Beyond - Legends Sam the Psychiatrist------AU-ish Humor

Sam the Psychiatrist



Hello, my name is Sam Stormtrooper. I used to be a soldier for the Empire, but when it fell I was kind of out of a job. So, I became a psychiatrist. But not just any psychiatrist. My job is to travel beyond the reaches of time and space, and help anyone I can. Maybe? just maybe? the universe will turn out better because of me. I present to you my first case? Emperor Palpatine.

Emperor Palpatine

The great ruler walked into my office, not even bothering to knock. I looked up, startled, as he stood menacingly before my desk. I stood up and bowed politely.

?How may I help you, my Emperor?? I asked him.

He looked at me for a while, and then rasped out, ?I was told that you were a psychiatrist loyal to me and my Empire.?

I nodded. ?Yes, my lord.? I waited for him to continue, but he just grunted. I cleared my throat. ?Take a seat on the couch, please.?

He sat down, groaning a little. As I walked over to sit beside him, thoughts were running through my head. I grabbed my notepad and wrote some down.

How old is this guy, anyway? He looks like he died fifty-three years ago.

Has his face always been that ugly? He looks like a mummy.

Then I sat up and tried to look professional, which, of course, I?m not.

?Well, my lord, what is troubling you?? I asked, as I tried to guess what he would say. It took him a while to answer, so I made a few professional notes on my pad.

What?s not wrong with him?

Palpatine finally spoke. ?The Empire is failing.?

I tried not to laugh out loud at the man. Instead, I wrote something.

The Empire has already failed. Hello! He really needs to get out more.

The former Emperor continued. ?I don?t know what I did wrong. Can you help me??

I leaned back onto the extra cushion I so brilliantly placed in my chair, and bit on my eraser before answering. ?I think so. My lord, the Empire is gone. Face it. You really need to stop dwelling on the past.?

I hesitated. Palpatine looked like he was about to Force-throw something at me. I felt a tingle run up my spine and something told me to duck.

Thank the Force I did. I heard my mother?s precious crystal vase crash into the wall behind me, and I smiled at him weakly.

?Don?t take it so personally, sir. What I meant was? you need to think more about the future.? I sighed in relief at my sudden wisdom. ?Yeah? the future.? I straightened up and scribbled something down before continuing.

NOTE: Watch what I say to Force-sensitive Emperors.

?Sure, your old Empire is gone, but why not build a new one??

He seemed to ponder this for a minute. ?Yes? yes? that is good? advice.? Palpatine stood up slowly and headed for the door. ?Maybe I?ll come visit you again sometime.?

As the door closed behind him, I sighed with relief and sat back down at my desk. Then, as if remembering something, I slapped myself on the head and leaned down to make one more not on my notepad:

Good going, Sam. Now look what you?ve done!

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Please Read & Rate! I'd love to know if anyone likes this or not!

 

**WOW** What a terrific idea! And it holds limitless possibilities - I mean, let's face it, almost everyone in SW could use an hour on the couch about something!



Choosing Palpatine as your psychiatrist's first patient is brilliant. Who better?

You wrote the piece extremely well. It is very funny - yet I felt a chill when the former Emperor said:

?Yes? yes? that is good? advice.?

I mean, Uh-Oh!!

Great stuff -- keep writing, please!

ojn

 

I agree, it's a wonderful idea! I hope there will be more?

 

oldjedinurse: Thank you so much! Yes, I thought that Palpatine would be a good first patient. Thanks for the support!

LukesTheMan: Thank you! And be assured, more will come very soon!

 

Uppy!

 

HEEHEE!

I love it!

 

Thanks so much, Ackyuna!

 

Oh gosh, this is a great idea! I love it, and I'm definitely looking forward to more! Let me know (somehow) when you have an update, through either a PM or a change in the title!

 

Oh great! There's nothing as good as humour with Imperials, preferably Palpatine. Kudos!

I can just imagine Palpatine lying on a cough (his robes kinda riding up to above his knees...bleh).

 

Laura_Anu: Thank you! I'll post "update" in the title when there's more.

Pelly-Welly: Lol! Thanks!

 

I forgot to ask...*whispers* will we see Thrawn?

Pretty please? *puppy eyes*

 

I loved it.

 

Pelly-Welly: Unfortunately, I really don't know anything much about Thrawn. I'm sticking to movie characters.

DreamOfKenobi: Thank you!

 

That's a great start! Great idea as well... Am I saying "great" too much?

 

We neeeeed more!

 

This is a great idea! Choosing the Emperor as the first subject was definetly interesting... More?

 

That's very funny. Not quite hysterical, but funny. You should do pre-suit Vader next.

"So, what's troubling you?"

"Well, sir, you see, I just killed my wife and now I'm about to do battle with my old master and he's going to push me into hot lava where I will be reduced to nothing more than a handful of cells, following which I will be transformed into a hideous cyborg."

"I think you should dwell more on the present, instead of looking toward the future."

 

DarthIshtar: Nah, you can never tell me "great" too much. Lol. Thanks!

Ackyuna: Why, thank you! More coming soon!

Healer_Leona: Sure!

NenYim: Aw, thanks. Yes, more on the way.

maryaminx: Thank you! Great idea...hmm....