Before - Legends Scars and Beginnings (Announcement 23 February)

Title: Scars and Beginnings
Author: Indra
Genre: Angst, AU
Characters: Xanatos, Obi-Wan, Qui-Gon
Summary: When Xanatos? help is desperately needed by a small boy, his life takes a different path.
Disclaimer: Everyone you recognize, belongs to George Lucas or Dave Wolverton.
Notes: A huge thank you to Shaindl, who showed me this site and betaed this chapter. I changed a few things afterwards, so all mistakes you may find are mine.
Please read and tell me what you think.


Chapter 1

"Good morning. Rise and shine. Come on, we?ve got a busy day ahead of us." The only answer to the cheerful announcement was an incoherent mumble from under the blanket that remained, however, unheard. As Xanatos blinked into the bright sunlight that streamed into his room, he knew that his Master would be in one of those moods, where the description 'energetic' was a great understatement. The twenty-year-old slowly got to his feet and stumbled more than walked into the fresher.

When the first fogginess had left his mind, he recalled just why he had been up later than usual. Today he would teach the 13 to 14-year-old apprentices in 'Cultures and Politics in the Mid-Rim' and the preparation for the class had taken well into the night. After a partially refreshing shower he joined his Master in the living area for breakfast.

"You know, sometimes I wonder where the enthusiastic boy from seven years ago went to." Qui-Gon Jinn said with an amused grin on his face.

His Padawan shot him a glare. "He vanished shortly after you started with your early-morning-what-a-great-day-wake-up-call."

Qui-Gon only chuckled. "Better eat up, we're beginning ?sabre practice in half an hour." At this, Xanatos' face lit up. He had always liked ?sabre training.

Practice went by smoothly, save for a little lack of concentration on Xanatos' part. Qui-Gon let it go, since it was probably due to the nervousness his Padawan was experiencing before his first lesson with the children. Together they made their way back to their quarters to change.

Half an hour later Xanatos stood in a class of 16 Padawans who all looked at him expectantly. He gathered his thoughts and began. "Good morning. My name is Padawan Crion and this is Cultures and Politics class, so if you're in the wrong class better leave now and I promise I won't tell your Masters."

That earned a few laughs from some of the children. Good. The ice was broken. Xanatos had looked the children up as a preparation for the lessons and so he already knew their names.

"Can anybody tell me which form of state the 4 planets of the Famog system have?" A small Dresselian boy in the front row lifted his hand. "Reeft?"

"They have a constitutional monarchy. They are ruled by a king and a queen who are elected every 5 years directly by the people."

"That's right. Very good, Reeft." Xanatos said. The boy smiled proudly and all the wrinkles in his face hid any features almost completely.

The young man continued his lesson in this manner, asking questions and explaining everything, sometimes also relating a funny story from one of the many missions his Master and he had been on. The students seemed to like it and Xanatos was pleased with their progress.

At the end of the lesson he realized that all but one child had actively participated. A thirteen-year-old boy with ginger-coloured hair and blue-green eyes sat between Reeft and Garen. He dutifully wrote everything down that was being said but didn't contribute anything.

"So, now that we know all these things about Famog, does anyone know what their most important holiday is?" Several hands rose up. "Obi-Wan? How about you?"

The boy looked up with a shocked expression on his face. "The...the holiday?" he stammered.

"Yes, can you tell me which one it is?" Xanatos asked in a friendly voice.

"He doesn't know anything. He's just a baby." Bruck Chun, a human boy of the same age said. A few kids laughed. Reeft and Garen didn't. They looked down at their tables. Ob

 

That was great! Poor Obi-Wan. Sounds like emotional/verbal abuse to me. I like how you hinted at everything, not really stating it until the end of the post. Well done.

I'm assuming there's more. Well, there had better be.

 

Well, you already know what I think! Great opening chapter, Indra. Like Obaona said, I really like how you left it to the end to reveal what was going on. I can't wait to see where you take us all on this particular ride.

Shaindl

 

I am really glad I stumbled across this. I can't wait for more

 

obaona:Yes, there is more. I hope to update next weekend. Glad you like it. (You were the first to post on this site!) Thank you!!

Shainld: Aww, thanks again.

PadawanKitara: Thanks for the encouragement. Hope to hear from you again.

Just to let you know: I will reply to any posts. But since I only have internet on the weekends, it may take a few days. So don't give up on me.

 

This was betaed by Shaindl. Thank you!!! It's because of her that you can read this without getting a headache. (You will realise which parts were written after she sent it back.)

******************

Chapter 2

"Obi-Wan wasn't in class today. Do you think Master Calan let him do extra work for not doing well?" Xanatos again sat opposite his Master in their quarters.

Qui-Gon raised an eyebrow at him. "Do you recall ever not having to go to classes when you were being punished?"

Xanatos chuckled despite his worry for the boy. Why the hell am I worried about him? "No, I clearly don't recall that."

Qui-Gon smiled slightly. "He's probably just not feeling well."

Xanatos nodded, still deep in thought. And again there was that nagging feeling in his mind, that it wasn't that easy.

****************************

Master Rin Calan was seething. How the hell had the boy managed to draw Xanatos' attention to himself? Maybe he had done it to harm him. Yes, that must be it. His Padawan wanted to damage his reputation. The child was just completely incompetent. Just like Nall. Only that he had loved Nall. But the fact remained that his first Padawan had been so incapable that he had killed himself. On an easy mission. A Jedi had to be alert to danger at all times. He would teach Kenobi that lesson once and for all.

****************************

The buzzer of the door to Master Jinn's residence gave a very short ring. Qui-Gon looked up from the data-pad he was reading and raised an eyebrow. Whoever was at the door was obviously afraid of pushing it too long. Upon opening the door he saw the reason why. Outside stood an extremely nervous looking young Padawan with dark curly hair. When the boy didn't speak, Qui-Gon asked him in a friendly voice, "May I help you, Padawan??

The child blushed and then began to speak rather uncertainly. "Ah... well... may I speak to Padawan Xanatos please?"

Qui-Gon smiled. "Yes, of course. Please come in." The boy looked so nervous now that Qui-Gon was afraid he might faint any moment from the stress. "Xanatos, you have a visitor!" Not wanting to make him feel even more insecure, the Jedi Master went to his room and closed the door.

When Xanatos came out of his room he was surprised to see Padawan Garen Muln standing in the middle of the living room looking as lost as a 5-year-old initiate. "Garen, what's the matter? Here, sit down."

The boy sat down rather stiffly but then succeeded in looking Xanatos straight in the eyes. "Padawan Xanatos, I have a problem."

The young man nodded encouragingly and Garen continued. "Well, actually Bant wanted me to talk to you, but...uh...this is about Obi-Wan."

At this Xanatos sat up. "What about Obi-Wan?"

"Well, you see, he somehow behaves oddly. Actually he has behaved oddly since the time Master Calan took him as his Padawan and we...that is Bant, Reeft and me...well, we wondered whether you could maybe talk to him about it. Because he doesn't tell us anything, although we're his best friends. He just always tells us that he?s fine and that we shouldn't worry. And well, there's something else."

Xanatos nodded for him to continue. Garen took a deep breath. He seemed to become calmer now that he had this off his chest. "You have probably realised that he sometimes misses class. Well, quite often actually. But when we ask him about it he just tells us that he wasn't well, that he had a fever or something like that. But Bant told us..she's training to be a healer, you know, she told us that he is never in the healers´ ward. And Reeft's and my Master always drag us to the healer if we so much as cough a bit."

Xanatos stared at the boy. He had obviously observed this for some time now and was seriously worried. Then an idea occured to him. "Garen, was Obi-Wan ever hurt in sparring practice?"

"Yes, of course, everyone gets hurt there sometimes."

"And did Master Calan take him to the Healers then?"

Garen was obviously a bit irritated by his questions. "If we get hurt in sabre practice, Mas

 

I missed the first post somehow.

I liked how you've plotted this out so far. At first, I was rather disconcerted because in the JA, Xan is a lot older than Obi-Wan. But, I figured, this must be AU and you've given Obi-Wan a different Master so it was fine.
I liked how you've explored Xan and Qui-Gon's relationship - the love between them and the tension when Obi's Master was critized (I wonder why Qui-Gon was so adamant about it - a hidden history maybe). And Xan is sweet to worry about Obi-Wan. It's obvious to me that Obi is being abused (at least mentally and maybe physically since you've dropped hints about it).

Now, Obi-Wan has someone on his side (other than his friends). He'll need Xan more as the plot unfolds.

Good job. You've done well with the characterizations and the plot. Looking forward to more.

 

*De-lurks*

Poor Obi-Wan! I'm with Xan. I'd like to hunt his master down, too. And I liked how Xan thinks that Jedi should feel. It kind of sets things up for his fall.

*Re-lurks*

 

dianethx Thanks! I'm glad that you like the characterization. I'm always a bit worried about it. As for the reason for Qui-Gon's behaviour, we will just have to see. (It's and honour to get a comment from you. Love your stories.)

Xeana That's exactly the effect I was going for. Glad that it came across.

 

Is that a hint that even if this is AU, Xan still turns? or is that a secret for now?

 

I actually agree with Xan to a certain degree - it's stupid to say you'll never feel those things, because you will. It just counts what you do about it.

I really love all the subtle things you've got going on here. Not only the ambiguity of Xan, but his relationship with Qui-Gon, and even Obi-Wan's relationship with his Master. I thought it interesting when you did things from his Master's POV, and revealed the death of his other apprentice. It doesn't look like he realizes what he's doing.

Lovely story you've got here.

 

Whoops! Forgot to leave a review!

Indra, you're doing great things here (and no, I'm not biased whatsoever ). Obaona summed it up really well. But you already know what I think, don't you?

Great job, Indra!

Shaindl

 

PadawanKitara Well, let's just say that it is an AU to a certain degree.

obaona Thanks a lot! I certainly think Xan is right about that. I wanted to make him more human than he is described in the JA books. He always seems to be some kind of monster in there and I simply can't imagine that. I don't like character who are complete villains because there's always a story behind it (as in the case of Calan).

Shaindl What was that about stretching the truth a bit? Yes I already know what you think. Thanks again!

This was again betaed by Shaindl. Thanks so much for putting up with a yankee like me.


Chapter 3

When Xanatos emerged from his meditation it was already evening. He briefly considered going to the dining hall for a meal but then decided that he didn't want to face his Master after their fight with a hundred other people around them. He slowly walked back to their quarters. He had to admit that he was stalling for time, but he really didn't know what to say to Qui-Gon. Should he apologise? No, definitely not. It wouldn't be sincere since he still couldn't see that he had done anything wrong. After talking to Obi-Wan he was now certain that the boy's relationship with his Master wasn't a normal one. The young Padawan obviously respected Calan but he just didn't speak of him with this complete adoration that most children at the Temple did. He then realized that he had never heard the boy talk about his Master except when he recited a lesson. There was definitely something wrong but how could he make Qui-Gon see that? Sighing to himself, Xanatos pushed the button that opened the door to their quarters. Upon entering he immediately sensed that the rooms were empty. He walked to the dining table where he found a message from his Master.

'Xanatos,
I had to attend a council meeting on short notice and didn't want to disturb your meditation. I will be back for supper.
Qui-Gon'

Xanatos left the note on the table and decided to take a shower while waiting for Qui-Gon. Maybe that would help him clear his head.

Twenty minutes later he left the `fresher and hearing his Master in the kitchen, returned his things to his room and then joined him. Qui-Gon looked up briefly and gave him a smile that lacked, however, the usual warmth. "How was your meditation?"

"It was...revealing. How was the meeting?"

Qui-Gon sighed deeply which was a sure sign that something was wrong. The man normally cut straight to the point with whatever had to be said. "We have to talk, Xanatos."

The Padawan nodded and led the way back to the living area. He sat on the couch and Qui-Gon took the seat opposite him.

After a moment of looking into his apprentices eyes with a troubled expression on his face, he began to speak. "I need to know what exactly you know about Kenobi and Master Calan."

Xanatos was taken completely by surprise by the course of the conversation. He had expected his Master to lecture him on his behaviour earlier in the day, maybe tell him that it was inappropriate to talk about another Jedi in the way he had, at least say anything that made him understand his point of view on the matter. He had never expected to be asked about what he knew of Obi-Wan?s and Calan?s relationship. Of course, his Master always considered his opinion and wanted his input on important matters and he was widely known for disregarding orders if he felt the Force showed him a different way and for encouraging his Padawan to do the same, but he would never let him get away with disrespect towards a fellow Jedi.

Xanatos stared at him for a moment before realising that he should probably answer the question. "Well, I met Obi-Wan today in the meditation gardens and I have the impression that his relationship with his Master is very different from that of most Padawans. He seems to respect him but he talks about him the way I would talk about a teacher I barely know. It's as if he doesn't have a personal relationship with him at all."

Qui-Gon didn't say anything but just

 

Poor Obi-Wan! I'll give you hugs! *Hugs Obi-Wan* *Sniffle*

 

Poor kid. I'm glad that he's finally realizing that this may not be what other Padawans go through. And I'me VERY glad that Xan and Qui-Gon are going on a mission with them. Hopefully, it will allow Qui-Gon to see what Xan is seeing all ready... that the relationship is not good.
Big problem,however. That would mean that Obi-Wan would be without a Master.... not good either way.

I'm really enjoying this. Keep going.

 

just as I get excited that Obi will finally get some help, Diane has to throw in that comment about Obi then being left masterless. Poor Kid.

 

Intriguing AU: I'm enjoying the very human and compassionate portrayal of Xanatos, and the gradula unfolding of the mystery. I think it's very cool that there's no easy answer for Obi-Wan: it makes the whole thing so much more tense and anxious.

Indra, your writing flows very easily across the screen, and your characters all speak with such clear voices. I like the pace you have chosen for this story, and am very much looking forward to more. Keep it up!


*Derisa*

 

Xeana Sorry, it wasn't my intention to make anyone cry.

dianethx Well, certainly an interesting observation. But I'm sure to think of something to solve this problem.

PadawanKitara Well, I guess you can't have everything.

_Derisa_Ollamhin_ Thanks!! I sometimes have the impression that I have nothing to say about the pace of the story. Somehow the plot seems to do it of it's own accord.

 

Hi Indra!

Great chapter. See, you were worried about the pacing, and Derisa mentions that's one of the things she likes. Told you, you had nothing to worry about.

Nobody's mentioned the problem you've created that I saw - Calan has barred Obi from speaking to Xanatos. Isn't that going to look a little odd when they're on a mission together? Hmm...

Great job, Indra. You're just getting better and better!

Talk to you soon,

Shaindl

 

Shaindl Thanks for all the encouragement and the beta! Well, as you have already seen in this chapter the problem of not being able to speak to Xanatos is not the only problem he has.

Chapter 4

The sun was throwing one bright spot on the floor of Rin Calan's room. The Master sat on his bed, staring at the spot and wondering how he had ever come to the point where he would be afraid of going on a mission with another Master/Padawan team. A point where he would be afraid at all. Wasn't this what he told his apprentice every day? No negative feelings. He thought briefly of Nall, how the boy had often pointed out his Master's own faults, allowing a smile to show on his face. It vanished just as quickly as it had come as he thought about how things had turned out for Nall. He should never have let the boy get away with so much. He should have eradicated all of those feelings immediately: fear, sorrow, arrogance. For that was all it had been. Arrogance. Not a gift for observation. He should have punished him for observing faults of others and not his own, not smile indulgently and tell the boy he would think about it. What was there to think about? Calan knew that he had his own faults but he was a Master and Nall had only been a Padawan, which had been painfully obvious on the mission to Malastare. If only the boy had been a bit faster, had ignored his feelings of fear and anguish. But he had not been able to do it. That just made it clearer that he had not been any better than Kenobi.

So now, why was he afraid? Of course, he knew why he had been paired with Jinn. It had no doubt been the work of that old troll, so that he could be observed and later evaluated. He also knew that Yoda didn't trust him. But why should there be anything to be afraid of? It was true that most Masters had different teaching methods than him, but that didn't mean that his were the wrong ones. The only reason he didn't treat his apprentice the same way outside their quarters was that he didn't want to draw attention to himself. Calan sighed deeply before standing up.

Shoving every last thought of Nall and Jinn out of his mind he opened his door to begin a new day trying to drill some sense into that worthless Padawan of his.

*************************

Obi-Wan was suddenly torn from his thoughts by the stern voice of his Master.

"Kenobi! Out here! Now!"

Obi-Wan jumped out of bed and without another thought as to what the man would do to him now, yanked open the door. Rin Calan towered over him. His height alone was enough to make any child cower but the look in his eyes was even more frightening. Obi-Wan knew this look. He knew it from endless nights when his Master had decided once again that he had to be reminded of his worthlessness. He knew it from dreams where the events of the day would not let him have a minute of rest. Now, the young Padawan averted his eyes to the floor, knowing that it would only infuriate the man more if he met his glare.

So Obi-Wan was very surprised when instead of slapping him or yelling at him, his Master only said in his usual authoritative voice, "We've been assigned a mission. We will leave in half an hour. Go and pack your things for two days."

With that Calan just turned around and strode into his own room again. Obi-Wan blinked a few times and then went to his room as well. He took his bag and began throwing things into it. He didn't know whether he should be happy or fearful. Sure, his Master hardly took him on missions and he was eager to see something else than the Temple and to have a great adventure just like the ones Garen and Reeft always told of. But being away from the Temple also meant being alone with Master Calan and not having the prospect of seeing his friends at meals. Obi-Wan decided that there was no use thinking about that now. He would just have to see. With that in mind, he continued packing.

**************************

When Xanatos was woken that day by his Master he knew instantly that the things they had talked about the day before still we

 

13 yr old innocent Obi alone in the lower levels [face_shocked]

 

Chapter 5

Obi-Wan looked up, trying to see a bit of light along the tall building. But the durasteel seemed to stretch on endlessly and was lost in the darkness above him. The young boy sighed heavily and again scanned his surroundings. Maybe it hadn't been a good idea to run away. But at the time it had seemed like a perfectly reasonable thing to do. His only escape really. When he was at the temple he couldn't leave without his Master. His ID-card was set so that he couldn't just walk out of the Temple. It was the Master's decision whether his Padawan was allowed to or not. Obi-Wan knew that he was one of the few children who didn't have this freedom since it was all a matter of trust between teacher and apprentice. But the boy had never had much trust from his Master. Not that he deserved it, did he? He sighed. Now what? He hadn't really thought his plan through. He had been sure that he would somehow find a way to get to the upper levels again. And then? Well, maybe he could get on a transport undetected that would take him away to another planet. Maybe somewhere in the Mid-Rim. The worlds there were usually not as heavily guarded as those near the capital of the Republic but still not as chaotic as those of the Outer Rim.

He didn't know what he would do for a living. All he wanted was to get away from his Master, away from the Jedi, who would just condemn him for betraying Calan. He just wanted to be free of fear. Free of his old life.

Well, he had made his decision and now he had to find a way to live with it. He briefly thought of Xanatos, how he had told him that he liked to leave everything behind. Maybe, just maybe the older Padawan was a kindred spirit. But no, nobody ever thought the way Obi-Wan did. Nobody ever felt the way he did.

With a determined stride, he walked on.

**********************

Somehow the alleys looked even darker now than they had upon arriving at the level. Xanatos shuddered to think what could happen to a boy of Obi-Wan's age down here. What he couldn't understand was why the Padawan had run away. Xanatos had thought that he had managed to get a little trust from the boy. He had thought that Obi-Wan would talk to him when something was troubling him. Maybe he was just being naive. As if he always asked someone for help when he had a problem. No, he hardly ever did. He knew that he could tell Qui-Gon anything and that the Master would listen patiently but somehow it always seemed to him that he gave up another bit of the little independence he had. As if he gave away a bit of himself. Xanatos shook his head to stop the brooding. This was not the time to contemplate his attitude towards life.

He again scanned the area with the Force sensing a couple of lifeforms but no Force-sensitive.

He sighed heavily. He didn't like the fact that Calan was also searching for Obi-Wan. Whatever it was the man had done to the boy was enough to drive him to the conclusion that there was no other way than to escape while on a mission. And Xanatos was sure that this was about something Calan had done. No matter what Qui-Gon said, he couldn't trust Obi-Wan's Master. And he knew that if the man found the Padawan first, Obi-Wan would really be in trouble. No, he didn't like this one bit.

**********************

The streets were deserted. No sign of Kenobi. Either he simply wasn't there or he was shielding so strongly that he was undetectable through the Force. But Rin Calan knew the abilities of his Padawan and he also knew that the boy wasn't that good.

He needed to find him...desperately. And then he would have to invent a really original story. Otherwise his life as a Jedi-Master would be over. He knew that. It wasn't as if he was oblivious to the fact that his teaching methods weren't the ones the Jedi generally preferred. But that didn't mean they were the wrong ones. He had seen first-hand what the soft methods of the Order did. He had made that mistake once and he wouldn't make it again. Some children simply needed a strong hand. He didn't hate his Padawan, but he knew tha

 

Hurray- a post & a rescue.

 

Poor kid. I hope that Qui-Gon noticed that Obi-Wan's smile vanished when Calan's name was mentioned. Obi seems so beaten and hopeless that he'd rather run away than face his Master any more! Not good!

I liked the backstory and how Calan came to lose his first Padawan.

Xan should know that his Master will be pretty upset when he shows up there instead of the Temple. Perhaps they will all come together and Qui-Gon will know that Xan was right - Calan is a bad Jedi Master.

Good job with this. Keep up the very enjoyable work!!!!

 

Indra I just finished reading the story from the beginning till the end of Chapter 5. It's wonderful! I love the way you have drawn and contrasted characters - the two Masters and the two padawans. Each one is so multidimensional.

Qui-Gon is such a great master, cautious yet caring, having grown since the Malastare days. Calan, on the other hand, lost himself in darkness when his padawan, Nall, died. To me, it seems that he took Obi-Wan as a padawan, almost in revenge. Obi-Wan's life was saved while Nall's was lost in Malastare. Calan seems unable to forgive Obi-Wan for having lived while Nall died. He loved Nall, but the love has almost lead him to the darkside after his loss. It's tragic that he realizes this - he needed major soul-healing in the last 12+ years.

Xanatos is great! He is a loving, caring padawan, an excellent Jedi, but underneath it all, one can sense a wild streak in him - something that might explode given the right combination of events. He has a great relationship with Qui-Gon, yet he resents surrendering his independence completely. And what did he sense at the end which led him to disobey Qui-Gon?

Obi-Wan - the poor kid is a great example of how the wrong environment can destroy one. Will he able to trust anyone again? I feel even the Agri-Corps would be a great life compared to what he has with Calan.

I also love your writing style. It's very fluid and natural - the story progresses at a wonderful pace yet little details give intriguing insights. Excellent!