Searching for Peace.....JA

Discussion in 'Fan Fiction Stories--Classic JC Board (Reply-Only)' started by Arihana_Moonmist, Aug 20, 2001.

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  1. Arihana_Moonmist Jedi Padawan

    Member Since:
    Aug 17, 2001
    Setting:Mostly the temple.Obi is 14
    Rateing:pg non slash
    Summary:eek:bi-wan is critically injured on a mission and Qui must deal with his fears
    Spoilers:some for the early JA books
    Disclaimer:Anything Recognizeable as being owned by George Lucas is not mine I'm just borrowing them and I make no money off this.
    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
    Okay this is my first fanfic so please give me lots of feedback good and bad so I can improve.Alright then here it goes.


    Searching for Peace
    by Arihana_Moonmist

    "hold on Obi-wan ,don't give up." said Jedi Master Qui-gon Jinn as he clutched his apprentice's hand."Come on,can't you go any faster?" he bellowed at the pilot " We need to get him to the healer's now!!".
    "I know I know." was all the frantic pilot could say as she dodged another meteor and concentrated on geting them out of the shower and on their way to the Temple.
    "Master..." a voice hoarse from gasping for air cried out suddenly with pain and Qui-gon's eyes swung down to meet his apprentice's blue-green ones.
    "Shhh Obi-wan don't talk, save your strength , when you get better we'll have that sparring match you wanted and I need you at your best for that."
    Obi-wan smiled sadly at his master's attempt to comfort them both. "Thankyou Master.." he stiffened as another wave of pain washed over him "...Thankyou for being my father and takeing care of me.Thankyou for teaching me and forgiveing me when I betrayed you" like Xanatos was his unspoken thought but Qui-gon caught it through their bond."Master I am so sorry for that" Obi-wan continued before Qui-gon could contradict him "I am so sorry I betrayed your trust...again" he choked on that word but continued on with a resigned exspression."I'm sorry for all the times I've dissapointed you...no Master don't cry" he said when he saw Qui-gon's tears "don't grieve for me.Tell that to my friends as well please,tell them not to grieve for me, Tell Bant that she has always been my sister and I will watch over her.Also.....Master please don't be afraid to train another Padawan.Give another child a chance.Master don't grieve please,I will be one with the Force." Obi-wan took a breath and Qui-gon could hear four whispered words come out with the air and settle gently against his padawan's still lips like a drop of rain " I love you Master.".
    Suddenly Qui-gon realized that his padawan wasn't taking another breath,that his life force was trickling away,leaving as softly and suddenly as Obi-wan's last breath carrying with it the last trace of those four words which meant the world to him.With the cry of a wounded animal Qui-gon closed his eyes and plunged into the bond which he and his padawan shared,searching desperatly for the last few drops of Obi-wan's lifeforce,seeking to seal them in with a net born of the Force and pure desperation.

    It was like trying to fill a bowl with holes using a cup made of rice paper.Qui-gon raced to and fro in his padawan's mind,gathering drops of life as if they were the most precious things in the universe,to him they were. Qui-gon's strength however could only last so long. Everytime he would gather a bit of life, another drop would slip out of his grasp.
    He held out long enough to keep Obi-wan barely alive for another two hours.
    He held out long enough to keep Obi-wan alive as they landed at the Temple and put him on a stretcher,rushing him to the infirmiry with Qui-gon stumbling behind,his gaze blank ,all of his attention turned inward in the battle for Obi-wan's life.
    He held out long enough to get them halfway across the Temple, and then....he tripped...as he fell he felt himself lose focus,for a second,just a second but that second was enough time for the last spot of life to leave. Qui-gon felt it go as if in slow motion. He saw it, a spark of light in his mind,he watched as it flickered and went out even as he threw mental hands forward to rekindel it."No" he said in a whisper but it was followed by such a wave of grief t
  2. HannahBates Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Feb 20, 2001
    star 1
    Great start! I liked Obi's last words and the imagery of Qui desperately trying to gather and hold on to the drops of Obi's life.

    One suggestion: Change the format. Separate the paragraphs with carriage returns, and start a new paragraph whenever a new character starts talking. This would make it a lot easier to read.

    I look forward to reading more!
  3. Arihana_Moonmist Jedi Padawan

    Member Since:
    Aug 17, 2001
    Thanks for the suggestion. I tried to make it easier to read now and I'll do that with my next post :)
  4. Healer_Leona Manager Emeritus

    Member Since:
    Jul 7, 2000
    star 9
    Arihana, you left me bawling at the end of that post!!! I can't believe you started with Obi-Wan dying!!! That was very heart-retching!!! I loved how everyone in the temple felt Qui-Gon's grief and fell silent.

    And this line >>Qui-gon could hear four whispered words come out with the air and settle gently against his padawan's still lips like a drop of rain " I love you Master."<< I thought that was beautiful and very sad.

    If I may, I also have a suggestion.... remember to capitalize both parts of Obi-Wan and Qui-Gon's names. Also give 2 spaces between sentences... makes it easier to read.

    Let me end with my usual comment :) :)

    Post often, post soon!
  5. Ginger_Jedi Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    Jun 4, 2001
    star 6
    Wow, very cool start and oh! Angsty!

    Only advice I can give is this: KEEP UP THE EXCELLENT FIC!!! :D I have to see more! *sniff* When he was talking to Qui-Gon for the last time... I...just...(runs off in search of tissue)

    :_|
  6. padmeamidala55 Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Jul 24, 2001
    star 4
    That was sad But i wonder if obi is truly dead
  7. Cow_Girl Chapter Rep Niagara ON, CA

    Chapter Rep
    Member Since:
    Jun 15, 2001
    star 5
    That was so incredibly sad!
    I really hope that Obi is not really and truely dead...please post soon!
  8. greencat336 Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    Jan 27, 2001
    star 5
    Very nice Qui-angst and mush. I am, of course, hoping that Obi is not completely dead.

  9. KSkywalker Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Aug 7, 1998
    star 3
    Qui-Gon should take him to Mount Selyia on Vulcan............. Ooops,, Sorry, wrong Galaxy!!! [face_blush] :D
  10. ewen Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Jun 11, 2001
    star 4
    Great beginning,just as long as obi doesn't die?!?!?!?!?As far as mistakes,I see some,but I read JA fiction because I love them,,I'm not a teacher,mistakes are made by everyone,and with a good story,easily overlooked.Hope to see another post soon.PEACE Ewen
  11. Arihana_Moonmist Jedi Padawan

    Member Since:
    Aug 17, 2001
    Okay everyone thanks for the comments and suggestions ( sorry it was so sad but sometimes I get a majorly dramatic streak [face_mischief] here's the next post.
    italicised words are that person's private thoughts
    // indicates communication through their bond.

    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

    "Qui-Gon, Qui-Gon,wake up, it's Mace, they said you can go in now."
    Qui-Gon woke with a start to see his long time friend Mace Windu shaking him gently by the shoulder.
    "What...what happened?...Mace what's going on?" Mace looked at his friend with a concerned exspression. Qui-Gon was never disoriented when he woke up, though he had just been through alot.
    "Qui-Gon do you remember what happened?" he asked slowly.
    " I...I remember Obi-Wan and I.....OH SITH Obi-Wan!!" he exclaimed as memory of his dream came flooding back to him, but no it wasn't a dream, was it?
    " Oh god Mace, he's dead, I tried to save him....I tried but I couldn't.. Oh Padawan I'm so sorry." Qui-Gon was about to start weeping again when what Mace had been saying got through to him.
    " Qui-Gon he's alive! You kept him alive long enough for the healers to get him in a bacta tank then you collapsed in the hall. You can go see him now that he's stabalized. You saved him!!"
    Mace discovered that he was talking to empty space. He looked around and saw Qui-gon running towards the infirmiry. Smiling to himself Mace couldn't help but think how much Obi-Wan had changed Qui-Gon, and for the better. He let a sigh escape his lips Now if only he'll tell the boy that.

    Qui-Gon barreled into the infirmiry like a whirlwind. He didn't even stop to ask what room his padawan was in. He raced along the corridor, using the Force to search each room he passed for his padawan's life signature. After what seemed like an eternity he reached Obi-Wan's room. He paused for a moment in the doorway, staring at his unconscious padawan floating in the bacta tank. He came forward cautiously, gently probing their bond as if to reassure himself that Obi-Wan was indeed alive. He finally got to the tank and sank down into a chair which some thoughtful healer had placed there. His head aching with exhaustion and the intensity of relief,he lowered it into his hands and began slowly breathing in and out in an attempt to gain some strength and control. Suddenly he felt a soft wave of comfort flow from his padawan through their bond. Looking up he found himself confronted with a pair of turquoise eyes set in a face that was smiling at him through the tank's glass.
    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

    Obi-Wan felt himself going, leaving quietly, slipping piece by piece away from his body. He welcomed it, a relief from the pain and guilt. He urged it along, ushering himself away from the pain and the guilt which he could not understand. He didn't know why he was feeling like this, or why a distant part of him was crying out against the relief, telling him that he couldn't leave yet, that someone needed him. But why should he listen to this part of himself? Why should someone need him when he didn't even know who he was? All he knew was the pain and the fact that there was a release, so why should he fight it? Giving himself back to the darkness, he started to sever the last link with his body, when he heard a wordless cry within his mind. He felt another presence in what was left of his consciousness and for some reason the presence was important to him but he couldn't figure out why. Surrendering once again he felt himself suddenly jerked back into his body by a net of what felt like light and was that ...Love? No it couldn't be, he didn't have anyone who loved him. A name popped into his head, presented by that one part that wouldn't give up Qui-Gon......Master? no...nononono.....darkness...relief...hurts so much...someone calling?..Father?..no..no father...no mother...no.... No what? He had no parents he knew that, but what,who was calling him then? Ruthlessly pushing those thoughts away he began to fight against the net and
  12. Healer_Leona Manager Emeritus

    Member Since:
    Jul 7, 2000
    star 9
    Ahhhh, relief!!! Obi-Wan didn't die. I loved how yo had Qui-Gon racing back to the infirmary and Mace watching after him with a smile.

    I just hope Qui-Gon now takes the opportunity to tell his Padawan how much he cares for him. :) :)

    Good post Arihana!! :) :)
  13. Ginger_Jedi Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    Jun 4, 2001
    star 6
    That was soooo beautiful and touching! I can't wait for another post! Way to go Arihana! *sniff* I love this stuff! :) *sniffle* Awww I need a tissue!
  14. Kaylla_Norn_II Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Jun 4, 2001
    star 2
    <sniff> Please pass teh tissues Ginger Jedi. <sniff>
  15. Ginger_Jedi Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    Jun 4, 2001
    star 6
    *sniff* here you go Kaylla
  16. greencat336 Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    Jan 27, 2001
    star 5
    I love mush [face_love] That's why I'm an Obi-torture addict, because it always results in mush from Qui :D

    My only critic would be to put spaces between the dialoge, because it makes it easier to read. I use the following as an example, because it was a bit I liked! Nicely showing Obi's sense of humor, but also his self doubt.


    // Well gee master I'm sorry, I did my best to die but if I had known you would be this dissapointed I would have tried harder// He sent to Qui-gon through their bond, adding a touch of humor to his message. But one part of him was secretly worried that Qui-Gon was miserable because he hadn't died. Quickly squashing that thought he looked back in time to see his master wipe his eyes and smile weakly in response.

    // No Obi-Wan, I am so glad you are alive. // Qui-Gon sent back.

    // Then why were you crying? // Obi-wan asked ,his brow furrowing in a questioning frown.
  17. Arihana_Moonmist Jedi Padawan

    Member Since:
    Aug 17, 2001
    thanks for the suggestion greencat, I'll use next post.
    Sorry I can't post tonight cause I accidentily erased the next part so now I have to write it over again. I'll try and post early tomorrow. :)
  18. Jenny_The_Jedi_Girl Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Jul 16, 2001
    star 4
  19. Jade_Skywalker Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Jun 16, 2000
    star 4
    OOOOOOoooooooOOOOOOOoooooo:D I am loving this!!! You really had me worried there for awhile when Obi supposedly died. It's not nice to scare your fellow readers and writers like that;) Anyway, I hope to see more soon. Great story so far!!!:D
  20. Arihana_Moonmist Jedi Padawan

    Member Since:
    Aug 17, 2001
    Wahhh I had to go and wait in lines today for three hours to register for highschool and then they go and lose my health form and now I have to do it all over again tomorrow waaah
    :_| :_| :_| ( Slaps self lightly across the face) okay I'm fine now oky doky here's the next post :)

    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

    Obi-Wan had been home for three days now and he had been having trouble getting to sleep each night. Groaning, he shifted trieing to get comfortable, glancing at the clock on his wall he stifeled another groan. 3:00 in the morning and I've gotten ten minutes of sleep, at the most . Moving to lie on his back,he tried to slow his breathing and slip into a force induced sleep if need be. Just as he was drifting off he heard a scream through his bond.

    // Nooooo, Obi-Wan //

    It was full of so much anguish and grief he thought he would cry. Getting over his shock within seconds, he was out of bed and running towards his master's room, lightsaber in hand.

    Qui-Gon shot up in bed and was greeted with the sight of his padawan running through the door to stand protectively in front of his bed with his lightsaber ignited.

    " What happened Master? " He asked while searching the room's shadows with his eyes and the Force. Qui-Gon took a couple deep breaths and grinned at his padawan's back, amused and gladdened by the protectiveness he was sensing.

    " What's so funny? " Obi-Wan asked after he was sure there was no immediate threat. He turned around looking affronted.

    " Nothing Padawan, now may I ask what you are doing in my room at.."

    He paused to look at the clock.

    " 3:00 AM ?" he asked hiding his grin. Obi-Wan looked at him with a confused exspression.

    "But you screamed and called out for me Master." he said " I thought you were being attacked or something!!" Qui-Gon frowned.

    "I'm sorry Padawan but I didn't call for you, it must have been a dream."

    Obi-Wan didn't looke convinced but he was unwilling to confess that he had been having trouble sleeping for fear that it would keep Qui-Gon up. Slowly he turned and walked back to his room. Why won't you tell me what's wrong master? He wondered, for he knew that it had not been a dream and he could sense that his master's soul had been troubled. Maybe it's because he doesn't trust you, maybe he's trying to drive you away, after all, who wants a padawan that nearly gets himself killed. His self doubt was rising up from where he had buried it. He tried to reason with himself, tried to say that it was something private or he had dreamed it after all. The doubt just grew though, and pretty soon he could no longer hold back tears. Convinced that Qui-Gon hated him, he sobbed noiselessly into his pillow until he slowly drifted off to sleep.

    Qui-Gon watched his padawan walk through the door and didn't relax until he was out of sight. Sighing and massageing his temples he tried to think of what he was going to do. He had called his padawan though it had been unintentional. He thought that he had managed to shield Obi-Wan off completely, but it seemed that the shield had cracked. He had felt it weakening since Obi-wan had come home, he thought he could hold it in place, turned out he was wrong. What he had told Obi-Wan had been partially the truth, it had been a dream. It had been Qui-Gon's dream not Obi-Wan's. Qui-Gon was having nightmares, or rather one nightmare over and over. He'd been getting them ever since Obi-Wan had woken up. It was always the same as what had happened in life, but in his dream he hadn't saved Obi-Wan. This has to stop, a Jedi master is not supposed to dwell on his fears. He thought. Plus now I've disturbed Obi-Wan and he needs his rest, he's still healing. He smiled, remembering how Obi-Wan had burst in. Moving to the floor, he sank to his knees and began to meditate, trying to release his fears to the Force. Unfortunately it didn't quite happen correctly. As he was meditating he suddenly got pulled into his dream, and th
  21. Jenny_The_Jedi_Girl Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Jul 16, 2001
    star 4
    ohh i must have next post nowwwwwww i feel so bad for obiwan hope quigon learns how he feels and soon.......... :)
  22. Jade_Skywalker Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Jun 16, 2000
    star 4
    OH, This is great!!! You can't leave us there. I love how you are characterizing Obi's and Qui-Gon's thoughts. Everything Obi thinks Qui-Gon is thinking, is the exact opposite to what it really is. Brilliant!!! I know how that feels, I've done that before. This is great, but I wanna see more soon!!!:D:D:D
  23. Obi the Kid Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Apr 13, 2000
    star 4
    High School? I remember those days...life was easy then. *sigh* BUT Moonmist! Loving your story so far! Mush is good!
  24. Jade_Skywalker Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Jun 16, 2000
    star 4
    up:) Hope to see more soon!
  25. greencat336 Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    Jan 27, 2001
    star 5
    sorry to hear about your difficulty in registering. Hope you got it all straightened out.

    I love this kind of story, with Obi and Qui both angsting away . . . it always leads to mush in the end and I live for mush!
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