Before Scary-Sue -- Obi-Torture -- COMPLETE -- some HP crossoever -- 10-Feb-2009

Discussion in 'Fan Fiction- Before, Saga, and Beyond' started by ardavenport, Jan 4, 2009.

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  1. Bastet Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Dec 30, 1999
    star 4
    Ah, now it's all starting to make much more sense! [face_thinking]

    That was so funny that Tillie and Nellie used the chamber for Star Trek fantasies, I love it! [face_laugh]

    But I doubt Tillie not telling Susan about the Fantasy Chamber was an accident, hah! [face_not_talking]

    That was funny how Susan was holding Obi in a way that his head kept falling to her 'velvet-covered bosom'. I'm sure that was no accident! [face_mischief]

    Can't wait for more! :D
  2. NYCitygurl NSWFF Manager

    Manager
    Member Since:
    Jul 20, 2002
    star 9
    Nice ST reference :D Poor Obi-Wan!! And Susan not understanding why Tillie stopped using the Fantasy CHamber, even though Obi-Wan did. Hopefully he can heal himself well!!
  3. Raphire Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    Dec 19, 2008
    star 4
    Wow! I would hate to have that happen to me!
    I mean sure it would be nice to have fans but not that severe of fans. Wow!
    Great job!
  4. azizah Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    Sep 4, 2006
    star 1
    Ok, Susan is totally creepy. And you have created a nice stagnant unhealthy atmosphere in that fantasy chamber for her to live out her obsession. Great work.

    It is a good thing no one else around here has any unhealthy obsessions with fictional characters or this might hit a bit too close to home. [face_whistling]

    Can?t wait for more. :D


  5. ardavenport Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Dec 16, 2004
    star 4

    p_stotts: Hmmmmmmm, squeezing Obi-Wan.....now there's an Obi-Torture. [face_mischief] But no, Susan doesn't squeeze that much. Thanks for the reply!

    earlybird-obi-wan: I enjoyed putting in some Star Trek fans in the HP universe; a different way of crossing them. Thanks for reading!

    Seremela: Oh yes, Susan is a fangirl....of the 'Misery' type. And Spock is definitely worth going after. [face_mischief] Thanks for the reply!

    ratna: Thank-you for reading! Susan can take things to some ugly extremes. But if I think that if she were on her second or third Obi-Wan she would have had more experience with keeping him from getting out of the room. ;)

    Bastet: I don't think Tillie though Susan could handle the fantasy chamber, either magically or emotionally. Susan deliberately let Obi-Wan's head fall on her breast, but he just wasn't interested. Thanks for reading!

    NYCitygurl: Thanks for the reply! We're mostly all ST fans underneath I suppose. ;)

    Raphire: Thank-you! I don't think Obi-Wan is prepared for fans. [face_worried]

    azizah: Yep, good thing that there aren't any character obsessions around here. [face_whistling] Thanks for reading!


  6. ardavenport Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Dec 16, 2004
    star 4

    ~~~(O)~~~(O)~~~(O)~~~(O)~~~(O)~~~ - - - Part 7



    Obi-Wan.

    Qui-Gon's voice startled him out of a gray stupor. Had he slept again? Had he been dreaming?

    On his left, the portal back into his world hung open again, blackness filling the doorway in the wall. Susan stood staring at a sparkling 'window' into it, her hands on her hips.

    "What are you doing? Don't go in there you stupid, stupid elf," she hissed. "We don't need any more water. I can't see you. Just get the rest of their things before he comes back!" She bounced impatiently in place.

    Obi-Wan brought his arms up under the covering, his fingers curving around the edge of it under his chin.

    "Oh, finally!" Susan huffed. "Yes, get it all." She stepped back.

    Flekky stepped through, tottering and all but hidden under the weight of the packs and gear from the cabin.

    "Put them over there," She turned to point where she wanted him to go.

    Behind her a green lightsaber snapped on, held high by Qui-Gon Jinn, stepping through the blackness. Susan gasped and, backing away, fumbled in a side pocket of her long dark blue tunic.

    Obi-Wan threw the coverings off and pushed himself up from the sleep platform, clumsily, but his body did what he told it to.

    "Qui-Gon!" he shouted.

    Qui-Gon's eyes flicked toward him and then widened with shock, distress and distraction.

    "Impedimenta!" Susan shouted. Qui-Gon went down, his legs whipped out from under him, his saber going out. But he rolled to the side, not back out through the portal. Obi-Wan steadied himself against one heavy carved canopy post to keep her from tripping him as well. Beyond Susan, he saw his clothes, neatly laid out and lined up on a table. And his lightsaber.

    "Accio Lightsaber!" he called. It came swiftly to his outstretched hand, the blue blade coming to life. Obi-Wan saw his arm nearly covered with every color of bruise there could be.

    Flekkly shrieked and, clutching his long ears, fled to the opposite side of the room.

    "Get her wand!" he shouted.

    "Confundo!" Susan yelled in panic, but his saber blade caught and absorbed the stream of purple light that came at him as Qui-Gon leaped up, his saber swinging.

    "Prote - - !"

    Qui-Gon's blade came hissing down on the small stick. A loud bang and a blinding white flash threw Susan and Qui-Gon back away from each other. Flekky screamed.

    Still blinking from the after-image of the flash, Obi-Wan felt the floor rumble under his feet. He deactivated his lightsaber.

    "Oh. Oh, no!" Susan cried from the floor, half her wand, with a charred end, still clutched in her hand. The room rumbled, ominous and low. "Oh no!" she wailed, sitting up from the floor.

    "Obi-Wan!"

    Extinguishing his saber, Qui-Gon rushed to him, putting his arm around him for support. Strong enough to stand on his own, Obi-Wan still felt grateful for the contact with Qui-Gon, fresh from their world, alive with the Force.

    Then he saw the section of wall that led into Susan's world swinging open.

    Flekkly screamed, hopping back and Susan, still on the floor, scrambled backwards from it, too.

    Two Human males came through, both wearing black, open robes over tunics and pants. And they both held wands.

    "Whoa! What is this?" The taller, reddish-haired one stared dumbfounded around him while Susan cowered further back into a corner. But the shorter dark-haired one stared at them through transparent black frames like a spindly pair of goggles. Qui-Gon's green saber came on again, the blade poised to strike the dark-haired man's wand, pointing at them.

    "Whoa!" the red-haired one said again, astonished. "What is that?" The dark-haired one stared back as well. With recognition. Obi-Wan was sure of it. He knew what a lightsaber was.

    The room rumbled around them, the things in it tinkling and rattling. The fire in the alcove sputtered wildly, throwing out sparks.

    "He destroyed my wand!" Susan wailed, clutching the burned stump in her fist. She unsteadily stood, pushing back her long hair, tears running down her face. The two newcomers looked at her. The
  7. Valairy Scot Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Sep 16, 2005
    star 5
    Brilliant - you lead us to a satisfying ending, only to find we circle back to the beginning! Thank the Force that Qui rescued Obi.
  8. earlybird-obi-wan Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Aug 21, 2006
    star 6
    Lovely to see Qui-Gon rescue Obi-Wan. And with Obi using magic.
  9. Bastet Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Dec 30, 1999
    star 4
    Woohoo! Loved the appearance of Harry and Ron! [face_love] :D Are they both aurors now?

    "We didn't come for you," he said. "We only want her!" He pointed to Susan. Then he looked at his comrade. "Ron!"

    "Oh!" The other one seemed to remember that he was supposed to do something. He grabbed Susan, twisting one arm behind her back. "Come on, Missy," he said, pushing her toward the door, Flekky clinging to her skirts. "You're under arrest, for. . . . for a load of weird magic!"
    [face_laugh] Gotta love Ron's style! :p

    I'm so glad that Obi has finally been rescued. [face_love] Hopefully all his injuries will heal soon.

    I'm so glad to see this wasn't the end, I'm looking forward to more! :D
  10. ratna Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Mar 1, 2007
    star 4
    Obi-Wan looked up at Qui-Gon and remembered what Susan had said about there being an infinite number of worlds to choose from.

    And wondered if that meant that there were an equally infinite number of Susans to come after him?

    "You are disturbed," Qui-Gon said, correctly sensing his thoughts.



    [face_laugh] [face_laugh] [face_laugh]
    Mmmmmm, could be ...!



    So we're back to the start again on this not so merry go round ...? I'd say that I find this lack of closure disturbing ... except that I'm rather greedy for the story, too. Ah, poor, poor Obi-Wan, and who knows, may be poor Qui-Gon, now, too ...


    [face_whistling] indeed!
    azizah, you're so bad, you're good!
  11. p_stotts Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Jan 21, 2001
    star 4
    I'm glad Qui-Gon finally rescued Obi-Wan. Nice to see Ron and Harry make an appearance. Good thing they didn't meet up with Voldemort. Speaking of which, I saw an amusing "Republicans for Voldemort" bumper sticker the other day. Although, Lord knows what the Republicans would do with Voldemort. [face_laugh]

    Great post! It seems like we're at the end, but the "tbc" makes me wonder if we really are.

  12. Seremela Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Jul 12, 2008
    star 3
    [:D] Qui-Gon managed to get in the chamber, yeah!

    It's a good thing Obi-Wan already knew how dangerous it was for him and Qui-Gon to enter the HP world, or else who knows what might have happened. And Ron was a hoot, you had him down pat!

    I hope Susan gets what she deserves, but at least the whole chamber collapsed as if it never was.

    Loved Qui-Gon's words to Obi-Wan when Obi-Wan was still so concerned about the possibilities of more portals.

    =D= Another great update, Anne.



  13. Raphire Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    Dec 19, 2008
    star 4
    Nice Cameo. I hope Susan gets what she deserves. But wait TBC? I don't understand what's left to tell but if there is I'm happy! :D
    I absolutely loved it! Keep up the good work!
  14. Gkilkenny Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Mar 27, 2004
    star 4
    Good that Obi-Wan returned.
    But maybe he'll need help from Harry and Ron so he can heal properly.
  15. ardavenport Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Dec 16, 2004
    star 4

    Valairy_Scot: Thank-you! The rescue makes the Obi-Torture worth it. :)

    earlybird-obi-wan: Thanks! :)

    Bastet: Well, this was almost the end, but there those last few loose ends that really needed to be taken care of in an epilogue. Thanks for reading!

    ratna: Aaaaaaah, yes, Obi-Wan is disturbed. [face_mischief] But I don't think Qui-Gon will fret over portals opening for him and he'll be there to protect Obi-Wan. Thanks for the reply!

    p_stotts: No room for Voldemort in this one. Susan was scary enough. [face_mischief] There's just a little bit more left. Thanks for the reply!

    Seremela: Thanks! Yes, Qui-Gon was just waiting for his chance for a rescue. And I suppose Harry and Ron rescued both Obi-Wan and Qui-Gon in a way, just by arresting Susan.

    Raphire: Thank-you! There are still a few bits that need to be wrapped up; it didn't feel right to not take care of them.

    Gkilkenny: Oh, I think good old Jedi healing will get Obi-wan going again.:) Thanks for the reply!


  16. ardavenport Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Dec 16, 2004
    star 4
    ~~~(O)~~~(O)~~~(O)~~~(O)~~~(O)~~~ - - - Part 8 - - - EPILOGUE



    "Hey Harry!" Ron Weasley called to Harry Potter as he came into the closet-sized offices they shared in the Auror's Offices at the Ministry of Magic. He waved a copy of the Daily Prophet and then laid it on the nearest pile in front of Harry on his desk. It was folded back to one of the back pages and Harry's eyes went right to the column Ron pointed to.

    "They're finally deporting Susan Rizzo back to America to her sister's family. Let them deal with her."

    Harry scanned down the article, how she had been caught after a co-worker reported her to the Ministry after a partially botched confunding (both Harry and Ron were mentioned for arresting her). The review of the declaration of Rizzo's incompetence after her arrest and nervous breakdown and her stay at St. Mungo's where she had once been an apprentice healer.

    "Twenty Thousands Galleons?!" Harry exclaimed when he got down to something he didn't already know.

    "Yeah," Ron agreed. "Her sister's going to do pretty well selling those diaries. The Secret Lives of Nellie Wenderhome and Tillie Rizzo. They were both in the Wizengamot and her aunt was in the Ministry. Dumbledore knew her! Forty thousand galleons!" He rolled his eyes. "I guess crime pays after all."

    "I don't know," Harry shook his head. "Is forty thousand galleons worth losing your wand?"

    "Not for me," Ron shuddered with a protective pat over the pocket of his Auror's robe where he kept his wand.

    Harry looked further but there was little more, other than the expected release date (next year) of the 'scandalous' tell-all book.

    "I can't believe they did all that for Muggle stuff. Muggle fantasies, yet. What kind of fantasies can you have without magic?" Ron asked, parking himself on the edge of the desk, almost dislodging another pile of folders. "What was that green thing that big one had, just before they got away?"

    "A lightsaber. And that 'big one' was a Jedi Knight," Harry said, repeating what he had already told Ron several times, which he always had to do for anything to do with Muggles. Ron's brain seemed incapable of really comprehending or retaining anything Muggle for very long, mostly because, unlike his father, he didn't really care about it. "They were in videos my cousin had. They have new ones now, but Dudley complains that they're not as good as the old ones, but his kids like them."

    "Weird," Ron commented, scratching under his collar, as if Harry was talking about space aliens. Then Harry realized that he really was talking about space aliens. So, perhaps Ron was justified in his amazement.

    Harry put the Daily Prophet aside and dug out a folder. He swatted Ron to get him off his desk and took out the notes for their next case.



    ~~~(O)~~~(O)~~~(O)~~~(O)~~~(O)~~~



    Obi-Wan Kenobi fell asleep in the bacta tank, a common occurrence when immersed in a body-temperature-warmed healing solution. But it made waking up to the water rinse and air blast dry very disorienting. And even the most carefully designed and well programmed medical droid never seemed to be very good at easing the experience.

    That was why Obi-Wan was very glad to see Qui-Gon Jinn waiting for him. After the droids had scanned him, removed the remaining body sensors and bacta tank harness, his Master helped steady him on his feet. They stood next to a mirrored wall and Obi-Wan viewed the results of the treatment. Only soreness remained and the bruises had faded and paled like smudges all over his chest and arms. The injuries would be completely healed in a few days. Obi-Wan leaned close to examine his face. The bruising seemed darker there, especially under his eyes.

    "I'm sure Susan would still find you attractive," Qui-Gon noted, leaning next to him in the mirror. Obi-Wan grimaced back before letting him help put on the med-center's shapeless white body covering. Then Qui-Gon knelt and held a pair of padded slippers that his apprentice slid his feet into, one at a time.

    After healing i
  17. Valairy Scot Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Sep 16, 2005
    star 5

    This was his world.


    And we're very glad for that - welcome home, Obi.

    Great story!
  18. azizah Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    Sep 4, 2006
    star 1
    I am glad Obi-Wan is back home. [face_love]

    I enjoyed this little crossover piece, you did a great job with Harry and Ron. Very nice.


    You know it's bad when you hesitate to use the word fictional when talking about your favorites :p
  19. earlybird-obi-wan Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Aug 21, 2006
    star 6
    nice story and a nice ending

    again a great read=D==D=
  20. AzureAngel2 Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Jun 14, 2005
    star 6
    Brilliant crossover: hillarious and scary and interesting!
  21. p_stotts Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Jan 21, 2001
    star 4
    Ah, what a satisfying ending. And now you must write a sequel. I'd love to see Ron and Harry in the Star Wars world. I wonder how Qui-Gon would react to Professor Snapes? Yoda and Dumbledore together would be fun. They're both talk in riddles. Better yet, Voldemort joins with Sidious in a bid to take over the universe. Of course, they'd end up killing each other eventually.

    Great story! Be sure and PM when you start a new fic. I'd love to read that too.
  22. Raphire Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    Dec 19, 2008
    star 4
    Please PM me if you ever want to write a sequel I definetely want to know about it.
    That was a very satisfying ending, brilliantly written and great plot. I'm going to miss reading it.
    =D= =D=
  23. Seremela Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Jul 12, 2008
    star 3
    Aw, it's ended :_|

    That was another great story, Anne, I loved every part of it. Heh, videos eh, Harry? Fantasies? Who knows, who knows....

    It's as Obi-Wan says, 'this was his world'. Wonderful ending.


    Looking a little obstinate, Qui-Gon took his robe off
    [face_laugh] [face_laugh] But at least he's doing it, he's taking a nap!


  24. NYCitygurl NSWFF Manager

    Manager
    Member Since:
    Jul 20, 2002
    star 9
    Aww!! Great ending :) I love that Obi-Wan is back with Qui-Gon and healing [face_love] The Harry and Ron scene was really good too (I love that Harry and Dudley talk! And that Ron can't comprehend anything Muggle-related). Great end to a great story!
  25. ratna Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Mar 1, 2007
    star 4
    lovely denouement.
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