Script for your Consideration

Discussion in 'Idaho Falls, ID' started by Boskone_Kenobi, Nov 24, 2003.

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  1. Boskone_Kenobi Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Feb 15, 2002
    star 3
    Something Doug said in another thread got me to dust this script off. I have tweaked a few things since you saw it last, but it is still missing an ending. And I watched the scene that inspired this movie just now, and I thought maybe I should include the part where the bartender says: "We dont serve their kind here!" (where the protagonist is wearing a TPM T shirt or something and is forced to take it off before entering the bar).

    I used to have worries that if I posted this script, some other group would steal it, but it is more important now to just finish writing the thing.
    :::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::
    :::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::The Cantina

    Synopsis::
    This is a shot by shot remake of the cantina scene from the original Star Wars where ObiWan has to engage in a duel with two drunken bullies. Just a short clip, no more than 45 sec to one minute in length.
    Players:
    Obi Wan archetype: Dressed in recognizable outfit
    2 Bullies: Sunglasses and black suits. In other words, Agents.
    The place: Any available bar. Disco version of cantina band plays on the jukebox.

    The Scene: Obi archetype enters bar, orders a drink, and proceeds to set a book on the counter and start reading. ?Phantom Menace, the Screenplay? or nonsuch. In exactly the same camera angles and close-ups of the SW source material, he is approached by the two bullies. BULLY #1 brushes him with a hairy hand and grunts with disapproval. Obi continues reading. The other bully then taps Obi?s shoulder and proceeds into the following exchange:::

    BULLY #2
    He doesn?t like the STAR WARS Prequels

    OBI
    I?m sorry.

    BULLY #2
    I DONT LIKE THEM EITHER. You just watch yourself. We?re motion picture connoisseurs. I?ve seen The Matrix twelve times. (Poking the hero with a spoon to emphasize his point)

    OBI (dismissive)
    You are poking me with a spoon.

    BULLY #2 (mad and grabbing the hero)
    THERE IS NO SPOON!

    3rd party interjects himself with bravado into the conversation

    3RD PARTY
    Hey, Matrix! Isnt that that movie with Elrond and Ted Theodore Logan? Oh you are both crazy. Everyone knows the greatest director of all time is Peter Jackson
    (flashing a DVD of LOTR)

    Bully 1 flips out, grabbing the 3rd party and flinging him across the room (we have seen happen to Luke a zillion times). Both opponents reach for weapons. Bully # 1 points gun and fires. Saber flashes and ?disarms? him. He falls.
    Bully 2 jumps to side. Looks at his fallen buddy and does an Agent Smith ?glare? and teeth growl, raising his arms in combat format and charges the hero in a quick kung fu kata (I can choreograph that). The Hero, in the space of about .75 seconds, slices off the bullies arm in the middle of a punch (done with split screen trickery) and slices off the top of his head .5 seconds later (I can make a fake scalp and use quick editing) We see bully collapse from behind. Hero turns saber off and sits down. Bartender approaches him warily with a new drink. Obi gets up to leave.

    OBI
    ?They didn't know Kung fu.?
    (Or better lines encouraged. I think ?Kung Fu? is well known enough to be funny, but another perspective never hurts.)
    END


  2. QUIGONJINN02 Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Mar 29, 2003
    star 4
    Barry, this is the script you showed me before you left Boise and I liked it then, and like it even more now...especially some of your polishing. Good luck with the project.
  3. jedi5150 Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Dec 4, 2000
    star 3
    I like this script and the idea but I dunno...it's missing something...maybe more oregano??? Hmmm......
  4. RABIDJAWA Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    May 20, 2002
    star 2
    Just something that just occured to me...

    Is there any way to re-jigger it so it's not a franchise vs. franchise throw-down. That's so easy and has been done a million times. Hell, there's even an element of that in "Wan-Abi".

    Maybe instead of Matrix geeks the bad guys could be ... I don't know ... art film enthusiasts or something?

    Just a thought...
  5. Boskone_Kenobi Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Feb 15, 2002
    star 3
    I got a great inspiration for the final exchange, something I should have thought of 3 years ago. So now I think it is 95 % there, as opposed to the above version, where the Peter jackson line was done out of desperation.

    Unfortunately, it has now become a complete Matrix rip. Change that and I have to rewrite all the jokes. However, if there is any group that deserves to be dissed if we dont go the franchise vs franchose route (which was the intent as I wrote this as revenge against a buddy who dissed SW in favor of Matrix), it would be Sports Fans.

    THEY can stand in line in freezing snow for a week and be called national heroes, but we are ridiculed. That cannot stand. There are plenty of jokes there.

    ::::::::::::
    I DONT LIKE IT EITHER.
    You just watch yourself, we are real americans with a life. We have paid $500 for football tickets TWELVE TIMES.
    :::::::::::::::::::

    Eh, maybe.
  6. RABIDJAWA Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    May 20, 2002
    star 2
    DUDE!!!! Sports fans is an AWESOME idea. Those fools really got it comin'...
  7. MrsStrahd Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Apr 4, 2002
    star 1
    Here is the SW vs Matrix script in its final incarnation, where I felt that I finally nailed the last few jokes, and pulled everything together.
    Now it can be dumped. Hmmph.

    I post it here so that if we are going to change it to a SPorts miff, then we can use this as a template. Making sure as many jokes are there.

    Everyone post an idea of what needs to be made fun of. I will do so in the next post.
    ::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::The Cantina

    Synopsis::
    This is a shot by shot remake of the cantina scene from the original Star Wars where ObiWan has to engage in a duel with two drunken bullies. Just a short clip, no more than 45 sec to one minute in length.
    Players:
    Obi Wan archetype: Dressed in recognizable outfit
    2 Bullies: Sunglasses and black suits. In other words, Agents.
    The place: Any available bar. Disco version of cantina band plays on the jukebox.

    The Scene: Obi archetype enters bar, orders a drink, and proceeds to set a book on the counter and start reading. ?Phantom Menace, the Screenplay? or nonsuch. In exactly the same camera angles and close-ups of the SW source material, he is approached by the Dealer and by the two bullies in the following order.

    DEALER
    Want to buy some red pills?

    OBI
    You don?t want to sell me red pills

    DEALER
    I don?t want to sell you red pills

    OBI
    You want to go home and watch The Phantom Menace

    DEALER
    I want to go home and watch The Phantom Menace

    Obi goes back to his reading.
    BULLY #1 walks up, brushes him with a hairy hand and grunts with disapproval. Obi continues reading. The other bully then taps Obi?s shoulder and proceeds into the following exchange:::

    BULLY #2
    He doesn?t like the STAR WARS Prequels

    OBI
    I?m sorry.

    BULLY #2
    I DONT LIKE THEM EITHER. You just watch yourself. We?re motion picture connoisseurs. I?ve seen The Matrix twelve times. (Poking the hero with a spoon to emphasize his point)

    OBI (dismissive)
    You are poking me with a spoon.

    BULLY #2 (mad and grabbing the hero)
    THERE IS NO SPOON!

    3rd party interjects himself with bravado into the conversation



    3RD PARTY
    Hey, Matrix! You took the red pill right? RIGHT? But its not worth all that effort. Now let me get you a blue pill.

    Bully 1 flips out, grabbing the 3rd party and flinging him across the room (we have seen happen to Luke a zillion times). Both opponents reach for weapons. Bully # 1 points gun and fires. Saber flashes and ?disarms? him. He falls.
    Bully 2 jumps to side. Looks at his fallen buddy and does an Agent Smith ?glare? and teeth growl, raising his arms in combat format and charges the hero in a quick kung fu kata (I can choreograph that). The Hero, in the space of about .75 seconds, slices off the bullies arm in the middle of a punch (done with split screen trickery) and slices off the top of his head .5 seconds later (I can make a fake scalp and use quick editing) We see bully collapse from behind. Hero stares at him with his saber still ignited.

    OBI
    Red. Blue. I?m the guy with the saber.

    END


  8. MrsStrahd Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Apr 4, 2002
    star 1
    Ok, here we go:::::::::

    ::::::::::::
    (Obi approached by a half naked Bills Fan, Blue Paint, Red paint smeared all over him).....

    Wanna buy a $6 hot dog?

    You dont want to sell me a $6 hot dog

    I dont want to sell you a $6 hot dog

    You want to go home and put some clothes on

    I want to go home and put some clothes on.
    :::::::::::::::::::


    Or make fun of the 40 below weather, or something more biting.

    "You want to go home and dress like a human being."

    "You want to go home and not dress like a pyschopath"

    "You want to go home and wear clothes when it is snowing"

    "You want to go home and not disgust us with your naked body."

    I like the last one best, for that is certainly fair game.
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