Sex: How much does physical love mean to you?

I just think that it is a healthier point of view to not place so much pressure on the issue of sex. I have seen it happen to people time and time again. They use sex to achieve intimacy and eventually thats all the intimacy they have.

I say we should just do it like primates(half-joking).

That's fine if that's how you want to live your life. But everyone's choices are valid for themselves. I personally would NOT be having a healthy life if I had sex already, because I know I am not ready, and would have gone, and would still be going through, emotional hell. Sex without commitment WOULD NOT BE HEALTHY FOR ME. I can't share that with anyone until we have married, because that will symbolize our commitment. And I won't be marrying until I'm ready for sex. Which probably won't be until after college. I just can't deal with the risks (I don't care how small they are, they are still there), the stress, and I can't deal with being that intimate with someone I won't be spending the rest of my life with. I KNOW I'll have a crappy, miserable emotional life if I have sex with someone I'm not going to (presumably) spend the rest of my life with. Because, after marriage, that is when I'll be ready. When the commitment is there. I just can't give myself that fully otherwise. And there's my romantic sap thing to. I only want to be that close with that one special person I hope to find someday. Only him.

 

Don't underestimate casual sex. Its not very miserable. Im not saying that you should jump every male that walks, but it is possible to have a commitment with somebody and have sex. But that commitment doesn't necessarily last forever. There are more experiences and joys in life than to find somebody to be with forever and ever.

There is no way to KNOW that you'd be miserable. Im not saying your wrong in any way, I'm just commenting that you might enjoy the time you have. Not to say that everything revolves around sex.

The time in my life when I had casual sex was the most liberating, independent and stress-free time of my life. But thats just me.

 

Don't underestimate casual sex. Its not very miserable. Im not saying that you should jump every male that walks, but it is possible to have a commitment with somebody and have sex. But that commitment doesn't necessarily last forever. There are more experiences and joys in life than to find somebody to be with forever and ever.

There is no way to KNOW that you'd be miserable. Im not saying your wrong in any way, I'm just commenting that you might enjoy the time you have. Not to say that everything revolves around sex.

The time in my life when I had casual sex was the most liberating, independent and stress-free time of my life. But thats just me.

I know I would be miserable. Mushy romantic side of me that only wants to be with one person that intimately in my life aside, I JUST CANNOT DEAL WITH THE RISKS OF SEX UNTIL I AM IN A COMMITED RELATIONSHIP. And for me, a commited relationship is marriage.

 

You are quite right about the risks of having sex though. People need to be very careful. College campuses are rampant with STD's.

(end public service announcement)

Im really not looking down on you at all, but do you feel somewhat limited in your veiwpoint on relationships? Just curious.

 

Well, by risks I was thinking more along the lines of pregnancy, but yeah, STDs are another one.

And I don't feel limited in my views of relationships. I'm perfectly happy with my choices, and since I know me best, I think I'm best qualified to judge if those choices will bring me a happy life.

 

I think people should see sex for what it is : reproduction.
Humans are animals, never forget it. We are made the way we are, that's because there is a use.
Happily, humans also a conscience,what gives them the CHOICE.
Thus, they are FREE to have sex just for having sex (and trust me, it is good!) but also to have sex for giving love if they want to. (Good too!). And better than that : they can even choose to have sex to make babies if that's their concern!
Isn't it great?

I was so afraid of sex, not so long ago. I really wanted to try but I had never had a boyfriend, and blablabla.
And when I was 19, I went out with my bestfriend and it went all naturally and I instantly forgot all these dumb fears and tabous about it. It took me 19 years to feel ready for it, and then 2 months to actually do it (because it hurt me so bad... ). And then i started to enjoy. Well, here is why I love it : sex is the biggest hug you will ever get!

Now I am 21, I've had a whole bunch of lovers (one night ones, one hour ones, three month ones...) and I still have lots to discover. Sex is about pleasure, and I am glad I met all these guys, because each of them has brought me something (good or bad) that will be worthy in the future. Each one tough me something (always inconsciensly, of course) and I discovered many different way of having and giving pleasure. Sharing this good moment is always constructive!

I think the tabou of sex is about pleasure. There were times, a women who had pleasure in sex was called a witch and burnt. In numerous religions, sex is just meant to have children.
But why does it feel good then? Why does it putt us on such a good mood if it's not meant to be?! I believe that if it was only about children, then it wouldn't bother to give pleasure.
Give a lot, recieve a lot. It's an exchange of physical feelings and emotionnal feelings too (unhappily, sometimes not : prostitutes and violated women are impossible to count). Having sex with someone you love can only make it better, because you want to make him happy so bad and at the same time you want to hug him so hard!
That's basicly why I didn't wait any longer than when my mind was ready for this exchange : I've have "many" lovers (let's say between 5 and 10). If I had had only one, I'm sure I'd have missed something!

 

But why does it feel good then? Why does it putt us on such a good mood if it's not meant to be?! I believe that if it was only about children, then it wouldn't bother to give pleasure.

The pleasure is an incentive for people to reproduce, lol.

 

Emilie, I think we actually agree on something here, lol. Casual sex is very liberating and much joy can come from it. However, a time will come when I will most definitely want to have a family.

The pleasure is definitely an incentive, but its not the only thing there is about it. I have loved somebody deeply for a couple years, I 've loved somebody deeply for several months, and I've even loved somebody for a few weeks. Point is that I have loved several women. And that gives me a great amount of joy to know that I have loved before. In no way will that diminish my love for my future wife(if there is one).

Im glad that you are happy with those choices. Im also damn glad about mine. But of course, thats just me.

 

"Emilie, I think we actually agree on something here, lol. Casual sex is very liberating and much joy can come from it. However, a time will come when I will most definitely want to have a family."

--- so will I.

"The pleasure is definitely an incentive, but its not the only thing there is about it. I have loved somebody deeply for a couple years, I 've loved somebody deeply for several months, and I've even loved somebody for a few weeks. Point is that I have loved several women. And that gives me a great amount of joy to know that I have loved before. In no way will that diminish my love for my future wife(if there is one)."

--- Agree. I've been in love with 3/4 of my lovers. One was a year (the current one), one for 3 months, one for 5 months... For someone who claims out to try things as much as possible, that can sound weird! Well, I even loved one who lied to me and dumped me after the night. That hurts, but that's a lesson to remember. Still, nothing of this is stopping me from loving again and loving more... As a matter of fact, everytime I have a boyfriend I feel sure this is the one I'll grow old with. So i give all I have and when it breaks, I feel worst than ever.
But it happened again and everytime I believe it again.
That doesn't stop me from trying sexual practices! (and I hope it never will!)

"Im glad that you are happy with those choices."
--- Thanks

"Im also damn glad about mine."
--- No problem, I am glad too! (feels good to speak about happiness for a while, don't you think?)

"But of course, thats just me."
--- Uh... Of course. What's the point?

 

Im very much in love with my current girlfriend, also going on one year. She doesn't want to get married now, neither do I. We both need to finish school and start our careers. But I am commited to her and our relationship. I would just like to love her as long as I can. Isn't that really what it all come down to.

Yes, the cheat-and-dump is always the hardest lesson to learn. But worth learning.

Happy thoughts are good thoughts, lol.

 

Does anyone else find it VERY ironic that people on a Star Wars message board are bashing others for not having sex? LOL

Anyhoo, while I may not share the exact same opinions as Rebecca & co (I believe that sex before marriage is OK, and is wonderful if it's with someone you love), but I totally respect their beliefs and ideals, and I think it's pretty pathetic for anyone to bash them or insult them for their beliefs

 

Does anyone else find it VERY ironic that people on a Star Wars message board are bashing others for not having sex? LOL

I agree, LOL!

And thanks for the support. Sorry your colors are gone.

 

I no bash her.

 

But others did....

 

No colours, but I still got that title ....

I'd rather have colours though. Makes it easier to find threads I created

 

Humans are animals, never forget it.

Yes, biologically we are animals, but I can't help but seriously disagree with this statement with regards to the topic.

Humans are the only "animal" capable of higher thought. We can analyze things in a bigger context than just instinctually. If we were reduced to just animals, we wouldn't be having sex all the time. There would be a definite mating period and that would be it.

Also, because we are creatures of higher thought, we are blessed and cursed with emotion and one of these is love. Love is one of the fundemental things that makes us human. And isn't commitment at it's most pure form an expression of love.

Some of us have reasoned (there's that higher thought thing) that sex is special (which it is...don't get me wrong) and that they want to do it with someone they love, which means they have a commitment. To them Marriage is what that commitment manefests itself as.

But I do have one question to the ones who are waiting until marriage. Marriage can fail. Knowing that, why wouldn't you have sex with someone that you have a COMMITMENT with? Marriage doesn't always = commitment.

Not that I'm disagree with Rebbecca and the others. I just agree with a different way of looking at it. I can't have sex without commitment, but to me that doesn't necessarily mean marriage.

Discuss.....

 

"Does anyone else find it VERY ironic that people on a Star Wars message board are bashing others for not having sex? LOL" - WK

Maybe it's just me but I'm having a hard time figuring out what that has to do with anything. If someone who wasn't a regular member of this board came up with the exact same arguments and differences of opinions then they would somehow have a more valid stance? Or a more valid probing of someone's choices and the reasons behind them? That seems kind of silly.

Being a Star Wars fan has nothing to do with anything in this discussion.

 

Don't you know...Star Wars fans aren't supposed to have sex? Sure makes me wonder where my son came from, then! Hopefully it was the midiclorins and NOT the cable guy!



(Still waiting for Sleazo to "report" in!)

 

Dude, it was a joke based on a stereotype of Star Wars/sci-fi fans. Don't try to read anything into it, because it ain't that deep.


Oh, and as for the humans/animals thing: IMHO, we're just animals. We aren't any "higher" than they are, but some people think they are, usually (but not always) based on religion.

 

We're all filthy monkeys who often give into our primal urges now and then. Nothing wrong with that. (Boy, thinking of how much easier dating would have been back in the cave-man days!) [JOKING!]

 

I understand that it was a joke but, as evidenced in this thread, it's not a very good one. You should probably make it funny next time

 

I thought it was funny.

 

It wasn't a "joke" per-se. It was more of a borderline offensive statement that was meant JOKINGLY.

Sometimes I despise the invention of the internet! No matter how hard I try, mere words cannot appropriately capture sarcasam or my bitter disposition!

 

What confuses me, is that when people talk about being "ready" and how it has to do with getting married, but how? I know that Sex involves alot of Emotional maturity, but does that mean that on the day of wedding something changes just like that? As soon as a ring is placed on your finger, your entire attitude towards sex changes just like that?

I'm not trying to Bash anyone, that would the last thing I would want to do.

 

I was with my wife for over 6 years before we got married. I was married a little over 1 year ago. As far as we're concerned, the sex is about the same as before. She's the same person and so am I. By putting a ring on her finger, it didn't really make it more "meaningful" or magical. I love her the same, and the physical side is still great too! I don't understand what is so "magical" about the sex in marriage as opposed to being single thing either.

Maybe it's a religious/moral thing for them, and I don't really believe that pre-marital sex is a SIN, so I don't really buy into the 'magic' thing. As far as I've seen, the main thing that getting married IMPROVES is a person's sense of security and maybe the EMOTIONAL aspects of the relationship. But, sex is sex, whether you're single or married. Of course...being married and being with the same partner all of the time can get a bit boring. (Come on, let's all be honest!) But, it's no reason to get divorced. You can always spice up your love life by playing fantasy role playing games, or pretending that your partner is someone else...like Bea Arthur.















Whoops. Waaaaaaaaaaaaay too much personal information in that one.