Before - Legends Schism--NaNo story--OCs. Belated final replies and THANKS! 7/1

Sorry, I've been battling RL and it's been winning.

Great job with the assault on the Temple and the description of the bad guys. I liked how there were several vehicles spewing out troups and then others with red sabers. Terrific action.

Well done.

 

Wow, so whoever these attackers are, they certainly know what they're doing. At first, I was completely against Grii's plan of retreat, but perhaps it was wise to abandon the Temple after all. Unpredictability may be their only form of defense against these dark enemies. I'm hoping Pelt survives the ordeal, and I'm glad they have a lead, however messy. Hilaal's first driving lesson was awesome. And I thought mine was bad. Now things are really getting interesting, and I can't wait to see what happens next!

 

Wow! What an incredible post. I agree that your action sequences are tremendous, but I believe that it only goes to demonstrate your overall ability as a writer. Great job!

 

Excellent! After this, any future driving lessons Hilaal receives will seem mild by comparison. What am I saying? After this, she could probably drive with her eyes closed and not miss a trick! Great action, as usual. Hmm... that explosion Hilaal didn't hear... I wonder if that was Master Yoda blowing up the ship. That was it, wasn't it?

 

At least she gets some free driving lessons.

But I'm worried about Pelt. Make sure he gets out of this alive, okay?

Great update!

 

That little group is in a world of hurt. Most of them sound like they'll recover, but Rameera could be in trouble. I hope she'll be okay, though it sounds like she lost an eye at the very least.


Through the white mist of dust and smoke, shadowy figures and three red glows coalesced from the darkness, making a living barricade of flesh and lightsaber.
...(snip)...
That was all the motivation the man needed before he took off at a dead sprint around a corner, disappearing behind a skyscraper.

Smartest.
Rodian.
Ever.

I don't envy their having to bring that... evidence along. Hopefully they'll be able to finish with that soon and get some helpful info, but they've also understandably got a lot on their plate at the moment.

Grii was born to be a teacher, wasn't he. I'll keep my fingers crossed for Hilaal for the rest of her driving lesson.

Great update! Looking forward to more!

 

Right you are! Thanks for letting me know about that! Technically though, it was a trial by lightning driving lesson. Thanks for reading.

Darth RL is very powerful, there can be no doubt of that. Whatever the case, I'm really glad you found the time to stop by and leave a comment, thanks very much for your kind words!

Yeah, my first driving lesson almost did a thousand bucks damage to my Dad's car...and we were going slow in a parking lot. Woohoo, I rock! Anyway, thanks very much! This wasn't just a "shoot from the hip" kind of assault, they really did have a complex plan in place. You'll just have to read more to see how complicated it gets!

Thank you very much! I really appreciate your wonderful words! More soon...

maaaayyybeeeee. Not very likely though. Let's just say, the Jedi are not having a very good week. Thanks very much for reading, P!

Thanks very much! Something tells me the driving lessons would be free whenever she wanted them...though technically she should have had to wait till she was a wee bit older. But really, does any Jedi really need lessons? Hmm, gives me a bunny for later...

 

You do a really great job of writing action sequences. I'm jealous.

I think I've finally caught up!

 

Thank you very much, my former Master! You're very kind! I'm glad you caught up, that means I can dump yet another post off.

Here we go...again I'll recap a bit, just to refresh everybody's memories...

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Hilaal gave him an irritated glare. ?I?m three years too young to be driving anything, I?m behind the controls of a potentially vehicle that?s been involved in a hit and run, and we have no windows. I?m sure signaling will be the least of the security forces? concern.?

?Be that as it may, if you?re going to learn to drive, you?re going to do it properly.?

?Yes, Master.? Now that the battle was far from where they were, and they appeared to be relatively safe, Hilaal?s hands started shaking as she clutched the yoke. There could be little doubt that that giant ship had crashed into the temple. How many Jedi had been lost in that instant? Helplessness began to set in. ?Master, what are we going to do? I?I felt all those Jedi die. The pain of it all is?heartbreaking. It feels like I?m dying with them??

?I know, Hilaal. I feel it too.? He sounded exhausted and in as much pain?more mental than physical?as she felt herself. ?We can?t concentrate on that right now. We need to get ourselves to safety first. Then we can make plans to find the others.?

It didn?t seem right to her to leave the other Jedi behind, but she didn?t feel she had a choice. Grii?s calm leadership was a powerful river and she found herself unwilling to swim to shore.

?There?s the spaceport. Park out front, I?ll see if I can find us transport.?

She did as she was told, throwing the vehicle into park. As Grii rushed inside, Hilaal stood up and leaned over the seat to check the status of her passengers.

Pelt?s bruise had turned a brilliant shade of red, but otherwise seemed okay. Near as she could tell, there was nothing wrong with Antho at all. The only one who seemed like they were in danger was Rameera. Seeing skull sticking out from underneath her skin and tissue was horrifying, as was her popped eyeball. She wished she had any knowledge of healing. As it stood now, Hilaal couldn?t even assess her overall health. But the Jedi woman?s chest rose and fell with encouraging regularity.

A few passers-by glanced in the speeder curiously, probably wondering a whole host of things; the most obvious of which being, why there were the dents of footprints on the roof, or where their windscreen went, or why the thing was smoking in various places. When they tried to stare into the speeder, Hilaal would glare at them and adjust her Jedi robes. That seemed to convince people to mind their own business.

Finally, Grii returned, followed by a man in a dark, expensive suit. He opened the passenger-side door and leaned in. ?I found a spare Jedi transport and a physician.?

?Great space!? the man swore, seeing the dismembered body of the dark Jedi packed into the footrest in the front seat. ?I can?t fix him, he?s dead!?

?I know, I killed that one,? the Master retorted sarcastically. ?I need you to help the ones in the back.?

?Oh. Right then.? He took tools out of a small black bag he carried, checking each of them closely. ?You know, a hospital would be able to do far more than I can. Are you sure you can?t??

?Master,? Hilaal whispered, watching a dark figured man cradling what looked like the hilt of a lightsaber as he peered around the spaceport. ?Is that another???

?Huttspawn!? Grii said softly. ?How many of those guys are there??

Two more of the black-clad enemies came around the corner, heading to confer with the first.

?Well, there goes the easy way. Doc, are you sure you can?t come with us??

?I?m sorry, I have a patient on Corellia that I really need to see. If you?ll give me another hour I might be able to stabilize her??

?There?s no time. Get out.

 

I knew it! I knew Naan would come back into the story somehow. I just hope he and Hilaal can come to some sort of agreement and work together. The last thing the Jedi need now is infighting. Great post, Peri! Not so much action in this one, but you have to let readers off the roller coaster now and again. *takes deep breath* Okay, I'm ready for more.

*EDIT* Yay! I got first post!

 

Oh dear, a confrontation with Naan. A lot of potential for trauma and drama there.


Also, one of the paragraphs starts with 'I' that I think should be 'If'.

 

?Great space!? the man swore, seeing the dismembered body of the dark Jedi packed into the footrest in the front seat. ?I can?t fix him, he?s dead!?

Morbidly funny.

Oooh, Naan's back. Of course he's angry -- and this is understating the fact -- at Pelt. Wonder how their first meeting will go, especially with Hilaal at his side.

Great update!

 

Okay, I'm ready for the next post...now that Naan is back in the picture, well, please don't keep us waiting.

 

Sweet! Fantastic update, Peri! I love that Naan is back in the picture... I can't wait to see where this goes!

 

I feel like I should be despairing that the Jedi Temple is half-destroyed and the order scattered, but I'm more excited that our little group found another. I was hoping that we'd seen Naan again, and I really like where this is going. Hopefully Master Grii can regroup the Jedi and launch a counterattack against this shadowy threat, which seems to be far larger than I originally anticipated.

?Great space!? the man swore, seeing the dismembered body of the dark Jedi packed into the footrest in the front seat. ?I can?t fix him, he?s dead!?

?I know, I killed that one,? the Master retorted sarcastically. ?I need you to help the ones in the back.?

During your action scenes, I keep finding myself reading much too fast, eager to see what's going to happen next and missing out on key words. I read that first sentence much too fast and when I saw "he's dead," my first though was Pelt. I laughed out loud when I released it was the remains of the dark Jedi instead, and boy am I glad. Good to see that Pelt's awake, and hopefully the others will snap out of the healing trance soon.

I like the idea of a secret Jedi meeting point, although I can't help but remember Master Davip's disappearence. If Master Grii knows about it, then so does Davip, and if he got captured by the enemy, they may already be waiting for the Jedi. Our friends could be playing right into their hands. In the immortal words of Amdiral Akbar, "It's a trap!" Or I could be totally off-base, which for the Jedi's sakes, I hope I am.

By the way, I like how you changed your avatar to the smoking ruins of the Jedi temple (didn't it used to be the intact temple)? Very appropriate!

 

Oh boy. A reunion with Naan will definitely be interesting. I'd love to see how Pelt handles it and interacts with him now, especially since Pelt has changed his tune about Hilaal.

Good to hear that Master Rameera will live.

The attack on AgriCorps adds a whole new layer of "uh oh" to the Jedi's situation. The plan against them keeps getting more and more involved and serious as it's revealed to us and the Jedi. Those attackers aren't fooling around, their forces are stronger and more numerous than I had expected before, and they mean business. I agree with Lord_Zeron: what's waiting at Tython for them now, especially in light of what happened with AgriCorps?

Great post, Peri, and I'm looking forward to more!

 

Hi all. NOt sure how much time I have, so I'll go through as many responses as I can before I run out. If i don't get to yours, I'll try to get to it before Monday's post!

Yeah, they keep telling me the action needs to slow. Not really sure why. Maybe I'll try writing a story where there are no breaks in the action, just to see if I can do it and keep people interested. Thanks very much! You'll get a bit more Naan soon!

Trauma and Drama, your specialties, Lilith. Thanks muchly for your keen eye...it was supposed to be 'It' actually.

Guess we'll get along, then. I have a very morbid sense of humor. Not really sure where it came from, either. The meeting will definitely be note-worthy! Thanks very much for reading.

I don't keep people waiting...tooooo long. Thanks for reading, see you on Monday morning.

Yeah, you didn't think Naan would vanish altogether did ya? Thanks very much! Stay tuned...

Thanks for picking up on that photo change! You're right, it used to be the whole temple. Soon I'm goin

 

Bit of a shorter post today due to time constraints...also, I'll have to send out PMs later, sorry! But here's the next post anyway...

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?Naan is the only reason we escaped. Somehow he sensed them coming. Who?s that??

?I am Pelt Quar.?

There was the sound of something fragile being broken and a muffled curse that a lot of pirates wouldn?t repeat.

?Let me guess,? Pelt muttered. ?That was Naan.?

?Yes sir. He?doesn?t have many nice things to say about you.?



?He has every right to feel that way. I tried explaining things via letter, but I?d guess he probably never read any of them.?

?I wouldn?t know, sir. We?re setting a course for Coruscant now.?

?Don?t bother,? Master Grii interrupted. ?The Temple on Coruscant came under attack too. It?s?pretty well slagged.?

?They can?t have destroyed all the Jedi there,? Irith said incredulously.

?No, I?m sure there are survivors, but I have no idea how many, or where to find them. There were dark Jedi among our attackers.?

?Dark Jedi?? Pelt repeated, slumping exhaustedly and horrified into the seat behind Hilaal. ?Did I miss something??

?You were napping at the time,? Grii said, turning slightly to look him in the eye before facing back out the main cockpit window.

?Napping. Right.?

?Well what?re we gonna do now?? Irith demanded worriedly. ?If Coruscant is gone, and our AgriCorps base is gone?where does that leave us??

?We were headed to Tython,? Grii told him.

?What?s on Tython?? Irith asked, confusion filling his voice completely.

?The Jedi used to be based there. It?s always been our secret, tertiary backup base, but it?s so old that we?re not sure how much of the structure is left.?

?And how do we know that Temple hasn?t been compromised as well??

Grii looked as if he were going to argue that it would be perfectly safe, but then his features fell slightly as he reconsidered. ?Good point.?

?We?ll just have to do a flyby,? Pelt recommended. ?If someone shoots at us when we get close, we?ll go somewhere else.?

?I?ll leave that to you Jedi types,? Irith said. ?I?m just an administrator, I?m not cut out for being shot at.?

Master Grii chuckled darkly. ?Most people aren?t. How are you for supplies??

The three of them listened to mumbling as Irith discussed the matter with his shipmates. ?I think we can hold out for a couple weeks. More, if necessary.?

?Well don?t starve yourselves,? Grii told the man. ?I?m sure you can get food from any civilized world, just use the Jedi account. But I do have instructions for you. Stay out of hyperspace for as long as you can and keep this frequency open at all times. We?ll go check the status of the Temple on Tython. If you don?t hear back from us in a week, assume that Tython has fallen as well.?

?Great,? Irith said sarcastically. ?What then??

?I don?t know. I?ll see what we come up with. May the Force be with us all. Grii out.?

Hilaal and Master Grii swiveled their chairs to look at Pelt, who shook his head sadly.

?This has not been a good day,? he muttered.

?That?s the understatement of the century,? Grii scoffed, adjusting their heading away from the proscribed takeoff corridor provided by Coruscant?s air traffic control. An angry voice shouted obscenities at them, but Master Grii quickly switched the comm off as he headed towards the wreckage of the Jedi Temple.

When it finally came into view, the three of them could only stare dumbly. The majestic building had been reduced to smoking rubble. The four towers marking the cardinal directions were gone, their masonry completely shuffled in with the rest of the debris. The largest spire was gone as well, though here and there evidence of intact transparisteel littered the top of the collapsed structure. Even at their altitude of several kilometers, Hilaal thought she could see a small portion of a Council Member?s chair, smashed to bits. It didn?t seem like there was a piece of the temple left bigger than a door.

?I don?t believe i

 

I wonder who the bad guys are, though?

And even though they're Jedi, in their position, I'd be more than just a little angry. I'm surprised they can be so calm.
Well, training and all but still...

Wonderful update. I really liked the end here, how they held each other like family.

Edit: I snagged the first reply? Cool.

 

Once more, I got behind. Bummer. Oh well, at least I got caught up rather quickly. Two GREAT posts! Again, I have to say that your OCs are simply superb.

?Naan is the only reason we escaped. Somehow he sensed them coming. Who?s that??

?I am Pelt Quar.?

There was the sound of something fragile being broken and a muffled curse that a lot of pirates wouldn?t repeat.

?Let me guess,? Pelt muttered. ?That was Naan.?

?Yes sir. He?doesn?t have many nice things to say about you.?

Loved it.

 

Great update! It's nice to see another touching Master-Padawan moment even in the midst of this crisis. It was a good idea sending only one ship to Tython to check things out. Hopefully everything will be alright there, and in fine working order. And why do I get the feeling that Hilaal's worries about Master Yoda are somehow unfounded?

Excellent post, as always!

 

Wonderful update. The shock of seeing everything you've ever known reduced to smoking rubble was so clearly shown.

 

Very touching emotional reactions from Pelt and Hilaal in the wake of the attack. I especially liked how Hilaal recognized Pelt was trying to be strong for her and how that affected her even more.

I can't wait to find out what they discover on Tython, and if the Dark Jedi have learned about it too. Keep up the great work!

 

Let's hope Tython is still intact. And what about Master Yoda? I know you're stretching that out to create more tension, but you really didn't kill him... did you? Great post, Peri. I look forward to seeing how the 'triangle' between master, apprentice, and almost apprentice works out. I also look forward to finding out who's behind the dark Jedi. I bet I can make a pretty accurate guess, but I'll remain silent for now.

 

Greetings all! I'm on a major time crunch with no time to spare for the next few days, so I can't squeeze in my typical personal replies...sorry about that! Thanks a ton for reading! Next week should be more normal, I should be under control again. Well, as much as I actually CAN be under control. Here's the next post!

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?We?re out of hyperspace in thirty seconds,? Grii said rather unnecessarily, as they were all within view of the countdown timer. Hilaal and Pelt were both next to him in the cockpit, though Hilaal was now sitting in the navigator?s station, letting her Master sit in front of her in the copilot?s chair.

They waited out the time in silence, already having discussed their options in the hours-long hyperspace jump. Each of them had tried to surrender their anger and helpless frustration to the Force in accordance with the Jedi Code, but the magnitude of their suffering was far too great. The best they were able to do was to bury their feelings deeply and hope negative emotions wouldn?t sneak through any of the cracks in their nearly shattered façade.

Finally they dropped out of their hyperspace corridor, the bright blue and pale green world of Tython hanging majestically in front of them. Dark swirling clouds covered most of the southwestern continent, but otherwise, the planet was bathed in warm sunlight; a boon to raw spirits.

Several hundred kilometers over the surface lay a ring, but it wasn?t a natural phenomenon. Thousands of hulks of old starships and the remains of ancient orbital platforms told of a history fraught with conflict.

?As far as we know, nobody?s visited here with the occasional exception of salvagers and even rarer Jedi scout or historian, tracing back the journey of the Order,? Grii muttered. ?Here.? His hands tapped in a few commands and their view of the planet was suddenly magnified several times. The outline of a small oval structure filled the monitor. Obviously constructed walls were over-grown with teeming plant life of all colors, blending into an oddly textured drapery that covered the old Temple.

Something about the building?s shape stood out in Hilaal?s mind. But just like the Force?s vague warning back on Coruscant, the harder she tried to remember, the slipperier her memory was.

Pelt seemed to be ignoring everything. Instead, he was focused on his hands as they flew over the controls, scanning for any form of power reading or sign of unnatural movement. ?I think we?re in the clear,? he said.

Pilot and navigator had only enough time to breathe a sigh of relief before Pelt contradicted himself.

?I have eight fighter contacts, right behind us!?

To drive home the point, the ship shuddered under the pummeling of laser blasts, causing the cockpit?s illumination to dim briefly.

?How did they find out about this place!? Grii demanded, whipping the ship around in an unpredictable arc, dodging some of the fire. ?This place was supposed to be secret!?

The other two didn?t have an answer for him.

There was a loud clatter from the rear of the ship as something broke free in the tumult. With each evasive maneuver, there were successively louder crashes as the loose item smashed into walls and bulkheads.

Hilaal immediately started plotting in another hyperspace jump, trusting the Force and her fingers to find them a place of safety.

?Can you at least try to dodge some of the fire?? Pelt demanded.

?I am!? he countered. ?This thing doesn?t exactly have military grade engines.?

?Or shields.?

?Shut up, Pelt, I?m doing my best, here.? Grii pitched his voice behind him. ?How?s that jump coming??

?Fifteen seconds, Master,? Hilaal answered.

?I?ve picked up additional contacts! Capital ships are closing on our position from the left.?

Much larger bursts of green laser fire streaked above and below them. Despite missing by dozens of meters, each shot caused their ship to bounce around turbulently.

?If one shot so much as grazes us, we?re atoms.?

?I k