Amph SEASON PREMIERE ALERT! Top Shot

I really enjoy both Monk and Psych. The latter had the better of the two premieres tonight IMHO. Cults are just very hard to portray without cheese, and I think that's where Monk was weak.

 

8-10PM Fox, TV-PG-L Preview

"American Idol"

"No pressure, but pretty much everyone in America is counting on you. No, no you, karaoke crooners: You're probably as pitchy, glitchy, and kitschy as ever. No, we're talking to American Idol itself, as the ratings king arrives in time to jolt a moribund music industry and save strike-stricken TV. To that end, Fox promises less focus on celeb guests and more on the contestants, searching everywhere from San Diego to Philly, Atlanta, and Miami for new talent. And while the competition is still uncertain, we know one (blessed) thing: They've gotta be better than Sanjaya."



11-11:30PM TBS, TV-PG-DL

Season Premiere

"10 Items or Less"

"Improv TV tends to be hit-or-miss. But 10 Items is all hit. Grocery owner Leslie (John Lehr) plans a giveaway of 5,000 silver dollars, until a holdup leads to a hostage situation and greeter Ingrid (Kristen Gronfield) gets Stockholm syndrome. Every absurd detail (Roberta Valderrama's produce worker Yolanda falls for the produce guy from the rival store) yields ridiculous one-liners (''He does not have a lazy eye, you have a lazy brain!''), making this workplace comedy a spazzier, faster-moving Office. A- ?Ari Karpel"

 

Season Premiere

"Mythbusters"

"The gadgets, getaways, and guns of James Bond are explored in this two-part special. Wait, hold up. What do you mean there is no such thing as a water sphere? What about the wheelchair and leg cast missile? The bagpipe flamethrower? Surely the invisible car must exist! Oh Mythbusters. What a buzzkill."

 

LOL! A 007 special. That would be hilarious.

 

I hate the very idea of mythbusters. I like myths, I like to believe. Don't kill the magic.

 

8-9PM Nickelodeon, TV-Y7 Season Premiere

"The Naked Brothers Band" B

"The little-kid-rock-band mockumentary series kicks off season 2 with superhero costumes, a feng-shui-loving guru, and a (fake) former boy band in blue beehive wigs. These loopy antics are all in service of a fairly common plot: Bassist Rosalina breaks lead singer Nat's heart yet again by going to her high school prom with an upperclassman. As usual, the show gets a little too enamored of its own spazzy cleverness. But at least it's cooler than High School Musical. ? Jennifer Armstrong"

 

Series Debut

The Real Hustle B-

"As the saying goes, you can't con an honest man. But you can certainly rob him blind. Apollo Robbins, Ryan Oakes, and Dani Marco are the pro cons in this hidden-camera series, stalking New York City to prove a point: Even savvy big-city types are easy to rip off. They ask strangers for directions and end up with one person's cell phone and another's wallet. (Poor, helpful saps.) But what are we supposed to feel for ? or learn from ? the three-card monte loser, or the woman who greedily thinks she's getting a steal on an antique?"

 

Series Debut

Gone CountryB-

"Seven celebs ? including Bobby Brown, Twisted Sister's Dee Snider, and Brady Bunch vet Maureen McCormick ? try to remake themselves as country singers in this reality competition, and the debut plays like a well-worn tune. The contestants get delivered to a luxe, log-cabin-style mansion in Nashville, where they await their two-stepping orders from host John Rich. The country star's red-state posturing grates ? he arrives via helicopter wearing a full-length fur coat, and later calls Snider a ''little sissy boy'' ? but we'll put up with just about anything to hear Brown try out a twang. ? Kerrie Mitchell"

 

In Treatment (2008) HBO 9:30 to 10:00 pm

Start Date: Jan 28, 2008; Genre: Drama; With: Gabriel Byrne and Michelle Forbes

By Ken Tucker Ken Tucker

"Adapted from a hit Israeli series, In Treatment centers on psychotherapist Paul (Gabriel Byrne), a soothing, smart caregiver whose private life is a constant squabble with his wife (Prison Break's Michelle Forbes). The series unfolds in nine weeks of Monday-through-Friday half-hour episodes, with a different recurring patient each weekday (thus straining the concept of ''appointment television''). But just because it's on HBO with a therapist and a sofa, In Treatment is not Tell Me You Love Me Lite. What Treatment lacks in Tell Me-style graphic sex, it makes up for in hot-tempered neuroses.

On Mondays, Paul practically has to don a chastity belt to fend off Laura (Alias' Melissa George), a patient who's fallen in love with him...and practically every man she meets. My professional diagnosis: She's a loony nympho. On Tuesdays, Blair Underwood is a cocky Navy pilot grappling with his harrowing battle experiences and his own crumbling marriage. Wednesdays, it's a defensive teenage gymnast (newcomer Mia Wasikowska) who is too invested in her adult male coach. Thursdays, the sofa is weighed down by married couple Amy (Schindler's List's Embeth Davidtz) and Jake (Sports Night's Josh Charles), who, well, just hate each other's guts. And on Fridays, our hero goes to see his therapist, played by Dianne Wiest with Buddha calm, where he peevishly, so-satisfyingly unloads on everybody above.

It all makes for lots of great soapy intrigue, and Byrne makes you believe he can solve everyone's problems. Except his own. B+"


No HBO!!! [weeps]

 

10:02-11PM ABC, TV-PG

Season Premiere

"Eli Stone"

"Meet Eli Stone. He's a lawyer, so already we can assume that his heart and his last name share something in common. He might be a prophet, he might not be. Who cares? It?s brand new television. Halleluiah."


This show has excellent timing.

 

Monday:

9-10PM*
MyNeworkTV, TV-14 Season Premiere

Paradise Hotel 2B

"I just want sex. Oh, damn, that was supposed to be in quotes: ''I just want sex.'' Because that's not me talking, but rather contestant Tanya, moaning as she rolls around in bed by herself in the return of everyone's (read: my) favorite guilty pleasure. Yep, host Amanda Byram and the horny drunkards are back! Unfortunately, it's too early for folks to be threatening each other, so you'll have to settle for a mere underwear party and ''stripper's ball'' in tonight's premiere. But give them time, people. Give them time. ? Dalton Ross *TV-MA version airs on Fox Reality at 1 a.m.

Sounds very skeevy.



9:30-10PMCBS, TV-PG

Season Premiere

The New Adventures of Old Christine

"Christine (Julia Louis-Dreyfus) thinks she's ready to sleep with Mr. Harris, but Barb isn't so sure. Looks like old Christine is back, and new adventures ensue. The title sort of says it all, doesn?t it?"


This show is supposed to be a success. But then so is "According to Jim"

 

9-10PMCBS MUST WATCH OF THE WEEK
Season Premiere
Preview
"Big Brother 9"

"Look, nobody likes a writers' strike. But if it weren't for that pesky labor dispute we wouldn't have the first-ever winter edition of CBS' adventure in voyeurism. Mercifully, BB9 will spare us from another excruciating twist like America's Player, but if you think we've seen the last of Dick Donato and his crazy BB8 cohorts ? think again. ''There is lots of interesting news on the season 8 cast!'' promises executive producer Allison Grodner. ''We got hookups that broke up and hookups that stay together. Plenty to report!'' Take it away, Chenbot! ? Lynette Rice

Need more than three hours of Big Brother a week? Get your daily fix with Big Brother: After Dark, a live broadcast of the feeds from BB house, every night from 12 go 3 a.m. on SHO2."

Never watched this show.

 

8-9PM The CW Season Premiere

Beauty and the Geek B-

"Remember when this stereotype-squashing series had heart, proving people were more than their appearances? Well, season 5 can?t be bothered with that mushy stuff. Now it?s beauties versus geeks in tired challenges like getting digits from people in a bar. The only redeeming part is Greg, the nebbishy ''Gaysian'' outcast. Give Greg his own show! ? Jessica Shaw"

10-11PMA&E, TV-14

Season Premiere

Gene Simmons Family Jewels

"In the two-episode season premiere, the oddly endearing Simmons clan keeps to the simple things in life: finding a lost dog, supporting Gene at his Kiss concert, and urging him to see a doctor. We were hoping things would get a lot more complicated, in light of Gene?s bizarre stint on The Celebrity Apprentice and gag-inducing sex tape, but this season was shot before all that happened. While Jewels? voyeuristic pleasures are still delightful, we?re pining to see the drama we know must have gone on in that house after Gene?s wacko winter...or at least a reunion with Omarosa. B? ? Tanner Stransky"


No, Simmons is not 'oddly endearing'. He is the sort of tool that doesn't realize that not only is he not relevent now, he never was relevent.

 

10-11:15PM Bravo, TV-14 MUST WATCH OF THE WEEK
Season Premiere
Wednesday:

Top Chef: Chicago A-

"Bravo?s food fight settles into the Windy City for its fourth season and, no surprise, the first challenge has the chefs tackling Chicago?s most famous entrée: deep-dish pizza. Even more delicious than the pie? Newly slim guest judge Rocco DiSpirito, who seems to have traded Mama?s meatballs for circuit training. Also adding spice to this new recipe is the series? first contestant couple, a lesbian pair from San Francisco. Their instant alliance does not go down smoothly with the other chefs. Better sharpen those knives! ? Tim Stack"

 

8-9:32PMABC MUST WATCH OF THE WEEK
Season Premiere

Dancing With the Stars

"Penn Jillette! Marlee Matlin! Marissa Janet Winokur! Okay, even we admit those exclamation points are egregious. This season's Stars roster isn't exactly A-list, but that could be the fun of it, since nobody knows what to expect from these (mostly) familiar faces. Will Olympian Kristi Yamaguchi's grace on the ice translate to the dance floor? Can season 6's Mario (R&B star) shake it like season 3's Mario (Lopez)? Does anyone else even matter with Steve Guttenberg in the house? It could be a very Gut year ? especially since some of these stars will dance out more famous than they went in."


9:32-11PM ABC

Season Premiere

The Bachelor

"Meet the new Bachelor, 27-year-old global financier Matt Grant. And get this, ladies, he's the first international Bachelor ever, and he has a British accent! I'll pause here to give you adequate time to swoon."

I don't know which gender this show insults more, men or women.

 

I'm watching Dancing With The Stars right now, it's looking good.

 

8-9PM ABC Family, TV-PG-D

Season Premiere

"Greek"

EW: "Casey has a hard time settling in as sorority prez. It's tough to find the right oversize Champion sweatshirt with flower-pattern Greek letters. Wow, could my sorority references be any more 1992?"


Never even *heard* of this one, and it's on its second season?

 

9-10PM Fox, TV-14-L Season Premiere
"Hell's Kitchen" B-

"The cooks on Hell's Kitchen aren't exactly top-shelf (or Top Chef, for that matter). The producers who cook up Kitchen must know it too, because they resort to cheap tricks to goose up the premiere, like having Gordon Ramsay go undercover in full makeup (think Ozzy Osbourne meets Andy Capp) to eavesdrop on the new Hellions. And what do we learn? Three things: First, never call yourself ''the black Gordon Ramsay.'' Second, these pretenders to the throne (the winner will cook in Ramsay?s newest eatery) are just as hapless as the past three crews. Third, it?s always more fun to watch someone else burn dinner."

 

Hell's Kitchen is one of my favorite summer shows (at least it's usually on during the summer). I love watching Ramsey in action and I love watching the contestants sweat.

 

I just saw The Ultimate Fighter was on Spike Tv today. It was great. 32 fighters came in this time. 8 fights were shown in one hour. Rampage, Forrest, and Dana White were commentating at a table ring side, they were hilarious.

 

8-10PM BBC America, TV-MA Wire in the Blood B

"There?s nothing Brit about Wire?s fifth-season starter. Criminal psychologist Tony Hill (the excellent Robson Green) crosses the pond to size up an Iraq-war vet accused of killing his family. Years ago, Hill had a brain tumor that still gives him freaky visions of himself in a killer?s place ? think Eli Stone meets Dexter ? making him uniquely suited for his job. Once you get past the Southern jokes, overdone fish-out-of-water elements, and the oddity that no one in this middle-class Texas suburb has air-conditioning, the mystery is pretty compelling. Still, it might be best to wait till next week, when Tony heads home. ? Aubry D'Arminio"

 

9-9:30PM MOJO HD, TV-PG

Season Premiere

"Three Sheets"

"Global pub crawl! First round's on them."

 

8-10PM NBC, TV-PG
Season Premiere

American Gladiators

"And since we clearly weren't planning on doing any critical thinking tonight, let's keep the ball rolling by avoiding any pesky actors or plots?"

 

9-10PM BBC America, TV-14
Season Premiere
MI-5

"This Brit spy show is like ER: On forever, cast keeps changing, yet it?s still popular."


Oh, how I wish I got BBC America....