beeped an obvious ?shut up.?

    A large force of these elven people crowded around the ship and lifted it cleanly into the air. Elrond scrambled underneath, only to return with a handful of blowing ash. ?The Ring is gone!? he shouted, crumbling the smoking finger in his hand. ?it is gone with Sauron?s cursed evil!?

    A mass of shouts arose, and Qui-Gon looked bewildered.

    ?I think it be best if we leave now,? he said, nodding to Elrond. ?We thank you for your, ah, hospitality.? With that they scrambled aboard, and Jar Jar continued to yelp.

    ?I?wve godt the rrrwigne!? he kept saying, but a poke from Artoo shut him up as the starcraft blasted away into space.




    Wizard of Oz anyone?
  4. JediClare Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Oct 8, 2001
    star 4
    I haven't read LOTR, just The Hobbit, [face_blush] but I'm interested...

    x Clare x
  5. ArnaKyle Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Nov 12, 2000
    star 4
    Thanks to both of you!

    I'm just experimenting, I have a really weird weird sense of humor, and one day at dinner my brother proposed that I make a LOTR SW crossover involving Jar Jar...
  6. Midnightetak Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Sep 28, 2001
    star 2
    hm..very interesting, are you going to write some more?
  7. Chewie_fan Jedi Padawan

    Member Since:
    Jan 11, 2002
  8. ArnaKyle Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Nov 12, 2000
    star 4
    Of course... ;)

    Yes I know, I have mental problems.
  9. JaegerGhent Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Jan 5, 2002
    star 5
    Heehee. This is funny. :D
  10. ArnaKyle Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Nov 12, 2000
    star 4
    A short and crazy post:



    After an hour of Jar Jar's incessant babbling Obi-Wan's temper broke. He grabbed Jar Jar's tongue and pulled hard. "If you don't stop talking, I'll rip this out!" Jar Jar waved his hands around frantically making warbling sounds.

    Obi-Wan gave him and evil grin and pulled harder. Something gold glittered around Jar Jar's tongue. "What's this?" he said to himself, pulling the ring off of Jar Jar's tongue. "Fancy that, a ring. Wasn't that Elrond guy looking for one?"

    He turned it in his fingers, admiring the flame like engraving. "Well geez, he was a weirdo, reminded me of some kinda bad guy that should be wearing sunglasses." Obi-Wan shook his head.

    Jar Jar, now free of his speaking impairment (well, the ring at least) jumped on Obi-Wan. He screamed. "I'm being attacked by a Gungan!" Jar Jar pinned him to the floor and grabbed the ring. "Master Jinn! Panaka! Ric!" he whined.

    "Mesa precious?" Jar Jar gurgled and hissed, eyes gleaming wildly in the golden light. Obi-Wan backed against the wall as Jar Jar's clumsy fingers reached to put the ring on his hand. Qui-Gon rushed into the room, rolling his eyes at Obi-Wan.

    "Obi-Wan," Qui-Gon said, "it's Jar Jar. You need to take some time off or something?"

    Qui Gon looked at Jar Jar who was slowly slipping the ring over his thick fingers. At once, Jar Jar vanished into thin air. "Thank the Force," Obi-Wan said, and Qui-Gon passed him a surprised look. "What? He's gone!"

    Qui-Gon gave a sarcastic look to his apprentice and looked back at Jar Jar, sure enough, still not there. "I think I need to take some time off too?"

    Just then Obi-Wan yelped. Qui-Gon looked at him. "I feel as though I've been kicked," Obi-Wan said sheepishly.
  11. SiriGallia Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Jan 28, 2001
    star 4
    Let's have some more Arna! :)
  12. ArnaKyle Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Nov 12, 2000
    star 4
    I'll maybe write more tomorrow, but I need other people to join!
  13. JediClare Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Oct 8, 2001
    star 4
    Mesa precious?!?!

    ROTFLMAO!!! [face_laugh] [face_laugh] [face_laugh]

    My sis is in the room now. Fortunately, she's used to my sudden bursts of laughter. :D

    x Clare x
  14. Jedi_Jewl Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Sep 26, 2001
    star 2
    Hey thanks for telling me about this thing, Arna! I'll help! I just so happen to be quite insane myself! ;)
    _____________________________________________
    "What do you mean you've been kicked? There's no one here!" Obi-wan was feeling more and more silly. "Well, I- I think it's Jar-Jar! He did dissapear, didn't he?"

    "I said he was gone, Obi-wan, I didn't say he dissapeared literaly."

    "Well, whatever, he's gone now. I guess we should- OW!"

    Qui-gon was about to repramand his Padawan, when he felt it. "Ow! Jar-Jar!"

    "No! Mesa gonna take over disen whole world!"

    "Right. Master? Can we just catch up with them? I want to go to this Rivendel place they mentioned, and besides. I don't see why we shouldn't just leave this idiot to his demise."

    "Good point. Fairwell Jar-Jar! If you quick acting like a fool in the near future, look us up in Rivendel!"

    "Mesa precious. Mesa own prrrecccccious!"

    "Whatever."
    Obi-wan and Qui-gon set off in the direction that Elrond had gone.
    They finnaly caught up, and walked all the way to Rivindel.
  15. Jedi_Jewl Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Sep 26, 2001
    star 2
    Up! We need more joiners! C'mon Shmallow, write! Please? I won't make you give me your CD player :D
  16. Jedi_Jewl Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Sep 26, 2001
    star 2
    ...........okay, bad suggestion...... [face_plain]
  17. ArnaKyle Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Nov 12, 2000
    star 4
    Jedi Jewel:

    Looks good, thanks for joining! A couple of questions though, if you want to explain this in a future post or it was a mistake, pm me. Okay...Anakin being on the ship? Did he sneak on, because instead of going to Tatooine first...they went to Middle Earth. At least in what I wrote. And they had already left middle earth (...as the starcraft blasted away into space), so you might want to clarify that they returned?

    Don't know, just some consistancy errors, but nothing big. Thanks for helping, I appreciate it a ton!
  18. anya Skywalker Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Jun 14, 2000
    star 4
    one tiny, itsy bitsy thingy...

    Galadriel is NOT a jerk!

    There, I had to get it off my chest... Whew.

    Besides, Elron is married to her daughther, so I guess he can't hate his mother-in-law that much.... Elves are immortal, it would be too long to hate someone. ;) :D
  19. Jedi_Jewl Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Sep 26, 2001
    star 2
    Hmmm... well, I must addmit I didn't notice that. I figured you had forgotten about Ani or somthing. Well, it's all the same to me! I can remove that part, if you'd like. This IS fun though!! :D

    But I do agree with ayna. Galadrial's not a jerk, she'd just a little air-headed. (it's and elf thing ;) )
  20. Jedi_Jaina_Durron Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    Dec 1, 2001
    star 5
    OOOOH! I really like this! I don't have time to write any right now, but I will sometime if I can. In the meantime, just a suggestion:
    Amidala should fall for Legolos.*sigh* He's my favorite character!
  21. Jedi_Jewl Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Sep 26, 2001
    star 2
    There we go! Problem solved! :)

    I know what you mean Jedi_Jaina, I like Legolas. But I think Frodo and Gandalf are my absolute favorites. My dad keeps saying that "Gandalfs the man!" I say Frodo's the man, but he says that Frodo's the Hobbit. [face_plain] I'm way confused! ;)
  22. AquaRose Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Sep 6, 2001
    star 4
    In the Silmarillian Galadriel is a warrior... I have read it like a hundred times and Galadriel fights lots of battles... she is just not a super hero and gives up fighting for Celeborn. Anyway I like this story I have been a Tolkien fan for quite some time(before the movie) anyway continue on please...
    *Covers mouth with hand to hold back a giggle*

    See you my fellow T friends;)
  23. anya Skywalker Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Jun 14, 2000
    star 4
    Galadriel is a fighther, but her true power is to see in the hearth of all...

    Actually Tolkien seemed to have different background stories for her, and not even his son was sure if the one in the Sill was the one the professor wanted to use.

    Gandalf is the man? :eek: ;)
  24. RingBearer_Frodo Jedi Padawan

    Member Since:
    Jan 14, 2002
    Gandalf is not the man, he is an Istari. And I am a hobbit. [face_plain] ;)

    Excellent story and idea, keep it up!
  25. Jedi_Jewl Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Sep 26, 2001
    star 2
    Hey I've got it all figured out! Gandalf is the wizard, Frodo is the Hobbit, and Aragorn's the man! And of course Legolas is the elf, Gimli is the dwarf, ect.! Of course that means that Sam, Pippin, and Merry are the Hobbits to, and Boromire is the man. But he's dead, so never mind! [face_plain] Kay, bad joke.

    Galadriel fights? Not in that dress!! ;)
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