Saga Safe- PT Rewrite Entry-The ghost of Qui-Gon saves a child from Order 66. Drama/Angst

Discussion in 'Fan Fiction- Before, Saga, and Beyond' started by LilyHobbitJedi, Feb 4, 2008.

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  1. LilyHobbitJedi Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    Aug 29, 2005
    star 5
    Title: Safe
    Author: LilyHobbitJedi
    Timeframe: ROTS, during Order 66
    Characters: Qui-Gon, OC Jedi Youngling
    Genre: Drama/Angst
    Summary: During Order 66 many Jedi died including the Younglings. This is the story of how one child escaped, with the help of a certain Force ghost.
    Notes: This is my entry for the PT Rewrite Contest. The challenge was to write any scene with Qui-Gon as a Force ghost. This is what I came up with, hope you like it!

    Safe


    What?s that? Was six year old Delia Storm?s first hazy thought upon waking up from her nap. She kept hearing these distant booming sounds, but she tried to ignore them as she buried her head into the covers. As Delia fell into a semi conscious state, she wondered if today she would be released from the infirmary.

    For several days now, the little girl had been fighting a terrible cold and spent an entire week inside the infirmary. She didn?t really like it, because it was very dull and she really missed all her friends in the Crèche. As a six year old Jedi initiate, being put in the infirmary for days was very lonely.

    Suddenly Delia heard a scream, and she sat up startled. She was still too young to readily access the Force like most Jedi, but even she knew that something was wrong. The Healer entered her room quickly.

    ?Delia, I?m leaving. Stay right here, keep the doors locked, and you?ll be safe,? she said with a warm smile towards the child.

    ?Safe from what?? Delia asked fearfully.

    The healer was speechless. ?Just safe.? She said and walked out the door again.

    Delia swung her legs over the side of her bed, and jumped down to the floor. She was very happy that she was feeling much better, and all that remained was a consistent cough.

    ?No!? She heard a tortured scream outside the door, which was followed by the same sound that had awoken her. It was followed by a loud shriek, and then a heavy thud.

    Delia heard started to pound as she slowly moved to the corner of the room, pulling her blanket along. She wrapped it around herself and covered her ears, so she didn?t have to hear anything else. It didn?t help much, she heard more screams, and Delia grew more terrified by the second.

    Suddenly, she heard a voice right next to her.

    ?Be at peace, child,? said a man?s calm voice.

    Startled, Delia started shaking even more. What if this is a trick? She wondered. They?re going to get me too!

    ?I won?t let them get you,? the voice spoke again.

    Curiosity overcame her, and Delia pulled the covers off her head. She almost wished that she hadn?t since there was a ghost standing right next to her! Delia fearfully looked at the apparition. He looked like a Jedi Master, and there was a lightsaber hanging at his belt. The man?s face was distinctive and elegant, and he had long flowing brown hair.

    Suddenly he didn?t seem so scary to Delia all of a sudden. She felt as though she could tell him anything. ?I?m scared,? she uttered, wincing as the sounds grew closer once more.

    ?There is no need to be,? the man said calmly. ?What?s your name??

    ?Delia Storm,? she replied softly.

    ?Well Delia, you can call me Master Qui-Gon.?

    ?What?s that?? she asked, pointing at the door.

    The Jedi Master looked at her sadly. ?Bad people,? he said.

    ?Is everyone alright?? she asked, fearing the answer.

    ?Many have joined the Force,? Qui-Gon explained with a sad smile. ?They are in a very happy place now.?

    ?Good,? Delia replied, smiling.

    ?Commander!? came a rough voice right outside the right. ?We haven?t checked this door!?

    ?Come Delia,? Qui-Gon said suddenly. ?Follow me.?

    Delia stood up and followed the ghostly Jedi Master. He led through a doorway that was between her room and the one beside it. She walked through it and was lead through yet another room. After walking through three of them, Delia realized she?d come to the end.

    ?Where do I go now, Master??

    ?Out the main door,? Qui-Gon answered steadily.

    ?But,? Delia
  2. earlybird-obi-wan Chosen One

    Member Since:
    Aug 21, 2006
    star 6
    Loved it how Qui-Gon saved that little initiate.

    Great response=D=
  3. KELIA Manager Emeritus

    Member Since:
    Jul 26, 2005
    star 6
    That was so bittersweet!!

    He knew there wasn?t much he could do, but he saved Delia

    :_| :_| :_| :_|

    Still, one saved life is worth it. I'm glad she found a good family.

    Great response to the challenge

    =D= =D= =D= =D=
  4. VaderLVR64 Manager Emeritus

    Member Since:
    Feb 5, 2004
    star 8
    He knew there wasn?t much he could do, but he saved Delia

    Absolutely beautiful! :_| =D=
  5. Meredith_Kenobi Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Jul 20, 2005
    star 4
    I have mixed-feelings about that ending. :( It was good to see that Delia got a happy ending, but so many others died!!! :_|

    I wonder what happens to Delia after that. Does the Empire eventually track her down? Does she remember her life as a Jedi? Does her story really have a happy ending? How can she truly be happy with only a small amount of knowledge regarding the Force, which she can so clearly touch? Does she self-teach herself more about the Force?

    Nice story, LilyHobbitJedi! Even if it did leave me full of questions. It was beautiful how trusting Delia was in the Force, that she would step right off that balcony...Let's just hope she never encounters a Sithly Force ghost with less admirable aims than Qui-Gon. [face_worried]

  6. LilyHobbitJedi Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    Aug 29, 2005
    star 5
    earlybird-obi-wan:Loved it how Qui-Gon saved that little initiate.

    I think it's definitely something Qui-Gon would do if he could.

    Great response

    Thank you!

    KELIA:That was so bittersweet!!

    I wanted to show at least one victory during Order 66.

    Still, one saved life is worth it. I'm glad she found a good family.

    Yes, Delia is very lucky.

    Great response to the challenge

    Thank you!

    VaderLVR64:Absolutely beautiful!

    Thank you so much!

    Meredith_Kenobi:I have mixed-feelings about that ending. It was good to see that Delia got a happy ending, but so many others died!!!

    I wonder what happens to Delia after that. Does the Empire eventually track her down? Does she remember her life as a Jedi? Does her story really have a happy ending? How can she truly be happy with only a small amount of knowledge regarding the Force, which she can so clearly touch? Does she self-teach herself more about the Force?


    Well I never intended for this to be more than a oneshot, but I imagine that Delia is able to live safe from the Empire's clutches.

    Nice story, LilyHobbitJedi! Even if it did leave me full of questions. It was beautiful how trusting Delia was in the Force, that she would step right off that balcony...Let's just hope she never encounters a Sithly Force ghost with less admirable aims than Qui-Gon.

    Thank you, I'm glad you liked it. :)
  7. SUGARBANTJINN Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Apr 12, 2007
    star 4
    ?Now I?m going to ask you to imagine the Force. It?s inside you, it?s protecting you, and it loves you. Can you feel it??

    Delia did as he asked, and felt nothing. ?No,? she answered.

    ?Try again,? he said patiently. ?The Force is everywhere, encircling the galaxy and you most of all. Dig deep in your mind and you will hear it.?

    Delia imagined a giant comforting blanket carrying her to safety and sheltering her from the scary people with the loud noises. Suddenly, she felt such a strong feeling of hope and courage pour out of her. ?I feel it!? she exclaimed.

    ?Now, I know you won?t like this Delia, but you need to climb over the gate,? Qui-Gon commanded.

    ?But why?? Delia asked in horror. She never liked heights and the thought of being outside of it, once more drew out the terrifying emotions she just escaped from. She was very high up as it was and the bottom of Coruscant?s city was a very long way. ?What if I fall??

    ?You will fall,? Qui-Gon said. ?But the Force will catch you.?

    ?You promise?? Delia asked.

    ?I promise.? Qui-Gon said smiling at her once more.



    This part spoke volumes to me! and how true it is! I've not seen very many people bring out love as one of the Force's attributes, and I'm glad you did! This reminded me of the scripture that says 'He will command His angels to catch you, so that you should dash your foot against a stone.'
    Very well done!
  8. JediKaren Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Apr 26, 2007
    star 3
    AWWWWWWWWWWWW OHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH it was SO cute! Oh you must do another story like this!
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