Before Scary-Sue -- Obi-Torture -- COMPLETE -- some HP crossoever -- 10-Feb-2009

Discussion in 'Fan Fiction- Before, Saga, and Beyond' started by ardavenport, Jan 4, 2009.

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  1. ardavenport Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Dec 16, 2004
    star 4
    Valairy_Scot: Obi-Wan is resourceful, but the magic is working against him in this scenario. Thanks for reading!

    ratna: There really wouldn't be any way to have anything but a comical fight with someone as unskilled as Susan. [face_mischief] Unfortunately, Obi-Wan runs into the real problems of her world. Thanks for the reply!

    p_stotts: Thanks! Well, Obi-Wan has learned to call his lightsaber, but unless he gets more vocabulary he won't be able to do much. But I think he'll keep focused on just getting away.

    Raphire: Oh, lots of people haven't read Harry Potter. :) Thanks for reading!

    Seremela: I hope your computer problems can be mended soon! What just happened. Nothing good for Obi-Wan. [face_whistling]

    NYCitygurl: Thanks! Obi-Wan is a quick study, but this is Obi-torture, so it won't be that easy for him.


  2. ardavenport Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Dec 16, 2004
    star 4
    ~~~(O)~~~(O)~~~(O)~~~(O)~~~(O)~~~ - - - Part 4



    " . . . . vitalis sustanitus . . . . . revivitus corpuscilius . . . . vitalis sustanitus . . . . . revivitus corpuscilius . . . . vitalis sustanitus . . . . . revivitus corpuscilius . . . . vitalis sustanitus . . . . . revivitus corpuscilius . . . . vitalis sustanitus . . . . . revivitus corpuscilius - - - "

    "Rejuvanitus!"

    " . . . . vitalis sustanitus . . . . . revivitus corpuscilius . . . . vitalis sustanitus . . . . . revivitus corpuscilius . . . . vitalis sustanitus . . . . . revivitus corpuscilius . . . . vitalis sustanitus . . . . . revivitus corpuscilius . . . ."

    Each word, each syllable pulsed with returning pain in his lungs, his arms. The fire in his chest spread to his legs, his knees, his splintered bones, the pieces placed properly for reassembly, but still separate in soft mushy flesh.

    Words, he thought. They were just shallow words. Spoken by two voices, Susan and another woman, an older, stronger one, who spoke them with more understanding, more experience, but still. . . .

    . . . .they didn't know anything about the Force.

    He inhaled as deeply as he could, having to pull the air in though a sagging airway, lungs clotted with blood and globby wreckage.

    "Something's happening!" the other woman spoke. "Keep going. Rejuvanitus!"

    " . . . . vitalis sustanitus . . . . . revivitus corpuscilius . . . . vitalis sustanitus . . . . . revivitus corpuscilius . . . . vitalis sustanitus . . . . . revivitus corpuscilius . . . . vitalis sustanitus . . . . . revivitus corpuscilius . . . . vitalis sustanitus . . . . . revivitus corpuscilius . . . . vitalis sustanitus . . . . . revivitus corpuscilius . . . . vitalis sustanitus . . . . . revivitus corpuscilius - - - "

    The air came in more easily. The Force was still strong in him.

    "Rejuvanitus!"

    The words, the weird energies that he supposed amounted to the Force to Susan, now found their way into his body, into the damaged cells, pure energy aligning the things that were broken, bent, raw.

    Obi-Wan saw inwardly, forests of crushed blood vessels, bubbling air sacks deep in his lungs, stirred with new purpose, healing. The stress on his undamaged organs lessened, the heat of urgency diverted into more healing.

    "Yes! It's working!" the other woman exclaimed. "Rejuvanitus!" she continued, completely misreading what was happening.

    She only knew the words.

    " . . . . vitalis sustanitus . . . . . revivitus corpuscilius . . . . vitalis sustanitus . . . . . revivitus corpuscilius . . . . vitalis sustanitus . . . . . revivitus corpuscilius . . . . vitalis sustanitus . . . . . revivitus corpuscilius . . . . vitalis sustanitus . . . . . revivitus corpuscilius . . . . !"

    With each inward breath, Obi-Wan felt his body righting itself, the Force guiding the words to their tasks. The agony intensified, but it was the pain of rebuilding. His lungs inflated, his ribs hardening again with the popping of joints returning to their places.

    The energy surrounded him, held him weightless up in the air between the two women. The skin on his face flushed, his confused nerves tender and new again. The cartilage of his nose solidified, stretching upward to its proper place. His teeth, sunken downward onto the mass of his tongue, found their roots, which sent lancing pain up and down through his skull from his restored jaw. The pools of ooze and fluid reformed back into his eyes in their sockets, under lids sticky with blood.

    "Keep going!" the other woman snarled. "Brackium Emendo!"

    The word-energy touched his legs, first one knee, then the other, the Force inside him guiding it to its task, reassembling the ends of his leg bones, his kneecaps, tendons stretching and tightening, sore with spasms of new growth and the aching need for movement.

    "Restoratum humortorius!"

    Obi-Wan's senses stretched outward, his awareness expanding so he could see the glowing outline of a body hovering under a canopy, supported by the twisting, penetrating energies of two woman with wands. The Force-image receded as he seemed to rise
  3. Valairy Scot Chosen One

    Member Since:
    Sep 16, 2005
    star 5
    <shudders> Gosh, that felt awful, and it was happening to Obi-Wan! Appalling (what Susan essentially had done to him).



    That's the worst magical injury I've ever seen since Strumigras Grumley turned his wife inside out."



    <snorts> [face_laugh]
  4. p_stotts Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Jan 21, 2001
    star 4
    "Aaaaaaaaah," the other woman sighed, the sound full of weariness. "That's the worst magical injury I've ever seen since Strumigras Grumley turned his wife inside out."
    I almost spit out my breakfast when I read that!

    Great, vivid descriptions. Poor Obi-Wan. Now he can't even leave the room. At least Qui-Gon heard him. Now lets see what he can do about rescuing him. Maybe the healer will help him... or the ministry. It would be cool if Harry paid him a visit, but I sense that's not likely to happen.

    I look forward to reading more of this delightful story.
  5. earlybird-obi-wan Chosen One

    Member Since:
    Aug 21, 2006
    star 6
    Love to see Hagrid coming or Perkamentus.

    Great story.[face_laugh]
  6. Bastet Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Dec 30, 1999
    star 4
    I love this! :D

    That was horrible what happened to Obi-Wan, ouch! :eek: Good thing they were able to put him back together!

    I hope Qui-Gon can figure out a way to rescue Obi soon!

    And now Susan is about to be in trouble with the Ministry, this should be interesting... [face_thinking]

    This is a very interesting story ardavenport, could I please be on your PM list? Thanks! :D
  7. Raphire Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    Dec 19, 2008
    star 4
    Inside out! That's amazing! [face_laugh]
    Wonder if Qui-gon can get him back before much more happens to poor Obi-wan.
    I think you should incorperate a character from the books just not a main one.
    Amazing post. =D=
  8. NYCitygurl NSWFF Manager

    Manager
    Member Since:
    Jul 20, 2002
    star 9
    Oh wow!! Ouch!!

    Glad Susan's going to get what's coming!! I love that Obi-Wan and Qui-Gon felt each other - hopefully he'll show up soon!!
  9. Seremela Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Jul 12, 2008
    star 3
    My laptop is going to take weeks to repair, so nope, not over soon :(

    And you weren't kidding when you say 'Obi-torture', aw, man, that must have hurt a LOT! Love how Obi-Wan doesn't have a very high opinion of the magic :D

    So Obi-Wan really couldn't leave - and the whole room is sort of a part of his own galaxy.... I wonder how the women and the house-elf manage to survive in the room as well, maybe it's a bit of both 'worlds'? [face_thinking] Very interesting concept!

    But that Sue! Just snatching someone out of that other world and putting him in the room, knowing he has nowhere to go, that's downright evil! I have hope though, because Obi-Wan did sort of glimpse a way back and even Qui-Gon at the other side of it.

    Wonderfully original story once again, Anne =D= =D= =D=


  10. ardavenport Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Dec 16, 2004
    star 4
    Valairy_Scot: Well, this is 'Obi-Torture'. [face_mischief] The magical injuries that we've already seen in the HP books have always struck me as being a bit extreme (splinching always sounded like a transporter accident to me) and this is one that landed on poor Obi-Wan. Thanks for the reply!

    p_stotts: Ooooh, there may be other HP characters turning up later. [face_whistling] Thanks for reading!

    earlybird-obi-wan: Thank-you!

    Bastet: Thanks! Qui-Gon's definitely not giving up on Obi-Wan. ;) And, yes, Susan's in trouble with the Ministry, but it takes a little time for them to act.

    Raphire: There will be a little more HP universe involvement before Qui-Gon finds a way to break through. Later. [face_mischief] Thanks for the reply!

    NYCitygurl: Obi-Wan might have to go through a little more before Qui-Gon figures a way in. [face_whistling] Thanks for reading!

    Seremela: Well, I hope the time passes by quickly until you get your laptop back! I don't think magic would impress Obi-Wan; he has the Force. ;) Though she doesn't intend it that way, Susan isn't very nice. Thanks for reading!


  11. ardavenport Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Dec 16, 2004
    star 4
    ~~~(O)~~~(O)~~~(O)~~~(O)~~~(O)~~~ - - - Part 5



    Obi-Wan was sure that he had heard a body hit the floor. Beyond Susan's room. But imprisoned in mid-air, he could not investigate, not even turn his head to look. But he did not feel as if there had been a death.

    He flexed his muscles in place, the need for the relief of movement building up. He could open his mouth and he exhaled all he could to the Force. A muscle spasm started in his arms and moved to his stomach and legs, a mindless and painful random twitching. Cold suddenly taking him, he drew in air, but only shallowly, making his exhales less effective.

    Still suspended in air, he trembled. His thoughts going inward, to the core of his body, he drew on the Force for warmth, for his damaged, bruised limbs, his thinned blood. It stopped his shivering, but little more. The Force of his own world tethered him to life and he clung to it, sustained, but too weakened now to follow it to full renewal. He felt as if he were floating in a lake, his nose and mouth just above the waterline, allowing him to breathe but not allowing him to rest and heal.

    He didn't recognize the sound of footsteps until they come close. Susan had returned.

    "Scourgify," she said. Some energy moved under him, rustling and snapping coverings. He smelled warm clean cloth. He felt dizzy.

    "Descendo."

    He sank lower; his muscles relaxed, as if their tension had been holding him up in the air. His back touched the cushioned surface of the sleep platform.

    "Spongify."

    A pillow materialized under his head which fell so deeply into it that it cradled his cheeks on both sides.

    Susan moved near him. Water dripped. He felt a damp cloth on his face, wiping it, dabbing at the dried blood around his eyes. He wondered if this water was more of his recycled urine, or perhaps it was acceptable to clean him with water from her world?

    He opened his eyelids, cracking the rime of blood around them. She dabbed it away. Blinking, he saw her with smeared vision, but clearly. He sharply blew out air from his nostrils, trying to dislodge the clots of blood and mucus clogging it. She cringed back. The tip of her wand touched his nose.

    "Clensio."

    Something drew away the crusted remains from his face and torso, a wavering silvery haze clouded his vision for a moment.

    "Releaccio."

    He saw a faint flash of transparent blue and the invisible shell around him vanished and his body relaxed more. Free to move at last, he no longer had the strength for it. She sat down, her weight tilting the cushioned surface he lay on toward her.

    "You won't go away will you?" Susan almost pleaded. Her face looked red and splotchy.

    "I don't' think I could," he admitted his lack of strength with a weak whisper. He could see the bruised black skin all around his eyes, shadowing everything he saw, the nearly solid mass of bruises on his chest and arms. The damage had gone deep, twisting his muscle and bone so badly that he knew he could never recover if he did not return to his own world. He would grow weak from rot and decay and despair if he stayed here in this room. He had touched the path back to his own reality through the Force, but now he could no longer feel it.

    "What happened to your friend?" he asked, his eyes looking to her and away from his ravaged body.

    "Caroline?" Susan looked confused for a moment. "Oh. The charms stopped her. There are protections on this place that my aunt's great-grandmother first set. To keep people from finding out about it. She's not hurt really, just confunded. But I had to apparait her back to her place. She won't remember any of this when she wakes up. I promise."

    "Then you know that it's wrong for you to do this?"

    Her dabbing hand stopped moving, her eyes stricken. She withdrew from his question, but seemed to not be able to look away from him. She had dark blue eyes that Obi-Wan supposed were similar to his Qui-Gon's, but only in color.

    His shivering returned, forcing him to break eye-contact first.

    "Oh!"

    Susan jumped up and reached toward his f
  12. NYCitygurl NSWFF Manager

    Manager
    Member Since:
    Jul 20, 2002
    star 9
    Poor Obi-Wan, still being hurt so badly!! And Caroline can't help him :( I love that he can sometimes reach Qui-Gon, though, even if the connection was cut. Gives me hope o=for Obi's future :D
  13. ratna Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Mar 1, 2007
    star 4
    this is so amazingly original. i love how you are showing the interface between the physics of the two worlds! can't wait to see what qui-gon does now that he's had a glimpse of what has taken obi-wan away from him ...
  14. Gkilkenny Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Mar 27, 2004
    star 4
    Not only is susan quite scary[face_worried]
    I think she's a dementor.[face_devil]
  15. Raphire Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    Dec 19, 2008
    star 4
    I don't think Susan is a right in the head. I have mixed feelings for Flecky though half of me wants to have him be rescued the other is kind of irritated with him. Loved this post!=D=
  16. p_stotts Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Jan 21, 2001
    star 4
    Oh, very nice!=D= It's good to know that Qui-Gon is still there, waiting for the time he can cross over to his padawan. Poor Obi-Wan. :( He's so weak. Perhaps the next time Susan opens the portal, Obi-Wan can send a few verbal commands to his master. Or perhaps Qui-Gon can just rush through? Looking forward to more.
  17. Bastet Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Dec 30, 1999
    star 4
    Poor Obi-Wan. :( He needs a bacta tank, like now! [face_worried]

    I hope Qui-Gon can figure out how to get through that shroud-thing soon, and rescue his padawan from that evil Susan! I really don't like her, she's evil! :mad:

    And what happened at the end there, to make Susan so worried like that? [face_thinking]

    Looking forward to more, and thanks for the PM! :D
  18. earlybird-obi-wan Chosen One

    Member Since:
    Aug 21, 2006
    star 6
    Evil Susan. Can Qui-Gon come to the rescue?

    nice update
  19. Seremela Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Jul 12, 2008
    star 3
    =D= =D= GREAT update again! Like Ratna I love how you show the different way these two worlds function - and how Susan's world is a liveless grey to Obi-Wan, whereas the world he comes from is full of life to him.

    That Susan, EHW! Saying 'how can this be wrong'... *surpressing a shudder*

    I'm glad Qui-Gon knows where his apprentice is and I love how he is tirelessly watching for a way in. I hope he'll find out what to do soon, because Obi-Wan needs rescuing badly. Heh, and things might be dire, but the way you described Susan and Flecky versus Qui-Gon I found hilarious :D


  20. ardavenport Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Dec 16, 2004
    star 4

    NYCitygurl: There's a little hope for Obi-Wan yet. Thanks for reading!

    ratna: Thanks! :)

    Gkilkenny: Hmmmmmmm, Susan has sort of taken all the happiness out of Obi-Wan 's life for now, hasn't she? Thanks for reading!

    Raphire: Susan definitely has problems as poor Obi-Wan knows. And Flekky is sad in so many ways. Thanks for the reply!

    p_stotts: Thank-you! Obi-Wan needs to heal a little bit more before he can make it through the portal.

    Bastet: I think Susan is just worried about Qui-Gon. ;) Thanks for the reply!

    earlybird-obi-wan: Qui-Gon will need a little more time for the rescue, I think. [face_mischief] Thanks for reading!

    Seremela: Ah yes, the perspective of a GFFA character unwillingly dragged into the HP universe would be very different from someone reading the books. Unfortunately, Susan has (unintentional) made sure that Obi-Wan's stay is as unpleasant as possible. She is just a bit too clueless for him. Thanks for reading!

  21. ardavenport Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Dec 16, 2004
    star 4
    ~~~(O)~~~(O)~~~(O)~~~(O)~~~(O)~~~ - - - Part 6



    Obi-Wan pulled his head away.

    Susan was touching him again.

    "It's all right, it's all right," she said, too closely above him.

    He felt tired. He knew he had slept again, but it brought him no relief, as if his body had just lain inactive under the warm covers with no renewal. The air felt stale and used, as if it had been breathed over too many times in a small, closed room.

    "Here."

    Susan's arm lifted his head and she touched the lip of a cup to his mouth. The skin of his face had stopped hurting, but it felt tight and dry. Cool water touched his mouth and he drank. It tasted stale like the air, but it was liquid and it ignited a thirst in him. He tried to reach up to the cup, but the coverings impeded the motion. He had to rely on Susan to refill the cup and give him more. Refreshed but weakened just by sitting up, he rested his head on the nearest available surface, Susan's shoulder.

    Her arm was bony but the fabric of her tunic soft and plush. She reached up and caressed his cheek.

    "Your skin is so smooth. Are you allowed to grow a beard? You look nice in a beard," she said, gently stroking his chin and saying nothing about the bruises.

    How would she know that?

    "It's not customary for Jedi Padawans," he answered. "What is this place?" he asked since she seemed ready to talk. "I heard you tell your friend that you got it from your aunt."

    She continued caressing his face. Her breath touched his hair before she dropped her hand and hugged him.

    "It's the Fantasy Chamber. My aunt got it from her great-grandmother; she made it. And it came with the house. Great-Gran Nellie was a very powerful witch. So was Aunt Tillie." She said no more and Obi-Wan wondered if this meant that Susan, even with her abilities to transmute matter and manipulate life-energies, was not such a powerful witch.

    "So, if this is a Fantasy Chamber, then I must be a fantasy," Obi-Wan speculated out loud. Susan hugged him again.

    "I suppose you are to me."

    "And that's why I can't enter your world," he concluded. "I don't belong there." A comfortable heat built up between them where their bodies touched through layers of clothing and coverings.

    "Not without the right charms. Great-Gran Nellie could do it with just a flick of her wand. Tillie, too. I haven't worked out the knack of it from their diaries. But I will," she reassured him, ignoring the question of whether or not he should be there at all.

    "Who were their victims?"

    Susan paused, apparently caught off-guard by his suggestion that he was her victim. He was. Her embrace, her gestures to smooth over his hardship in her captivity, disheartened him.

    "Great-Gran Nellie wanted to live out a Sherlock Holmes story. It worked fine until she found out he was such a prick. She used it to become part of some other books she loved, but she always felt like an intruder in the romances and the Dickens were tedious. She put all that work into it and it wasn't nearly as fun as she thought it would be. She didn't use it for decades until Aunt Tillie moved in to take care of her when she got older.

    "She and my father grew up in a muggle family. No magic, since Nellie's son was a squib. So, they grew up watching all the muggle movies and television shows. And Aunt Tillie was a huge fan of Star Trek. She loved it and when Nellie showed her the Fantasy Chamber, she knew just what to do with it.

    "She opened up a portal on a planet and captured Mister Spock for days. At least until Captain Kirk and the others figured out a way to get him back. But that was just because Tillie let them. She had a whole story about her being a trans-dimensional traveler 'studying' primitive Humans, evaluating their galaxy for an invasion. Nellie pretended to be her servant. They both had a wonderful time doing it. They reappeared several times to 'test' the 'primitives'. Of course, it was always the Enterprise.

    "And they had fabulous outfits. All bright colors and shiny fabrics and stiff bodices. And
  22. p_stotts Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Jan 21, 2001
    star 4
    Poor Obi-Wan. Nothing to do but heal himself -- and slowly at that. Susan reminds me of Elmira, only she's not squeezing Obi to death. I hope Qui-Gon figures out a way to get to Obi, like the Enterprise figured out how to rescue Captain Kirk.

    Thanks for the PM. I look forward to reading more.
  23. earlybird-obi-wan Chosen One

    Member Since:
    Aug 21, 2006
    star 6
    loved that star trek piece in it. And I hope Qui-Gon can use the Force to rescue Obi
  24. Seremela Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Jul 12, 2008
    star 3
    :eek: OMG, she's one of us, a fangirl!!!! [face_laugh]

    Ehm, okay, not funny for Obi-Wan at all, fangirls [face_devil]

    And I would totally have gone for Mr. Spock as well [face_love]

    I do hope for Obi-Wan's sake that Qui-Gon will do more than rescue him, he better destroy that whole portal.


  25. ratna Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Mar 1, 2007
    star 4
    Quite the cautionary tale you are weaving for us. I am enthralled. Certainly this gave me pause --

    He wondered. . . . if he had fallen completely out of the field of Susan's protective room and been reduced to a skeleton and melted flesh, would Susan have just 'reset' her Fantasy Chamber and picked out another Obi-Wan Kenobi from the infinite worlds she said were available to her?

    He was sure she would have.


    I can't help wondering how many Obi's she has killed before getting to the one now lying in her bed ...

    *brrrr*
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