Secrets to Network Happiness

This is what is listed in a book I am reading for work:

Secrets for Network Happiness
-Back up religiously.
-Document your network layout and keep your documentation up-to-date.
-Keep an adequate supply of spare parts and tools on hand
-Never turn off or restart the server while users are logged in


(and my personal favorite)

-DON'T BE AFRAID, LUKE

 

and for all you networking geeks:

Lemon Pudding Layer:
A layer near the middle of the OSI reference model that provides flavor and moistness to an otherwise dry and tasteless fruitcake

 

1000000000BaseT: well, not really. But if current trends continue, we'll get there soon.

80286 processor: Computo-habilis, an ancient ancestor of today's modern computers

Certified Network Dummy: Someone who knows nothing about networks but nevertheless gets the honor of installing one. Also known as CND

Chaucer: A dead English Dude

Click: What you do in WIndows to get things done

Clouseau: The most dangerous man in all of France. SOme people say he only plays the fool

Directory Hash: A popular breakfast food enjoyed by NetWare managers

Dot-matrix printer: A prehistoric type of printer that works by applying various-colored pigments to the walls of caves. Once the mainstay printer for PC's, dot-matrix printers have given way to laser printers and inkjet printers. High-speed matrix printers still have their place on the network, though, and matrix printers have the advantage of being able to print multipart forms.

Eddie Haskell: The kid who's always sneaking around, poking his nose into other people's business, and generally causing trouble. Every network has one.

Ethernet: the world's most popular network standard

EtherTalk: what you call Ethernet when you use it on a Macintosh.

generation gap: what happens when you skipone of your backups

glass house: the room where the mainframe computer is kept. Symbolic of the mainframe mentality, which stresses bureaucracy, inflexibility, and heavy iron

guru: anyone who knows more about computers than you do

Internet: a humongous network of networks that spans the globe and gives you access to jsut about anything you could ever hope for, provided that you can figure out how to work it

Macintosh: A cute little computer that draws great pictures and comes with built in networking.

metaphor: a literary construction suitable for Shakespeare and Steinbeck but a bit overused by writers of computer books

mouse: the obligatory way to use windows. When youg rab it and move it around, the cursor moves on the screen. After you get the hand-eye coordination down, using it is a snamp. HINT: Don't pick it up and talk into it like Scotty did int Star Trek IV. Very embarrassing, especially if you traveled millions of miles to get here.

Mr. McFeeley: The nerdy-looking mailman on Mr. Roger's Neightborhood. He'd make a great computer geek. Speedy delivery!

Network Nanager: hope that it's someone other than you

Novell: The folks you can thank or blame for NetWare, depending on your mood.

Pocket Protector: a status symbol among computer geeks

protocol: (1) the droid C-3P)'s specialty (2) the rules of the network game.

sneakernet: the cheapest form of network, in which users exchange files by copying them to disks and walking them between computers

virus: an evil computer program that slips into your computer undetected, tries to spread itself to other computers, and may eventually do something bad like trash your hard drive.