Saga Seconds Awake--Obi-Wan tiny one-post

Discussion in 'Fan Fiction- Before, Saga, and Beyond' started by LuvEwan, Nov 7, 2008.

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  1. LuvEwan Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Mar 24, 2002
    star 4
    Seconds Awake

    PG

    Disclaimer: Nothing belongs to me.

    Summary: Barely anything. Obi-Wan. Post-TPM.
    --

    Sometimes in the darkness he feels the years-old wound as if it were his own, and fresh. In that darkness he puts a hand to his flesh, and feels the completeness, the bone and muscle unharmed and is colder because he is physically whole.

    Sometimes, even now, he expects to wake to the reality where he died in his teacher?s place. In that longing he puts a hand to his heart, and feels the absence, the lines and scars formed on his face and is older because he cannot afford to be his age.

    Still, he feels gutted. Still, he must cover the chasm inside of him. There is Anakin for that, who is the embodiment of his purpose, the other survivor of the years-dead Battle of Theed.

    Anakin who was and who is a quick learner. Anakin who is and who will be a legend. He stays up and thinks about how precarious the whole thing was on Naboo. The small, delicate moments that shuffled fate to favor Obi-Wan Kenobi instead of Qui-Gon Jinn, to bring Anakin Skywalker safely to the ground and send a young Sith tumbling into breathless infinity. If Obi-Wan had not allowed the gloved hand to push him off the platform, would Qui-Gon have died?

    Usually, he is smart enough not to ask himself the question. He strains his jaw and thinks of other things. But it is difficult for him not to think of death when it surrounds him like thick air.

    Usually, he is rational enough not to blame himself for what happened. He explains to himself that Qui-Gon would admonish him for that sort of thinking. But it is impossible for him not to think of his fault when it reminds him through Anakin?s voice.

    Master; Anakin calls him that a lot. Master; he still feels the word shivering on the edge of his mouth.

    He had meant to yell louder to him that day, to stop him. He had not been loud enough and when he left the power station alone it was dark.

    --
  2. VaderLVR64 Manager Emeritus

    Member Since:
    Feb 5, 2004
    star 8
    It always amazes me that you can convey SO much emotion is so few words. This is obviously no exception.

    Stunning.

    Sometimes, even now, he expects to wake to the reality where he died in his teacher?s place. In that longing he puts a hand to his heart, and feels the absence, the lines and scars formed on his face and is older because he cannot afford to be his age.

    Still, he feels gutted. Still, he must cover the chasm inside of him. There is Anakin for that, who is the embodiment of his purpose, the other survivor of the years-dead Battle of Theed.



    :_| =D=
  3. dianethx Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    Mar 1, 2002
    star 6
    Beautifully done as always.

    I really liked this.

    He had meant to yell louder to him that day, to stop him. He had not been loud enough and when he left the power station alone it was dark.

    :_|

    Great job.
  4. earlybird-obi-wan Chosen One

    Member Since:
    Aug 21, 2006
    star 6
    Lovely view into Obi-Wan's thoughts. Beautifully written.
  5. brodiew Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Oct 11, 2005
    star 5
    excellent look into Obi-Wan's greiving process, luvewan. Your writing style is rcih with emotion and Obi's desperation to have Qui-Gon back.

    Sometimes in the darkness he feels the years-old wound as if it were his own, and fresh. In that darkness he puts a hand to his flesh, and feels the completeness, the bone and muscle unharmed and is colder because he is physically whole.


    Just wow. Very evocative.
  6. Valairy Scot Chosen One

    Member Since:
    Sep 16, 2005
    star 5
    THE master has done a masterful job again.
  7. Ganki Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Jan 27, 2002
    star 3
    Wow that was simple yet beautiful. :)
  8. dimyavie Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    May 3, 2006
    star 1
    You convey so much through so few words. Awesome! I can't wait to read more of your writing! Thanks so much! :)
  9. Seremela Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Jul 12, 2008
    star 3
    Beautiful how you paint Obi-Wan's feelings and grief with so few words. Heartbreakingly sad

  10. KELIA Manager Emeritus

    Member Since:
    Jul 26, 2005
    star 6
    If Obi-Wan had not allowed the gloved hand to push him off the platform, would Qui-Gon have died?

    Oh Obi!

    :_| :_| :_| :_|

    It doesn't surprise me he would be so tormented over Qui-Gon's death and the had fate has dealt him.

    Great job on this

    =D= =D= =D= =D=
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