Before Scary-Sue -- Obi-Torture -- COMPLETE -- some HP crossoever -- 10-Feb-2009

Discussion in 'Fan Fiction- Before, Saga, and Beyond' started by ardavenport, Jan 4, 2009.

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  1. ardavenport Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Dec 16, 2004
    star 4
    Title: Scary-Sue
    Author: ardavenport
    Timeframe: Before the Saga
    Genre: Drama, Angst, Obi-Torture, Humor and Crossover
    Characters: Obi-Wan Kenobi, OC, Qui-Gon Jinn, others
    Keywords Obi-Wan, Qui-Gon, Obi-torture, Jedi, spells, magic
    Summary: Obi-Wan Kenobi finds himself the prisoner of a woman strongly obsessed with him.
    And: typo is my middle name, with missing words and errors that spell checkers don?t catch being my speciality ? if you see any, just post a reply or send a PM with the what and where and I will kill them with no mercy.
    Disclaimer: All characters belong to George and Lucasfilm, and JKR; I?m just playing in their sandbox



    There was a disturbance in the Force.

    Twenty-two year-old Obi-Wan Kenobi stared out over the forested hills below, his senses reaching as far as possible, his eyes unfocused. He felt no center, no place for it. It was something otherworldly and elusive. He looked down toward where his Master secured their ship, the tall grasses and twisted dark green bushes that clung to the hillside obscuring his view. He took out his com.

    "Qui-Gon?"

    "Yes, Obi-Wan," came the answer immediately.

    "There is a disturbance in the Force."

    ". . . . . . Yes. Yes, there is. Be mindful Obi-Wan. I am not picking up any life forms or technology in the area on our ship's sensors and the Segoreth are not expected for several days, but there may be other unwelcome guests who wish to invite themselves to our meeting. I shall be up presently with the rest of our things."

    "Understood."

    Obi-Wan put the com back in his belt pouch, feeling better for the confirmation of the acuity of his senses, but concerned that Qui-Gon Jinn did not see its source any more clearly. Closing his eyes, he tilted his head back and inhaled deeply through his nose. This disturbance had a taste to it. Organic but of otherness, distinct from the scented air of grasses and moisture and the growing things of the planet.

    He turned around and looked through the open door of the simple cabin that he and his Master would occupy until their meeting with the Segoreth. He saw nothing changed, but somehow. . . . he knew that something occupied space there that hadn't been a moment ago. Unclipping his lightsaber, he cautiously went up the three steps of the cabin, his boots thumping quietly on the pre-fab material of the covered porch. His weapon held ready, he entered.

    He saw nothing except the pile of their equipment, his robe on top, in the middle of the cabin's single main room, daylight pouring in from large windows from the front and both sides. A light breeze blew in behind him from the open door, cooling the back of his neck. Closed doors lined the far wall, a fresher and three full length storage compartments. Taking a few more steps into the room, he extended his hand, the Force pushing outward, finding the right hidden catch.

    The fresher door whooshed open.

    Nothing. Just the usual fixtures, the small compartment well lit with tall frosted windows.

    He extended his hand to the compartment on the right of the fresher.

    Nothing. A shallow cabinet with naked light blue shelves. Not even dust.

    He extended his hand to the compartment on the far left.

    Nothing. An empty alcove, half as large as the fresher with bare, pale yellow overhead shelves.

    He extended his hand to the middle compartment, with the largest door, just to the left of the fresher.

    Nothing.

    Obi-Wan stared wide-eyed at an unnatural and empty darkness, black and impossibly deep. Like a door into space itself, but devoid of stars and stellar dust. The edges of the door blurred, as if the blackness were creeping out toward him to consume the light of the world.

    He whirled, his lightsaber hissing on, defending against the motion behind him.

    " - - bif-FAAAIIIII!!!!!"

    Something unseen slammed into his whole body, stunning every stinging nerve, paralyzing him. His lightsaber went out, flying out of his hand. He heard it thunk against a wall. As his body flew back into the enveloping blackn
  2. ratna Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Mar 1, 2007
    star 4
    i am completely captured -- just like Obi-wan. I mean, what just happened?:eek:

    Must have more story. And please pm when you update! Thanks.:)
  3. p_stotts Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Jan 21, 2001
    star 4
    I agree. You've got me totally hooked. Now what will happen to poor Obi-Wan. If you have a PM list, please add me to it.
  4. Seremela Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Jul 12, 2008
    star 3
    What Ratna said: what just happened? :eek:

    Very interesting and intriguing start, can I be put on the pm list as well?




  5. azizah Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    Sep 4, 2006
    star 1
    Uh oh, sounds like Obi-Wan is in big trouble. And he dropped his light saber. :( Help!

    Great first post, I can't wait for more.

  6. Raphire Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    Dec 19, 2008
    star 4
    Wow. Very impresive. =D= Great post!please PM me when you've posted the next part.
  7. Gkilkenny Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Mar 27, 2004
    star 4
    You've got me hooked.o_O
    Might have something to do with Obi torture:D
  8. NYCitygurl NSWFF Manager

    Manager
    Member Since:
    Jul 20, 2002
    star 9
    [face_laugh] This looks good :D If you've got a PM list, please add me!!
  9. DarkPowerUnlimited Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Nov 21, 2008
    star 1
    Interesting... Add me to the PM list plz!
  10. ardavenport Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Dec 16, 2004
    star 4

    ratna: Aaaaah, Obi-Wan needs to be rescued. Thanks for reading!

    p_stotts: There's noting like capturing Obi-Wan in a mysterious way to attention. [face_mischief] Thanks for the reply!

    Seremela: Thanks for reading! More will be revealed. [face_mischief]

    azizah: Thanks! Those Jedi are always losing their lightsabers [face_rollingeyes]

    Raphire: Thank-you! :)

    Gkilkenny: Thanks for the reply! Yeah, that 'Obi-Torture' label is catchy. ;) Whenever I try to really corner Obi-Wan in my fics, he always gets away, but I think I have a situation here that isn't quite so easy to get out of. [face_mischief]

    NYCitygurl: Thank-you! :D

    DarkPowerUnlimited: Thanks for reading!


  11. ardavenport Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Dec 16, 2004
    star 4
    ~~~(O)~~~(O)~~~(O)~~~(O)~~~(O)~~~ - - - Part 2



    " - - - er-vate."

    Obi-Wan recognized the voice. Flat feminine tone. Moderate. Average. Human? But he had heard it differently. Not spoken as it was now. Shouted.

    Eyes opening wide, Obi-Wan stared up at a blue, ruffled curtain above.

    It was the same voice he had heard just before. . . . .

    Head turning to either side, he saw no one. But. . . . .

    . . . . he was being watched.

    He lifted his head, but restraints held him down, pinning his body, sinking him into a soft yielding padding. Thick pink cords over his chest held him down and looped around his naked arms and wrists holding them away from his body. More cords held his legs down, above and below his knees and around his bare ankles, spreading them shoulder width apart.

    His lightsaber was gone. And his clothes and boots. He only wore pants. He saw nothing familiar around him.

    His head fell back, sinking into a soft pillow.

    He had been stripped, disarmed, searched. . . . and examined. Thoroughly. He could feel it. He had been touched, breathed upon. Everywhere. Even his hair. His Padawan's lock had been untied and combed flat on the back of his head. His long thin braid trailed over his shoulder onto his chest.

    Looking all around him, Obi-Wan saw a windowless room with smooth walls, patterned with faded leaves and flowers, and various pieces of wooden furniture, all darkly polished and ornately carved with curls and intricate shapes. Shaded lighting units stood on some of the tables, dark shadows under them. A wavering yellow light illuminated the shadows from the far side of the room and he heard the crackling of a tame fire. But the largest furnishing seemed to be the enormous square sleeping platform he was tied down on. Tall carved posts at each corner held up a canopy overhead, frilled with lacy curtains with blue and black ribbons.

    Obi-Wan tested his bonds, thinking that he would just wiggle out of them, but they seemed to hold him fast no matter which was he twisted or pulled. Though he felt no hard core to them, they always contracted and tightened just enough to keep him in place, yielding to him a little, smooth and frictionless, but clinging and strong. Almost alive.

    Closing his eyes, he searched in the Force for a locking mechanism, but found none at all. His bindings twined down around the frame of the sleeping platform. He felt the Force, pulsing strongly inside him, but outside him. . . . .

    His mind clear, Obi-Wan sensed the Force moving sluggishly around him. Weak, lethargic, dim.

    His eyes snapping open, he gasped in air, realizing that he had been holding his breath. He had never, ever been in such a place, where the Force itself could be so affected. He had always believed that this was impossible, that if the Force flowed weakly, it was the focus of the Jedi at fault. But Obi-Wan did not feel weak or distracted. His heart beat strongly in his chest. Pounding too fast. He breathed deeply to calm an emerging panic.

    His head jerked up, his eyes catching a motion on his right, in the shadows past the curtain and one heavy canopy post.

    Qui-Gon. . . . . ?

    But his Master was not there. Obi-Wan could not feel his presence. Anywhere. Nor could he even sense the living world of the planet. He took another calming breath.

    "Hello?" he called out. He heard movement now, cloth against cloth, the sound of hesitation.

    "Hello?," he called again. "Is anyone there?" he asked though he knew well that there was. Someone small and uncertain. Human. Afraid. Excited. Female.

    An eye peaked around the curve of a curtain drape, bue like the velvety covering under him, like the curtain and the padding on the chairs in the room. Long, wavy brassy blond hair hung down on one side. She slowly revealed herself. Smooth face, pale skin. Young curvy body. Square jaw with lips pressed together. A long deep blue tunic covered her from neck to floor; close fitting sleeves covered her arms leaving only her hands visible. Blue and purple jewels glinted from golden
  12. Valairy Scot Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Sep 16, 2005
    star 5
    Somehow, Anne, you manage to take bodily functions and make them, uh, palatable (do I really, really want that word? :oops:). "Tucks everything in" indeed!

    Why does Flekky seem so familiar? Edited: oh, yeah, Dobby from HP! Of course.

    Again, just wonderful and unique.
  13. Gkilkenny Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Mar 27, 2004
    star 4
    Flekky reminds me of the troll from Lord of the Rings.
    Unfortunately his name escapes me.

    I love the position that Obi finds himself in.[face_mischief]
    Perhaps if he needs a bath. I'm offering.[face_blush]
    Interesting that they don't want to hurt him.[face_devil]
  14. NYCitygurl NSWFF Manager

    Manager
    Member Since:
    Jul 20, 2002
    star 9
    This just keeps getting more interesting :D It seems that Susan, or whoever she is, is at Hogwarts (or someplace in the HP world) and wants Obi-Wan for herself :D
  15. ratna Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Mar 1, 2007
    star 4
    Yes, I'm thinking HP crossover, too. (Flekky was reminding me of Dobby.) Poor Obi-Wan! I solemnly swear that Susan is up to no good!!
  16. Raphire Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    Dec 19, 2008
    star 4
    Hmmm. Kind of disturbing, but really good! I would never ever want to be Obi-wan.[face_laugh]
    Great job.
  17. p_stotts Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Jan 21, 2001
    star 4
    Ah! I've always wondered about Jedi and Harry Potter. Will we meet other, more recognizable, HP characters? And what is Qui-Gon doing while all this is going on with Obi? Can't wait to read more.
  18. ardavenport Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Dec 16, 2004
    star 4

    Valairy_Scot: Yes, Flekky is a house elf. It's magic meets the Force. [face_mischief] I assume that Jedi are all business when it comes to bodily functions. That makes it easier to write those bits from that perspective. Thanks for reading!

    Gkilkenny: I suppose Gollum could be similar to a house elf, but not a very nice one. And I couldn't try my hand at Obi-torture without first tying him down. [face_mischief] Nobody wants to hurt Obi-Wan, especially not us. [face_whistling] Thanks for the reply!

    NYCitygurl: Obi-Wan has fallen into the magical rabbit-hole, I think. And don't we all want Obi-Wan. :) Thanks for reading!

    ratna: Oooh, Susan is definitely up to no good. [face_mischief] Thanks for the reply!

    Raphire: Thank-you!

    p_stotts: Qui-Gon is a little cut-off, but he's looking for his padawan for sure. And more HP characters could be coming up but later. Obi-Wan still has to deal with his situation first. Thanks for reading!

  19. ardavenport Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Dec 16, 2004
    star 4

    ~~~(O)~~~(O)~~~(O)~~~(O)~~~(O)~~~ - - - Part 3



    The concealed door in the wall swung open. Susan appeared from behind it. She wore the same deep blue, floor-length tunic, but her golden hair was tied back and she carried a tray. The door swung shut behind her.

    Obi-Wan watched her go to a side table with her tray, its contents gently clattering as she set it down. He heard water dripping.

    "My Master does want you to be comfortable," she began, turning back to him. She held a thick white cloth in her hands. Obi-Wan lifted his head from the pillow and glared back.

    "You don't have a Master. Your servant, Flekky, told me that," he told her, no longer seeing any benefit to playing along with her.

    She stared back, her eyes wide and frightened. Turning away from him, she put the cloth back. He heard a clatter, a splash and an angrily whispered, "Stupid house elf!"

    "You might as well tell me what you want, Susan," he said, hoping to use surprise alone to take control of the situation, his ability to influence her still blunted by the strangeness of this world. Her shoulders hunched, but she did not turn around again.

    "You could just let me go now," he offered, not wanting to corner her. "I could just take my things and leave and there would be no more of this." He knew that just leaving could be dangerous, since she could change her mind and come back after him, but Obi-Wan instinctively knew that he would be safer in his own world than hers.

    She did not respond. Her thoughts ranged over many options that he could not discern, but he sensed that none of them involved letting him go. His head fell back on the soft pillow and he waited for her to decide.

    "Your mind tricks won't work on me," she finally said, turning to him, "Jedi." Her expression was set, petulant. "I've done a lot to bring you here. I'm not giving that up now."

    "But just what are you giving up?" Obi-Wan countered. "What can you possibly gain from any of this?"

    She smiled and the expression looked cruel to him. "You." She reached into a concealed side pocket of her tunic and withdrew a small thin stick, less than twice the length of her hand. She walked slowly toward him, her fingers caressing the stick.

    "I guess my aunt was right," she said, "it's much better to play the villain." She extended the stick, running its tip under his chin and then under the length of his braid. "Your powers don't work in here, Jedi. But mine do." She withdrew the stick, flipping the tail of his braid aside.

    "You want to be let up?" she asked in a tone that made him not want that at all. She stepped back and pointed the stick at him.

    "Releaccio!"

    Yellow light shot out over him, prickling his skin. The bonds flew off his body and disappeared over the edge of the sleep platform.

    "Immobulus!"

    Before he could react, sparkling orange enveloped him. Energy and air sealed him in place more thoroughly than the cords; he couldn't move. He could still breath and blink, but he couldn't move his jaw, his mouth still open in surprise. All his muscles tensed futilely against the glowing barrier around him. His sense of otherness of the life-energy of this world magnified almost painfully. It manipulated and twisted reality with no limit or sense.

    Susan stood over him, her arms crossed in satisfaction.

    "I haven't really decided what I want from you," she said casually. He watched her stroll around the sleep platform behind the curtain. Then she pulled back the curtain at the far end of the sleeping platform and tied it back on one side, revealing the rest of the room. His eyes looking downward as far as he could since the strange force-field around him had fixed his head to the side, Obi-Wan saw more dark carved furniture, wall shelves and an active fire alcove.

    "Maybe. . . . .," Susan began speculatively, looking up at the canopy. She pointed her stick at a cabinet in a far corner.

    "Accio Lightsaber!"

    An upper cabinet door slammed open and Obi-Wan's lightsaber came zooming out. Susan caught it with her free hand. She turned
  20. Valairy Scot Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Sep 16, 2005
    star 5
    I loved the "fight" for the wand and lightsaber; Obi-Wan does not lack for ingenuity. But - goodness - poor boy, that sounds painful <shudders>.

  21. ratna Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Mar 1, 2007
    star 4
    omg you go from screamingly funny to screamingly horrible in the blink of an eye!!

    POOR Obi-Wan

    I hope that girl can put him back together again ... though he may never be the same ... :eek: uh-oh!
  22. p_stotts Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Jan 21, 2001
    star 4
    :eek: Oh man! And he was just starting to make progress! Did Flekky do that to him? Or was it someone else? At least he's learned how to work the magic of the HP world. Now he'll probably wake up with a gag in his mouth. I wonder if he could *think* the commands? :confused: Great update! I can't wait for more.
  23. Raphire Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    Dec 19, 2008
    star 4
    Ok everyone please don't hate me but I've never read Harry Potter so I'm a little confused.[face_blush]
    Did the house elf make Obi-wan pass out? Anyway dispite me not knowing whats going on. Great post!
    Cool fight scene.
  24. Seremela Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Jul 12, 2008
    star 3
    Sorry I missed a post, Anne. Computerproblems :(

    Two great parts! I'm always in awe how you bring other worlds to life, but this time it was great to read about the ordinary muggles stuff through Obi-Wan's eyes. And Sue has a house elf, they are so sad :(

    I liked the way Obi-Wan experienced the difference of the Force inside and outside him and how he sees the magic through his connection with the Force. Heh, and that words turned out to be the missing link :D Great fight between him and Sue!

    But at the end of part three I feel the same as with part 1: what just happened? :eek: Nothing good, that's for sure, poor Obi-Wan, it sounds really bad. I'm wondering now if Sue spoke the truth when she said he couldn't go through that opening....

  25. NYCitygurl NSWFF Manager

    Manager
    Member Since:
    Jul 20, 2002
    star 9
    I love how Obi-Wan learns to use magic :D And poor guy, getting knocked out again :(

    Great chapter! My favorite one yet :)
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