Before - Legends Schism--NaNo story--OCs. Belated final replies and THANKS! 7/1

Wow! That post was jammed full of tension. You really got Hilaal's uneasyness across; I knew something was wrong with Davip and his plan, but I kept waiting on the edge of my seat to find out what he was going to do. Those poor Jedi. Though I have to admit, that was quite a brilliant plan draining their energy by having them lift the archives, then catching them off-guard in their moment of weakness. I hope Master Grii was among those who survived, and since Hilaal's still got all of her energy left, it looks like it'll ironically be up to her, a thirteen year old girl, to save the most powerful Jedi in the order.

I'm an Architecture major, so I especially liked the part about the hovering scaffolding. I imagine the people who built the Cathedral of Florence would've killed for something like that.

And that's gotta be one of your best cliffhangers yet. I second p stotts' notion of an earlier update, if you have time to get it ready over the weekend.

 

Hey, if I did one post a week, this thing would've taken me almost a year to stick up here. Things aren't looking good for the good guys, are they? You'll just have to see how well they're doing in tomorrow's post...

No chance. But that's because I'm mean and nasty. Pelt and the others don't know anything's wrong, that's why. Davip has kept himself hidden by knowing just how to dampen the Force danger around himself for so long that even the 23 Masters didn't see catastrophe coming. Things're gonna get worse before they get better, too...but I suspect you knew that. Thanks for reading!

Thank you very much! Where else to set an ambush but where you'd least expect it? You'll just have to see how well the Jedi do.

Well, I didn't really have time this weekend...even if I did, I don't think I'd post it. Yep, I'm definitely a schmuck.

Thanks very much for your thoughtful comments! I just hope Hilaal's up to the task of defending so many Jedi. She's got to worry about keeping herself safe, too. With the Jedi being slain so quickly, she's getting to be outnumbered really quickly... Stay tuned for tomorrow's post!

 

I would have been caught up last week had my computer not crashed! Well, at least I got to sit and read all these wonderful posts in one sitting and the word that comes to mind right now is WOW! The tension in the last post is unbearable...I'm so looking forward to the next post. Thanks for sharing your incredible talent with us!

 

Ooooo, so sorry about your computer! A computer flu must be going around...my Padawan's died last week too. But I'm very appreciative of your reading, and your comments. I think you give me too much credit, but thank you!


Meanwhile, here's the next post. There's only two left after this one, so enjoy em while ya can!

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Hilaal?s lightsabers cleared their hilts at the same time Davip?s blade sprang to life. As though utterly stupefied, Master Grii hadn?t reacted yet. Davip?s weapon arced towards Grii. Unable to Force-propel him away quickly enough, she leapt in and side-kicked him through the doorway. Her foot and Davip?s blue blade met his torso at the same time. The pungent smell of ozone and broiled flesh struck her lips as Grii flew back, but Hilaal had no time to worry about him.

Davip struck at her with a form she did not know. Quick footwork and instincts born out of years of hard practice barely turned the blow aside, but still allowed her to counter with both her blades. Davip snarled and his strength was suddenly amplified, as dark hatred coursed through his veins. His size over her, combined with this new, brutal muscle allowed him to pound her blades out of position. Reacting quickly, she evaded his counter-strike and let her weapons fluidly return to a guard stance, pasting blue and light green glows on the now-raised walls of the Archives. Their once wide-open space was suddenly much smaller as the stone walls were lifted into place, penning them in between old and new construction.

Dodging another series of attacks, she countered once again, anticipating when Davip would turn her strikes aside. She let the strength of his parries increase the momentum of her blows while taking power from the Force to accelerate her movements to strike at him.

Davip deflected and struck with an impossible speed in a blinding series of attacks that should have penetrated her defensive blade screen, but her lithe figure and innate talent was just enough to turn the onslaught aside. Hilaal stepped towards her sudden enemy, attacking with all the fluidity she could muster, driving him back. Sweat began to bead on his brow, but she was beginning to tire, too.

Davip engaged her again in a series of attacks that required a great amount of effort to turn aside. ?Kill him!? he shouted as their three blades collided again and again, sending sparks flying wildly, digging deep tunnels in new and old stonework with each miss.

Suddenly understanding what Davip had meant, Hilaal disengaged, flipping gracefully backwards towards the archive room?s exit. Her blades a blur, she bisected two blaster-toting soldiers before they could raise their rifles. Two lightsaber wielders moved to engage her as she held control of the doorway, preventing a clear shot at the wounded form of Master Grii as he slowly tried to sit up.

Compared to the brutal skill of Davip, those two Dark Jedi were paper warriors and lasted only seconds. Hilaal stepped forward to challenge Davip again, but he had leapt away, powerfully twisting his body in arcs to land hard on top of the Archives? roof with his lightsaber still ignited.

?Come, girl,? he beckoned, flourishing his weapon. ?Grii is dead, or will be soon. It?s time you met your destiny.?

The sound of tromping feet came from either side of her. For a moment her heart soared at the prospect of reinforcements, but then she realized the soldiers and Dark Jedi pawns that had struck down the other Masters were hurrying around the corner, racing for her.

She could escape to the relative safety of the duel against Davip, but doing so would spell cert

 

Very nice update. I was glad to see Master Yoda's entrance into the melee. Timing really is everything. You've got me on the edge of my seat, Peri. I look forward to reading more. Sorry for the quick comments, but I've actually got work to do today. Boss's hubby is in the hospital, so the office is my responsibility.

 

I think you left in a word while editing, there.



I liked that not everyone just accepted her authority. Jedi aren't perfect. They are still just people, each with their own ideas of what should be going on.

I also liked that the others stuck up for her, that she didn't have to fight that particular battle alone.

 

Great battle between Hilaal and Davip! It's just too bad she couldn't finish him off for good. But I have a feeling that's not the last duel those two are going to have. I'm glad Yoda's back in control of things; no offense to Master Grii, but no one can inspire the Jedi quite like Yoda can. And I can't imagine anyone better than Hilaal to take his plan and make it into a victory. Wow, only two chapters left? That went by really fast. I'll be looking forward to both of them very much!

 

Yoda to the rescue!

Hilaal reminds me of Quistis from Final Fantasy 8, here - she was another young prodigy who had problems being accepted. Well, that's the only thing they have in common, but anyway ...

 

They left you in charge? They should know better. Thanks for your nice comments and squeezing them in your busy day. I look forward to giving you the next part tomorrow!

If someone put a 13 year old in charge of me, I'd have a hissy fit for sure...even if she could kick my butt. Thanks for your editing comment too, totally missed that.

Thank you kindly! I agree, Yoda is a more rounded being to be in charge....many hundred years of life'll do that for ya I guess. Stay tuned for tomorrow's fireworks!

I actually didn't make it that far in FF8. Don't know why, it just didn't keep my interest. FF9 did, but not 8. Yoda's the Man, what can I say. Thanks!

 

Here we go...for good or ill, looks like you guys are gonna get two posts after this one. Hope that's okay.

The many hours of training that Yoda had managed to record were almost up by the time they dropped out of hyperspace. All five of them spent most of their time in front of the emitter, absorbing every little nuance about the Sith?s techniques that they could, often pausing the playback to recreate their movements with their own lightsabers in the middle of the starship?s common area. It was during that time that Gervais begrudgingly admitted that Hilaal was probably better with a blade than he was. Getting him to admit to it was like trying to suck marrow out of bones without breaking them first.

The five Jedi now sat in the oversized cockpit with the pilot. They were scheduled to come out of hyperspace within moments.

?If Yoda gets us killed before we can land, remind me to file a protest against his plan,? Gervais said, his dry tone making it unclear if he was joking or just being fatalistic.

Jyruk chuckled, choosing to take the comment as a jest.

?Here we go, Masters,? The female pilot announced, a second before throttling back.

As one, the three ships entered realspace, quickly moving into a triangular-shaped formation and pouring on the ion thrusters. As per Yoda?s plan, they raced towards the massive debris field that surrounded the blue planet.

Their scanners bleeped an alert. ?I have two capital ship contacts right behind us. Looks like they?re moving to close.?

?Maintain speed and heading.?

A tense minute followed as the ships continued their escape. ?They?re gaining on us,? Hilaal?s pilot noted.

?Worry not,? Yoda said over the comm. ?To safety we will make it before intercept, they can. Besides, want them closer, we do.?

Obviously still nervous about the plan, Hilaal?s pilot began muttering to herself.

?A hundred kilometers until we?re within the debris field.?

Bright red trails of enemy laser fire followed them, though the extreme range took most of the accuracy and damage potential out of their shots.

The closer the Jedi got to the huge ring of starship hulks, the more Hilaal noticed the debris? steady tumble being altered. When they were a scant kilometer from the field, not only was there an opening for the three Jedi transports to shoot through, wreckage began making arcs towards the enemy starships. Few by few, chunks accelerated towards the capital ships. From the way some of the debris was suddenly nudged away, it was apparent that there were Force-users on board, but they weren?t able to turn all the projectiles away.

?Cover you, we will,? Yoda said to Hilaal. ?Capture Davip if you can.?

?Yes Master,? Hilaal answered. ?May the Force be with you.?

Yoda didn?t answer. Instead, they heard one of the other pilots reading data off their scanners.

?Master, three more capital ships are coming around from the planet?s far side. They?re launching fighters. What do you want to?? The transmission suddenly surged with static as Hilaal?s ship penetrated the edge of Tython?s atmosphere.

?I?m surprised they don?t have defensive batteries on the ground,? Jyruk commented, noting the lack of anti-aircraft fire as they approached the previously abandoned temple.

Nervous enough already, Hilaal was glad nobody had mentioned that before.

?I?ll have you on the ground in a minute,? the pilot told them.

?Ha!? Antho said. ?No wonder we thought the temple was overgrown with foliage from space. They painted the temple?s walls.?

Now that they were only a kilometer away, they could see the hastily done color job.
?How many Sith were in there?? Bennelag asked anxiously.

?Dozens. Possibly hundreds, according to Yoda?s report.?

The Jedi Knight shook his head. ?And he sent five of us to deal with them all??

Gervais shrugged. ?Better to send five rancors than five hundred womp rats.?

Hilaal let the small grin cross her lips. ?I like that analogy.?

?All right, time for you to leave,? the

 

Aww, there are only a few more posts?

(Reply to previous updates: ) Oooh, lotsa action! Wow. Just one more reason for Grii to continue not spending more time involved with the Archives. I didn't expect Davip to be the one who had been constantly battling Hilaal's mind before she became Pelt's apprentice. Great fight scene. It was easy for me to picture it all, and it kept me hooked.

I'm glad to see Yoda back. While the ship didn't manage to steal the Archives, Davip was still able to learn a whole lot in the previous years. Archivist is a good position for an enemy to have.

I'm looking forward to seeing how Hilaal's mission goes and how well the other Jedi will work with her. I bet it's going to be quite a learning experience for all of them.

I typed the above right before the new post was added, so here are my comments for the newest one:

At least the Jedi's lightsaber practice didn't tear up the inside of the ship this time.


Jyruk walked behind Hilaal, letting her take the brunt of the attacks. That allowed him to concentrate on yanking the blasters out of the soldiers? reach. One or two at a time, weapons went skittering across the smooth wooden floor, including the enemy?s secondary blasters and holstered pistols.

Great idea. Very Jedi-like.

Wow, they're in some deep trouble now. They've got such heavy opposition there outside the doors, and what will Hilaal and Antho find in the council chamber?

Awesome job. Keep it up, Peri!

 

Hey, FF8 was good! Then again, I say this largely out of nostalgia, it was the first videogame I won.


Anyway I think this is my favourite update yet. Lots of action, I was on the edge of my seat, and punctuated by random moments of comedy, too. I liked the "Help!" comment.

But I have a feeling Gervais, Bennelag and Jyruk are gonna die. Hope not though.

 

Wow, very exciting. Somehow I get the feeling that not all of them will survive this mission.

 

Two whole more posts? *Imitates Darth Vader* NOOOOOO!

Jk, of course. The more posts left, the better, especially if they're all as good as the last couple! Lots of great action this time too, and another good cliffhanger. I'm glad Hilaal won't be alone against Davip, 'cause I have a feeling the Sith Master won't be alone either. And Antho seems like a good choice to have by her side, since they're two of the most powerful Jedi in the order, at least when it comes to lightsaber duels.

Gervais shrugged. ?Better to send five rancors than five hundred womp rats.?

Hilaal let the small grin cross her lips. ?I like that analogy.?

She took the words right out of my mouth!

Here's looking forward to the fireworks yet to come!

 

I got to read TWO updates at once. That was cool!

Gervais shrugged. ?Better to send five rancors than five hundred womp rats.?

 

Great action! I loved the flippant dialogue. My favorites were:

I especially loved the one about sucking marrow, because it's so original.

Great post, Peri! I look forward to the next 2.

 

What do you mean only 2 more posts?! That can't be right!! Hopefully, you've got another story in the works with your incredible OC's!

Wonderful updates!

 

I don't have a heck of a lot of time right now but I wanted to thank all my readers and answer a couple of quick replies now, since I don't know how much time I'll have tomorrow.

Thanks very much, Thumps! Really appreciate it. It's been a long path for our heroes to take...what's behind door #1 will be an unpleasant experience for all. Stay tuned for the last week of Schism!

Took me 4 hours to write that reply. Not very good, is it? I'll get to the rest of you tomorrow, hopefully I'll be more intelligible.

 

I think all the FF games are really good. I just don't have the attention span for rpgs that I once did. Why would you think Gerv, Ben, and Jyr are gonna die? It's not like I dressed them up in red shirts or anything to guarantee their certain death... Thanks muchly for reading! More follows!

See my "red shirt" comment above. Thanks for reading, as always!

Thank you very much, you're too kind! [face_Blush] I hope you find the next post as good as the last.

Yeah I borrowed that line from Rambo 3. Of course, Rambo's Afghan buddy probably stole it from somebody else, but who's counting. Thanks a lot!

Thanks very much! More comes momentarily!

Well, the outline is in my head. We'll see if I can spit it out... Darth RL is rearing his ugly head. But thanks very much for the comment! I'll do my best to keep the stories comin.

Meanwhile, I'm going to be terribly mean to y'all. I'll split up what should have been 2 posts into three, just so I can abuse you with more cliffies. So, here's the post that everybody's been waiting for. See you again on Wednesday...Enjoy!

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She nodded, acknowledging the Force?s suggestion that she was doing the right thing, despite the wrongness of leaving her comrades in a tricky situation. With a waving gesture, she gathered Antho behind her. Much to her surprise, her back didn?t hit the door behind her.

Even more surprising was the number of dark Jedi who waited for them inside the large circular chambers. Just as her body cleared the doorway, she awkwardly dodged a lightsaber swing that would have removed her head from her shoulders. She countered with both blades. The first one batted the defensive strike aside, allowing the second to remove the Sith?s arm. A final swing finished that one off.

As she and Antho regained

 

Great action sequences, Peri! Shame on you for leaving us with another cliffhanger! I would never do such a cruel thing to my readers. At least Davip is dead, hopefully along with the other Sith. Now, if they can just get out before the Temple falls down around them....

 

I, like my friend Peg, would never leave my readers with such a cliffhanger...I'm waiting patiently...or as patiently as I can!

 

Unlike the above two, I leave my readers with little cliffhangers all the time. But you already knew that.

Anyway, excellent final battle! I really liked the description of all the dark jedi throwing themselves at Hilaal and Antho only to be cut down by their newfound synchronization. And the return to the animal (and other) references was a nice touch, reminding us how far little Hilaal has come from back in the days when her biggest worry was embarrasing herself in a lightsaber tournament. The fact that two young Jedi just took down dozens of fully-grown dark jedi strangely didn't bother me. I guess you've done such a good job developing their talents over time that it comes as no surprise they should do so well. This is the battle they've been waiting for, after all.

?I understand your embarrassment though, getting your butt kicked by a little girl.?

?Hey,? Hilaal objected.

Antho glanced over at her and saw her hurt expression. ?Er, sorry.?

Lol, that made me smile.

Now I can't wait to see if they make it out of the crumbling temple in time, especially with all of their injuries to slow them down.

 

Wow, what a fight!

There was a bare in there that should have been bear, as in 'brought to bear'.

Other than that, I didn't spot anything that needed changing, except that it was far too short a post. There should have been more, you evil, evil man.

 

... They'll get out, right?

 

I really liked seeing Hilaal and Antho fighting together. All that practice did them good. The way you showed their strength being sapped as the fights went on was great, and their having to deal with that and their injuries made it very realistic and intense. Davip was really powerful, and I wasn't sure how they were going to defeat him until they did. I'm glad they did, too!

I'm getting really nervous for Antho with that leg injury. One of my favorite characters isn't going to die, is he? ...is he? Though I'm wondering what sort of opposition Hilaal and Antho will find outside of the room if they try to escape that way--how well did the other Masters do in fighting the Dark Jedi horde?

Great job, Peri!