Saga Searching For The Light (A sock's answer to OC Challenge #7)

Title: Searching For The Light
Author: Cpt_OC_Readmore
Timeframe: Jedi Purges
Characters: unnamed, male OC
Genre: Darkness and evil!
Author's note: I am a darkness/evil-learning sock and would love constructive critisism.
Disclaimer: It all belongs to George, but only because we let him.


I never intended things to go this way. I always thought I?d end up somewhere quiet with a little wife and maybe a kid. At least a canid or two to keep me company on long walks through the woods or something.

Instead, I?m here. Here in this dark, damp, hellish nighmare that I constantly strain to awake from, but I can?t. It won?t let me, do you understand? There is a demon inside me and it wants control. Every opportunity it gets, it crawls deeper into my mind, sinks spikes into my soul and devours every bright thought I manage to hold onto.

It was a year ago today that I first discovered it. I was on a routine job, just tracking down some lowlife who had skipped off on his superior with a large sum of credits. I?m the one they send to take care of him. Typical assignment, right? Except it wasn?t. This was some kid I had met down at the loading dock the day before. Not so bright, not so bad a kid. A newbie, fresh meat for the machine.

So, he had seen an opportunity to make off with a bit of cash and try to get a start somewhere else. Sorry, mister. It doesn?t work like that. So I tracked him across a couple of systems. The kid had me for a little while, too, and that?s rare. I?ve got this extra sense, see? It sits at the back of my mind and tells me where danger is and where my bounty might be hiding and useful stuff like that.

So I track this kid down, done it to others like him probably fifty, sixty times before, no big deal. He?s holed up in some dank little place, trying to wait out people like me. When he goes out, thinking he?s all carefree, that?s when I get him. I wait in the alley and grab him as he walks by.

We struggle in that dark passageway that stinks of rotten food and urine. That?s when I feel it. He?s got the same extra sense I do. Only he doesn?t know what he?s got and it?s soft and warm and it?s all full of Light where mine is grey and dingy and sometimes painful.

And I take it from him. I reach into his unprotected mind and take that Light for my own. I?m awash in power that I never knew existed. I feel good and free for the rest of the day. The kid? Vegetable. When I took his Light, the rest of his mind just withered, I felt it. Put him out of his misery in that alleyway and never looked back. Probably better for him anyway.

By the next morning, the Light I had taken had faded. In its place was a hole filled with dark anger. I was trapped in it, the rhythym of my need for relief pounded in my head. My sense wasn?t grey anymore. It was pitch black, it was angry, and it was hungry.

So I did the only thing anyone in my situation would do. I went looking for somebody else who had that same senses I did, only had the Light side of it. If I found them, I knew I could get that Light feeling back and be free again. I tried over and over. I could never get it to last more than a couple of days. No matter how much Light the being had, it was never enough to get me out of the hole. I keep trying though. I take different kinds of jobs now. They?re more dangerous, but they expose me to more beings who have the extra sense I do. I heard they used to be Jedi. I wouldn?t know much about that, but the Empire has a long list of targets and they pay well.

Maybe someday I?ll find somebody strong enough with Light to finally burn away all this Dark and pain and anger. Until then I?m just gonna keep working at it, doing my job and bearing this burden as best I can. And the worst part is, I?m enjoying every minute.

 

Cool!
Not bad, little sock friend.
Not bad at all.

Requested concrit:
With your "dark passageway that stinks of rotten food and urine" you've kind of already tapped into one of the secrets of evil writing--the 5 senses. When you capitalize on the really unsettling textures, smells, sounds, tastes and sights you can really draw your reader in and knock them off guard, thus making them more suseptible to being freaked out (which is what all evil chracter construction ultimately aims to do). It's a trick you use when you write horror as well, always leave them with one outstanding "ew/ick/oh gawd moment". I wrote a Padme/Ani/Vader dream sequence that pounded the reader over the head from this approach and I thought the results were delightful.

Keep up with the evil and the OCs.

 

Exactly the kind of crit I'm looking for, thanks!
I'll probably tweak this a bit more, but I wanted to make the deadline!

 

I so totally read this forever ago (and by forever ago, I mean before I came back to school), and I forgot to reply! I am shame-faced. Good job, though! It's quite the concept, nice and dark. And well-written! I like.