RPG Scenario: Face the Beast

Hi. I enjoy writing short fiction, so I decided to take a shot at writing an RPG adventure. I've never done anything like this before, so I'm sure it's a bit clunky. This is a first draft. My motivation was to avoid (or at least confront or justify) some of the stereotypical or plot-driven adventure themes. I use a school as a pillar of the scenario, because it was the only way I could justify a diverse group working together (besides meeting by happenstance in the local cantina). Anyway, here it is.
If the formatting is bad, let message me and I can mail it to you as an attachment.

Face the Beast
by
jkd6019@hotmail.com


Premise
This adventure is framed as the first task or "Faet" for a small group of PCs who are ongoing students at a school called the Conservatorium of Aum.

History of the Aum
The Conservatorium is an ancient institution, several thousand years old and resides in the city of Aum on the planet Ot in the Mid Rim. The central premise of the school is the perfection of the body and mind through a discipline or learning. Pilots, warriors, scholars, and Jedi have been among its master instructors and students of the Conservatorium. The means of this learning is through traditional studies in the classroom, and the "Faet" (pronounced "fate") or task or labor set by a Master. An Aum Master has completed 27 Faets. After completing a set of 9 Faets a student can "graduate" to a new plateau, however, they can continue studying as long as they like.
The Conservatorium of Aum exists in all eras of play, except in the Imperial Era, when the Masters were forced into hiding by the New Order and the Conservatorium was abandoned. In the Tales of the Jedi era, the Conservatorium enjoys great renown, its graduates prized as scholars, diplomats, warriors, physicians, pilots, and the like.
The city of Aum is composed of many flat-topped pryamids and stone cobbled streets. In the Old Republic is was already an old city. Since the Empire, it has fallen into decline and though it is emerging, still carries a slight touch of darkness--the criminal element has expanded, there are more abandoned and disrepaired buildings, and a general respect and goodwill in the city has been mixed with a wariness.

Briefing
The players have completed their standard course of study and are deemed ready to attempt their first Faet by their Master. The party's Master can be of any species. Traditionally, Aum Masters dress in simple clothes and cannot be distinguished from common people. They do not carry unique weapons or tools, as they consider themselves to be living tools. Instead they are known for more intangible qualities such as physical prowess, intuition, practicality, wisdom, and resourcefulness. They are considered masters of survival and the test.
The party gathers in the center square of the Conservatorium, and are told that they are to travel to the world of Ophesus. A former student of the Conservatorium is there and it is thought he has become derranged. There, he resides in a ruin on a mountaintop. The party's task is to return this former student to the Conservatorium, but if he is derranged, capture him--or kill him.
If the party does not have a ship, they will be transported via a chartered freighter.

Mount Ophesus
The party's destination is Ophesus, a distant primodial planet, about which the party has heard nothing. It is rumored the old masters knew of many obscure locales to task their students. Perhaps, this is one of them.
It is sunset as the party passes over the world, they see forest wilderness. Ophesus is a wild, seemingly deserted, world. Following, the coordinates, they see a brown black mountain rising out of the wildnerness, Mount Ophesus. If they fly over, they will be not be able to make out any distinguishable features from the air. However, there is tall sculpted mesa rests several miles away. It would make a perfect landing platform.
If the party insists that the pilot land at the foot of the mountain, he will resist the idea, saying that there is

 

This would have made an awesome addition to Crimson Jedi Kinght's thread...

 

If anyone has any tips, ideas or uses the site or anything else from the scenario, please let me know your thoughts.

Thanks