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Saga Scared of You- A Vignette

Discussion in 'Fan Fiction- Before, Saga, and Beyond' started by LuvEwan, Mar 1, 2005.

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  1. LuvEwan

    LuvEwan Jedi Master star 4

    Mar 24, 2002

    Scared of You
    By LuvEwan


    Disclaimer: Nothing belongs to me.

    This seems like a new thing with me. I start a story, leave it for weeks at a time, then come back and finish it in a flurry. 8-} I guess this is to counteract the fluff I posted last night. [face_devil]

    Obi-Wan struggles with his apprentice during two very different, but traumatic moments.


    And I?m sorry
    That I made myself feel better
    By making you feel
    Never good enough
    I know you?ll shine much brighter

    Than I ever could

    Maybe that is why I was
    Scared of you.

    I know you were
    Scared of me
    Too ?Nelly Furtado


    Obi-Wan leaned his head back against the chair, studying the pale, powdered scenery. For all the grandeur of the heavily programmed planet, the Coruscanti sky was always a sublime, even understated, palette of cream and blue. The morning had been dense with pre-rain gloom, the sort that sunk lethargy into the bones, but now only tinges of that grayness were visible, wreathing the final few clouds.

    The windows were still fogged by mist. A maintenance droid would be along to wipe off the streaks, eventually. Until then, the droplets trembled to the transparent surface, while others descended in clean, quick lines, a fleeting memory of a brief storm.

    It was a somber afternoon, yet somehow, the ambience was soothing to the Knight.

    His eyes flickered down to his mug. Empty. And the warm pot sat in the kitchen.

    Obi-Wan sighed. The idea of such an excursion was enough for him to sink further into the welcome cushion of the old chair, and close his eyes against everything.

    Sleep. It called to him more, since things had become so?different.

    Different? A bittersweet smile played across his lips. ?Different? was certainly correct, if a euphemistic description. Everything was different, from the moment he woke to a pale dawn in a bed that never belonged to him. The trend continued throughout the day, as he moved amid the utterly changed surroundings, attempting to do justice the tasks that had been laid out before him.

    But his eyes always strayed, just a little, to those around him. Were they fooled? Or did they see beyond the flimsy mask, to the imposter, the Knight who achieved his station merely because he survived what had killed his Master?

    Obi-Wan?s fingers curled tighter around the cooling ceramic handle. The deepest, most intimate layer of that insecurity always came as a bitter lump to his throat. It disturbed?frightened?him, above all else.

    Does Anakin know?

    The boy was very young, but had the keen perception fitting the fabled bringer of Balance. With those wide, ever-attentive blue eyes, he saw more than Obi-Wan wanted him to. Did he see the doubt his new Master harbored?

    Does he know that I question us both?

    His heart clenched at the thought, and it was the push needed for him to finally rise. He walked towards the kitchen, trying to forget the memories that crammed every inch of the space, wanting it to be washed clean within his mind. His Master was gone, and so the lovely, biting recollections should have gone with him.

    Gone--a kind gloss, concealing the ugly reality of it. It wasn?t the word he heard scraping in his head. To everyone else, Qui-Gon Jinn had passed on, become one with the Force, attained peace.

    But for Obi-Wan, he was dead. The pain-strained face still came to him, as he lived the restless nights in a cold bed. He strove for serenity, but could grasp only that gutting image.

    He stopped at the counter, rubbing his temples before reaching for the kettle.

    Then he was dropping the kettle without thought, dashing across the apartment, as everything in him began to flood with the overwhelming shock of sudden despair?though it was not his grief rushing madly from every pore of the Force.

    He sprinted the short length of the corridor, going to Anakin?s room on instinct.

    The Knight was nearly knocked backward by the slam of raw emotion.

    Anakin was on the floor, knees pressed to his chest, tear-bruised
  2. Jedi_Bant

    Jedi_Bant Jedi Youngling star 1

    Apr 13, 2004
    no, i have to say more... this is nice.
  3. Bekah_K

    Bekah_K Jedi Padawan star 4

    Sep 3, 2002
    Even after ten years, he still wasn't sure how to relate to Anakin when the boy was in emotional need. :(

    Wonder viggie, LE! :)
  4. Kynstar

    Kynstar Jedi Knight star 5

    Mar 2, 2004
    How sad! :( that was so heartfelt! Great job! Loved the emotional tie ins!
  5. The Musical Jedi

    The Musical Jedi Jedi Grand Master star 5

    Dec 13, 1999
    It's actually rather scary when the characterization is so good I can hear Ewan and Hayden talking in my head, their voices saying your words. The pain was flawless, especially with Anakin and his mother's death. Poor Obi-Wan, never knowing quite what to do with his inherited prodigy. Bravo!
  6. Opal

    Opal Jedi Padawan star 4

    Nov 17, 2003

    What she said. :D Excellent as always.
  7. Healer_Leona

    Healer_Leona Squirrely Community Mod star 9 Staff Member Manager

    Jul 7, 2000
    What had you said... to counteract the mush???

    This was brutal in the intense emotions, both in the fic and those brought out by reading it. I winced at Anakin's "You don't have a mother." and ?So you can?t understand.? Of course during our grief we don't see other views, but Obi-Wan had been with Qui-Gon longer than Ani with his mother... in different ways yes, but still...

    Now I've got to go find something happy... this one was supremely tragic and fabulous!
  8. JediMindTrick000

    JediMindTrick000 Jedi Youngling star 3

    Dec 14, 2004
    Great stuff! The emotional aspect of it was fantastic. You could feel that one. =)
  9. dianethx

    dianethx Jedi Master star 6

    Mar 1, 2002
    Lovely, yet again. You seem to be pouring them out, every one a jewel! Loved the language, the imagery is just so beautifully done. And I really felt for Obi-Wan, trying to keep the grief inside, not letting it out for others to see - when he really should have and then maybe he could have connected with Anakin better.

    Great job.
  10. LuvEwan

    LuvEwan Jedi Master star 4

    Mar 24, 2002
    Jedi_Bant Thanks. :)

    Bekah_K Thank you. :D

    Kynstar ;) Thank ya, m'am.

    TheMusicalJedi That was very sweet of you to say. [face_love]

    Opal Thank you so much. :)

    Healer_Leona Hey, one cannot survive on mush alone. [face_devil] Or can you? :p

    JediMindTrick000 Thank you. [:D]

    diane I was in a kind of writing frenzy, but I have caused that to pass, for I will be forever distracted from this day forward--by my brand spanking new SpongeBob Squarepants the Movie on DVD. [face_dancing] This could be the end of LE. :D
  11. Knight_Dilettante

    Knight_Dilettante Jedi Padawan star 4

    Jul 24, 2002
    :_| Waaaaaa!

    I'm with Leona, if I don't go find something fun to read I'll have to write something fun. Because I can't go beddie-byes like this. Waaaaaaa.

  12. LuvEwan

    LuvEwan Jedi Master star 4

    Mar 24, 2002
    if I don't go find something fun to read I'll have to write something fun I suggest the latter. o_O
  13. Dally

    Dally Jedi Master star 4

    Apr 2, 2001
    That's really good.
  14. LuvEwan

    LuvEwan Jedi Master star 4

    Mar 24, 2002
    Dally Thanks. :)
  15. Alethia

    Alethia Jedi Master star 5

    Feb 13, 2005
    I read this earlier today on, but didn't review, because I never review there...well, extremely rarely. So I figure I'll review it now.

    I really liked it. Anakin having Racer was a nice concept and also brought another level to both Anakin's and Obi Wan's characters, IMO. IT was nice that Obi Wan let Anakin keep him and Anakin's question about Qui Gon was interesting as well. I found it brought a certain clarity into the relationship- that there was something they both could connect with. And now I'm wondering what exactly happened to Racer...

    And the scene set after Genosis. Poor Obi Wan really doesn't know what to do, does he? Anakin throwing not having a mother into his face certainly didn't help matters either, though it is partly correct. I mean, Obi Wan didn't really know what it was like to have a mother and loosing a mother certainly is something different than loosing most other people, no matter how close they might be to you. But it still was quite tragic the way their relationship has progressed. You can already tell that it's starting to fall down, so to speak, at the roots...

    Again, this was an excellent fic. I found it tragic, but beautiful.
  16. LuvEwan

    LuvEwan Jedi Master star 4

    Mar 24, 2002
    Alethia Thanks for the review. :) The format is better on the 'other site' when posting the fics themselves, but there's really no way to interact with readers, unless you're posting something with several chapters. I was obssessing over including the lines about Obi-Wan not having a mother from the beginning of the fic. I know it had to be crushing beyond belief for Anakin to lose his mother, but then, on the other hand, there is always 'it is better to have loved and lost..'. Obi-Wan never had a chance to know a mother's love, and that's tragic too. :( Again, thanks so much for your reply. :D
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