Amph SEASON PREMIERE ALERT! Top Shot

8:30-9PM
Reelz, TV-PG

Series Debut
Hollywood's Best Film Directors

"In the premiere episode, Francis Ford Coppola talks about the first time he sat down with Marlon Brando to talk about The Godfather. Fighting. Urge. To. Make. Dr. Moreau. Or. Muumuu. Joke."

10-10:30PM
Comedy Central, TV-14

Series Debut
Tosh.O

"Comedian Daniel Tosh gives his take on viral videos, blogs, and websites. What could be more fascinating than a half hour all about cat footage and misspelled rants?"

10:01-11PM
NBC, TV-14-V

Series Debut
The Listener

"Finally, a convincing reason to move Jay Leno to 10 p.m. Because who in the world wants to watch yet another scruffy-handsome young guy (Craig Olejnik) with inexplicable telepathic powers rescuing grateful people? Olejnik's Toby Logan is a paramedic; his ability to hear people's thoughts helps him stay one step ahead in aiding others. But he also just walks down the street hearing hot chicks checking him out and thinking, ''Hmm. If he could only read my mind.'' Sheesh. This guy Toby the Listener wouldn't even qualify for NBC's Legion of Substitute Heroes. C- ?Ken Tucker"

 

9-10PM
Travel, TV-PG-DL

Season Premiere
Ghost Adventures
A

"Wannabe ghostbusters lock themselves in haunted locales, hoping to capture spectres on tape. Their m.o. for flushing out spirits? Taunting! ''If this is the gates of hell, why don't you come out and get me!'' yells host Zak Bagans, whose sincerity is debatable. He thinks any sound or trick of the light is supernatural in nature, and tonight becomes convinced he's been possessed by a murdered woman. It's a travel-show Blair Witch Project, with all the integrity of pro wrestling. Totally bogus and, I must admit, totally entertaining. ?Jeff Jensen"


9-10PM
Animal Planet, TV-14-LV

Season Premiere
Whale Wars

"Capt. Paul Watson and his team of ''eco-pirates'' are back protecting the whales from Japanese ships. All of a sudden I can't get that ''Baby Beluga'' song by Raffi out of my head."

 

9-10PM
BBC America, TV-14

Season Premiere
Gordon Ramsay's F Word
B-

"American cooking shows like Top Chef may seem overly simplistic, with their laser focus on competition. But at least they're not the frenetic jumble that is Ramsay's British concoction, which appears to be a family cooking battle, randomly interrupted by segments that find the celeb chef on a quest for sea urchins and challenging the Spice Girls' Geri Halliwell to a meatball cook-off. Fortunately, Ramsay still showcases his trademark potty mouth, which never f---ing disappoints. ?Tanner Stransky"

 

9-10PM*
PBS, TV-G

Season Premiere
History Detectives

"Did Thomas Edison invent a phone that could talk to spirits? When did he become Miss Cleo?"

 

I like "History Detectives".

 

8-9PM
CBS

Season Premiere
Big Brother 11

"What do you get when you combine a bikini model with a neuroscientist, a tattooed special-effects makeup artist, and a tae kwon do champion? Another wacky season of Big Brother, that's what! For the 11th edition (slop will outlive us all!), the houseguests will be broken up into high school cliques like ''popular,'' ''athletes,'' and ''brains.'' The first two categories will showcase BB's usual hot bods (see the aforementioned bikini model from Atlanta), while ''brains'' seems to be euphemism for the requisite ''old'' married dude (Casey, a fifth-grade teacher from Florida, is a relatively decrepit ? gasp! ? 41). And as long as you're expecting the unexpected a surprise is in store for opening night, when host Julie Chen will introduce a 13th houseguest who we'll apparently recognize. Let's hope for Daniele, settle for Howie, and pray it's not Evel Dick. ?Lynette Rice"

 

10-11PM
Travel, TV-PG-DL

Season Premiere
Anthony Bourdain: No Reservations

"Chef Bourdain kicks off his fifth season by going to Chile. Hey, Gwyneth Paltrow, now's your big chance to poison his sea bass for calling you a ''bitch who refuses to eat ham.''

 

10-11PM
TLC, TV-PG

Season Premiere
Toddlers & Tiaras

"Season 2 begins with 4-year-old Eden Wood competing in Texas' Universal Royalty pageant. Eden's mom: I kind of hate you already, but I sure can't wait to meet you."


A strong stomach is required, and a lot of self-control, or you might leap at the TV and start hitting it.

 

9-10PM Fox, TV-PG-DL Series Debut

More to Love B

"From wily producer Mike Fleiss, the man who brought you The Bachelor, comes a dating competition show about plus-size singles. Wags have already dubbed it The Fatchelor, but this show's big man, 26-year-old Luke Conley, is a very likable guy, never smarmy. The gals who want him are variously confident, needy, or deluded about their charms, but Love never plays up their size for cheap laughs. Too bad host Emme, herself; a plus-size (and very good) model, is rather stiff in the premiere. All in all, more fun than you'd think."

 

9-10PM
Style, TV-14

Season Premiere
Split Ends

"The fifth-season premiere of this would-be Shear Genius/Wife Swap love child swaps hairstylists from St. Louis and Beverly Hills, but their over-the top attitudes and antics (ahem, huge-ego Sean!) are more obnoxious than entertaining. C- ?Archana Ram"

 

9-10:30PM
MTV, TV-PG

Season Premiere
Randy Jackson Presents America's Best Dance Crew

"Just like that, your SYTYCD mourning period is over! Alas, Randy Jackson really doesn't have legs like Cat Deeley's."

 

9-10:15PM
Bravo, TV-14 Season Premiere

Top Chef: Las Vegas A

"Sin City dazzle adds spice to the cooking competition's season 6 premiere. Both showgirls and poker chips pop up for the quickfire challenge, while Vegas restaurateur Wolfgang Puck dishes disses as a guest judge. But it's the fresh crop of cheftestants that'll really whet your appetite. There's a scarf-wearing Frenchie, a pair of supercompetitive brothers, and a Haitian chef whose massive frame and Caribbean accent all but disprove the old ''no man is an island'' line. ?Adam Markovitz"

 

10-11PM Lifetime, TV-PG Must Watch of the Week
Season Premiere
Preview
Project Runway

"Even the most stitch-and-bitch-starved addicts should be satisfied by this evening's all-Runway-related action. First up at 8 p.m. is Project Runway: All-Star Challenge, a two-hour special that reunites some of our faves from years past. Then comes the blessed main event: the debut of Runway's delayed season 6 on a new network. We'll finally meet the 16 designers aiming for catwalk glory in L.A. under the...uh, discerning eye of guest judge Lindsay Lohan. (Potential awkwardness alert: Contestant Ari Fish kinda looks like Samantha Ronson.) Finally, there's the premiere of Models of the Runway at 11 p.m., a half-hour spin-off about the show's glamazons. It's like Top Model, only without Tyra and her ridonkulous photo shoots. Make it work, Lifetime! ?Missy Schwartz


9-10PM Investigation Discovery
Season Premiere
Deadly Women

"The three tales of homicidal young women (one is actually a 10-year-old girl) featured in this reenactment-heavy doc are so gruesome that the makers might have considered dialing down the sensationalist approach. The good news? Apparently young killers are so dumb they tend to get caught straightaway."

 

10-11PM Bravo, TV-14
Season Premiere

"The Rachel Zoe Project"

"I didn't believe Taylor could get any brattier. And I still believe that Elvis is alive."

 

6:30-7PM*
Syndicated, TV-PG

Season Premiere
At the Movies

"Two new sets of thumbs ? The New York Times' A.O. Scott and the Chicago Tribune's Michael Phillips ? host the movie-review show's 24th season."

 

8-9PM
Fox, TV-PG-DL

Season Premiere Preview
So You Think You Can Dance

"Sure, the show has been off the air for what feels like only 11 minutes. But our favorite awkwardly acronymed dance contest, SYTYCD, is back, testing out its moves in fall for the first time. My tip for success: Waaaaay more Mia Michaels."

 

10-11PM
Starz, TV-MA

Season Premiere
Crash
B

''This f---in' city never changes,'' bemoans Dennis Hopper, opening Crash's second season. But this drama about Los Angeles has changed, and intriguingly so. The most notable addition? Eric Roberts' billionaire, whose dream of a new stadium has, by show's end, turned into a more biblically inclined vision."

 

8-10:01PM ABC Season Premiere

"Dancing with the Stars"

"Nothing brings the excitement to a nine-season-old reality competition like Tom DeLay's ''rhythm.''

 

Bahamian Rhapsody

"Christine and Matthew fly to the Bahamas to get Barb an illegal visa after she was arrested by immigration during Richard and New Christine's wedding ceremony."

Airs: 09/23/09

 

7-9PM
ABC, TV-PG

Season Premiere
Extreme Makeover: Home Edition

"A firefighter gets a new house as you add tissues to your shopping list."

 

9-10PM
Fox, TV-14-DL

Season Premiere
Lie to Me

"Tim Roth's detection expert helps a Georgetown law student (Traffic's Erika Christensen) decipher whether her violent psychic visions are real, bunk, or the products of dissociative identity disorder. Alas, we don't need his help to know they're a bit dull. B- ?Aubry D'Arminio"

 

8-8:30PM*PBS< TV-G Season Premiere

This Old House

"This Old House is 30 years old, which, as everyone knows, is the Dutch-Colonial-in-Newton-Mass. anniversary."

 

10-11PM MTV, TV-14-LSeason Premiere

Gone Too Far

"The late DJ AM's seven-part reality series about young drug abusers."

 

9-10PM
History, TV-PG-L

Season premiere
Ax Men

"To be clear, there are really just two types of logging I wouldn't want to do: ''swamp logging,'' which is featured tonight, and ''all the other kinds.''

 

10-11PM
Lifetime, TV-PG-L

Season premiere
Project Runway

"God bless it, but didn't this show just end? After a too-long hiatus leading up to the L.A. snooze of season 6, Lifetime is hauling out a seventh round faster than you can say, ''Bluefly.com accessory wall!'' They fend off fatigue by hauling everyone back to New York City, where Heidi is somehow pregnant again, and the newest crop of designers appears to be both talented and lacking in obvious head cases. Plus, Michael Kors tosses out an impersonation that's so snippy and hilariously dead-on, I guffawed. I have never guffawed at Michael Kors before. Guess I'm in. B+ ? Whitney Pastorek"