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  1. In Memory of LAJ_FETT: Please share your remembrances and condolences HERE

Script Writing Round Robin

Discussion in 'Fan Films, Fan Audio & SciFi 3D' started by tumblemoster, Jul 18, 2002.

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  1. monkey_abbot

    monkey_abbot Jedi Youngling star 3

    Registered:
    Jun 14, 2002
    ok, lets rewind to BEFORE Gameboy's scene

    Int. of Abandoned factory.
    Dooku walks in and talks to the security person

    DOOKU

    What is that noise comander?

    COMMANDER

    I don't know Master.

    DOOKU

    Well find out! Get me a visual!

    Darth Sidious's hologram face appears from Dooku's projector.

    DOOKU

    I am sorry for this interference my master, theremust be a problem...

    SIDIOUS

    There is no problem...the creature that guards the Amenic crystal must be nearby. Seize it!

    DOOKU

    Yes, my master!(turns to security commander as hologram turns off) Get ur men out there! I want that creature alive!

    Int. of Argents Quarters

    Katella suddenly wakes up to the scream, and wakes up Argent

    KATELLA

    Argent! Argent! It's that...thing!

    ARGENT

    Wha...what?

    KATELLA

    The creature from the cave...listen...

    (he scream begins again)

    KATELLA

    It's looking for the crystal...

    Edit; some grammar stuff

     
  2. gameboyry

    gameboyry Jedi Youngling star 1

    Registered:
    Jul 9, 2002
    how so? they want the creature in order to do something with/to it. This isnt gonna be a 100 page script thought i'd move things along
    EDIT: Guess i should read the later posts before writing another ;)
    But i wanted the capture of the creature to come as a surprize. Nobody cares about aww screw it
     
  3. andakin

    andakin Jedi Padawan star 4

    Registered:
    Dec 8, 2000
    Wow, this has gotten rather complicated. If I mess up the continuity at all, please correct me, but I believe this has happened (crystal-wise):
    The Jedi steal a crystal.
    The Smugglers have done something, and have the crystal themselves.
    The Jedi give /A/ crystal to Dooku.
    Mechanics find another crystal underneath the ship, hidden in a cylindrical device.
    Perhaps Sidious doesn't even want the crystal, and only wants the beast.

    I'll go from after gameboy's segment




    Int- Argent's Quarters

    Argent:
    Get in the ship.

    Katella:
    What?

    Argent:
    We're leaving.

    Katella:
    Why? We have this planned out...

    Argent:
    Change of plans. Get in the ship NOW.

    Katella:
    Oh, sithspawn. I feel it too.

    She grabs her bag, and dashes for the door. They begin running as an explosion rocks the building.

    Gunblasts are heard as they continue running through corridors.They approach a T-intersection, and turn left around the corner. Around it clonetroopers are approaching, guns leveled. The Jedi spin and run the other direction.

    Katella:
    Wrong turn.

    Clonetroopers appear in the other hallway as well. Another explosion jostles the building.

    Clonetrooper:
    Halt!

    The jedi spin and turn back the way they came, only to see clonetroopers pour through a new hole in the ceiling.

    The jedi are trapped, pulling out their lightsabers, ready to ignite them.. A COMMANDER trooper steps forward.

    Commander:
    By order of the Senate and the authorization of the Jedi Council you are under hereby under arrest...


    Uh oh!


     
  4. gameboyry

    gameboyry Jedi Youngling star 1

    Registered:
    Jul 9, 2002
    Argent:
    I dont think so. . (moves to ignite his saber}

    Katella:
    No, Argent, not now. I sence something we must go with them.

    Clonetroopers put binders on the two Jedi, and remove their Lightsabers. Katella and Argent follow a pair of clonetroopers out of the building.

    They are put into a Republic transport and taken away.

    INT: Sidious' Office - Courscant

    Sidous:
    Where is the other crystal?

    Dooku:
    We do not know yet, but as you said the crystal will find it's way here.

    Sidious:
    Yes. . .

    Dooku:
    So all we need to do is wait.

    Sidious:
    No! I want that crystal found! Now!

    Dooku:
    Yes I will have every ship entering the system scanned.

    Sidious:
    Very well.

     
  5. tumblemoster

    tumblemoster Jedi Padawan star 4

    Registered:
    Dec 1, 2000
    Gameby! Talk about huge letdown! Nice! A suspenceful moment ended when the jedi give up instead of fight! It is an interesting decision, we'll have to see how it will work out. Could be just the thing to get the story really bouncing around. It's getting complex everybody! Remember every loose end we present we also have to tie up, or it will leave the viewer feeling cheated.

    -tm

    MUHARSHI and TAPI are sliding (Sluisi don't have legs) down a busy promanade

    MUHARSHI
    I wanted to keep it!

    TAPI
    Then you shouldn't have showed it to JOIYL!

    MUHARSHI
    That was your idea!!

    TAPI
    Oh, yes... It was wasn't it?

    MUHARSHI stops
    I'm going to get it back!

    TAPI
    And do what with it exactly? And how will you get it out of his office anyway?

    MUHARSHI
    He's taking lunch....

    TAPI
    Oh my....

    MUHARSHI slides around the corner and into a quiet hallways, then into JOIYL's office and removes the cylinder from the desk. He looks out but the office halways are still empty. He quickly leaves the office, speeding past TAPI, who has just come around the corner.

    TAPI <grabs MUHARSHI>
    Stop! What are you doing!?

    MUHARSHI
    It's mine and I'm taking it!

    TAPI
    If it's anyones it's the jedi's! Have you got your tail tangled?! You can't just take it!

    MUHARSHI is about to argue when they hear a noise from around the corner

    TAPI and MUHARSHI look at each other with bulging eyes

    TAPI
    Hide!

    The two Sluisi slip into another office as a human man comes around the corner and enters JOIYL's office. The Sluisi watch for a few tense moments. They here some noises and then the man pokes his head out, looks both ways, and quickly leaves.

    The Sluisi are trmbling with relief as the return to the hall.

    TAPI
    What was that about?

    MUHARSHI
    I think I'll put it back...

    The Sluisi enter the office as a small device on the desk begins to smoke

    The two Sluisi look at each other then slide as fast as they can out of the office and down the hall. The office explodes...

     
  6. monkey_abbot

    monkey_abbot Jedi Youngling star 3

    Registered:
    Jun 14, 2002
    uhh..tumblemoster...did you forget something? the Sluisi ppls were attacked by the dark mist...or are ppl ignoring that?
     
  7. tumblemoster

    tumblemoster Jedi Padawan star 4

    Registered:
    Dec 1, 2000
    Ah, you're right. I guess I did miss that. The problem I think, is the dark mist creature appears to be both on Corusant and Sluis Van at the same time. We'll have to decide which direction to go.

    -tm

     
  8. monkey_abbot

    monkey_abbot Jedi Youngling star 3

    Registered:
    Jun 14, 2002
    oops...i thought the sluis thingo was a a hangar place on coruscant, with SLUIS ppls working their...oops..

    NOT to worry! we can know have TWO dark misty creatures with terrible screams...
     
  9. andakin

    andakin Jedi Padawan star 4

    Registered:
    Dec 8, 2000
    Our first major continuity problem!
    Here's my proposition:
    Make the sluis shipyard that "hangar on coruscant" that monkey_abbot was talking about, instead of something orbiting sluis van. Argent and Katella are staying nearby in a china-town-esque sluis part of coruscant.

    The story gap seems to be the one gameboy opened up, partially filled by monkey_abbot's post. What happens to the Sluis between then and tumble-monster's post is the gap that I'll try to fill...

    Pickup:
    The dark mist approaches steadily, and begins it's scream. appliances around the hangar explode, and roof beams fall. The workers scream and scatter themselves as they run for safety. The dark mist stops in the hangar, and lets out another mighty scream.

    Int. of Managers Office

    They hear the scream, there are explosions and the lights fail. There is fear on their faces as the dark mist approaches them.

    (another scene is inserted here)


    A beam falls in front of the office, causing the mechanics to jump back further, cowering.
    Suddenly, concealed doors burst open with enough concussive blast to break through the wall disguising them. Techno Union battle droids burst through the doors.
    There is a burst of reddish light, then darkness. Sounds of battle continue, but fade.

    There is only silence.

    The lights come back on.

    JOIYL
    Blasted war.

    Tapi tries to lighten the mood.

    TAPI
    Hey, without the war, we'd lose half our business. They always give us banged up gunships and--

    JOIYL
    Shut up and get out of here. I'll contact the republic... something office. Maybe we can get them to help fix it up.

    MUHARSHI:
    Our stone?

    JOIYL:
    It's not yours, it's the Jedi's. Maybe it was destroyed in the attack.

    Joiyl fingers stroke a blaster, already removed from its holster. His other hand grips the stone's holding cylinder tightly.

    JOIYL:
    Now go.

    Muharshi starts forward, but is held back by Tapi.

    TAPI:
    Come on. Before police get here and ask us a million questions.

    Muharshi shakes his head, and turns to slide out the door to the hangar. Tapi follows.

    The door doesn't open far. They find their exit blocked by a fallen ceiling beam. Looking over the hanger, there are droid parts and worker bodies everywhere. Ships have been tossed around, some destroyed; shrapnel covers the floor. The hanger doors have been torn free, and there are marks of military docking claws next to the opening.

    A bit of shock sets in upon the two. They turn away quickly, and exit through the opposite door to the hallway.

    Joiyl buries his face in his hands.



    I hope this scene works all right, and a bit of continuity has been cleared up. If not, go ahead and disregard it.





     
  10. gameboyry

    gameboyry Jedi Youngling star 1

    Registered:
    Jul 9, 2002
    Sigh I guess I'm not too good at writing scripts, too many jumps and jolts.

    Oh well, I'll go back to writing my script now! :)
     
  11. tumblemoster

    tumblemoster Jedi Padawan star 4

    Registered:
    Dec 1, 2000
    Don't worry Gameboy! The point of this excercise is to practice writing. Practice is the only way to get better. Also keep in mind that most first draft scripts have continuity mistakes. That is why we edit!

    Truely, you are doing very well! I hope you continue to participate.

    -tm
     
  12. monkey_abbot

    monkey_abbot Jedi Youngling star 3

    Registered:
    Jun 14, 2002
    maybe we should start this again, and have the first post with everything in order, so far...i thinnk i'll do that
     
  13. buliwif

    buliwif Jedi Padawan star 4

    Registered:
    Mar 28, 2000
    actually i think we're doing pretty good so far... i'm really enjoying how this whole thing plays out... when it's finished maybe it'll be good enough for a bunch of us to produce it! lol...
     
  14. monkey_abbot

    monkey_abbot Jedi Youngling star 3

    Registered:
    Jun 14, 2002
    producing this would be interesting

    the credits for the story writer would be long...there'd be heaps of CG..but let's try and have an ending...

     
  15. monkey_abbot

    monkey_abbot Jedi Youngling star 3

    Registered:
    Jun 14, 2002
    if there aren't going to be any more additions to this little forum script, would u ppl mind if i developed it further?
     
  16. buliwif

    buliwif Jedi Padawan star 4

    Registered:
    Mar 28, 2000
    i haven't a problem with that... and to be perfectly honest, i'm REALLY digging on this italicized script! lol...
     
  17. darth_kohai

    darth_kohai Jedi Youngling star 3

    Registered:
    Aug 30, 2001
    I would think the best way to proceed is to compile all the inputs so far into a single comprehensive script. Let this thread die, and start a new one with the script as the first post. I just think it is cleaner and less confusing that way.

    Also, we should cast the timeframe in stone, so discontinuities don't take place. For example, I originally thought this would be set before Dooku left the order officially. This is why the 'good' jedi follow his orders.

    There are some other considerations, such as the sith monster. If Sidious' plan is to capture the monster, then it should have failed, so far, because they have the wrong crystal. I'm sure we can come up with explanations, but we need to keep an eye on these things. Along with the comprehensive script, there should be some 'assumptions' about the direction, enough to keep us on track, but not limit the creativity we've see thus far.

    Just my suggestion
     
  18. mpfjr

    mpfjr Jedi Youngling star 2

    Registered:
    Sep 8, 2001
    So if Sidious wanted the creature, why not just send some of his cronies to the planet and capture it. Why all the trouble and *risk* to lead it here?

    How many crystals are there now? 3? Isn't that a little much?

    And what about the Indiana Jones scene when they just grab the crystal off the perverbial pedistal and run with it while the cave is falling down around them..?


     
  19. andakin

    andakin Jedi Padawan star 4

    Registered:
    Dec 8, 2000
    3 crystals: Does it seem too many to find after searching "hundreds of worlds" for it?
     
  20. tumblemoster

    tumblemoster Jedi Padawan star 4

    Registered:
    Dec 1, 2000
    I think creating a new thread with a revised script to this point is a good idea. This way we can have a couple of screen minutes to move on from. We can also made small changes to correct continuity. If anyone is interested in starting the new thread and compilinng the script to this point, please do. Otherwise, I will certainly do it! But, I won't get to it until next week as I'm leaving town tomorrow. I think this is going great! We had some expected errors, and that is ok. If anyone else would like to compile and start a new thread, please feel free. Otherwise I'll see you next week!

    -tm

     
  21. andakin

    andakin Jedi Padawan star 4

    Registered:
    Dec 8, 2000
    Hey guys

    I really like being a part of this, but I as well am going out of town. I'll be in Norway for three weeks.

    Hopefully it'll still be going when I get back!
     
  22. gameboyry

    gameboyry Jedi Youngling star 1

    Registered:
    Jul 9, 2002
    I too am leaving but for Michigan *hey stop clapping!* ;)
     
  23. monkey_abbot

    monkey_abbot Jedi Youngling star 3

    Registered:
    Jun 14, 2002
    well...i'm still here! i think i'll make that post later tonight....
     
  24. Various

    Various Jedi Youngling star 2

    Registered:
    May 15, 2002
    Do you guys mind if I continue my version? I had a nice start and I've got some new ideas. I'll probably post in it a different thread (maybe on the fanfic board?) or just put it on my site and add a link to it in this thread. Of course I'll be giving you guys credit.

    Who knows, I may have run out of funny. Let me know what you guys think.
     
  25. monkey_abbot

    monkey_abbot Jedi Youngling star 3

    Registered:
    Jun 14, 2002
    i don't have a problem with that...but it could become difficult if both ideas are developed further....one of the two (probably urs, since it seems parody-ish) would have to change certain aspects...but we'll see what happens...
     
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