Amph SEASON PREMIERE ALERT! Top Shot

8-10PM Fox, TV-PG-DL Inside Look
Season Premiere
So You Think You Can Dance

"While So You Think You Can Dance has wooed the dancing illiterate with West Coast swing and krumping, one esteemed style has yet to break through: ''I would like to do one or two ballet routines,'' says judge and exec producer Nigel Lythgoe. ''That was the basis of most dance.'' Don't worry ? as per usual, body parts other than the tiptoes will also get a workout. ''Somebody went from [spinning on] their elbow to one part of their neck,'' marvels judge Mary Murphy. ''You're sitting there thinking, 'Is that a mistake? No, he meant to do that. Ouch!''' ? Adam B. Vary"

9:30-11PM NBC, TV-14
Season Premiere
Last Comic Standing

"Let's review the rules: (1) Limit props to just a guitar, please; (2) no jokes about punching babies (shocking how often that comes up); (3) be amusing. Six seasons in, few comics heed rule 3. Tonight clears out the flop sweat so (slightly) funnier yuksters can vie for $250K and bragging rights ? assuming there are any. B"

 

7-7:30PM G4, TV-14-DLSV
Season Premiere
Code Monkeys

"So many Atari jokes to tell, so few übergeeks to tell them to."

9-10PM WE tv, TV-14-L
Season Premiere
Bridezillas

"See the groom realize that this is the bride on her best day."

I once started watching this show. I thought it was a put-on. It wasn't. Scarier than any horror movie.

10-11PM Food, TV-G
Season Premiere
The Next Food Network Star

"At some point, foodie cutie Giada De Laurentiis will guest. No, I'm not telling you when ? takes the fun out of it."

 

9-9:30PM Animal, TV-PG Season Premiere
Meerkat Manor B-

"I don't watch this, so I asked my meerkat-loving mom to review. ?AW: With food scarce and most of the Aztecs back with the Whiskers, Meerkat?s return is as bleak as its winter landscape. The Commandos execute a raid, Maybelline hunts for a clan roost, and narrator Sean Astin is gone. Pity. ? Lorraine Oliver Thanks, Mom! Shoulda put you to work years ago."

10-11PM Comedy Central
Season Premiere

"Live at Gotham"

"Chill. A ventriloquist hosting doesn't guarantee it'll be half as funny and twice as lame."

 

Tonight:

8-9PM History, TV-PG
Season Premiere
Ice Road Truckers

"This season the stakes are even higher as the truckers cross the frozen Arctic Ocean. The wide-open ocean."


9-10PM USA, TV-14-LSV
Season Premiere
Law & Order: Criminal Intent

"Goren's back (physically, if not exactly mentally). Hey, out of curiosity, how crazy can you be and still carry a gun for a living?"


10-10:53 PM Lifetime, TV-PG
Season Premiere
Army Wives

"The season 1 finale left the wives holed up in a bar with bomb-wielding sergeant. Unfortunately this bomb is not one of the Guiness-infused Irish varieties."

 

9-10PM A&E, TV-14-L
Season Premiere
Intervention

"A&E's Emmy-nominated series returns for its fifth season with an episode about crack-cocaine addict Chad, a former professional cyclist who is so unabashedly unashamed of his drug use that he makes sure to ask the cameras, ''Are you getting this?'' while taking a hit. Far more compelling and honest than Celebrity Rehab, Intervention's never easy to watch, but it's certainly buzz-worthy. B+ ?Kate Ward"

 

10-11PM Sundance, TV-PG Season Premiere
Live From Abbey Road B-

A milquetoast (James Blunt), a mopey quartet (Dashboard Confessional), and a monarch of soul (Mary J. Blige) kick off season 2 of the studio performance series. They seem awfully lonely without an audience ? but when Blige hits her stride, she can fill up a room by herself. ?Simon Vozick-Levinson

10-10:30PM Showtime, TV-MA-SLD
Season Premiere
Penn & Teller: Bulls---!

"The duo takes on some feminists. Yeah, people who think women are equal are such losers. Not like fake mutes or frizzy-haired reality-dance-show rejects."


11PM-Midnight SOAPnet, TV-14-DLS
Series Debut
MVP

"If Footballers Wive$ is the ultimate guilty pleasure, then this Canadian soap about hockey players and their spouses is all guilt. A shiny but bland rip-off of Wive$ (the producers claim to have been ''inspired'' by the British cult smash), MVP wasn't compelling enough for Canada's CBC to renew it for a second season. (But its reruns are apparently good enough for SOAPnet!) If only the pilot had more shirtless hockey players or some really lethal bitchiness coming from the wives, it could have given at least a little pleasure, eh? C ?Ari Karpel"


Previous

 

9-10:30PM*PBS, TV-PG Season Premiere
Inspector Lewis B

"In the beloved British cop show Inspector Morse, Kevin Whately played Lewis, the faithful, somewhat dull assistant to John Thaw?s boozy, cynical, Jaguar-driving titular sleuth. Morse went to the great pub in the sky in 2000 (followed two years later by Thaw), and now Whately's Lewis has been given his own show. In the first of three new adventures, he investigates who is killing members of a secret Oxford University society. The result features quality acting and a satisfyingly intricate plot. But it may take a few more shows before Morse fans stop listening out for the rumble of his Jag engine. ?Clark Collis"


I haven't seen Morse, so this looks interesting.

 

Thanks for the update on Lewis, I am a big Morse fan and thankfully for DVR will be able to record this, missed the premiere but it repeats in the middle of the night (thankfully public tv is real good at repeating shows during the week) and see if it is at least as good as Morse was.

 

10-11PM
Sci Fi, TV-PG

Season Premiere
Stargate Atlantis

"Col. John Sheppard (Joe Flanigan) and Ronon Dex (Jason Momoa) find themselves trapped under the rubble of Michael's compound. Will Col. Samantha Carter be able to fight off Michael and his Wraith hybrids? And what will become of Teyla and her baby?"

 

Another great season opener! I hope Michael stays dead this time! As always, McKay was hilarious, especially when he had to deliver the baby on board the wrath ship!

 

8-9PM
CBS

Preview Season Premiere
Big Brother 10

Every year I ask myself if Big Brother can top itself by finding even more hateful people willing to do or say anything for $500,000. I never though anyone could be as misogynistic as Mike Boogie?but then Evel Dick (the guy couldn't spell "Evil," for crying out loud) came along. And whoever thought Jen, the slop-cheating, red-bodysuit-wearing brat, could be replaced as the most ridiculous (albeit bikini-ready) contestant in reality-show history? Yet CBS fed us the busty, needy "Can I have a massage, Matt?" Natalie. So this year I'm not going to question the evil casting wizards. I'm simply going to clear three nights a week to watch the Chenbot robotically guide me through the most historically dysfunctional household on TV. How long until a new contestant exceeds all my expectations? I'm thinking a minute and four seconds.



Never watched this show...is it worth seeing?

 

9-10PM
TNT, TV-14-V

Must Watch of the WeekSeason Premiere
The Closer
B

"Deputy Chief Brenda Leigh Johnson (Kyra Sedgwick) is back for a fourth season ? and this time she's snacking a lot less and showing off her hot bod a lot more (10 minutes in and she's already prancing around in her panties). Partial nudity aside, tonight's opener has Brenda leading an arson investigation with the help of her season 1 stalker, pyromaniac Bill Croelick (Life on Mars' Jason O'Mara), who likes to douse his victims with alcohol and set them ablaze. The murderer's a bit obvious, and the subplot about Brenda's fiancé Fritz (Jon Tenney) urinating in their shower is soggy. But Brenda and Bill have enough reluctant chemistry and icky tension to make Clarice Starling and Hannibal Lecter proud. Read how The Closer became a guilty pleasure. ?Aubry D?Arminio"


10-11PM
TNT, TV-MA-LSV

Season Premiere
Saving Grace

"Holly Hunter is at it again, trying to figure out Grace's past while also nabbing criminals. (On TV, Oscar winners can multitask.)"

 

Series Premiere
Say Yes to the Dress

It's a behind-the-scenes look at the ''world's premiere bridal salon.'' Next month: a behind-the-scenes look at the ''world's premiere divorce court.''

Series Debut
Hurl!

A game show rewarding contestants who eat the most and vomit the least, Hurl! has its players scarf down a mound of pumpkin pies or mac and cheese, and then places the eaters inside ''The Balls of Hurl''? giant spheres rolled around to induce upset stomachs. Alas, like the work of Proust, most of the real drama here is internal. Plus, when someone does spew, the chunky disgorgement is digitally masked. Timid is the TV show that doesn't deliver on the vulgarity that is its primary reason to exist. C ?Ken Tucker


Series Debut
From G's to Gents

Jamie Foxx went to the proverbial hood to find 14 guys who want to be made over by some dude named Fonzworth.


Series Premiere
The Cleaner

William Banks (Law & Order's Benjamin Bratt) is a former addict who now forces others to get clean. What a party pooper.

 

The Cleaner wasn't bad. Call it a solid B.

 

Tonight on Bravo: "Project Runway", season 5

 

Heidi Klum is delightful.

 

Project Runway!

 

Looks like an interesting group of designers this time. I was so delighted to see Austin Scarlett flittering down the street to meet everyone at the first challenge.

 

12:30-12:45AM
Cartoon

Season Premiere
Tim and Eric's Awesome Show, Great Job!

"Tim Heidecker and Eric Wareheim's magical comedy series feels like something you'd find on a 3 a.m. insomniac channel-surfing jag ? hypnotic yet disturbing at the same time. And that's a compliment. Season 3 features commercials for the care and feeding of rented child clowns (they'll eat anything, including ''wet food logs''), the return of John C. Reilly as spacey TV host Dr. Steve Brule ? and Ed Begley Jr., mesmerizing in his pitch for the world's worst cell phone. I worry I may have ordered one." A? ?Gillian Flynn

 

10:30-11PM
Comedy Central, TV-14-D

Season Premiere
Lewis Black's Root of All Evil

"The Honorable Lewis Black returns for a second season of this pop-culture courtroom show (think Judge Judy meets Best Week Ever). Each week, two pop-culture phenomena are pitted against each other, represented by a rotating cast of comic "prosecutors," including Kathleen Madigan, Patton Oswalt, and Paul F. Tompkins. After the debates, Black renders his verdict, determining which phenomenon is "the root of all evil." In the season opener, ultimate fighting will duke it out with blogging. Muscle-bound meatheads versus pasty pundits? Is there really any competition?"

 

11PM-Midnight
Bravo


Season Premiere
Million Dollar Listing
A-

"You'd think a sagging real estate market would put a damper on a show about young hotshot L.A. agents. Instead, an extra dramatic layer forms when asking prices are hard to secure and pretty-boy agents look like they're about to cry."

 

10-11PM
HBO
Season Premiere Preview
Hard Knocks

"Here's what I'm hoping to see from this show on the Dallas Cowboys training camp: Jessica Simpson, Terrell Owens acting stupid, Adam ''Pacman'' Jones acting stupider, owner Jerry Jones looking more facially taut, and lots of injuries. Go Skins! â??Dalton Ross"

9-11PM
NGC, TV-14

Season Premiere
Taboo

Taboo the game never had a card about corpses being evicted from graveyards. Thankfully, Taboo the show fills the void.

It's like Cops but more vice-y.

 

10-11PM
Oxygen, TV-14-DL

Season Premiere
The Janice Dickinson Modeling Agency

"For season 4, Janice hires a slew of new models, buys them a house â?? decorated by Christopher Ciccone â?? and cuts costs by moving in with them. Drama ensues! There are plenty of Janice-isms (she tells one deaf model, ''I am a bitch, and you can't hear, so we're perfect!'') and even more shirtless male models, so what's not to like? B+ â??Kate Ward"

9-10PM
ABC Family, TV-14

Season Premiere
Greek

"Spring break is over. And I didn't even make it to the MTV beach house. Sigh."

 

Tonight...!

8-9PM
The CW "Gossip Girl" A

"I'll admit, I was a wee bit worried after last season's annoying Georgina story line and relentless drama about the past that haunts Serena (Blake Lively). But fear not, groupies: Summer's been good to this Girl. After spending the last few months juggling girls and interning for an alcoholic novelist, Dan (Penn Badgley) heads to East Hampton to woo Serena. It's a good thing, too, considering she's been busy moping and covering for Nate (Chace Crawford), who's been flinging with a married older woman (Mädchen Amick). But the season premiere belongs to the fabulously headbanded Blair (Leighton Meester) and caddish Chuck (Ed Westwick), who circle each other like a couple of lovestruck porcupines. In the words of my esteemed colleague Tim Stack, they are ''this show's Summer and Seth.'' Hopefully, that doesn't mean Serena has a lawn-chair-throwing fit in her future."

8-10PM
Fox, TV-14-LV

Season Premiere
Prison Break

"Holy Bobby Ewing, the beheaded Dr. Sara Tancredi (Sarah Wayne Callies) is back! We won't spoil the circumstances of Sara's teary reunion with lover Michael (Wentworth Miller); just know that they're now working with a righteous Homeland Security agent (Michael Rapaport) to expose the rogue government group that's dogging them with a super-skilled assassin. And take heed: Three major characters are killed tonight within the first hour of a pretty stellar premiere. We're betting these deaths are for real."
B+ â??Aubry Dâ??Arminio

9-10PM
The CW, TV-14-DL

Season Premiere
One Tree Hill

"Lucas' chosen lady meets him at the airport, which we all know is a sign that the relationship is doomed."

 

10-11PM
FX, TV-MA
the-shield_m

Season Premiere
The Shield
A-

"Season openers don't get much more incendiary: There are severed feet, a ''beef'' between rival Armenian, Mexican, and Salvadoran gangs, and a murder committed by another member of Vic's Strike Team. (Michael Chiklis' bald head now looks like a cartoon bomb ready to explode ? all that's missing is a wick on top, set afire). Yet The Shield?s final season also makes room for subtle subplots about Vic's family problems (watch out for angry daughter Cassidy) and a tough new fed played by the deceptively demure Laurie Holden. ?Ken Tucker"