Sex: How much does physical love mean to you?

Thanks ferelwookie

Thats what I was trying to say, it should be about who your with, and not nessacraily where you are married or not.

 

Sex was meant to be for the husband and wife. It was meant to be a very special thing for them, but people have screwed it up (Ack, innuendo! ).

I'm going to wait to have sex with my wife until we're married.


What's really sad is all these girls going around, having sex with someone they don't know, getting pregnant, then gettig scared and having an abortion of the life they've created. That's what's sad. Sex was meant to have more people come into this life, not for pleasure. Okay, maybe for pleasure, but mostly for us to have children.




...and a Jango

 

I'm not saying that I, personally would go off and have sex with a person that I don't know, thats for sure.

It would have to been with a person that I've know, and could talk about anything with, and I knew really well, and so far there is only one guy that fits that description, and its not like I'm in a big rush either, I would not rush out and have sex just for the sake of having sex.

 

Sex was meant to be for the husband and wife.

What about back in the caveman days when there was no such thing as religion?

 

Sex is a natural evolutionary process, meant to allow a species to replicate and diversify.

Although i believe human beings have a higher level of needs than just reproduction, causing the issue of sex to be influenced and molded by our other intellectual, emotional, spiritual and physical needs. At the end of your life, you're not gonna have flashbacks of great sexual experiences. Instead, it will be the feelings of love associated perhaps with your sexual partner, but also of life in general.

 

What about back in the caveman days when there was no such thing as religion

This is pretty much unrelated, but there is evidence of religion going back as far as man does.

 

What about back in the caveman days when there was no such thing as religion?


Being husband and wife isn't a religon.






...and a Jango

 

Sex was meant to be for the husband and wife. It was meant to be a very special thing for them, but people have screwed it up.

People have been promiscuous and polygynous throughout history more than they have been monoagamous. Even within marriage, some cultures do not have sanctions against extra-marital relations and divorce is something of a mere informality

 

Uh, not to be vuglar... but do you really think cavemen "asked" women for permission? Do you think they courted them? From everything I've read, it was the old hair-drag thing. The PHYSICALLY stronger sex usually won out and had his way. Whether the woman consented or not was irrelavent. SOME cavemen may have stay with certain mates for some length of time, but it is HIGHLY unlikely that they chose mates for life. Caveman tended to mate and breed within their own TRIBES, but with different partners and the ENTIRE tribe often helped to raise the offspring from these muliple relationships.

According to anthropologists, it simply is NOT in human beings nature to MATE FOR LIFE. It is in our nature to seek out multiple partners over our lifetimes, therefore, to stay in a committed marriage is UNNATURAL. This is not MY opinion...look up some anthropological studies on the sex issue and this is the overwhelming belief.

Again, I think the "soulmate" and the concept of mating with one person for life is a vain attempt by human beings to separate and elevate themselves from and above animals, which is what we all really are.

 

Good point, ferrelwookie, I agree with what you said.

 

You can always spice up your love life by playing fantasy role playing games, or pretending that your partner is someone else...like Bea Arthur.

well, there goes my sex drive for a few weeks.

especially since, being the literal-minded boob that i am, i imagine that everyone on the other end of the wires looks like their icon, so i just visualized Chewbacca making the beast with two backs with one of the Golden Girls. not pretty. not at all pretty.

the love between Wookies and old women is not something for mortal eyes to see.

i'm going to go cut open my skull and scrub out my brain with Lysol until that image goes away.

 

For whoever said mating for life is unnatural (on a slow connection right now so don't want to go back and check): If that is true, why do some animals mate for life?

And you know what? I am so damn sick of being insulted. Whether we are animals or not, we are the most intelligant beings on this earth. If mating for life is so damn unnatural, then why do people even WANT to stay together their whole lives? I am not talking about people who stay together because of money, or because they are against divorce, but people WHO WANT TO STAY TOGETHER IN A COMMITED MARRIAGE. Answer: LOVE. Humans are the only ones that can feel love. If that love doesn't go away, why the hell would someone leave the one they love? You know what's natural for humans? Making choices. Screw the anthropologists; I can't have any respect for people who diss other's life choices that way. And in this society, practically everything is not "natural" - cars, this computer, birth control, etc. Screw being "natural" - and just be HAPPY!

 

Again, I think the "soulmate" and the concept of mating with one person for life is a vain attempt by human beings to separate and elevate themselves from and above animals, which is what we all really are.

Considering that I am not religious, how abou this: IT IS WHAT WILL MAKE ME HAPPY. How is that so wrong? Why should I make choices that will make me miserable?

And again: IF MATING FOR LIFE IS UNNATURAL, then why the hell do we have minds that allow us to decide to do this? Why don't we just feel the drive to have sex with every random person of the opposite sex that we run into on the street?

 

Well it has not been determined if humans do mate for life. Besides the high divorce rate in the civilized world, many other societies are polygonous. So the data leads me to believe that humans may not have neccessarily evolved to be monogomous.


If we look at our closest relatives the Chimps, we see that they do not pair bond, the females have sex with many different related males. Because the males are related to each other it is beneficial genetically for them to have their relatives produce offspring with the women of the group who are not related. This is also why chimps wage war on each other, and probably why man does as well, but that is a a whole seperate topic. Gorillas which would be the second most closely related animal to us have a different sort of mating strategy, the females only have sex with the dominant male, of which every group has one. This male is responsible for the protection of the group which consists of his harem and the chiuldren he sired. This leads to extreme sexual dimorphism, as only the largest males can thus sire offspring. So it doesnt look like we follow the gorillas. Most likely we follow the path of the chimp.



Oh and my weekend was great, hence not being around the internet. thanks for asking.

 

Isn't the divorce rate in the US right now 50%? That means half of the people here STAY MARRIED.

And if we're going to get into what's natural - what is, anymore, in this world?

If you base your choices soley on what's "natural", say goodbye to cars, TVs, DVD players, video games, electricity, running water, your nice comfy house, heat, air conditioning, birth control, money, medical care, oh and did I mention you shouldn't be having this conversation at all, since it means you're on a computer which certainly isn't natural!!!!

How about we just talk about WHY we chose what we did, WHY we think our choices are right for us, and stop with putting down other people's choices.

 

Here here.

 

why do some animals mate for life?

I thought this was interesting. Genetic studies done of I believe Blue Bird babies(the parents mate for life) found that most of the babies were not the fathers. They think that the mother choose a life partner for his ability to provide for the family and the mother got pregnant by a genitically superior male.

I don't think its unnatural that humans mate for life...we have brains so we are not totally controlled by our nature.

 

I don't think its unnatural that humans mate for life...

as has been pointed out, it's not a valid generalization to say that humans mate monogamously for life. that varies from culture to culture, and in this culture only applies 50% of the time.

have brains so we are not totally controlled by our nature.

that might be valid if our brains were not themselves part of our nature. our cognitive processes are heavily influenced by our biological urges. you may say that we can overcome our urges if we "want" to, but we only "want" to because our brains tell us we want to.

everything we do and think has a biological component (though i would argue against biological determinism in the manner in which it's usually understood).

 

Rebecca, there is no right or wrong, just what makes you comfortable and happy. I just say that you are young and you might change your ideas when older. I never wanted to marry and still don't, but I have changed my ideas about refraining from abstaining from sexual activity as being too austere. As for mating for life, that would make me uncomfortable and miserable as all get out. Everybody has different ideas about what they think would make them happy and those can change as we get older. Maybe when I am sixty or seventy, marriage will look more attractive.

 

Well, when you're sixty or seventy, it certainly reduces the time you have to spend with only one person.

I've sometimes wondered if there's any correlation between rising divorce rates in modern times, and the lengthing of the human lifespan. Is being married 60 years more difficult than for 20? Or would it get easier after 20 years because you know each other and have gotten past the bumpy-road difficulties of two individual humans being together all the time?

 

Well, I think it is more instinctual to seek out new partners and new relationships and boldly go where everyone has gone before. But well developed emotions get in the way (in a good way). To make the process easier, we want to get close to a person. Get to know them. Having some sort of commitment is generally safer; it gives you the ability to try many times to make then happy, it can give pleasure in many other ways than just sex.

Partially society, partially reason directs us to know who we are getting in bed with. We want to love the person we sleep with (at least everyone I have really talked to). Thing is love can be stronger than those instincts to sleep around.

Some species may mate for life because maybe there was a really bad STD among that species, and the ones that survived were the ones that were not as promiscuous as the others. Maybe the members of the species are very isolated from others, so finding a sutable mate is a big thing, and not something that will happen often. There are allot of posibilities that can in theory happen. Does that make sense to anyone else?

My opinion is that sex should be between two people who are honestly committed to each other. Given that the divorce rate is 50% or so, marriage is not a good judge of commitment. However people who are honestly committed with each other will generally get married (why not, at that point it is just a formality?).

 

I wasnt putting down your choice at all, i was merely speculating on what was natural. you yourself were wondering why humans mate for life. I was just trying to answer that as best as i could, not insult your decision.


Dizfactor has it right, we may have brains, but the way we think and act the result of millions of years of evolution. This is a fact that many fail to take into account.

 

I think a Mae West Quote is in order here:

"Sex with someone you love is the most
beautiful thing in the world. But sex
with someone you just met, well that's
not bad either."

I think I got that right.

 

Rebecca, there is no right or wrong, just what makes you comfortable and happy. I just say that you are young and you might change your ideas when older. I never wanted to marry and still don't, but I have changed my ideas about refraining from abstaining from sexual activity as being too austere. As for mating for life, that would make me uncomfortable and miserable as all get out. Everybody has different ideas about what they think would make them happy and those can change as we get older. Maybe when I am sixty or seventy, marriage will look more attractive.

My parents have probably been a big influence on my choices without even trying. I know they were both virgins when they married, and they've now been together for 28 years and are very happy together. I don't even have to ask them about that, because I can tell how much they care about each other and enjoy spending time together. Now, of course, since they are my PARENTS I am not at all interested in their sex life. But I can tell that the life they have is the life I want.

 

You can say "oh, but why give up on the dream of being virgins together on your wedding night?" and yada yada yada, but many of us have no particular attachment to that dream and never did...If anything, I feel like you guys are bitter. You're like misers, afraid that if you aren't really stingy about sharing something (the joy and pleasure of sex) that you'll lose it. It's really depressing to watch you all, honestly.

Who said anything about plural virgins? I don't care what my future husband's past sexual experiences are. As long as he's STD free and compatible with me he could have a sex history to rival the pharohs of Egypt. Of course, he'd also have to understand I'm not interested in sex until marriage.

Now...that brings about the other misunderstanding. I don't think that a golden ring will suddenly transfom me into a crazy lust-driven sex goddess. I think that that golden ring isn't touching my finger until I'm personally ready. So it's not about marriage making me ready. It's about me not marrying until I'm ready. Comprenez-vous? (and just so we're all friends here I'll add a short disclaimer. The French was not used to be superior. I just love French. It sounds nicer than "do you understand?" which in English is often spoken in a condesending manner but I however am merely asking it sincerely.)

As for stingy and miserable. Well...my boyfriend and I have been accused of many things...but I have to say that's a new one.